Holidaze (10 page)

“I’ll be glad when you get some new friends,” I say, letting him know that I know who the homie is and I’m not happy with the arrangement—but what can I really say?

“Jayd, I’ll be back in a little while. Don’t worry, it’s just business.” Rah bends down and kisses me on the lips and then kisses his daughter on the forehead.

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, looking back at Rahima, who is ready to play. And I’m ready to be entertained.

“I’ll see my girls later.” His girls. As sweet as that sounds, it’s only half true. I haven’t been Rah’s girl in a minute, and I’m not really looking to pledge that sorority again anytime soon. He’s lucky I love his daughter. Otherwise he’d have a much harder time pulling at my heartstrings. But this little girl can pull all she wants. This time I’m not letting her go.

After playing with Rahima all day long, both the apartment and I are whipped. I never got a chance to do my hair or work on my spirit work. Having a baby full-time is no joke. I wonder if Mickey really knows what she’s gotten herself into. Rahima wouldn’t take a nap and keeps eating like she hasn’t had any food in days, which may not be too far from the truth. Sandy doesn’t cook, and prefers potato chips over the chicken pasta salad I made for us to eat. Rahima’s eating my food like a champ. My phone vibrates on the coffee table and Rahima reaches for it. She must know it’s her daddy.

“How’s it going?” Rah asks as soon as I answer. “Y’all need anything?”

“No, we’re cool. We’re just eating some dinner now. Did you get the Regal back in one piece?”

“Yeah, everything’s all good. It looks like she’s got a couple of scratches on her but it’s nothing I can’t handle.” As Rah and I talk, Rahima finally slows down and falls asleep on the blanket I spread out on the floor. Finally, some quiet time. I thought she’d never settle down.

“I’m glad you got your grandfather’s car back, Rah. I know he’ll be happy to see it,” I say, turning off the cartoons and changing the channel. If I hear another kiddie television show I’m going to pull my hair out. At least then I wouldn’t have to worry about washing it.

“Well, I guess. It was originally for me to drive so you could roll my ride, but it all worked out how it was supposed to, I guess.” I know Rah was trying to help and it all went to hell once Sandy arrived, which is the usual when she comes around. Much like Misty, that girl is a force to be avoided at all costs because there’s no reckoning with her.

“I have a run to make. I’ll come and get Rahima now if you’re too tired. I know you need your rest, especially now.” I look over at Rahima, laid flat out like a butterfly. Her baby-pink and yellow
Dora the Explorer
blanket is draped across her chocolate skin. She looks so peaceful I’d hate for her to be disturbed.

“No, just let her sleep. She’s probably out for the night anyway. Maybe you can pick up a movie and y’all can just sleep over here tonight.”

“Sounds good, boo. I’ll be there as soon as I can. And Jayd, thanks again. I really appreciate you, girl. I hope you know that.”

“No problem, Rah. I know you do,” I say before hanging up.

“No problem. Are you serious?”

“Mom, why are you up in my head again? You’ve been on my case all day, it seems,” I say aloud. I’m too exhausted to communicate via mental telepathy. This little girl has made even my brain tired.

“I’m up in your head because I can’t believe what I just heard. Are you really going to watch Raheem’s daughter while he goes out and plays? Jayd, don’t be a doormat. As nice as it sounds to be sweet and gracious to fools we love, it’s always the nice girl that gets walked on.”

“Mom, he’s working, not going out,” I say, cuddling up on the small couch, ready to let the
Half and Half
reruns on TV One lull me to sleep.

“Same difference. Then let him figure the babysitting out on his own. As cute as that baby is, she’s not your responsibility.”

“But I’d help out any of my friends who needed it, not just Rah,” I say, imagining myself watching Mickey’s daughter. I’m sure there will be plenty of times I’ll babysit her.

“Well, that’s your choice. But I’m telling you, Jayd. Nice girls never win.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being nice, Mom. Mama Oshune is over all things nice and sweet, remember?” I say, gently reminding her of the spirit lessons she gave up a long time ago.

“Yes, but Mama Oshune is also a warrior woman, and she’s no one’s doormat. That’s for damned sure.”

“You’re right,”
I think back, too tired to argue. It’s been a long day, and I’m going to join Rahima in sleep land as soon as I can get my mom to be quiet. I wish I could put her on time-out sometimes.

“You have a sweet heart, and because of that it’ll always get stomped on if you allow it to, baby girl. When are you going to learn that lesson? Mama’s told you all of your life not to wear your heart on your sleeve because people will take advantage of you, but you just don’t listen, Jayd. And you need to. It’s the only way to protect your ashe. You’ll learn the hard way if you don’t take our advice.”

“You’re right. I need to listen better,” I say, trying to appease her so I can get a nap in before Rah gets here. “Good night, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, baby. And listen carefully to what I’m saying, Jayd. It’s for your own good. Sleep tight.”
Something about my mother’s tone makes me think twice for a minute about her advice.

Shifting my pillow comfortably under my head, my scarf accidentally falls to the side of my neck. I touch the top of my head and remember the
rogacion de cabeza
—or head cleansing—Mama and Netta gave me on Tuesday, and the sacrifice to the river I made a few weeks ago. When I looked in the water I felt sucked into the reflection. That same feeling of surrender is how I’ve been feeling lately in my dreams, and it feels that way with Rah lately, too. Maybe guarding my ashe a little more would help me get some good rest instead of allowing myself to be sucked into other people’s realities.

