Hot Redemption (10 page)

CHAPTER 10

Phoenix

How the fuck did I get myself into this situation?

I swore I'd never deal with another addict again. And here I was, with Epic, in a hotel room . . . alone. I mean . . . what the fuck?

“Motherfucker!” I swore out loud, causing Epic's massive sweat-slicked form to groan. He lay face down, spread across the massive king-sized bed. And I'd spent some of my hard-earned money to get us here. Mine . . . not his.

It'd become quite evident I wasn't going to be able to help Epic through his withdrawal with his family around and manage to keep it a secret from his younger brothers and sisters. I wasn't really sure why I cared if they found out. Epic meant nothing more than a big paycheck and a ticket to a new life for me. And yet I'd paid for this stupid high-end room at the last minute to get him away from his family. You would have thought Shade and Toy would have offered to help, but no. They were too busy being the selfish brats I'd accused them of being. I should have just gone with Pappy and forgotten about it all.

“Nix?” Epic's strained voice rasped.

As if my body had a will of its own, I found myself sitting next to Epic's large form. I smoothed his damp hair back from the side of his face. His eyes fluttered open but didn't seem to be able to focus.

“Nix?”

“I'm right here, Epic. Did you need something?”
Goddammit! I just need to let him sweat this out, literally. Why the hell am I being so sweet to him?

“This is useless. I c-can't. Just get me some quake.” His eyes slid back shut as if he were ashamed. And damn well he should be.

“No. I'm not getting you any quake. You're detoxing whether you like it or not.” I clenched my teeth together so hard my jaw started to ache.

“Nixie baby, p-please.”

My hand fisted in his hair and I angrily yanked his head back. He screeched. His eyes flew open as he grimaced at me.

“Don't you dare beg me for drugs,” I hissed. “You won't like my reaction.”

“Okay. Okay.” A pathetic smile tugged at his lips. “I kind of like you being rough with me. Would I get more of that if I beg?”

Now he's a comedian?
I released his head abruptly and his face dropped to the pillow.

“Men.” I grumbled under my breath as I stood. All of them were completely incorrigible.

“Nixie, d-don't go,” Epic started again. “Are you l-leaving me?”

“No!” I rubbed my face with both my hands. “Unfortunately, I'm not going anywhere until you're good enough to get up and walk without begging for quake.”

A quiet descended over the room for a while. For a few seconds, I believed he might have fallen asleep and was thankful he'd be getting some rest.

“Will you hold me?” Epic's voice dipped down low with his vulnerability. My heart broke just a little for him. I was only human after all.

“Yeah. I'll hold you,” I mumbled. “Just let me change into something that I won't mind getting ruined by sweat.”

“I won't mind if you get naked.” Epic grinned at me, but the happy expression dropped and that sad, embarrassed look he'd been wearing most of the day returned.

I shook my head and chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “Yeah, I'm sure you would like me naked.”

I grabbed my bag and headed into the bathroom. I quickly changed out of my travel clothes and slipped into matching green cotton shorts and a tank top. The soft fabric hugged my curves and comforted me. I slowly crept back into the hotel room and made my way to the bed. I stared down at Epic. He lay still. I wondered if he had finally fallen asleep.

His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. He had kicked off the sheets to expose his boxer-only-clad behind. I couldn't help but take the opportunity to admire him. He had the classic V-shape to his body—large defined back and shoulders that tapered down to a narrow waist. His long, silky blond hair was dampened with sweat, but it still made me itch to run my fingers through it. His chiseled face was masculine and yet his lips were full and succulent, begging to be kissed. He wore a silver chain with a locket shaped like a heart. I wondered whose picture was inside it. Irrational jealousy spiked through my system.

Yeah, I need to stop thinking about him in any other way than business. He's a means to an end, and that's it
.

“Nixie baby,” Epic mumbled, somehow sensing my presence without opening his eyes, “I thought you were going to let me hold you.”

I frowned. “You asked me to hold you.”

“We can hold each other.”

