How to Fall in Love (76 page)

“You took my friend, you’re likely hurting her. She doesn’t deserve to be hurt. She’s broken, she’s damaged, she’s weak. She doesn’t need someone to break more inside her. She was desperate. Wouldn’t you be? If you got taken from all you knew and had your memories wiped, wouldn’t you feel like there was no escape? She was taking a chance, and you’re punishing her for that. So, unless you’re here to tell me you’re not, then there is nothing to discuss.”

He’s silent long enough for me to hesitantly lift my gaze and stare at him. He’s glaring at me, and boy, does he look angry.

“Your friend made a mistake tonight.”

“She’s scared,” I scream, losing the lid on my anger. “She’s scared, and you’re making it worse!”

He sighs, running his hand over his hair. “What are the rules?”

“Excuse me?” I whisper, shaking my head in confusion.

“What. Are. The. Rules?”

I blink, and feel my lip beginning to tremble. “She made a mistake.”

“What are the rules?” he roars, slamming his fist down onto a table.

“If you’re bad, you’re punished,” I say, almost as if I’m a robot. “If you’re good, you’re rewarded.”

“It’s a simple rule,” he growls, his voice low and throaty. “It’s not hard. I give you girls the best if you behave, and if you don’t, then you’re punished. It’s been made very clear. Your friend knew this; she still made the choice to do what she did. That is her decision. It isn’t mine. She made the choice, she put herself there. Do you think I enjoy carrying out punishments?”

“Yes,” I say, without hesitation.

His head snaps up, and he glares at me again. “You’ll never get it, will you? You just can’t see what I’m trying to do here.”

“What you’re trying to do,” I hiss, “is take away our freedom!”

“You never had any freedom!” he barks, clenching his fists.

“We wouldn’t know. You don’t let us remember.”

“Goddammit,” he mutters under his breath, before lifting his head and barking, “Bill!”

Bill is in the room in a second. “Yes sir?”

“Get her out. Don’t give her the reward.”

“What?” I cry. “You were going to reward me?”

He doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “Goodnight, Number Thirteen.”

“You can’t do it, can you? You just can’t look at me and answer my questions! You can’t man up and be honest about what’s really going down here. This isn’t even about us; this is about
you
. You’re the fucked up one here, William.”

He doesn’t say anything, just disappears into the darkness. Bill takes my arm and pulls me out, shoving me down the halls until we reach our room.

The other girls are in bed when I get in, but I don’t want to talk to them anyway. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be left alone. I feel worn and broken down, like fighting this is pointless. I crawl into my bed and roll, facing the wall, not looking at any of them.

I am losing my fight.

And when that’s gone, I’ll be no better than Number Three.

I
rock backwards and forwards, flashes of memory flooding my mind. I don’t want to be here. I’m tired of fighting. They won’t let me remember who I am, but they’re giving me enough to know that what I used to be was bad. I see a woman putting her hands on me. I always imagined it was a man who assaulted an innocent female, not a woman. Women are meant to be gentle, and kind. They’re not meant to be the ones who steal our innocence.

She did steal mine, though—and I don’t even know her name.

I wrap my arms around my legs further, and I try to cry. Crying is meant to help, but I have no tears left. I feel empty, like there are no emotions left in my body, as if I’ve been stripped bare. I don’t have any fight left; in fact, I wonder if I had any to begin with, or did I just come into this broken. I lift my eyes and stare at the empty walls, and I realize this is likely going to be the rest of my life.

Who is going to save a damaged girl?

A disgusting girl with no name?

I don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t want sunshine, and I don’t want rain. I just want darkness that takes away everything that’s eating me away inside. I cannot be some man’s slave, and I cannot be strong enough to be there for all those others girls who need my support. They need a link that’s not weak; they need one that will hold their hands and fight alongside of them.

It isn’t me.

It never will be.

I just want to be free.

~*~*~*~

W
e don’t see Number Three for two whole days, and we don’t hear from Master William. By the time Number Three gets back, we’re all beside ourselves with worry. We have no idea what he did to her. She comes into the room with Bill, and she walks right into the shower, not looking at any of us. Number Seven asks her if she’s okay, but she acts as if she can’t even hear her.

