Hold Me Close (18 page)

“Why do you bother?” Maggie asked. “She’ll never expect them to do anything.”

“Not true,” Ryan said. “We fix things around here. When was the last time either of you mowed the lawn?”

“Uh, never,” Moira answered.

“As soon as you mow the lawn or shovel the snow, we’ll help with dinner.”

“It’s a bunch of B.S.,” Moira mumbled, but she and Maggie both went to the kitchen.

Over dinner, most of the talk revolved around Saint Patrick’s Day and the bar. Ryan had finally agreed to do green beer, but he wasn’t happy about it.

“With Saint Paddy’s landing on a Sunday, we have to be ready for a full weekend of business. People will start drinking Friday night and not stop until Monday morning when they have to go back to work. I’ve got the full staff on hand. How many of you will be there?” Ryan asked.

Moira, Liam, and Michael all chimed in with yeses.

“I can do door duty, if you need me,” Jimmy offered.

He’d never worked at the bar, but Maggie figured that being engaged to Moira made him family now, so he was willing.

“I’ll be there for all the shifts,” Maggie said. “Drunk Irishmen tip well.”

The entire table quieted. Everyone stared at her.

“What?” she asked. She hated being under the microscope, but it was always the worst when it came from her family.

Her mother’s lips thinned and almost disappeared.

“We don’t expect you to work,” Ryan said.

“But I’m going to.” She looked around the room for support. Surely they all didn’t think her incapable of working the holiday. She stared at Moira with wide eyes.

Moira looked away.

Maggie stood. “It has been nearly five years since I was raped.”

Her mother sucked in a sharp breath.

“Yeah, Mom. I can say it. I was raped. It was horrible and I still have bad days, but I’m better. I want to work with the rest of the family on Saint Patrick’s Day.”

Looking at all their faces, she knew she couldn’t back down now. “I can’t believe my own family has so little faith in me. I traveled to Europe by myself. Nothing bad happened. I’m working at the bar, and I’m living in an apartment above it. Across the damn hall from where Todd raped me.”

She knew her mother was in shock when she didn’t scold Maggie for cursing. She grabbed her plate. “What more do I have to do to prove to you that I’m okay?”

In the kitchen, she scraped the rest of her dinner into the trash and put her plate in the sink. She had the sudden urge to pull a beer out of the fridge. It was something her brothers would do in a situation like this. She hadn’t felt the desire to drink any alcohol in years. Not once. But today with her family looking at her like she might break, she wanted to drink.

Man, she was fucked up.

She heard the sharp whispers from the dining room. They were probably arguing about who had to come and talk to her. Talk some sense into her. She’d place her money on Moira. They’d think she could play the sister card with Maggie to get her to acquiesce.

Sure enough, Moira entered the room a moment later. Maggie shook her head.

“They’re all stupid,” Moira said.

Maggie’s eyes shot up to her sister’s face.

“They won’t listen to me anymore than they listen to you. Ignore them. Do what’s right for you.”

Maggie threw her arms around her big sister. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Let’s get out of here.”

“Where?”

“We’re going to my house to talk. Jimmy’s going to hang out here with Liam for a while.”

Maggie smiled. Moira was probably the best sister someone could ask for. “You have any beer at your house?”

Moira’s forehead wrinkled. “Yeah. Why?”

“I think I’m ready for that too.” Where else could she sample and feel safe? She immediately thought of Shane and how safe she’d always felt with him. But Shane wasn’t an option. “I have a sudden thirst for a beer. Part of me wants to pop one open just to scandalize Mom more. And really, if she hadn’t had a heart attack, I would.”

Moira laughed and put an arm around her. “I don’t know why they worry about you. You’re fine.”

Maggie drove to Moira’s new house, which wasn’t far from their childhood home. Both she and Jimmy wanted to stay in the neighborhood because of their respective parents. Maggie had been to Moira’s house only once, last month when she’d helped them move in.

It was a bungalow designed almost like the house they’d grown up in. Moira opened the door, and Maggie was surprised there were no boxes sitting around. “You have everything unpacked?”

After laughing lightly, Moira said, “Jimmy would have a fit if I left stuff in boxes. It wasn’t too hard given that I got rid of a lot of my stuff. We wanted to start building the
us
.” She flicked on lights as she walked through the house.