His words made something in my heart stir, and it pissed me off. “I've changed my mind. No one's holding anyone. Just try and get some sleep.”

“
Pleeeaase
,” he slurred. “I need you to . . . Fuck. I don't know. I-I just need you.”

I sighed, knowing I would give in. He was kind of pathetic at the moment.

“Fine.” I snapped.

I slid into bed next to him and he immediately curled himself around me, pushing his face into my neck and inhaling. The contact was electric. Even with him trying to recover from quake, his body still radiated a predatory sexuality my body couldn't ignore. He wrapped his arms around my middle and possessively slung one of his muscled legs over my tinier ones. I felt safe for the first time in years and had no idea why. It wasn't like he could jump up, as sick as he was from withdrawal, and protect my honor. But, for some weird reason, as my body lay next to him, the sensation of protection folded over me like a blanket.

“Goodnight, Epic.”

He sighed in contentment and his breathing began to even out. Against my will, my fingers stroked his hair. The silky strands slipped underneath my fingertips and smelled of bubble gum.
He must have washed his hair with one of his sisters' shampoo.
I chuckled a little to myself, careful not to wake him. My fingers sank into his hair and remained until I joined him in sleep.

Hours later, I awoke with a start, my heart thundering in my chest because I couldn't move my arms. Someone held me. He encased me in muscle and was too huge to move. I couldn't get free.

“No!” I screamed as I flailed in an effort to free myself. “Teddy, no!”

Whatever was constricting my movements was suddenly gone and someone shook me. “Nix—Nixie baby—it's me—Epic.”

I blinked away my confusion and focused on Epic's face. Worried lines edged the corners of his eyes as they flickered between blue and black, belaying his concern and pity.

I gritted my teeth. “Let me go. I don't like feeling constricted.”

“I'm sorry.” Epic sat up and stared me as I studied him. His skin appeared less pale. His hands didn't shake. Clearly he was feeling better. Not good, but better. Quitting quake wasn't going to be that easy, but the initial physical withdrawal was over. The rest would be up to him—or, really, me.

“What happened? What were you dreaming about?”

“You're feeling better, I see,” I stated trying to change the subject.

“Yes. I am.” He sighed. “You yelled out
Teddy.
Is that the guy that hurt you?”

“He can't hurt me anymore. Let's talk about something else.”

“What did he do to you?” Epic asked, not allowing me to drop it.

“That's none of your business.” I wasn't going to just drop all my baggage on someone who wouldn't be in my life for long. He'd probably think I was young, weak, and stupid, probably because I had been.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Actually, it is my business. If you're suffering from some kind of post-traumatic stress disorder, I need to know about it—before the hit. It could affect things.”

I glared at him, and he had the nerve to chuckle. “I'm not as stupid as I look. I'm actually not stupid at all, Nixie baby.”

“Says the quake addict,” I retorted snidely. “Because getting addicted to anything points to all kinds of smarts.”

Epic dropped his gaze from mine and frowned. “We all have our demons.”

Now that intrigued me. What kind of demons did he have that would push him to use quake?

Maybe Epic isn't the Neanderthal thug that I think he is
.

I shook my head to dislodge that thought. There I go again, trying to give people more credit than they deserve. Not everyone has layers of complicated deepness to them. Some people are one dimensional and you get what you see. I'd learned that lesson from Teddy too. I thought Teddy had some kind of profound pain under the surface, some level of emotional deepness that he tried to hide with his attitude problem. And, of course, I had also thought I could be the one who brought it out and healed him. Instead, I found out just how horribly wrong I had been.

“I don't really care about your demons, Epic.”

“But I care about yours. I need to know if your condition and will it affect . . . the heist,” Epic persisted.

The heist? Sure. He wants to know if it will affect him getting closer to me. What other reason can it be?

“Okay, fine. I have some baggage. But who doesn't. I cope, and I don't use drugs to do it.” My voice was starting to get shrill and I hated that he knew he was getting to me.

