Hold On - Part Three (The Hold On Series Book 3) (3 page)

Lauren slips on track pants and a t-shirt and we head downstairs to her car. I take my pack of clothes with me, just in case I need them.

She drives to her office and parks at the front door. We get out and she uses her swipe card to enter the building. “You’re lucky I still have a week to go here, otherwise I’d be arrested for breaking and entering.”

“Tell them you’re working on a big story.”

“I am working on a story. If this proves to be hot, then it’s mine.”

I stop and look at her. “You want to write a story about Ethan and me?”

“No, Sarah, I want to write a story about the truth. Whatever that may be.”

Lauren opens her boss’s office door, flicks on the light, and walks over to his desk. I follow her inside. It’s a messy office with newspaper articles and reference books with folded corners of pages strewn haphazardly around the room.

It’s quiet until Lauren switches on his computer and a low hum begins as it starts up. There are not chairs near the desk so I walk over and sit on the only clear spot on the top of the wood. It’s smooth and I glide my hand over it gently.

One day I’d like to have a strong and solid desk like this. I could work from home and have my own small business. I could do something simple like writing. I’d enjoy that.

Lauren watches me glide my hand over the wood and then grins. The sudden realization of why she’s smiling jolts me to jump off the desk like it’s burned me. “Eww, you’ve had sex on this desk haven’t you?”

She looks at me like it’s the most obvious statement in the world. “On it. Under it. Beside it.”

I cringe. She moves the mouse over the screen and opens up a password protected program. She enters her boss’s name and his password. “You know his password?”

She shrugs. “Sure. It’s my job to find out things.”

I stand next to her, being careful not to touch the desk again as I eye it suspiciously trying to determine where she might of sat while they had sex.

“I’m in.” She scrolls down and enters Lili’s full name. Liliana Magaro. Immediately a mug shot photograph of her appears, along with a scrollable list of offences. Lauren looks through the list and chews the side of her cheek in concentration. “She’s not a nice girl, but we already knew that.”

“I want something I can use. Is there anything in there that happened five months ago?”

Lauren shakes her head. “Sorry Sarah. She’s a piece of work, that’s for sure, but there’s nothing major here.”

I’m disappointed. I really expected to find out something about Lili that I could use to my advantage.

Lauren looks thoughtful for a moment and then types in Ethan’s name before I can stop her.

I swallow when I see his photograph come up. It doesn’t look like him. The face staring back at me has angry eyes. It isn’t the Ethan Collier I know now. “Go on; tell me I’m wrong about him. Tell me what a liar and cheat he is.” I fold my arms across my chest defensively.

Lauren turns her head. “Sarah, I love you. I’m just showing you the facts, that’s all.”

I point to the screen. “But he hasn’t been in trouble for five years. Exactly what he told me.”

She closes down the screen and shuts down the computer. “I just want you to know the stakes. If you stay with him and it goes wrong, it isn’t as easy as getting over a broken heart. Compared to Danny, Ethan has the potential to destroy you.”

I shake away her comment. “Ethan is nothing like Danny. Ethan has the potential to save me forever and give me the greatest joy I’ve ever known.” The words sound hollow as they leave my lips and I start to wonder if I really mean them. I don’t want to believe that I am being naive and that Ethan really has used me, but I doubt my resolve.

A moment ago, I was so sure that Ethan only hurt me to protect me, but seeing his face in the police database has planted a seed of suspicion. His world isn’t mine. In mine, I take people at face value. In his, he is used to lying and cheating to get his way.

No. I shake my head. I can’t think that way. I can’t give up on the smallest hope that there is a future between Ethan and me.

Lauren stands up. We haven’t found out anything and we both know it. “Come on,” she says. “Things will look different in the morning.”

I follow her out of her boss’s office and away from the newspaper building, back to her car. As I open the car door, I lean on it before getting in. I need to steady myself and think for a moment.

“Can you take me somewhere else?” I say, as I sit in the passenger seat.

Lauren starts the engine and looks over to me. “What are you talking about?”

“I need to work out what I should do next and I have to be alone to do that. I know somewhere private where I can gather my thoughts. No one will bother me there.”

