Home is Where the Heart is (21 page)

Nick wasn’t even sure why he cared so much. Gabby had already made it perfectly clear she didn’t feel anything more for him than just friendship.

“Then I will have a banana smoothie, if you don’t mind,” she purred.

Nick nodded his head, and then spoke to Cassie. “Cass, do you want anything?”

She simply shook her head in response. She couldn’t eat anything at the moment; all she wanted was to hear her baby boy was out of surgery and that he was okay.

“Text me if you hear anything,” Jordan told her before the two men walked away. She and Gabby were left with lingering questions about where Jordan and Cassie stood with each other.

Nick and Jordan roamed down the corridor together for some guy talk while they waited to receive news on Jake, leaving Cassie and Gabby in conversation together, wishing at this moment he could be a fly on the wall. Any kind of talk between Cassie and Gabby would have been very interesting to overhear.

On the other hand, he missed not being able to chat to his best mate. It was something the two of them hadn’t really done since high school, unless you counted the night they shared a beer together at the tavern. It was definitely good to catch up with him, even under less-than-great circumstances. Jordan was obviously grateful for everything his friend had done for his family throughout the years. He couldn’t thank him enough.

“So have you talked to your dad recently?” Nick asked him as they rounded another corner of the plainly painted hospital. They had no exact direction in mind. They were simply walking and talking, making up for lost time and passing the minutes and hours until Jake would be out of surgery.

Nick could see his father was a subject Jordan didn’t like to talk about very much. His whole disposition changed in an instant, frown lines showing on his forehead.

“Not since the last time, when I was packing my bags and told him I was leaving to go back to Miami. I’m assuming he knows I decided to stick around here a little longer and get to know my son.”

“So there’s no chance of you actually talking to him again?” Deep down, Nick already knew his answer.

“Not unless my dear old dad plans to apologize for the way he’s taken control of my life for six years. Jake and I are better off without him.”

Nick knew he didn’t really mean that. Jordan wasn’t the kind of man to say something like that and actually mean it. He may have been his father’s son, but he wasn’t so much like his dad to go out of his way to intentionally cut someone out of his life out of spite. He was obviously pissed and just needed to let off a little bit of steam he was holding on to.

It was time to change the subject.

“So...Brielle, she’s gone? Just like that?” Nick snapped his fingers.

“Yep, just like that,” Jordan said with little excitement. He was still quashing all his annoyance about his father.

“I thought things were going well between you guys. What happened?” Nick pressed him for more details, eager to get the dirt on their obviously complicated relationship.

“Nothing happened. That was it. She wanted more from us, but I just couldn’t handle anything more than what we already had. We hooked up occasionally, but that’s all we ever did. I didn’t want to be in an actual relationship with her, and tonight I guess she finally realized why I didn’t want one.”

Nick’s eyebrows rose a little. “Don’t leave me hanging, man. How exactly did she come to this realization?”

Jordan shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal. “I guess she saw me and Cassie together and got the impression there was something still between us…like I was in love with her.”

“Are you still in love with Cassie?” Nick couldn’t help but ask. He knew he didn’t know Brielle that well—they had only shared one quick conversation together—but to Nick, she didn’t seem like someone to question her concerns and opinions aloud if she didn’t think there was a little bit of truth to them.

Nick knew Jordan didn’t like or know how to express his real feelings very well, especially when it came to a member of the opposite sex, which was probably why he and Jordan had been friends for as long as they had.

“I honestly don’t know. Considering Cassie and I didn’t end on the best of terms, and given our complicated history, I think there will be a part of me that will always love her. She was my first real love; not to mention, she’s also the mother of my son, so we will always be connected to each other.”

Jordan didn’t exactly answer the question though. Truth be told, he didn’t even know what he was feeling, so how could he answer Nick’s question if he wasn’t even sure of the answer. He’d been feeling this way since his return to Yellow Valley, and his late night of cookie baking with Cassie hadn’t helped the situation. His feelings for her were all over the place now more than ever, especially after Brielle assumed he was still in love with Cassie. Was it really as obvious as everyone seemed to think? He knew how crappy their relationship ended last time, and he didn’t want to break Cassie’s heart all over again. He couldn’t do that to her, especially when they couldn’t just think about themselves anymore. Jake needed to be taken into consideration, and even if he and Cassie decided to rekindle their relationship and it went sour again, they would still be a part of each other’s lives.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Nick asked.

Jordan had mixed fillings, but he knew it wouldn’t stop his best friend from stating his opinion anyway.

“Because I’m going to tell you whether you want my opinion or not. I think you do love Cassie, but you’re too scared to admit how you really feel. You don’t want to get hurt, and you care for Cassie too much to break her heart again.”

Yep. Nick was right. Jordan knew that. He hit the nail on the head.

“The same goes for Cassie,” Nick continued, his eyes carefully studying his friend’s face. “I think she’s still in love with you, but she’s too scared to admit the truth, because she doesn’t want her heart to be broken all over again like it was six year ago.”

Jordan was amazed by his friend’s prudent thoughts, but at the same time, he screwed up his nose, rubbing his chin. “When did we start talking about our feelings? I don’t ever remember doing that before.”

Nick laughed. “I know. Maybe it’s because we’ve gotten older and more grown up than the two kids we used to be in high school, when all we cared about was football, what we saw for our futures, and which girls we wanted to hook up with.”

