How to Catch a (Rock) Star (The Dead Hour #1) (20 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Lillie sat for a minute, stunned into stillness. She only moved when she heard Steve get up, blood streaking down his face and splattered on his chest.

‘I think my nose is broken,’ he said. ‘I’m gonna sue that asshole for every penny I’ve ever made him. We didn’t even - ’

Lillie didn’t think, she just moved. Before she knew it, she was in front of Steve and punching him in the face. He screamed and staggered back, hands to his face.

‘You bitch!’ he shouted at her, taking a menacing step forward. She stood her ground, fist raised. They stared at each other for a moment before Steve backed away.

‘You fucking bastard. You didn’t tell me they were separated, let alone divorced and then you got me drunk and took advantage of me. You are the lowest, most disgusting, pathetic excuse for a man I have ever met.’

‘You said you didn’t want to talk about it. So I didn’t talk about it. And I didn’t get you drunk, you did that all by yourself.’

He crossed his arms over his chest, a smug smile on his face. Lillie longed to smack it off his blood splattered face but took her satisfaction from his obviously broken nose.

She realised that she was standing in front of him in just her underwear and looked around for her clothes. She felt Steve’s eyes on her as she got dressed, disgust coiling in her stomach, raging headache suddenly hitting her.

She walked to the door, Steve turning to watch her go. She opened it and paused, desperate to come up with a cutting remark to leave him with. She stared at him, hoping that the hate and disgust she felt for him showed on her face and in her eyes.

‘Fuck you, Steve. I hope you get what you deserve.’

She slipped out of the door and shut it, the sound of her heart thudding in her ears. Looking down the hall, she realised she had nowhere to go except back to their room.

Struggling to hold back tears, she walked towards it, reaching into her bag for her keycard. She stood outside the door, hand poised to slide it into the slot before whirling around and sliding down the wall, crying silently as she hugged her legs into her body and rocked.

She didn’t know how long she sat there but finally the tears dried up and she was left staring at the magnolia wall of the corridor. She stretched her cramped legs out and dragged herself up to standing. Taking a deep breath, she slid her card into the lock and slowly opened the door. She crept into the silent room, breath held, heart crashing against her ribs.

She felt relief and disappointment overwhelm her exhausted mind as it registered that Jed wasn’t in the room. She sat on the bed, running her hand over the sheets as she surveyed the room. An empty bottle of Jack Daniels, several crumpled cans of beer.

She imagined Jed sitting exactly where she was right now, wondering where she was, worrying about her safety and state of mind. She felt sick when she thought about being in Steve’s bed whilst Jed worried and stressed.

She felt a sudden need to shower, rid herself of all traces of Steve. She threw her clothes straight into the bin as she undressed and ran the shower punishingly hot. Standing under the scalding hot spray, she forced herself to try and remember what had happened after she and Steve left the bar. She couldn’t even remember the taxi ride back to the hotel, let alone what had happened in his room. The last thing she remembered was Steve saying that he thought he should get her back to the hotel and then she woke up to Jed shouting and the sight of him standing over a bloody-nosed Steve cowering on the floor in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt.

She scrubbed at her skin, going through two miniature-sized bottles of shower gel and washed her hair. She didn’t want any trace of him on her. She stood under the too hot water, desperately trying to remember what had happened but she really couldn’t remember anything after the fourth cocktail in that bar.

Surely she hadn’t slept with Steve? She’d never had a one night stand for God’s sake. She didn’t even like him. But she had been in his room. His bed. She had been upset and completely out of it but still. Steve? Smarmy Steve?

Stepping out of the shower, she wiped the mirror free of steam and stared at herself until it fogged over and her face disappeared. Leaning her forehead against the mirror she started to cry again, heaving sobs racking her body.

Why hadn’t he just told her? They were separated, she wouldn’t have cared. She didn’t understand what the big secret was. Not that it mattered now. She’d apparently gone and done exactly the same thing as his ex-wife had. He would never forgive her.

She shivered and left the bathroom to get dressed. She pulled some underwear out of her case, her hand hovering over the blue silk set Jed had given her and then bypassing it. A dark grey tunic dress was lying on top of the rest of her clothes and she took it out, pulling it over her head.