“Just tell me what happened to you.”

“Fine, you want to know what happened to me. I fell in love with the wrong guy. I trusted him. And when I realized he wasn't who I thought he was, I tried to leave, but it was too late. He wouldn't let me.” A sob erupted from my chest as the images of him burning me rushed through my mind. I'd spent so much time pushing those memories back into the secret areas of my brain and there they came after a few questions.

“Tell me, Nix.” He wiped the tears away from my eyes. “I won't judge you, baby. You've helped me so much. I won't think any worse of you.

I gulped in a load of dread. “Teddy decided that I belonged to him, that I would never be allowed to leave him. He wanted to punish me for even thinking of escaping him. He . . . he . . .” Flashes of Teddy's dark eyes glittering with amusement as he heated the lighter skidded across my mind and I shuddered. “He kept me prisoner, raped, and beat me. And toward the end, he burned me and not just on my arms or legs. He burned me in areas that it took years and lots of enhancement surgery to fix.”

I couldn't even have kids. That was how much damage he'd done. Even though the flames didn't go all the way inside me, he'd ruined me to the core. Tears ran down my face and I raised a hand to wipe at them with bewilderment. I hadn't realized I had any tears left to shed over what had happened to me.

“I still have scars in many places. I never could afford all of the enhancements. It took lots of hustling to get my face fixed and then my legs and breasts.” I closed my eyes. “Fixing the other places took even longer.”

“You said he's dead, right?” Epic growled.

“Yes.”

“I wish he was alive. I'd melt his skin, let him heal, and then do it again.”

I displayed a pitiful smile. “My own special psycho.”

“That's right, Nixie baby.”

I spread my legs open and exposed the scars on the edge of my bikini line. I ran my fingertips along the raised ridges on my inner thighs. They stood out a light white color in contrast to my olive-toned skin. The jagged marks rose half an inch.

“Oh God, Nixie. I'm so sorry.”

“I survived. That's the whole point. I survived.” I turned around and lay on my stomach. “There are scars all over my back. I couldn't afford any more surgeries so I decided to cover it up. Naturally, I couldn't do electric tattooing.”

“It burns as the color is applied.”

“Yeah. It was too close to that time. I couldn't relive it. But truthfully, I saved the marks on my back for last, even when I had the money to fix them. I wanted them to remain there on my body.”

“Why didn't you want to remove them?'

“Because I never wanted to forget—I never wanted to make the mistake of trusting someone like him again.” My whole body shook as if I were cold, and I couldn't seem to stop it. “And the marks on my back was the last time he burned me, before I pushed his own flames against his face and set him on fire. You couldn't even imagine the feeling of freedom and the rush of relief as I watched him burn.”

The muscle in Epic's jaw twitched. “Where did you hide his body?”

“I didn't. I set his whole apartment on fire and never returned.”

“And the phoenix ink is because of him too.”

Not a question, I noticed, but a statement. Somehow Epic had gotten me to spill my biggest secret with hardly any effort.
What is it about him that gets to me?
More tears streamed down my face, much to my dismay, and I ran my hands up and down my arms to stop myself from shaking, but sadly, it wasn't doing any good.

Suddenly I was surrounded by Epic's warm body, his delicious, spicy scent swirling around me. I raised my hand to push him away, but he pulled me into him tighter and kissed the top of my head. “It's okay, Nixie baby. It'll be okay.”

For some reason, the emotional dam inside me broke and I began to sob in earnest. Pain tremored through my body. Epic pulled me back into bed with him and held me tightly against his chest. His heartbeat thumped in my ears. I continued to sob. He stroked my hair and murmured words, ones that pacified the slivers of fear that cut into my heart, words that caressed something deep inside my soul. That odd self-destructing part of me pondered if I was being stupid, letting him comfort me, but it felt so good to let go and to feel completely safe for once. So I let him reassure me and massage my back with his hands until I eventually fell asleep and dreamed of us, together, far off on a secluded planet, just him and me making love under the moonlit sky.