Jordan nudged Nick in the shoulder as they neared the elevators, pressing the down button and waiting for the doors to open so it could take them downstairs to the cafeteria.

“Speak for yourself. I didn’t care so much about the girls.”

“Oh, that’s right. You only had eyes for one girl. And still do now, if I’m not mistaken.”

Nick searched Jordan’s face for clarity, but came up with nothing.

“Or maybe I hang out too much with Cassie and Gabby and they’re beginning to rub off on me.”

Nick slapped Jordan on the back.

“Either way, you and I need to start hanging out more and start discussing manly topics while you’re still here, and you need to really figure out where the hell you stand with Cassie, because you’ll never be truly happy with anyone until you do so.”

The doors slid open, halting the conversation when two people got off and they stepped in. Jordan knew Nick had a point. He would never be truly happy with someone until he and Cassie figured out what they wanted from each other. It was something they would simply have to work out together, or risk being totally miserable, and that was a risk he wasn’t willing to take.

Almost an hour-and-a-half later, Cassie was beginning to feel the effects of sitting for such a long period of time in the hospital. At least by now she knew Jake was going to be okay. He had come out of surgery thirty minutes ago, and was now resting comfortably in the children’s ward of the hospital. Cassie and Jordan sat at his bedside waiting for the anesthesia to wear off and their little boy to open his eyes to see both of his parents smiling at him together like a family.

Nick and Gabby went home once Jake came out of surgery and knew he was going to be okay. They promised to visit tomorrow.

Jordan couldn’t help but glance over to the other side of the bed where Cassie sat in her chair almost half asleep. Tonight had definitely taken its toll on her. He wished he could take her in his arms and never let go, telling her that everything was going to be okay and they were going to be a family once and for all, but Jordan knew how she felt about him. She didn’t think they would be able to make it work as a couple—not again.

He folded his arms across each other, resting his right leg on his left knee.

“You can go to sleep if you want. I’m here. I’ll wake you up if Jake opens his eyes.”

“Why? Do I look tired? Is this your way of telling me I look like shit?” Cassie gave him a hazy-eyed look.

Even on a bad day, in Jordan’s eyes, Cassie could never look shit. She was always going to be the prettiest woman he had ever laid eyes on.

“You look tired like any parent in our situation would.”

Cassie rubbed the sides of her face with her hands, shaking her head. “No, I’m okay. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep in these chairs anyway. Besides, I would rather ask you about your tattoos.”

My tattoos?
Jordan asked himself. Why did she want to know about his tattoos? That subject had never really come up before. He knew he didn’t have ink six years ago when they had been together, but why would she be so curious to know about them now? Was she just now getting a better look of the words and images scrawled across his arms?

“Okay, shoot—what do you want to know?” He unfolded his arms so his tattoos were exposed, giving her a better look. She was allowed to ask him anything. He couldn’t shy away from her thought-provoking questions anymore.

“Have you always liked them?”

“I’ve never been opposed to them or anything, but I’m not going to rush out and get a whole sleeve. The tattoos I have all mean something to me. I guess, in a way, it was something I knew my father couldn’t control in my life like everything else he insisted on taking control of.”

Like you, for instance
, he thought.

“What’s the meaning of your tattoos?”

Jordan pointed to the one on his left wrist. They were Chinese symbols Cassie was curious to know what they meant.

“This says ‘believe’.” He then pointed to the other Chinese symbol on his right arm. “And this one says ‘love’.”

One by one, his finger led a path to each of his tattoos, explaining why each of them had a momentous meaning. He pointed to the cross on the inside of his left arm. “I got this cross after we broke up. I got it as a symbol of faith. I didn’t believe I could have any in myself until I realized all I needed was a little faith that everything would work out the way it was intended to, and maybe one day, fate would lead me back to you.”

Cassie couldn’t stop her heart from doing a little flip flop over the fact he got a tattoo for her. She had a special place in his heart and she liked it.

“And this,” he said, pointing to the angel taking up most of his right forearm, “I got for my grandparents after they passed away. They’re like my guardian angels watching over me from heaven. Maybe it’s because of them I was drawn back to you. They did always like us together.”

“I think they were your only family members who actually liked me and didn’t feel as if you needed to find someone better than me.”

Cassie didn’t mean to be such a bummer, but this was how she used to feel toward certain members of Jordan’s family when they had been a couple—particularly his father.

“I guess it’s why I gave Jake his name.”

“He’s named after my grandfather?” Jordan was surprised to learn of the origin of his son’s name, even though it shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise.

“Well, I wasn’t too keen on the name Jacob, so I shortened it to Jake instead, but he is actually named after your grandfather.”

“That was so amazing of you,” Jordan replied. “I’m sure he would have loved to know his great grandson is named after him.”

Cassie paused for a moment before jumping into another confession. “He came to see me, you know—your grandfather. After I had Jake, he paid us a visit at the hospital. I hadn’t named him at that point, but he said I was doing the right thing and told me to hang in there, because everything would get better eventually. I know he didn’t realize it would have been his last conversation he would share with me, but his final words stuck with me. And somehow, I just knew that Jake and I were going to be okay, even if I was going to be a single mother. We would get through life in the end.”