Moira went to the kitchen and Maggie detoured to check the bedrooms on the first floor. They were using one as the master. The other was Moira’s office without a doubt. Piles of paper and notebooks were all over. This was the chaos she was used to seeing with Moira.

Moira came up behind her. “We keep this door closed so Jimmy doesn’t have a seizure.”

Maggie turned off the light and closed the door. “Good to know that falling in love hasn’t totally changed you.”

“Being in love is supposed to change you some. It’s like becoming a better version of yourself.”

Maggie sighed. Yeah, she wouldn’t mind having that.

“I put coffee on and stole a couple of pastries from Mom’s.”

“You’re good.” Maggie followed her back to the kitchen. She bit into the éclair Moira has swiped for her as Moira set a brownie on a plate. “So what work stuff did you want to talk about?”

“I think I might have a job for you.”

“What?”

“It’s not a done deal, but the paper I used to work for out in the burbs is looking for a photographer. It doesn’t pay great, but it’s a foot in the door.”

“How did you find out about it?” Custard dripped from the pastry and Maggie licked to catch it.

“I had coffee with a reporter I used to work with. She wanted to pick my brain about a new project she’s starting. One thing led to another and we were talking jobs. I have the information so you can apply. Put me down as a reference.” She took a long drink of her coffee. “The startup Tara is doing might pan out for you too.”

“What?”

“She’s starting a new online Chicago magazine. She’s just getting it off the ground, so there’s no money, but if you help her it’ll build your professional portfolio, and when she starts making money you’ll be first in line for a paycheck. And if I know Tara, it won’t take long.”

“Thank you. It means a lot that you’d put yourself out there for me.”

“You’re my sister. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. Thank you.”

“You ready to talk yet?”

“We are talking.”

“Not about what happened at the house. Not about you wanting a beer. And definitely not about the look on your face when you got to Mom’s.”

Maggie polished off her éclair and her coffee. “For that story, I might need the beer.”

Moira went to the fridge, pulled out a bottle, and handed it to her without opening it.

Maggie rolled it between her palms. Would she still like the taste? Did she need the crutch to talk about Shane? Yep. She twisted the cap off but didn’t yet drink.

She wanted to make the attempt without it. “I had sex.”

Moira choked on her coffee. “What? When? With who?”

Before Maggie could answer any of the questions, Moira asked, “Most important, was it good?”

“Oh, God, yeah.” The words slipped from her tongue easily.

“Yay!” Moira clapped her hands rapidly. “Now give me the details.”

Maggie exhaled a heavy breath. “It was Shane. I asked him to have sex with me to see if I could.”

“Wow. He agreed? I never would’ve thought.”

“Why not? He’s my best friend. Wouldn’t you do anything for your best friend?”

“Yeah, but . . .”

“But what?”

“Nothing. So it went well?”

“Not at first. We talked and he was adamant about me being honest, as if I’ve ever been anything other with him. But he was so worried about me, you know? The first time we tried—”

“Wait. There was more than one time?” Moira leaned forward on her kitchen table, eager for information.

“Kind of. We tried and I wanted it, but then when we got to the bedroom and he took off my bra, I froze. So we stopped.”

Moira’s face wrinkled with worry.

“But then I started again, solo, and he finished me. And it was so . . . wow.” Maggie threw her hands up like an explosion. “I’d forgotten how good it could be.”

She stared at the beer in front of her and then took a gulp. The sting of alcohol hit her tongue and slid down her throat. Not bad. “Then he spent the night, and we hung out the next day and then he fucked me.”

Moira’s eyes widened with her word choice. She had to phrase it that way in order to keep her distance. It had to be just sex with Shane. She couldn’t pretend it was anything else.

Then Moira’s face got hard. “What do you mean?”

“He fucked me. Thoroughly. Like I saw freaking stars and my body was wasted.” She took another gulp of beer. “It was amazing.”

She hoped her voice didn’t sound dreamy, but that’s what it had felt like remembering.

“So it was a resounding success.”

Maggie nodded.

“Now what?”

Another drink of beer. “Now I know that if I invest the time to get to know a guy, trust him, let him in, I can have a full relationship.” She finished the last gulp of beer, and the alcohol started to hit her system. “Basically, I’m back on the market for a boyfriend.”