It scares me.

We’re sent out onto garden duty before she gets out of the shower. Our group is helping group one, and we’re to set up the gardens for the summer, making sure everything is arranged nicely, and all the flowers are perfectly trimmed. The sun is high and warm in the sky today, and sweat trickles down my skin as I drive the spade into the soil over and over again, trying to dislodge a weed.

I can’t stop thinking about Number Three. What happened to her? Is she okay? Is she going to be okay? What did they say to her in there? Did they finally break her down, or did they just make it worse? My worry for her intensifies as I wait for her to come out, but as the time ticks on, I wonder what’s going on. It doesn’t take that long to shower, and Bill wouldn’t just let her sit and do nothing.

“It’s not a wise move,” I hear someone yell suddenly, cutting through my worrying.

I lift my head, and what I see has all the blood rushing from my body. My entire body prickles as I stare up at the roof, where Number Three is standing. No...she wouldn’t...she wouldn’t give up now. Maybe it’s not what it looks like. I get to my feet quickly, and run over towards her. The other girls are already up and following me. The guards are standing on the roof with her, their faces concerned. They have their arms stretched out.

“Come down,” one encourages. “We can get you some help.”

“You’re all just going to hurt me,” Number Three cries, rubbing her arms. She looks completely crazy, like she’s finally let it take over her body.

“No,” one of the guards says. “Come down, and we’ll take care of you.”

“You’re liars!” she screams, shaking. Her eyes are wide and frantic. “Liars!”

“No. We’ll make sure you get the help you need.”

“Stop lying,” she wails, taking a step back. I feel my heart leap into my throat.

Is she going to jump? My knees wobble and I try to open my mouth to call her down, to encourage her away, but all that comes out is a desperate squeak. My eyes are hazing over, and I can hear a loud ringing in my ears. Tears form in my eyes, and I hear Number Twelve begin to coax Number Three down.

“We’re in this together,” she cries. “You are stronger than this!”

“I need to be free,” she yells. “Like an angel, I need to let go. You have to let me go.”

She stares down at us, her expression empty. It’s like there’s nothing left, like whoever was inside has exited, and all that is remaining is an empty shell. She turns, and relief floods me as her back faces us. She’s going to walk away; she’s going to let us help her. Oh, thank God.

Then she stretches her arms out like an airplane and she just lets her body fall backwards. As if in slow motion, she soars down towards the ground. I hear myself scream, but I can’t force my legs to run forward. My head spins, and flashes of memories soar through my mind as I finally get myself to move.

“Lanthie!” I scream.

I don’t even know why.

I hear the loud crack as Number Three hits the concrete below. I can hear yelling, and screaming, but I can’t focus on anything else. My body is close to hyperventilation, and my heart feels like it’s stopped beating. My vision blurs as I finally reach the lifeless form on the ground. There’s blood everywhere, most of it coming from her cracked skull. I drop to my knees, coating myself in her warm blood as I lift her broken head into my hands. Her mouth is open, and there’s blood coming out of it in thick rivulets.

“Lanthie,” I sob. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my fault.”

“Get the master,” someone yells.

“Is Lanthie her name?” a guard whispers.

“No, her name is Isabella.”

“Lanthie,” I cry, feeling my head spin. “I’m so sorry, so sorry. He wouldn’t stop, I tried to get him to stop so I could get to you.”

“She’s lost it. Someone get her away.”

More yelling, and more orders. I scream, and grasp at the bloody body as a set of hands hook under my arms. Horrific flashes of memories fill my mind. I can see her head, all that blood, but it’s being replaced with the image of a blonde girl. I shake my head, gripping the sides of it and screaming as I’m pulled further away. Another set of arms wrap around me, but my body is too weak to fight.

“Lanthie,” I sob. “Lanthie, baby, I’m sorry.”

“Hush, Beauty.”

I begin to squirm in his grasp; it’s his fault she’s dead.
My Lanthie
. “Let me go. No, it’s all your fault. You stopped me from going to her,” I scream, thrashing.

“You’re hyperventilating. You’re imagining something that isn’t there. Be calm.”

“Let me go,” I wail. “Let me help her. Please, let me help her!”