The engine purrs underneath my seat. “What’s wrong with my place?” asks Lauren

I raise an eyebrow. “You’ll try and convince me that Ethan is the bad guy if I stay with you tonight.”

“Maybe he is.”

“You’re right, maybe he is, but I need to work that out myself, and I need to be alone to do it, with no-one else whispering in my ear.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know.” I say. “I know you care about me, but I have to do this for my own sanity.”

Lauren looks at me, studying my face. “Are you sure about this.”

“Yes. One hundred percent positive sure.”

She exhales an audible breath. “God you’re stubborn. Where am I taking you?”

I point ahead. “Take a left up that road.”

~

Lauren pulls up outside Ethan’s beach shack. It’s dark and at night looks even more unappealing than it does during the day.

“You can’t be serious,” says Lauren. “There is no way I’m leaving you here to get murdered in the night. This is exactly the type of place that gives horror film directors wet dreams.”

I take a deep breath. “I’m not going to get murdered. The doors lock.”

“Hell no, Sarah. I’m calling Tessa. You really have flipped.”

“I need this,” I say softly. “I need to spend one last night here so I can be sure that it is really over. This is the place where I started to fall in love with him. If that’s all a lie, then I need to be here to realize that.”

Lauren hesitates. I can almost hear her brain working overtime to try and find the right words to say to me so I’ll change my mind. I won’t change my mind though. “I’ll stay with you,” she says.

I turn to her and place my hand over hers. “No. I need one night, that’s it. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know how I’m feeling.” I reach over and give her a hug then bend down and grab my bag.

“You call me anytime tonight,” she says warily as she looks back over at the shack. “Doesn’t matter what time. I want to know every single thing that happens.”

“Nothing is going to happen.”

“Promise me.”

I open the car door and step out onto the ground. I lean down to say goodbye to her. “I promise I’ll call if something happens. Stop worrying about me.”

“I’m your best friend,” she says. “It’s my job to worry about you.”

I close the door and wait for her to back up the dirt road before I step onto the rickety porch. I find the key and open the door. There are no lights, but I know my way around.

If I’m lucky and Ethan comes here tonight to tell me that he’s sorry he said those horrible words then I’ll know I’m not going crazy. If he doesn’t then I’ll know that too. If it really is over then I can handle it. I won’t crumble like everyone says I will.

I sigh.

Who am I kidding? I’m already destroyed. Why else am I trying to justify his behavior?

The sheets on the sofa bed are stiff and scratchy. I’m still in my clothes as I crawl between them and curl up into a ball. The moonlight is bright enough in the room that I can see everything. It looks like a soft dim glow of a lamp has been turned on.

I temper my breathing so that I can calm down. I have nothing to do here except sleep or think. Sleeping is preferable because my mind is running down the different passages of outcomes and it’s not being kind.

I’d rather fall into a dreamless sleep so that I can call Lauren in the morning to pick me up. I’ll be able to face reality better then.

Part of me is still holding on to the belief that Ethan is coming for me and that he didn’t mean any of the cruel words he said. Why else would he suggest I come here? Maybe it was all part of his game to seduce my mind and body to become his, before he viciously cast me aside. I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Tonight he is going to steal the money. The money Lili has manipulated him into taking. It’s the only thing I know to be true, although perhaps even that is a lie. If things are really over with Ethan, if he never cared about me at all, I don’t want him to get hurt. I want him to be safe. I saw what that man did to Lili and what he did to Winona. I shudder as I think about what he could do to Ethan.

Sleep isn’t coming easy. Tessa and Lauren’s words about how Ethan used me, spin in my head. I dissect every conversation, every nuance, and I still can’t understand.

They only know the worst of Ethan, his past. What’s on paper isn’t the only part of him that I know though. The private conversations, the touches, the connection we have. Am I kidding myself? I can’t be. I can’t be wrong about that. The Ethan I know when we are alone is nothing like the Ethan I saw tonight. That’s why I fell in love.

