Holding His Forever (3 page)

I
hold
her hand all the way to the hospital as the EMT checks her over. I watch each breath she takes, unable to look away from her. She hasn’t woken up by the time we get to the hospital, but they assure me she’s okay. I still can’t seem to not worry about her.

“Pulse is strong. Looks like she’s going to be fine. Probably just some minor smoke inhalation,” the EMT says, but I don't even glance over at him. I’m physically unable to do so.

When the back doors open, they wheel her off, and I stay with her. I go all the way back until the nurses take over and pull her into an emergency area. One of the nurses looks at me and sees I’m a firefighter.

“Family?” she asks, raising an eyebrow in question.

I want to lie and say yes, but then she’ll probably start asking me questions, and I have no idea what to say. I don’t even know her name. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t have any sort of explanation for it. I just walked off location. The fire was done and taken care off, but it still wasn't protocol.

I let out a breath looking down at her and then back to the nurse. “No. But I have to stay with her.”

She must see in the plea in my eyes, and she nods.

“You can stay, but you’ll have to go to the other side of the curtain for a bit. There’s a seat in the hall. I’ll keep you updated.”

Giving my angel one last look, I let go of her hand and walk out into the hallway. Something in my chest aches, and I don’t want to leave her side. I can’t reasonably stay there while they are checking her over, but the irrational part of my brain doesn’t care.

There was a moment during the fire, as the adrenaline and chaos kicked in, that I crossed over from doing my job to doing something selfish. I saw the desperate, scared look in her eyes, and I don’t know how or why, but we connected. I should have been focused on helping her instead of wanting to take her, but I wasn’t able to think straight. I was struck by her beauty, yes, but something stronger was pulling me in her direction.

I sit there nervously, bouncing my knee, waiting on something to change. I can’t sit here not knowing what’s happening any longer, and I start to get up. Just as I put my palms on the armrests to push myself up, the nurse comes out and gives me a smile.

“She’s asking for you.”

I jolt up and take three long steps into her room. There’s another nurse writing some things down on a chart and asking her questions, but when she sees me, her blue eyes light up.

“I thought I dreamed you up,” she says, a slight blush hitting her cheeks. “I just asked the nurse if a firefighter came in with me, and she said you were in the hall. Thanks for staying. You can leave now if you need to. I’m sorry I asked you to stay with me. I think I was just panicking.”

She looks away, and I step closer, taking her hand. I look down and don’t see a ring on her finger, so I’m assuming she’s single.

“I wanted to stay and make sure you were okay.” I hesitate, hating to ask. “Is there someone I can call for you? A husband? Boyfriend?”

I see the nurse give me a sly smile, like she knows my game. “We’ve already asked Ms. Clover about next of kin,” the nurse says, still scribbling on her chart.

“Fia. Fia Clover,” she says. “And no, I don’t have anyone else to contact.”

My heart both aches and jumps for joy. I don’t like that she has no one else she can call in an emergency, but I’m all too happy she’s single.

“I’m…” I hesitate for half a second. I was about to tell her my last name, then change my mind. “Derek.”

She gives me a shy smile and squeezes my hand. The warm feeling of her soft palm in mine is much better than anything I could have expected. It’s borderline erotic, and I’m just holding her hand. God, what would it feel like to rub my hand around her waist to the small of her back?

“Sir?”

I look up to see the nurse looking at me expectantly, like she’s asked me a question several times.

“Excuse me?” I clear my throat and blink a few times, hoping she’ll say it again.

“I said, do you mind moving over a bit? I need to see the machine behind you.”

Stepping to the side, I have to let go of Fia’s hand, and I immediately miss the connection. I’m a little embarrassed she had to ask me to move, but Fia is biting her lip, trying to hide a smile. I must have just completely zoned out.

“Okay, Ms. Clover, I don’t see any reason not to release you back into the wild.” The nurse smiles softly at her. “Do you have somewhere you can stay tonight? From what the EMTs said, your building will be closed off for at least a night while they investigate the cause of the fire.”

I’d heard some chatter on the radio but hadn’t bothered to click over and listen. I should have, because this was her home. I look down at Fia and see the indecision on her face.

“I’m sure I can come up with something,” she answers quietly.

The nurse indicates to the chart and starts to head towards the door. “I’m going to process this, and then you’ll be on your way.”

She doesn’t notice the pale look on Fia’s face, or the fear in her eyes. I catch it, and I can tell something is wrong. My heart aches that she’s worried, and I step closer, taking her hand again to try to comfort her.