She stood and grabbed another beer from the fridge. She held one out to Moira, who declined.

“What did Shane say?”

“About what?”

“About any of it.”

“He thinks I’m stupid, and I’m going to rush into a relationship with an asshole because I managed to have sex one time and having sex once doesn’t make me normal.” Her thoughts began to blur, and she was pretty sure she was rambling. She twisted the cap off her beer and chugged a bit, as if the liquid would stifle her anger at Shane’s attitude.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Moira asked, pointing at Maggie’s bottle.

“I haven’t had any alcohol in almost five years. I think I should be celebrating.”

“I’ll get you a pillow and blanket for the couch. You’re not driving.”

“Okay.” She smiled at her sister. “You don’t think I’m stupid, do you?”

“For wanting a complete relationship? No. But you aren’t thinking everything through.” She stood to leave.

“Like what?”

“Like Shane, honey. Did you think about him in all of this?”

“What’s there to think about? He’s bossy. And controlling.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “And in some situations, that could be a total turn-on.”

“That.” Moira pointed at her. “That right there. You can’t toy with him. Do you think it was easy for him to sleep with you?”

“What are you trying to say? Am I some kind of hardship? I’m not ugly. I know I can sometimes be difficult, but it’s not like he didn’t get an orgasm out of the deal.” The room started to spin, and she slapped her hand against the table to stop it.

“Oh, honey, we need to talk when you’re sober. You really have no idea. Shane loves you.”

Maggie stood, holding on to the table for balance. “I know. I love him too. I think I’m ready for bed now. I never used to be such a lightweight. Who’da thought five years without beer would make it hit me so hard?” She giggled and then couldn’t stop.

Moira grabbed her arm and led her back to the living room. She pushed Maggie onto the couch. Maggie watched as Moira got a blanket from a hall closet.

“You know anyone who’d wanna date me?”

Moira shook her head. “You don’t want me to play matchmaker.”

“Why not? You know me. You know what I like.”

She put a pillow against the arm of the couch and spread a blanket out. “Not that I agree with everything Shane said, but I don’t think you should rush into anything. Take your time. Don’t worry about sex until you find a guy you really like.”

“I know. But I miss sex, Moira.”

“I know.” She gently guided Maggie until she was stretched out.

Maggie sighed and closed her eyes. This week was full of renewed firsts. Hopefully, she’d have more in store soon. She was ready to take on life.

CHAPTER 13

S
hane stopped by Maggie’s apartment before work the following morning, but she didn’t answer. Her car wasn’t parked outside either. She hadn’t come home. The thought sank in his gut. In their last conversation she’d mentioned dating. She couldn’t have found a date already, could she?

He brushed the thought aside. She wasn’t the kind of person to just not come home, so she was probably with one of her siblings or her friend Olivia. It wasn’t like she had to check in with him.

While driving to work, he thought about his life. Tonight, he’d get his computer back from Maggie so he could look for other departments that might be hiring. He hadn’t considered going anywhere else, which was narrow-minded on his part. If Maggie could be brave enough to explore her options, so could he.

Once in the basement with his dad, he looked around. The job was almost done, then they would be on to something else. As much as he liked working with his dad, he didn’t want this to be the rest of his life.

“You okay?” his dad asked.

“Yeah,” he answered, not liking the lie but not knowing how to tell the truth.

“Cara said you stopped by last night. What did you need?”

“Dinner.” The quip was enough to make his dad laugh and move on to work.

They worked side by side, and Shane knew they wouldn’t have too much more time together like this. While he would miss it, it was time to move on.

By the time he drove back to his apartment, he was beat, but he had a plan. He dragged his feet up the stairs and was shocked to see Ryan O’Leary standing at his door. “Hey.”

Ryan turned. “Just the guy I was looking for.”

“What’d you need?” He walked past Ryan and unlocked his door.

Ryan followed him in. “I know you’ve been pretty much working every night Maggie is and I said I couldn’t hire you when you wanted your old job back, but I was hoping you’d work, for pay, this weekend. With it being Saint Patrick’s Day, we’re going to be slammed. Maggie is insisting on working.”