She paced the room aimlessly for several minutes, not knowing what to do with herself. She started to call Kate but hung up as soon as it started to ring. She turned the TV on, flicked through the channels, stared at the screen without seeing. She turned it off again. Stood up. Sat back down.

She took a bottle of water from the mini bar and drank it looking out of the window at the street below. All those people going about their day, unaware that above them, she was starring in a tragedy of her own making. Waiting for the man she loved, the man she had broken, to confront her, to tell her to go home.

There was a knock at the door and Lillie started. Jed.

She rushed to open the door, disappointment swaddling her when she realised it was Johnny. She turned away from the door, leaving it open, and sat down on the bed.

Johnny hovered for a while before speaking.

‘Lil?’

She turned her head to look at him.

‘Babe, Jed asked me to – ‘ he paused. ‘Fuck,’ he muttered as he sat next to her, fiddling with a bit of paper.

‘Where is he?’ Lillie whispered.

Johnny ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath.

‘I’m so sorry, Lil. He said he can’t see you. He’s very upset.’
He held out the piece of paper to her. ‘Flight details,’ he said
quietly.

It was only what she had expected. Lillie took it, staring at the words and numbers without seeing them. They blurred into nothing as tears formed in her eyes. Johnny put his arms around her and held her until she stopped crying. When she pulled back to look at him, his eyes were bloodshot and damp. She looked away.

‘When do I leave?’ she croaked.

‘This afternoon. I’ll take you to the airport if you want.’

Lillie sniffed and nodded.

‘I’d like that,’ she said. ‘What time?’

‘I’ll come and get you at about two.’

She nodded and stared at her hands.

‘Do you want me to stay with you?’ Johnny asked.

Lillie’s heart ached for him. She knew he was torn between comforting her and comforting Jed. She shook her head.

‘Are you sure, Lil?’

‘Yes. I need to pack and stuff. Besides you should be with – ‘

She couldn’t say his name. Johnny wrapped his arms around her again and kissed the top of her head and Lillie fought back more tears.

‘Call me if you want me to come back. Maybe you shouldn’t be alone.’

‘No, please. I’ll be okay. I’ll see you at two.’

‘Okay but, seriously, call me if you need to, promise?’

Lillie nodded and walked with him to the door. Out in the hallway, Johnny stared at her for a long moment.

‘I’m so sorry, Lil. It shouldn’t have been like this. I wish I’d just told you, I wish –‘

‘It’s not your fault, Johnny. Please don’t blame yourself.’ Lillie was prevented from saying any more when the phone rang.

‘I better get that,’ she said, hoping it was him, knowing it was probably Kate and Johnny nodded and kissed her cheek.

‘See you in a while, Lil.’

She managed a smile and closed the door. Crossing over to the phone, she prayed it was him as she picked up the receiver.

‘Lillie?’

It was Kate. Lillie’s heart slowed and she sat on the bed.

‘Lil? Honey, are you there?’

Lillie pushed out an almost silent ‘yes’ before bursting into tears.

‘Honey, I’m so sorry, Chris just told me. I didn’t know, Lil, or I would have told you.’

‘I know,’ Lil sobbed out. ‘I don’t know where he is and Johnny won’t tell me.’

‘Oh, Lil. What happened? Chris just told me the general outline. I can’t believe he was married all this time.’

‘He’s divorced. As of yesterday. They were separated. I overheard Jessica talking with another girl. They made it sound like he was still married and that she was pregnant with his child and I was just another dumb fan girl.’ She paused to wipe her nose.

‘So I left the club and got really drunk with Steve. I don’t even remember doing anything.’ She couldn’t say it out loud. ‘Anyway, he knows about Steve and I’m flying home this afternoon.’ She started crying again.

‘Oh God, Lil. Have you spoken to him? Maybe you could work things out, you know -‘

‘No. His wife cheated on him. The baby isn’t even his. I don’t think he’ll forgive me.’ Both girls were quiet for a minute.

‘Lil, you need to speak to him. Maybe nothing happened. It isn’t like you to just sleep with someone,’ she paused.

‘I know but I was in his bed,’ Lillie stammered.