As if she remembers I’m in the room, she startles at my touch and looks up at me. She smiles quickly and then looks away.

“Thank you for your help. If you don’t mind, I’m going to get out of here now.”

She tries to pull her hand back, but I just hold it tighter, not letting her go.

“Hey, do you have some place to stay?” I ask softly.

She nods, but doesn’t meet my gaze, and I’m almost sure I can see what looks like tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Her nose turns red like she’s fighting them, and I can’t just stand by anymore.

I sit on the edge of the bed and gently touch her chin, making her look up at me. It’s then a tear falls, and I see the grief in her eyes.

“Everything is gone, isn’t it?”

I’ve seen this countless times with victims of a fire. They’ve lost all their possessions, and the thought hits them all at once that they have nothing.

“Everything in the apartment, maybe. But you’re here, and you’re safe, Fia. That’s the most important thing.”

She closes her eyes at my words and takes a deep breath. “I just don’t know if that’s true anymore.” Her shoulders sag with the weight of her words, and it’s as if she’s been carrying something around for so long that she’s just exhausted.

“Hey, hey. Don’t talk like that.” I rub my thumb on her wrist and then with my other hand wipe away the tears that have fallen.

“I’ve got to go. It’s late.” She starts to pull away from me, but again, I don’t let her go.

“Where are you going? I can take you somewhere.”

She looks up at me, and I can see her indecision about telling me. She lets out another breath like she’s giving up, and waves her hand dismissively.

“There’s a shelter I volunteer at. I’m sure I can grab a bed for the night until I get this sorted out.”

I don’t know her enough to make her do something, but I can offer a better solution.

“I’ve got a friend who’s got a place that’s free if you want it. He’s at the firehouse a lot and it just sits empty. If you want, I can give you the key and you can crash there for a few nights. Just until this gets sorted out.”

She looks hopeful, but then she just shakes her head no. “Thanks, but I’ll manage.” She looks away, not meeting my eyes.

“Seriously. We all stay at the station most nights, and he’s on for the next week. So it’s completely free to use. I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t okay.”

She bites her lips as if thinking on it. If she doesn't have any family or friends, and all she had in the world was in that crappy apartment, then I’d venture a guess and say she doesn’t like taking handouts. She must want to work for what she’s got, or at least feel like she’s not trying to catch a free ride.

“Look, if you’d feel better about it, you can make him some cookies or something as a thank you. Unless you can’t cook, then maybe you could just clean the place as payment.”

Fia smiles at my words, and a spark of hope hits her eyes. She nods and then clears her throat.

“Yeah, that would be really great actually. It’s late, so the shelter is probably full for the night. I’m sure I can make arrangements in the next day or two.”

“Like I said, it stays empty for weeks at a time. Don’t worry about it. We’ll go by the fire station to get the key, and then to the apartment. I’ll take care of everything.”

It’s like another weight of bricks has been removed from her shoulders as she sighs with relief. I don’t know how long it’s been since someone has taken care of her, but I’m glad I’m the one doing it now.

I think she might be doing the same to me, too. For some reason, being near her pushes away my dark thoughts and keeps all the sadness that’s been consuming me at bay. Being in her presence has taken away all the cold inside and brought light and warmth to me. I don’t know what she’s doing, or how she’s doing it, but I don’t want it to stop. Maybe she really is an angel.

Just then, the nurse walks in and gives her the discharge papers. She explains in detail the signs to look for and the dangers of smoke inhalation. Once she’s released, I hold her hand and walk her out of the hospital.

She tries to pull her hand away once we’re outside, but I just hold it tighter. “No use in trying to get away now,” I say, giving her a wink.

Her cheeks flush red, but she just stands by my side, not fighting me.

“I don’t even know you,” she whispers as we stand at the curb. I throw my free hand out for a cab. We took the ambulance here, so this is the only way to get back to the station to get the keys.

A cab pulls up, and I open the back door for Fia, but she stands there a second before we get in.

“Do you trust me?” I ask, looking into her beautiful blue eyes.

For a second I panic, thinking about what she might say, but she gives me a small smile and puts her hand on my chest.

“I don’t know why, but yes, Derek, I trust you.”

I pull her hand off my chest and kiss her palm, feeling the warmth of her skin spread to my lips and through my body. Her touch does wild things to me. Smiling, I help her into the cab and give the driver the station address.

