Hunter: Rockstar Romance (The ProVokaTiv Series Book 2) (14 page)

“Speech?” My stomach dropped.

“I’ll take that as a no, but don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Chaz should have told you.” Then Dara was gone.

“I never would have guessed that the ever-confident Hunter Martinez would be nervous.”

I turned around and saw Trinity there. “What are you talking about?” I was not about to admit it to her—no way.

“It’s okay, you know.”

“Do you deal well with being nervous?”

“Hell no,” she said. The she started laughing. “But tonight isn’t about me, it’s about you.”

“It’s kind of about us since it involves the video, and we’re basically the only two in it.”

“Well, let’s just say I’ll leave the spotlight to you,” she winked at me.

“How are you two doing?” Brynn asked, walking up next to me.

“Excellent,” I said.

“He’s nervous,” Trinity said, calling me out on it.

“No, I’m not,” I replied. I didn’t need everyone to know that.

“Well, I know that you’ll be just fine,” Brynn said. “It’s going to be really amazing. Oh, and by the way, I am going to post the interview on my column tomorrow. I’ll forward you a copy tonight, after I add the finishing touches.”

“Thanks, great to have a big connection like you, Brynn,” I said.

“I’m pretty sure you’re jerking my chain but I like the sound of it,” she said.

I turned to Gauge, who was right behind Brynn, looking a bit broody, as always. “Looking forward to seeing it,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied. It was as close to a compliment as he could probably give me and the two of us still had just as much tension off stage as we had good energy when we were performing. ProVokaTiv was the glue that held us together…most of the time.

“Why don’t you all gather round,” Dara called out from where a bunch of small, round bar top tables were arranged in a semi-circle around the screen. I found one at the front and set my drink down. I was worried what I was going to say, even though I usually did pretty good when I winged it.

“Okay everyone, Hunter is going to say a few words and then it’s time to watch the video for Raw Heart.”

I got up and walked in front of the twenty people that were there, smiling and clapped my hands together looking at all of them. “I’m glad we’re all here to watch this tonight. I’m just as curious as you. You know…will the camera make my ass look fat?” Everyone laughed at my little joke and it bought me just enough time to think of what to say next. “You’ve all played such a big role in making this happen and I’m thankful for each and every one of you. I’m really grateful to Chaz for getting me to Dara, and for the two of them for allowing Trinity Vanders to come in to play the role of the vixen in the video.” I paused and looked right at Trinity. “There was no one better suited for the part—it’s almost like it was written for her, in fact.” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion at my not-so-subtle hint, and Brynn elbow her playfully. “Well, I don’t have anything else to say right now because I want to watch this damn video.” That’s how I ended my speech: completely truthful.

Everyone clapped and a few people called out some comments, and I went back to the small, round table, standing next to Chaz and Dara. Trinity, Brynn, Gauge, and Simon were at the table behind me.

I stared straight ahead as the video appeared, larger than life on the 5’ x 7’ screen. My eyes were glued to the screen and I was torn between watching the screen and watching my co-stars reaction. I chose the screen. As I watched all those hours of video footage turn into three and a half minutes, I felt like my soul was exposed up there on that screen. The other player in the story—Trinity—had made me feel in real life the way it looked like she did in that video. It seemed so intimate, and damn, even if only I knew, that seemed like too much. She’d gotten to me, and I’d responded. The video ended and loud applause immediately sounded out. I finally breathed in and the stress evaporated. It was more than I’d imagined it could ever be. I turned to catch Trinity’s gaze and gave her a soft smile, an intense look. She saw it, and turned away, looking fearful once again. What the hell were we doing? Or more precisely, what the hell were we avoiding?

“Is this what a panic attack feels like?” I asked, staring at myself in the mirror. Watching that video that evening had been too damn much and I couldn’t calm down. I was raging emotions, and raging hormones. I slipped into my tank and boxers and then went into my small, temporary bedroom and shut the door behind me.

Plopping down on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling and thought about the night…about everything that had been happening over the past few weeks. I could not turn off my hot button for Hunter, no matter how hard I tried. Sure, I could talk a good game, and up until that night, I’d thought I could act it, too. The video revealed more. Watching it was so real, and the name of the song definitely fit the emotions. Raw Heart. My heart felt shredded and as certainly as I had tried not to let that happen, it had nonetheless, leaving me in a swirling vortex of crazy ass emotions that I thought I was above. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Trin,” Brynn’s voice came from the other side of the thin, white lacquer door.

“Yeah,” I called out.

“You awake?” Brynn asked.

“Unfortunately.” I was too out of sorts to even say “No shit, I’m talking, aren’t I?”

“Can I come in?” Brynn continued.

“Yeah,” I said softly.