“I know. Yeah, I can be there.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” Ryan held out a hand and Shane shook it. “She’s doing better, right? I’m not imagining it?”

“She is doing better. Better than we all give her credit for, I think.” Shane turned toward the kitchen. “Want a beer?”

“No, thanks. I have to head to my other bar.” Ryan took a quick stroll through the place. “It looks good in here. You’ll be done soon, huh?”

“Yeah. I probably would’ve been done this weekend, but not with the holiday.”

“No rush. Don’t kill yourself to get it done. It was just wasted space anyway.” He turned away again. With his hand on the door, Ryan asked, “Thanks again for everything.”

“No problem.”

Ryan left and Shane grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. While he guzzled the water, he checked his e-mail on his phone. His heart stuttered to see one from the police department. He clicked it open and read. His eyes skimmed over it too quickly, so he started again at the top, wishing he had his laptop to read this on. It was a letter letting him know a detective would be doing a home visit. Shit. He hadn’t changed his address.

The CPD would still have his address with Joe on file. He’d need to get that corrected. It was a good sign that he was moving on to the next step in the hiring process.

Then he looked around his apartment. Ryan had been impressed because he knew what the place had started out like. A detective probably wouldn’t be too impressed with unpainted walls and exposed electric in the ceiling. As tired as he was, he put his job hunting plan on hold and opened a can of paint.

Time to make sure his apartment looked like it was livable. He worked for a few hours until his already tired body screamed at him to stop. His stomach grumbled and he figured it was as good a time as any to get some dinner. He washed up, and before heading to the bar for dinner he knocked on Maggie’s door again. Still no answer.

He walked down and went through the back door of the bar, waving at the kitchen staff as he went. No one ever questioned his presence.

He took a spot at the bar and ordered a beer and a burger. While he waited, he glanced around. This place was almost always busy. Maybe not insanely so, but the O’Learys had a good thing. He took a sip of his beer, and movement off to the side caught his attention. He turned to see Maggie flip open her order pad.

What the hell was she doing? She hadn’t been on the schedule to work. She smiled at the guys as they ordered. When she came toward the bar, she pulled up short.

“Shane. What are you doing here?”

“Having dinner. I didn’t know you were working tonight.”

“I took an extra shift for Karen. She wasn’t feeling well.”

He wanted to weep. He was too fucking tired to think about pretending to work tonight. But the bar was full and Maggie was working.

“You look beat. Tough day?”

Looked like it was about to get tougher. It didn’t help that she was pretending their argument hadn’t happened. “Yeah. I finally got a coat of paint on the walls in the apartment, though.”

“That’s good.” She walked around the bar and tapped away at the computer screen, putting in the order she’d just taken.

“I tried to catch up with you this morning, but you weren’t home.”

“Checking up on me now?” she asked without turning.

“No.” Not really anyway. “I wanted to talk to you. About our fight.”

She turned slowly away from the register. “I can’t talk about that right now. I’m working.”

“We need to talk.”

“Later,” she whispered.

He sighed, but let her go back to work. He nursed his one beer and then switched to water when his food arrived. He ate as slowly as possible since he wasn’t dressed for work and he couldn’t run upstairs and change without Maggie noticing. If she found out he’d only been pretending to work here, she’d be even more pissed.

So he spent a few hours sipping on glass after glass of water and chatting with people who were half drunk. He felt Maggie’s stare on him throughout the night, but she said nothing.

His muscles ached and longed for a hot shower. His eyelids scraped like sandpaper against his eyes. There was no way he’d make it to closing tonight. He felt like shit, both because his body was giving out and because he was failing Maggie.

He watched what was left of the crowd. It was near midnight, so the bar would be open for a couple more hours. No one had paid extra attention to Maggie, and no one seemed obnoxiously drunk. The bouncers could handle this.

Shane slid from his stool, deliberately putting one foot in front of the other. He probably looked drunk. Leaning against the bar, he waited for Maggie to swing by.

When she did, he said, “I’m going up to bed.”

“Good. You look exhausted.”

“Call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

She rolled her eyes. “I think I can manage to walk up a flight of stairs alone.”

“Do I need to ask one of the guys to walk you up?”

“Shut up.”

“Then promise you’ll call me.”

“Why would you want me to wake you up?”

He reached out and gently touched her jaw. “I need to know you’re safe.”

