Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls) (12 page)

For
how much Addison loved to talk, she'd clammed up and the moment she unlocked
the door, she rushed through the house and disappeared upstairs. He stalked
through the living room, up the stairs, and hunted her down. Furious, he
thought of many ways to punish her for running away from him after his meeting.

Not
only had she left his side while in public, but had entered a parking garage by
herself, not even aware of the dangers that awaited her. Anything could've
happened. He found her bedroom and walked inside.

Where
the hell did she go?

A
toilet flushed. He walked around the bed and stood in the opened doorway. He
hurried inside, leaving his anger at the door.

He
wrapped an arm around her waist and gathered her hair behind her back.
"I've got you."

Her
slim body seized and Addison gagged. His chest tightened, and he took her
weight as her body involuntarily fought against him and the contents of her stomach.
He murmured words, but he put no thought into them. Utterly useless, he damned
himself for not knowing what to do.

"Sh.
Breathe through your nose." He smoothed her hair back.

Each
one of her attempted swallows set a chain reaction off in her body. At least
she hadn't lost more of her stomach. She only needed to calm herself and relax.

Letting
her hair go, he pulled the nearby hanging towel off the bar and stretched
toward the sink without losing his hold on her. After wetting the corner, he
pulled her back against his chest, and applied the wetness to her face. He
dabbed her cheeks, her lips, and forehead, until he sensed her relaxing.

When
she no longer gagged, he carried her out into her room. He stripped her clothes
off, pulled back the blankets on her bed, and settled her down. He sat on the
edge of the mattress, his hand sprawled atop her stomach.

Throughout
everything, Addison kept her face averted and her eyes closed. He gave her
time, not wanting her to talk in case her stomach rebelled again. Instead, he
cussed himself out for jumping to conclusions.

She
wasn't running away from him on purpose. In the car, she wasn't ignoring him.
He closed his eyes for a moment. He'd assumed the worst and treated her badly
for her decision. And the whole time she probably fought to keep from getting
sick in front of him.

He
had to remember everything was new and fresh between them. Although he required
her to act and mind him, the truth was she barely knew him. Their relationship
required him to keep a tight rein on her. She had to trust him to make sure he
took them in the right direction. He'd fallen down on the job.

"Doll,"
he whispered.

She
continued to keep her head turned. "Sick," she mumbled.

"I
know." He rubbed her stomach, hoping the action would permeate the blankets
covering her and ease her troubled insides. "What can I do for you?"

"Leave
me alone," she spoke to the wall. "Sleep."

He
frowned. "I'll stay."

She
rolled her head against the pillow. "No. I'm fine. Just want to sleep.
Please…let me."

He
sighed. Also one who preferred to hide in a darkened room when sick and ignore
the outside world, he understood her need to be by herself. However, he hated
to go. What if she needed help during the night, or ended up getting sicker and
he wasn't here to help her?

No,
he had to stay. Growing up, he only left Donny when he was sick if it meant
getting them something to eat or filching medicine for him out of someone's
house or the corner store. He hated those times.

He
wasn't his brother's mother. The stone-hard fact that he was not the person who
was responsible for his younger brother made his hatred toward his mother burn
in his soul. Luckily, when he was old enough to do something about the piece of
shit he'd called mom at one time, or he assumed he had, Professor Frank came to
the street with news that his mother had passed away two years earlier.

He
hoped Jeana Rafferty rotted in hell.

His
hand had fisted, and he forced himself to open his fingers to concentrate on
Addison needing him. "I'll have one of my boys bring my clothes for
tomorrow."

"No."
Her nose wrinkled and she peered at him from underneath her lashes. "I'm
okay. Probably a twenty-four hour bug or something I ate. I don't want you to
get sick. Go home."

"Do
you want to go to the emergency room? Maybe they have something they can give
you to help you rest and settle your stomach," he said.

"No,
I'm fine. Really." She sighed on a shudder. "I just want to
sleep."

"Doll,"
he said on an exhale. "I don't want to argue when you're not feeling
well."

"Then
don't." She closed her eyes.

Torn
in two, he bowed to her wishes. "I'll be right back."

He
hurried out of her room, down the stairs, and found her purse lying in the
foyer on the floor. He took liberties and opened her bag, found her cell phone,
scrolled through her contact list until he found his phone number, and called
it. Then he hung up.

He
took the stairs three at a time, and returned to her side. "I'm putting
your phone on your nightstand. Hit redial if you start getting sicker,
okay?"

She
nodded.

He
felt her forehead, which was cool and dry. Good, no fever. He'd hate to make
her take an aspirin when her stomach was upset.

"Promise
you'll call me if you need me. For anything," he said.

She
nodded.

He
pressed his lips to her forehead. "Sleep. I'll lock the door behind me.
Call me first thing in the morning."

She
nodded again without opening her eyes. "Bye, Nathan," she whispered,
barely loud enough for him to hear.

With
one last kiss to her forehead, he walked silently out of her room. He locked the
front door, and strolled out to his car. He glanced back at the house. God, he
hated leaving her.

Tomorrow,
they'd have to talk about their personal likes and dislikes when situations out
of their control arose. Sickness put his needs on the back burner, and he found
himself being okay with that.

He
started the car and pulled away from the curb. If another circumstance like
tonight happened again, he wanted to handle it better.