She opened the door and walked over to the side of the bed and plopped down and squirmed a bit, trying to find her comfortable spot. “I forgot how uncomfortable this bed was. Hopefully you don’t tweak your back,” she said with a soft laugh.

“It would be a minimal concern at this point,” I said, staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m worried about you,” Brynn began. “I know you can’t stand when people worry about you and get involved in your business, but I am nonetheless, and I’m sure you know that Jessie is, too. That on-screen attraction between Hunter and you was insane, certainly more than acting. You both may be good, but you’re not that good.”

“For the first time, I think you have a reason to be worried. I feel so twisted up inside. It’s all so unfamiliar, Brynn.”

“Why are you resisting it? Why not just see what it’s about? It can’t be that big of a deal to do that,” she offered.

“Logically, yes, but I don’t know. I just can’t grasp it. I don’t even know what I’m fucking clinging to, and that’s the frustrating part. I could say my career, but truth be told, I’m afraid to pursue that with all I have. I don’t want to fail, and as a result, I guess I never give anything my all.”

“You’re great at what you do,” Brynn offered.

“Since you’re my bestie, you have to say that type of thing. But in reality, I am not driven like Jessie and you are. You know it.”

“You just haven’t found that spot yet. Even I, as much as I love journalism, can’t say that’s what I’ll be doing forever. Things change, and as we discover new things, we may find what it is we’re meant to do down the road. I guess, maybe.” Brynn wrinkled up her forehead and looked at me. “Oh boy, I sound like a parent.”

I laughed at that. “What do you think I should do?” I asked Brynn.

“I’m not going to answer that because it’s only you that has to live with the decision, you know,” she answered.

“Safe answer,” I replied.

“Smart answer. You always do what you want, and I love it about you. Wish I relied less on others’ advice sometimes. So, what I do want to do is show you something…hot off the virtual press, as they say.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Here, take this,” Brynn said.

I hadn’t even noticed that she’d brought in a laptop. “A lap top, you’re too generous. I couldn’t,” I said with a wicked grin.

“I’m glad because you’re not getting the laptop, even if it’s my old backup. It’s the link I have pulled up that I want you to watch, okay?”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Find out, Trin.” Brynn got up and smiled, then turned around and walked out the door and shut it behind her.

I nestled into bed with her gray laptop resting on my thighs. I slowly opened it and looked at the web browser. TheRift.com was pulling up. Oh, it must have been her new story, the interview and article with Hunter.

The video was frozen on Hunter’s face and it showed that amazing smile he had when he was laughing really hard, usually after some sort of snide comment. I looked at it, surprised at how well I knew that smile. I’d first seen it in Milan at Brynn’s birthday party, and then again at the awards show, but these past two weeks I had many chances to see it. Even when I was pretending to be ignoring him, I still noticed it because I really wasn’t ignoring him at all.

I paused with my finger over the mouse pad for a second, looking at my chipped red fingernail. I couldn’t stand that…and I couldn’t focus on stupid crap like that to avoid watching a video interview. Finally, I pressed play, lightly tapping my fingers on the keyboard while the old computer took forever to load up.

“What made you decide to venture out on your own for a solo project?” Brynn asked.

Hunter was sitting in a tall director’s chair, one I recognized from the set, and his one leg was folded over the other, his hand on his knee. He’d worn those jeans and that t-shirt our first day back on set after the water damage.  Yummy. “It was just time to try a solo project. Touring with the guys is great and we bust our asses when we’re out there, but I wanted to do something alone. I just felt compelled, really.”

“The first single, Raw Heart, is quite an expressive song, and when we see it with your new video for it, we feel its intensity in a bit different way. Tell me about the creative process of writing and casting it.”

My ears perked up at this one. “Writing it was by far the easiest part of that,” he replied with a laugh.

“That’s unusual. Why?”

“I’d met this woman and she was so different from anyone I had ever come across before. She immediately stood out and I was fascinated by her. Well, after that meeting, and one other chance encounter, I sat down in my apartment one night and started to write. Before I knew it, morning had come, and I’d written the first draft of a song. It needed some tweaks, but I’d come up with a great beat on my bass guitar to go with it, and I could picture it coming together.”

“All of that over an impression, a chance meeting? Does this woman know it?” Brynn asked.

Hunter laughed, but didn’t answer the question. I knew him. He was being intentionally coy so people would be more curious. He wanted a bigger buzz, more interest. He was a pretty masterful marketer of himself. And Brynn let him do it.

“I want to share a few of the lyrics with you and then ask you a few questions,” Brynn said. ‘Hot and sexy strutting around…knowing you can get whenever you want…poisonous vixen…drawing me in…intoxicating me….delirious…a raw, tribal beat…the vamp who is only caring about her, I’m crumbling, succumbing…I’m ruined…time to flee…” Brynn paused. “Those are really powerful and intense lines, but what do they mean?”