I know they both want to slap me. They want to slap sense into me and tell me to stop being so stupid. If I was anyone other than myself, I’d tell me to give up on Ethan too, but it’s different when you are involved and your heart has locked itself onto someone else. Love makes you crazy; it makes you act in ways you wouldn’t normally act. I get all of that. It’s the reason why I’m lying here in his bed late at night in the middle of nowhere, unable to fall asleep.

It’s easy to make sane decisions when your heart isn’t pounding with the thought of having just one last touch, or when you strain to hear just one nice word from his lips.

I know. I really have lost my mind.

~

Sleep still hasn’t found me after two hours. The shadows that the moon is making on the ceiling are mocking me, making patterns of broken hearts everywhere I look. I can’t stand it.

I sit up and reach for my phone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. My finger hovers over Lauren’s phone number when I hear a motorcycle pull up outside.

Ethan.

My heart bursts to life as I jump out of bed and rush over to the front door. I can feel the heady rush as I fling the door open.

It’s Ethan’s motorcycle alright, but the rider isn’t Ethan.

I’m disoriented for a moment and take a step back. “Who are you?”

The rider pulls off the helmet and I immediately recognize the face as the strange looking man that Ethan was talking to earlier. Oh shit. I’m in trouble, I know I am.

I slam the door and rush back into the room frantically looking around for something to defend myself with.

“Sarah?” The man knocks on the front door.

He knows my name. Ethan must have told him, but I don’t know why. I don’t answer.

I grab for my phone and start to dial Lauren’s number.

“Sarah, Ethan sent me to look after you.”

“Go away,” I say. “I’m calling the police.”

I hear him laugh. “Sarah, I am the police.”

My heart is pounding as I lean back against the front door.

“You’re the police?” It doesn’t make sense.

“Yes. My name is Alex Full. I’m a detective working on the Liliana Magaro case.” He’s made no attempt to break down the door and attack me. I consider the possibility that he’s telling the truth.

“Do you have identification?”

“Yes, ma’am. If you open the door I can show it to you.”

It could be a trick. “Where’s Ethan?”

“He’ll be right along. He’s making sure that Ms. Magaro doesn’t follow him.”

I turn around and place my hand on the door. It doesn’t have a chain lock, so as soon as I unlock it the person on the other side could push it open and overpower me. I walk over to the window. “Show me your ID through here.”

He walks over and lifts up his badge and ID to the pane of glass.
Detective Alexander Full
. It’s real, which means he is telling the truth and he really is a cop.

I tentatively open the door and let him in, making sure that I keep a good distance between myself and him. I’m still wary.

“You don’t look like a police officer,” I challenge.

He places his badge into his back pocket and smiles at me. “Yes ma’am. I’ve heard that a lot. It helps that I don’t when I’m undercover.” He looks around the room. “No lights?”

I shake my head. “Just whatever light the moon provides through the windows.” I’ve always considered it romantic although there is nothing romantic about this situation right now.

“Well lucky it’s a full moon, otherwise we’d be in complete darkness.”

It’s an odd conversation. I don’t know what to make of it. I watch as he walks around the room. It doesn’t take him long because it’s so small. “You said you were working on Lili’s case. What does that mean?”

He sits down on the small couch. I remain standing near the front door, still wary. “She’s a slippery critter, that’s for sure. I’ve been on her tail for about five months now.”

“Five months?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Five months? That’s a long time to be following someone and not find any evidence. “What did she do?”

“I can’t tell you that, I’m afraid.”

I frown as I try and work out what I should do next. “You said Ethan was coming along soon?”

“He won’t be long. Once he gets here I’ll be leaving again. Just had to come up ahead to make sure you were okay.” He looks me up and down. “You’re okay.”

I raise a brow and cock my head to the side. “I’m not sure
okay
is the right word to describe me right now.” That’s the understatement of the year. “It’s been a very confusing evening.”

He smiles. “Well, my whole life is confusing as all heck, if that’s any help. Everything always works out in the end though. You gotta trust in that.”

He stretches out his legs and looks out the window. “He wasn’t sure you’d come here tonight.”

I follow his gaze. “I was always coming here. I needed to believe in him.”

“You’ve got more courage than most women I know. Most of them would have bailed much earlier than this.”

“If that’s true, you need to find better women.”