Holding On (28 page)

I dropped my phone on the seat as my jaw dropped open. He sent
me
a
picture.
Not
just
any
picture
either.
It
was
a
picture
of
Ethan
kissing me.
No
note
attached,
just
the
picture.
I
wondered
who
else
he
sent
it
to. Did he send it to Natalie?
Was
this going to be how she would find
out?
Crap! Crap! Crap!
I should have just talked to
her.

I
got
out
of
my
car
and
walked
inside
to
find
Ethan
at
a
table
by
the
window,
staring at me. He already had our drinks and stood to pull
out my chair as I approached the table. He was always a gentleman when
it came to the little things like that. I knew that he could see
something
was wrong. The concern in his eyes was evident, but he didn’t ask.
He
knew that I would tell him if I wanted to. I didn’t, but I needed
to.

“So
that
little
display
of
affection
we
shared
in
the
hallway
has gone public…” I trailed off, not knowing how else to put it. He
looked confused, but I couldn’t say any more than
that.

“Do I need to talk to
Natalie?”

“I
don’t
know
if
she
knows
yet,
but
I
was
sent
a
picture
of
us
kissing, and I’m gonna guess that she will see it sooner rather than
later.
It
was
inevitable,
I
guess.”
I
sighed
because
there
really
was
nothing
else
to
say.
She would have found out eventually.
We
were already starting
to have a hard time staying away from each other as it
was.

“Oh. I don’t really know what to
say.
I don’t really care what
she
thinks,
but
I
know
you
do.
I
want
to
be
with
you,
and
if
she
has
a
problem with that, I really don’t care.” He laid it out there like it was normal
for this to be happening. He stated it like
it’s
normal to have to hide
your feelings
for
your
friend’s
ex-boyfriend
because
it
happens
every
day.
This was not normal in my world. What do I even say to
that?

“Oh.
Look,
I
should
really
get
to
the
airport.”
I
stood,
but
he grabbed my hand and tugged me back into my
chair.
I let him
because I didn’t want to lose his touch. I loved how our hands felt wrapped
in each
other’s.
I
loved
the
way
a
simple
thing
like
holding
hands
warmed
me on the
inside.

“Before
you
go,
I
have
to
ask
you
something.”
He
paused,
and I
know
that
whatever
he
wants
to
ask
was
hard
for
him.
He
cleared his throat and opened his mouth to continue before shutting it again.
I realized that he was looking over my shoulder and not at me
anymore. When I glanced back, I saw Natalie staring at us, mouth agape. I
pulled my
hand
from
his
and
stand,
but
she
was
already
out
the
door
and
gone.

I plopped back in my seat and put my head in my hands.
This
day could not get any worse.
That’s
what I was thinking until he spoke,
and although I heard the words, I asked him to repeat
himself.

“Do
you
love
Brad?
Is
that
why
he’s
coming
out
here?
I
need
to know
because
I
need
to
know
where
I
stand.
I
want
to
believe
he’s
just
a friend,
but
the
way
you
talk
about
him
speaks
volumes
about
how
much you care about him. Is he really just your
friend?”

I was taken back, and I didn’t know how to answer him. I
couldn’t answer
these
questions
when
I
was
asking
myself,
let
alone
answer
them for him. This was why I was scared that Brad was coming. I thought
I was going to have this conversation with him, not with Ethan.

“I
don’t
know.
We
are
best
friends,
and
I
do
love
him,
but
I
don’t know
what
kind
of
love
that
is.
It’s
all
a
little
confusing
for
me,
for
him. I
just
don’t
know.”
I
paused
as
I
stood
up.
“I
do
know
that
no
matter
how I
feel
about
him,
it
doesn’t
change
how
I
feel
about
you.”
I
walked
away.
It was the only thing I could do at that moment. I couldn’t explain
my feelings for him. I didn’t understand my feelings for
him.

I made my way to the baggage claim with my homemade sign in
hand. Instead
of
putting
his
name
on
it,
I
wrote
“Michigan,”
knowing
he would be looking for me and not a sign
anyway.
I was looking
through the crowd for him—his plane had landed about twenty minutes 
ago— when I felt a large pair of hands grab me by my hips and swing me
in the
air.
He had gotten the jump on me. Damn
him!

I swung around into his arms and held on tight, wrapping my
legs around
his
waist.
I
knew
he
wouldn’t
drop
me,
but
it
felt
so
good
to
hold him that I didn’t want to let go, not anytime soon
anyway.
He
smelled
just like I remembered, he felt just like the last time I had hugged
him, and there were tears just like last time as well. The only difference
was
that this time they were tears of
joy.