“George,” I hear him bark. “Get me an injection.”

“No,” I scream so loudly my own ears ring. “No, don’t! Let me go, please, God, don’t let her die. Please, it’s all my fault, I didn’t get to her in time. Please, let me go back.”

“Hush, it’s not real. Lanthie is not here.”

“You’re a liar! Don’t you take her from me.”

“Number Thirteen,” he barks. “The girl on the ground is Number Three. It is not Lanthie, it is
Number Three
.”

“You’re a liar, liar,
liar
!”

His arms tighten around me, and another person takes hold of my shoulder. I feel a sharp sting in my neck just before my legs give way.

“Lanthie,” I whimper again, before darkness consumes me.

“S
he’s gone, sir,” George says, walking into the room. He’s covered in blood, and his head is hanging.

A sharp pain rips through my chest, and I take a deep, ragged breath.

“The police?”

“They are finished, they will call if they need more.”

“She jumped to her own death,” I whisper, glaring at my hands.

“It isn’t your fault, sir. She was damaged.”

“I was meant to help her,” I bark, lifting my eyes and shooting daggers at him.

“Some people can’t be helped.”

I don’t bother to answer. He doesn’t understand. No one does. These girls are here with me for a reason, and I’m meant to be teaching them to trust me. They’re supposed to understand that they can have a good life here if they do the right thing, not jumping off a building out of fear. It makes me question everything I am.

“Is Number Thirteen still out?” he asks.

I turn my head and stare at my closed bedroom door. Number Thirteen hasn’t stirred; she hasn’t even made a sound.

“Yes.”

“May I ask, sir, but who is Lanthie?”

“Lanthie is her sister,” I murmur, still staring at the door.

“Oh.”

Yeah, oh.

Oh
means that Number Thirteen had a memory flashback; it also means she’s beginning to remember. There is only so much I can push back now. There is only so much I can keep from her. I lift my hands, and grip the sides of my head, tightening my jaw.

“The other girls?” I grate out.

“They’re all asleep, sir. I gave them tablets.”

“This is going to damage them.”

“We will get through it.”

I’m not so sure about that.

Hell, I’m not so sure about any of this anymore.

~*~*~*~

“F
aster, faster!” Lanthie cries, her blond locks splaying out as I spin her.

“I’m going as fast as I can,” I cry.

“Don’t drop!” she coos.

“I’d never drop you.” I giggle, stopping us both. We flop to the floor, smiling.

I stare down at my tiny little sister, and she grins up at me. She’s just coming on three years old. I love when my momma is away, because it means we can just play and have fun. It means he doesn’t come around. When he’s around, bad things always happen.

I flutter my eyelids open, and it takes me a second to realize I’m not in my own bed. I reach up and rub my eyes. My fingers tingle, and my hands are numb and heavy. I shift my body and groan, feeling like I’ve been lying in this spot for days. I sit up, wincing as everything strains and pulls. I peer around the room, and notice I’ve not seen it before.

Where am I?

I try to remember what happened, and while it takes a moment, it comes to me. Number Three killed herself. A strangled sound leaves my throat, and I press my hand to my chest. Tears tumble down my cheeks. How could this have happened? Why didn’t I realize she was so far gone? I promised I’d take care of those girls, and I let her down.

The door creaks, and I lift my head to see it open and close. It’s still dark, so I can’t see who has come in.

“Who’s there?” I croak.

“It’s me.”

Master William.

Anger bubbles in my chest. How dare he come in here? How. Dare. He? It’s his fault more than mine that Number Three jumped. If he’d let her remember, if he’d let her process her own memories then this would have never happened. I take a steadying breath, but bile rises in my throat.

“Get out,” I finally rasp.

“I’m very sorry about...”

I cut him off before he can continue. “You’re sorry,” I snarl. “You’re sorry? She’s dead. She’s dead because of you. You starved her of herself. You took a piece of her away, and wouldn’t give it back. You had no right!”

“I was protecting her, the same way I’m protecting all of you.”

“Protecting us?” I cry. “How are you protecting us? You’ve stolen us from our lives. You’ve erased our memories. You punish us like we’re dogs.”