I don’t want to sleep too hard even if I do need it because Rah should be here sooner than later. I have a little bit of the tea left from last night and it should be just enough to help me nod off. I don’t want to pass out as hard as I did last night, especially not with the baby here. Maybe if I only take half of the remaining portion it won’t hit me so hard. I’ll take what’s left when it’s time to sleep for the rest of the night.

“Young brides are the prettiest,” Netta says, primping my hair as I stare into the mirror’s reflection. “You’re even prettier than your mother was when she married your father. I wish you nothing but the best, Jayd.” Netta smiles as she kisses the top of my head. But behind the smile her eyes are filled with sadness. I look beyond her at the room’s reflection. It looks like we’re in someone’s bedroom. She touches my shoulder-length tresses again, smoothing wayward strands down with the palm of her hand. “The bells are ringing,” she says, looking toward the open door. “It’s time. Close your eyes.” I can feel her place something on my head and then she gives me something to hold.

Netta takes me by both hands and directs me to rise from my seat at the vanity. She leads me out of the room and I find myself apprehensive about being led with my eyes closed. The ringing bells get louder the more steps we take. I don’t know where we’re going but now I can feel myself walking slowly down a spiral staircase to avoid tripping over my long dress with my bare feet. Curious about where it leads, I continue moving downward even though I can’t see the next step. I trust that it’s there and just keep walking.

“At last, my love has come along,” Etta James sings as I continue walking. The music is coming from the speakers located at the bottom of the staircase. When I get to the bottom I open my eyes and see various people standing around what looks to be a living room, watching me walk toward the center of the cramped space. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and notice I’m dressed in all white, veil and all. I’m the bride and these people are here to see me get married, but to who?

“They were high school sweethearts, you know,” I hear someone whisper to another faceless observer.

“Actually, junior high. You know he was her first love, kiss, and everything else,” they whisper, snickering as I continue my procession. Rah and I are getting married? Why is there a screaming newborn in the living room? What the hell is really going on here?

“That baby knows there’s trouble coming their way and no ring is going to be able to fix that,” I hear one of them say. We have a child together and before we get married? That’s definitely not the way I envisioned my life turning out.

“Oh, doesn’t she look beautiful? And how romantic, having the wedding on Valentine’s Day. You can’t even tell Jayd just had a baby less then two months ago. Little baby Destiny is so beautiful.” I look down at my body and notice the little pooch in my belly like the one Mickey will have soon after her baby’s born. I named my baby Destiny? That’s not a bad name, but I just knew if Rah and I had a baby we would give her an African name. Why do I feel so different? I need to wake up from this dream now because I have a bad feeling about this one.

“Yeah, being born on Christmas sucks. Holiday babies never get their fair share of gifts.”

“Neither does a project twin. Can you believe Raheem had another baby with that girl, and that Jayd’s forgiving him, again? You’d think he’d have learned his lesson the first time around.”

“I thought she’d learned her lesson. She was on her way to being such a powerful young priestess. But she got drawn into the spell, and you know she could only go down from there.”

“Yeah, when these little girls think they’re in love you can’t tell them shit. And what could she do? By the time she found out that hussie was pregnant again, Jayd and Raheem had already announced their engagement and everyone knew the girl was expecting.” I look at the elders present in the room and they’re all looking at the floor, ashamed of me, I assume. But I don’t seem to care about what anyone’s saying or feeling. I’m on a mission and I’m determined to make it to my destination.

I look around and see Raheem waiting for me near the back door. He looks nice in a white linen suit. Mama, Daddy, and my mom and dad are standing on one side of him, while his mother is on the other side. The conscious part of me wants to stop walking, but I can’t keep my feet from moving forward. Before I reach my husband-to-be, Sandy bursts through the room with another newborn in her arms. I guess this is the project twin for our newborn that the bystanders were referring to. This is definitely one of my worst nightmares come true.

“You are not seriously marrying this trick after all we’ve been through.” Sandy stands in my spot like she’s the one about to say “I do.”

“Trick? I got your trick,” I say, hurling the small bouquet in my hands at her before I can stop myself. She dodges the flying roses and charges ahead, baby in her arms and all.

“Ladies, please,” Daddy says. Mama, who’s said nothing in this dream, looks at me and smiles. Her green eyes glisten in the afternoon sun’s reflection shining through the window behind her.

“You can’t stop what we’ve got, Jayd,” Sandy says as Rah and my grandfather escort her from the room. “We are destined to be together. That’s why we named our baby Fate.”

“You named that baby. I didn’t have anything to do with it,” Rah says, manhandling the other mother of his other children. What the hell’s gotten into him? No matter how upset he’s ever been with Sandy, Rah’s never put his hands on her.

“Oh, you had something to do with it, for sure,” she says seductively, embarrassing me and my family, not to mention herself. Why would Rah deal with this heffa again after he knows what kind of trouble she brings? But the better question is, why am I still dealing with this foolishness?

“Because you didn’t listen, just like your mother,” Mama says from her mind to mine. My mom looks at me with glowing eyes, like she’s in on the conversation, too. “You lost all of your powers dealing with Rah and his drama, and now you can’t help anyone, not even yourself or your baby.”

Just then, Misty rears her big head in the crowd, smiling deviously at what I’m sure is partially her work. She’s getting too powerful for my own good.

“You can’t get away from me,” I hear a shrill voice say. Immediately my head begins to pound hard, just like when Esmeralda, our evil neighbor and Misty’s spiritual godmother, locked on to me with her evil blue eyes. I look out the window, past Mama’s head, and notice a woman in all black with a veil on. It is Esmeralda. She lifts her veil and looks dead at me. My headache immediately worsens and I can’t take it anymore.

“I have to get out of here,” I scream.