I pulled back to get a good look at him, and I saw for the first
time in
what
felt
like
forever
a
real
look
of
joy
on
his
face.
I
smiled
up
at
him, happy
to
be
able
to
see
those
luscious
brown
eyes
of
his,
the
gold
around his irises sparkling with
joy.
He wiped away the few tears that had
crept from my eyes with the back of his hand. Then he leaned down, and
his mouth was on mine.
Crap!

I pulled
away
breathless.
Brad
was
grinning
at
me
from
ear
to
ear,
and
I couldn’t
help
but
smile.
I
knew
that
the
kiss
meant
more
to
him
that
it meant to me, and I think he knew it too.   I missed him.  I missed
his smile, and the way just looking into his eyes allowed my entire body
to relax. I missed my best friend. It was then that the internal struggle
that

I had been having with myself
died.

He
grabbed
the
bag
he
had
dropped
on
the
ground
next
to
us with
one
hand,
pulled
it
up
on
his
shoulder,
and
swung
his
other
arm around me as we walked out of the airport like nothing had
happened. It was amazing that after not seeing him for over three months, this
felt completely normal to
me.

We
talked like nothing had changed. As we headed to my house, I
tried
to
give
him
little
bits
and
pieces
of
knowledge
I
had
picked
up about
the
city
over
the
past
few
months.
I
showed
him
some
of
my favorite spots, and then we took a detour so that I could drive past
the high
school.
He
was
shocked
at
how
massive
it
was,
just
like
I
had
been the first time I had seen
it.

As
we
pulled
into
the
driveway,
I
saw
my
mom
rush
out
of
the house
to
greet
us.
She
gave
Brad
a
big
hug
and
a
kiss
on
the
cheek.
I knew
she
would
be
glad
to
see
him;
convincing
her
to
let
him
come
and stay with us had been easier than I had originally thought that it
would
be.
She
had
always
had
a
soft
spot
for
him.
I
always
thought
that
she was secretly rooting for us to get together, but she never said
anything. I gave him the royal tour of the house and showed him his room.

He
threw
his
bag
down
on
the
bed
and
swept
me
up
in
another
hug.
I held
on
for
as
long
as
I
could
before
he
pulled
back
and
flopped
down
on his back on the bed, resting his head in his hands, causing his
chiseled abdomen to become exposed.
Yum!
Crap!

“I can’t believe I’m here right
now,
able to wrap my arms
around you
again.”

“I
know.
It all seems a little surreal. I’m so glad you could come.
I thought
your
parents
would
be
more
hesitant
to
let
you
fly
so
far
alone.”

“They were, but I told them that I would find a way without their help
if
that
was
what
it
took.
Plus,
I
threatened
to
go
to
Panama
City with
Emma
and
Ella
for
spring
break
if
they
wouldn’t
let
me
come
here. I
guess
they
figured
I
would
get
in
less
trouble
with
you.”
He
was
giving me
a
cocky
smirk
as
he
said
that
last
part.
He
was
far
from
being
a troublemaker, and his parents knew
that.

“So
we
have
about
two
hours
before
we
need
to
head
over
to
my friend
Natalie’s
for your
‘Welcome
to Tucson’ party she is
throwing you.”
Was
she
still
having
the
party
,
I
thought
to
myself.
I
should
probably send her a text. What about
Ethan?

Crap!
I
needed
to
text
him
too.
“What
do
you
want
to
do
in
the meantime?”

The
look
on
his
face
said
that
he
had
a
few
ideas
that
I
wanted
to
stay
away
from.
I
looked
away
and
started
to
fidget
with
my
nails, knowing
this
was
a
clear
sign
to
him
that
I
was
ignoring
what
I
just
saw.
He
stood
back
up,
started
to
walk
toward
me,
but
stopped
short
and started to look around the
room.

“Why
don’t
we
grab
some
dinner
at
that
little
Italian
place
we
passed
on
the
way
here,
and
then
we
can
head
to
her
house
from
there?” I
suggested
breaking
the
silence.
I
knew
that
Brad
was
a
sucker
for
Italian food
and
thought
that
maybe
we
could
get
past
the
tension
in
the
room
if we were able to get out in public for a
while.

“Sure, sounds good.” The tone of his voice said that he really
liked my
idea
but,
looking
up
at
him,
told
me
that
we
would
not
be
getting past the tension any time
soon.

“I’m gonna change and then we can go.” I backed out of the
guest room
and
ran
down
the
hall.
I
immediately
sent
Natalie
a
text
and patiently waited for her
reply.