He
took the exit, and accelerated onto I-5. He'd be the first to admit, he had no
understanding of what she expected of him when she wasn't feeling well. Sexually,
he was confident in his ability to keep her content and satisfied. Financially,
he could support her. Hell, she wouldn't even need to work. Emotionally, he'd
see to her sexually and leave her fulfilled. That's the most he could do. He'd
show her that she needed nothing when he was involved in her life.

He
set the cruise control on the car, and took his foot off the pedal. Professor
Frank would know what to do. Compassion, while Professor Franks forte', wasn't
set high on Nathan's list of skills he acquired.

Twenty
minutes later, he pulled into his garage. Restless, he sat in the car wondering
how he'd gone from living a life alone to worrying about Addison being by
herself in her own house. His discontent bothered him, and he had an urge to
call Donny.

He
removed his cell phone and called. One of the first things he did when money
started rolling in was to purchase a cell for his brother. He paid the upkeep
for a promise that Donny wouldn't pawn or bargain his only link to contacting
his brother when he wanted to check in, or Donny needed help.

"Yo,"
Donny said.

"Hey,"
he said.

In
the background, the faint slapping of bare skin against bare skin came across
the line. "Hang on," Donny said.

The
phone clattered, and the noises came clearer. Nathan closed his eyes and let
his head fall back on the seat. Occasionally, a grunt from Donny and a ragged
pant from whatever female his brother fucked tonight came across the line. His
cock hardened and he thought of Addison. She should be here, in his bed, in his
house, in his life.

The
noises grew more impatient, needier, hurried. His hand tightened around the
steering wheel. The line between needing to violently vent his frustrations and
wanting Addison's mouth around his cock blurred. One didn't win out over the
other. Both relieved the tension, and allowed him more control.

He
wanted to share this part of his life with Addison. For her to understand what
drove him. Words, explaining, demonstrating wasn't enough. He needed her inside
his soul to view the darkness that consumed him. Maybe then, she'd understand.

Or,
she'd disappear from his life out of fear.

"Hey.
You still there?" Donny asked.

"Yeah."
He cleared his throat. "Still using women, I see."

He
didn't agree on Donny's motive to go through life one cheap thrill at a time,
never caring what tomorrow brought him. Whether he died from overdosing or
between the legs of a woman whose name he didn't ask, his brother was happy
with his life from what he knew. He never was a serious person, even as a child.

No
doubt that was his fault too.

"I'm
sure you called for more than hearing me get my nut off, bro." Donny
chuckled. "What day is it?"

"Sunday,"
he said.

"Jesus."
Donny sniffed. "You in trouble?"

"Nah…"
He stared into the darkness of the garage. "Met someone."

"Yeah?"

"Told
her. Explained some things to her. She's still around." Even to his own
ears, he sounded mystified, as if he hadn't grasped the reality of asking
Addison into his life.

"No
shit? You backing out and going straight?"

"No."
His voice lowered. "She knows. I'll make her understand. I can't outrun my
demons."

They
both lapsed into silence. Thirty seconds or so went by. He said, "I'll let
you go. Just wanted to check in. Stop by the house this week. I have a job for
you."

"I
don't want your fucking job," Donny said.

"Stop
by the house," he said. Then he disconnected the call.

Donny
would come to him, because he always came when he took away his brother's
choices. That was the rules. He was in charge.

Chapter
Fourteen

Addison
kept her back toward Gee, one of her favorite dolls. A single mother, Gee had
enough problems trying to get a fair pre-school education for her autistic son.
Explaining her current problems with Nathan would only add to her stress load.

Her
rule of never sharing her personal life with her employees flew out the window
when Gee went into labor the first week after Addison hired her. She pulled her
coat out of the closet. From then on, she claimed Gee as a true friend.

"Nothing's
wrong. I was sick last night, so I'm probably still hanging on to whatever bug
hit me after dinner." She slipped her arms into the sleeves of her coat
and turned around. "You're sticking around late today. Don't you have to
pick Lincoln up at the babysitters?"

Gee
brushed her hands off and threw away the baggie that held the half a sandwich
she'd consumed. Impeccable in a blue suit with a lavender silk blouse, Gee was
also her most requested doll. All the guys loved her, and she suspected Gee's
five foot eleven inch stature and to-die-for body helped too.

"Yeah.
I need to run before I'm charged extra for being late." Gee picked up her
jacket and hurried toward the door. "Call me if you need to chat,
'kay?"

"I
will." She closed the door behind Gee and walked to her desk.

Once
Nathan assumed she'd had the flu last night, she'd let him continue believing
she was sick. It was easier to deal with than telling him the real reason she'd
lost all her stomach and ended up in bed. Never had she braved being so close
to her father at any other time in her life, and once was enough.

Sure,
she'd driven by Curt Stewart's  building numerous times. Curt Stewart…her lip
curled. That's how she thought of him. Two names. Never Curt or father.

She
wasn't a stalker. She never went out of her way, but when errands forced her in
that area of P-town, she'd consciously looked for him. She'd even mistakenly
walked by his house while visiting a friend. After seeing him in his driveway,
she'd dropped the friendship with the woman she'd met at the coffee shop. She'd
rather avoid anything that had to do directly or indirectly with Curt Steward.

She
slammed the desk drawer. That's why she had to break up with Nathan.

He'd
called before work, at work, during work, and ten minutes after she usually
closed the doors and locked up, he'd called again. She removed the keys from
her purse. She'd play it safe this time.

If
she stayed away, she'd remain strong.

After
a few days, he'd get the hint. He was a smart man, and she knew he'd never sink
to chasing her. That wasn't his style. Pursuing her would be beneath a man like
Nathan who demanded complete control.