Then I stare at her, with the goofiest grin on my face, the whole way there.

“
T
his place is really nice
,” I say, looking over and up at Derek. He looks like a warrior towering over me, the top of my head barely meeting his shoulder. His dark hair is cut short. His facial features are all hard lines, but when a small smile pulls at his lips, his face completely changes, making his dark brown eyes seem soft. The ring of green on the outside of his irises seem to come to life. It makes me want to do something to make him smile again.

When I’d come stumbling out of my apartment, he was just standing there, looking like my savior. I thought for a moment he wasn’t real. Everything seemed to happen in a fog.

The only reason I’d woken up was because the sounds of the sirens had jolted me awake. Then I’d smelt the smoke, and everything became a fog. Literally and figuratively. There was only him, and everything went black until he was there again. Every time I opened my eyes, he was there, and I’d felt like everything was going to be okay in that moment. That I didn’t have to worry. As long as I kept hold of him, I’d be fine.

He’d kept me safe. A feeling I hadn’t had in a long time, one that left when my mother left this world. But the reality of it is, he isn’t mine, and I’m not sure I want to wake up from that fog and face the world again. Or take stock of what pieces of the world I used to have are now left.

“Ah, yeah, I guess.” He turns from looking at me to look around the apartment like he’s never seen it before. I’m not sure it’s even an apartment. It’s more of a townhome. It’s better than any place I’ve ever stayed before.

It’s modern but clean. It has an open living area with a giant TV mounted on the wall, and a dining room and kitchen flow into each other. Everything matches and has a place. You could easily fit my little place into this four times over.

The furnishings are all in deep wood colors, making it look masculine. It almost looks unlived in, as if it’s one of those houses to show people the home’s potential.

I don’t want to touch anything in case I mess it up. It makes me feel a little out of place, like I shouldn’t be in here. “Are you sure this is okay? I can really just”

“No, it’s fine,” he says, cutting me off and pulling me further into the home. “Kitchen, dining room, and living room.” He points to each area, then starts to pull me down the hall.

“An office here and spare bathroom here.” He points to two closed doors, but keeps pulling me down the hall. “This room is just empty.” He points to another closed door, not bothering to open it. We get to the last door in the hallway. He pushes to the door open, pulling me in with him.

I don’t know why I’m not scared. I should be freaking out, letting a man I don’t know drag me around an unfamiliar home. We are completely alone, but all I feel is safe.

“The bedroom,” he says, releasing my hand and walking over to the bed.

The bedroom looks just like the rest of the house. Pretty but simple.

I look down at myself, thinking about crawling into the perfectly made bed. The hospital gave me some tie pants and a baggy shirt that reads Mercy West Hospital across the chest, but it was a pointless endeavor because I’ve made them smell like smoke.

The reminder makes me want to cry. I have no freaking clothes, and the ones I do have, smell. I push down the lump rising in my throat. I’ll make the bed smell just as bad if I crawl into it, and right now that’s all I want to do.

Sleep, if only for a few hours, before I need to get to my first job of the day.

When I look back up, Derek is standing right in front of me.

“You want a shower, angel?” His words are soft and sweet, such a contrast to his giant size.

“I smell like smoke. I don’t want to get it on the bed.” I think about the leather sofa in the living room. Maybe I could shower and sleep on that. It feels wrong to sleep in someone else’s bed. Intimate.

“Alright. Take a shower.” He nods to a door, which I’m guessing leads to the bathroom. “And I’ll find you something to wear. I’ll put it on the bed. Towels should be in there.”

“Thank you for everything. I promise I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”

“No rush.” His hand comes up and cups my cheek for just a second as he brushes a thumb across it. He leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

I turn, going into the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror. The sight makes me cringe. I normally don’t care what I look like, but I look a freaking hot mess. My eyes are red underneath, and smudges of smoke mar my face and arms. My blonde hair almost looks a shade darker than its usual color.

I turn away and flip on the shower, dropping my clothes to the floor, wanting them and the smoke removed from my body as fast as possible. I don’t know how many times I wash my hair, trying to make sure the smell is gone, but when exhaustion finally catches up to me, I give in. I turn off the water and pull myself from the bathroom.

I see the clothes sitting on the side of the bed, and the bedroom door is closed once again. I let myself fall into bed. I just want to rest my eyes for a second before I get dressed and pull myself to the living room.

But before I know it, sleep takes me.