‘Well, he can’t just pack you off without a word.’ Kate’s voice had changed, she sounded angry. ‘If he had just told you, you would never have, you know, Steve would never have-‘

‘I know but it doesn’t change things, does it? I can’t blame him. I don’t blame him. I can barely look at myself so I can only imagine what he’s feeling.’

‘Even so, I think you need to at least say goodbye, Lil.’

‘I don’t know, Kate. I wouldn’t know what to say to him.’

‘Well, at least think about it.’ She changed the subject. ‘I’ve got your flight details so I’ll pick you up, okay?’

‘Thank you.’

‘Bye honey, please try and talk to him. I love you lots.’

‘Yeah, maybe. Love you lots too.’ Lillie hung up. She knew it would be a waste of time talking to Jed, trying to explain things.

She looked around the room and then at her watch. Just under four hours until she had to be at the airport; she may as well pack.

Moving as if in water, she gathered up her clothes, painstakingly folding them and putting them in her case. She went into the bathroom next and gathered up all her make-up and toiletries and added them to her case, which seemed to zip up remarkably easily.

Three and a half hours now.

She checked all the drawers, the wardrobe and the bathroom for anything she might have left behind.

Three hours and twenty minutes.

She picked up the phone to dial Johnny’s room, put it back down. Lifted it again, stared at the receiver, replaced it. She went into the bathroom, filled the glass with water and gulped i
t down, refilled and drank again. Went to the toilet, washed
her hands.

Three hours, thirteen minutes.

She stared into the mirror again for what she thought must have been a good five minutes. Her eyes were bloodshot, her hair tangled where she hadn’t brushed it. Her skin was grey and dull. She forced a smile and let it fade.

She went back into the bedroom, unzipped her case and found her hairbrush. Slowly, she brushed her hair free of knots. Pulled all the hairs out from the bristles and threw them in the bin. Put her hairbrush back in the case and zipped it back up again.

Three hours and two minutes.

She sat on the sofa and stared at the blank TV screen. Images of her and Jed laughing, mucking around, flashed into her head. She flinched at each memory, tears streaming down her face. She wiped them away and forced herself to think of nothing. She stopped herself from looking at her watch again.

She didn’t hear the door open. She only turned her head when she noticed someone walking towards her in her periphery vision. When her eyes met his, he slid his gaze away from hers.

Lillie watched him as he came closer to her, her eyes roaming all over his face as if she were imprinting it on her brain. Jed didn’t say anything, just knelt down in front of her, eyes focused just to the left of her face.

Lillie searched his face for a clue as to what he was thinking but it was blank, emotionless. Suddenly, his eyes moved and locked into hers and she flinched from the pain, the anger, the love that was in them. Her voice, when she tried to speak, was hoarse,

‘I’m sorry, Jed. I was upset, drunk, I don’t even remember-‘

He cut her off, moving quickly and taking her by surprise, so that she didn’t respond for a moment. He crushed his mouth against hers, the force of it pushing her back against the sofa. When her brain registered his tongue in her mouth, she responded with ecstatic passion. As soon as she wound her tongue around his, he stopped and moved his face away. Lillie sucked in a breath, eyes on his, wondering what was coming next.

He undid his jeans, reaching out and grabbing her hips, pulling her towards him. He leant forward and put his face in the crook of her shoulder and neck, guiding himself into her, pushing all the way in. Lillie bit down on her lip against the discomfort of not being ready, not daring to lift her hands to caress his back. She shifted slightly and closed her eyes as her body relaxed against him.

She knew why he was doing this. He was reclaiming her as his. She longed to put her arms around him, push herself against him but she didn’t dare in case he stopped. A small groan of pleasure escaped her lips as he thrust into her and he froze.

Lillie’s heart stopped abruptly and she silently begged him to continue. He pulled away from her, out of her and she could feel her neck was wet. His eyes were bloodshot. A tear dropped from his jaw onto her dress. Her heart skidded back into action, an empty feeling in her stomach.

‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I thought, maybe -‘ He rocked to his feet and buttoned his jeans, running a hand through his hair.

Lillie pulled her legs up to her body and stared at his stomach, unable to look at him, scared of what she might see on his face. Jed leant forward as if to kiss the top of her head and paused halfway. She felt his lips touch her hair briefly before he whispered,