Hunter gave a thoughtful pause and started to respond with slight hesitation. I could tell he was being careful with his word choice, which was very unusual for him. “It’s all about the ying and the yang of attraction, how the first draw is usually really raw and sexual. We’re visually pleased when we see a certain person and it’s hard to get them out of our mind. If the feeling is mutual and you get a chance to go for more than just sex, then you’re suddenly freaked out by that same energy that drew you in because you’re looking for more. I change the rules and hope someone else does, too.  Maybe they don’t run, but if they do, that’s when you find out that your heart is raw.”

“Raw, like hurt?” Brynn asked.

“No, not that,” Hunter replied, shaking his head. “Raw in the way that you’re exposed. It’s like your heart is in someone else’s hand. Is she going to squeeze it? Is she going to crush it? Or will she keep it safe? You don’t know. You don’t fucking know.”

“So it’s the balance of exploring what you want and protecting yourself that gets you messed up,” Brynn said.

“Exactly,” Hunter said.

Brynn went on to ask a few questions, but all I could do was think about what Hunter had said. It was so amazing…so damn amazing…and I was completely turned on by it, and felt like a complete jackass. It was only at that moment that I realized how much I’d vested into thinking about only me in this situation, not really putting any serious consideration about how hard that might be for Hunter to go all in the way he did. He was the risk taker and he’d said it in a video interview and his actions certainly showed it, too. The Playhouse! Who does things like that set-up? Hunter Martinez, that’s who. Me? I always talk about taking risks or talk smack, but seldom follow through. I hold back. Shit! This is unbelievable.

I realized that my thoughts had veered me away from the video and I went back to catch up on what I’d missed. My heart was racing and I was wide awake.

“You said writing the song was easy, but the video was much tougher. Why?” Brynn asked next.

“Well, there were problems with the set getting destroyed and a few rough days of filming.”

Hunter smiled and laughed. Of course Brynn had to keep asking questions. Gotta love her.

“And I understand you personally wanted the actress, Trinity Vanders, for your love interest in the video. Why?”

I listened as he explained briefly meeting me in Milan and with the tour, and marinated in bliss when he said, “I’ve just never met anyone like her before.” It felt like such an intimate confession, one that only the person it was intended for would know about. I’d speculated and now it was confirmed. Even dumb ass me couldn’t deny its existence.

Oh my God! I jumped up and ran over to Brynn’s room, not giving her the courtesy of waiting for permission to enter. I knocked and barged in. “Brynn, did you and Hunter plan that interview? Did he feed you questions to ask?”

She’d already been sleeping when I barged in. She yawned and looked at me through half opened eyes. “We arranged the interview.” Then she yawned again. “But the words were all Hunter. I had no idea what he was going to say.”

“Thanks! Sorry to wake you up,” I said. Then I left her room and went back to mine. As soon as I was behind closed doors once again, I was flooded with a whole array of crazy emotions, making me feel…liberated, yes, that was the word. I felt liberated, that I would be okay, whatever happened. Hunter had never met anyone like me. I know I’ve never met anyone like him. That meant something. I knew it even if I couldn’t fully grasp it.

Morning finally came and I had barely slept. For the first day in my life, I was a morning person. By 7:00 I was in the shower, getting ready, and preparing to make my way over to Hunter’s. I had to talk to him and I wanted it to be a surprise, kind of like he’d surprised me that night at the Playhouse. I completely got it now, but what if he’d moved on from what he was feeling because I’d been such a weenie about pursuing a relationship with him? I shook my head and shut down that line of thinking. This was huge, and I didn’t need to have any crazy emotions messing with my mission.

I’d learned my way around LA enough, and I went down to the street and hailed a taxi. My first stop was a bakery and that one coffee shop that Hunter liked, the one where he’d helped the guy and went YouTube viral. I couldn’t show up empty handed at his place. Well, technically I could have but I didn’t want to.

Finally, the very patient cab driver took a hard earned $50 from me. I sent him on his way and walked into the lobby of Hunter’s apartment building. A desire to turn and run fast and far away came over me. I must have had a crazy expression on my face because the door man walked over to me. “Can I help you, ma’am?”

I ignored the ma’am, which made me cringe, and smiled. “No, I’m fine.”

“Do you need assistance to know where you’re going?”

“I know exactly where I’m going. Thanks,” I replied and smiled. When the elevator doors opened up, I walked in and turned around to see the doorman still staring at me suspiciously. I bet he’d be watching me on that elevator camera to see where I was headed.

Nothing calmed me down more than messing with people a little bit so I stared right at that camera—just in case he really was watching—and started to lick my lips and slide my finger in and out of my mouth, going all porn star on him. It was naughty, but it made me laugh and gave me a seriously needed dose of courage.