“Fine.”

She tried to look irritated, but he saw her eyes soften. He nodded and trudged out the back and up the stairs.

He went to sleep with his phone in his hand so he wouldn’t miss her call.

Maggie’s life was finally coming together. She practically skipped down the street toward her car. In her pocket, she had a list of community events she would photograph for the newspaper. The pay was crap, but she would have her name attached to pictures that were published.

Now all she had to do was sell herself one more time to Moira’s friend who was doing the ezine startup. It would take a bit of juggling, but she could handle it in order to build a new career. Moira had done it. She’d worked small, going-nowhere jobs and then started freelancing.

Maggie had already learned quite a bit from her big sister. She drove from the suburbs into downtown to meet Moira’s friend Tara at a coffee shop.

Because she worried about being late, Maggie sped across town and ended up arriving early. She ordered a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream as a reward. She staked out a table near the front so she could see people arrive, but not too close to the door where the wind swept in.

After draping her coat on the back of her chair, she settled in with her drink and her phone to play a little Candy Crush. After a few minutes, she felt someone looking at her. She glanced up to see if Tara had arrived and then scanned the room. Her nerves pricked. At the table to her right, a guy looked up.

Their eyes met and he smiled. Maggie couldn’t help but return the smile. He was cute. His light brown hair was a little shaggy, and he had the scruff of a beard. He reminded her of a younger version of Ryan’s friend Griffin. She’d spent most of her childhood crushing on that man.

She returned her attention to her phone, feeling a little silly now for playing a game. That same prickling sensation of being watched tickled her. She had to squash the negativity the feeling brought. Not every guy who looked at her was bad. From the corner of her eye, she saw him move. Then he was beside her.

“Hi,” he said.

Maggie immediately looked over her shoulder as if he spoke to someone behind her before realizing he was talking to her. “Hi.”

“I’m Eli.”

She smiled again. “Maggie.”

“Can I join you?”

“Um . . . I’m actually waiting for someone. It’s an interview, so I’m sorry.” She shook her head a little. If she wasn’t meeting Tara, would she have invited him to sit with her? For all her talk about wanting to date, she was woefully unprepared for it to actually happen.

“I understand. I was hoping to buy you another drink. Since you’re busy tonight, can I have your number?”

“Uh . . .” Damn. She was too out of practice. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a guy hit on her. At least a guy she didn’t mind. “Okay.”

He held his phone in his hand and typed as she rattled off her number. Then he snapped a photo of her.

Nerves tumbled through her. What if this guy was a predator? She covered the anxiety with a quip. “Afraid you won’t be able to remember what I look like?”

“I’d remember.” He looked confident. “I like to have a picture with my contacts.”

A moment later her phone buzzed.

“That’s me,” he said. “You can save it so when I call you later to ask you out, you’ll know it’s me.”

“But I’ll also know it’s you if I want to ignore you.”

“I hope you won’t, but yeah, you could.” He extended a hand. “It was nice to meet you, Maggie.”

She shook his hand and liked that he didn’t grasp too hard or too soft. He walked away, and when he got to the door, he winked at her as he held it open for someone. Tara strode in, blocking Maggie’s view of Eli as he left. Her cheeks were warm after the brief flirtation.

Tara waved before going to the counter to place her order. While Tara’s back was to her, Maggie swiveled to see out the window, but Eli was gone. This had to be the strangest day of her life.

To her surprise, Moira came through the door a minute later. Maggie’s heart sank. Her sister was afraid she’d screw this up, so she came to run interference. So much for turning her life around. She bit back the sigh when Moira waved like a crazy woman.

Moira and Tara hugged briefly. Tara waited for Moira to order and they approached Maggie’s table together.

Maggie stood with her hand extended. “Hi, Tara. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she said. They shook hands, and Tara took off her coat.

Moira did the same, and Maggie widened her eyes in question. Moira answered with a smile.

Once they were settled, Tara said, “I hope you don’t mind, Maggie, but I asked Moira to meet with us. I think between the three of us, we can come up with a game plan.”

So this was Tara’s idea, not Moira’s. Moira hadn’t expected her to flop. She relaxed, and her lungs filled easily.

“A game plan for what?”

“My magazine. I want something along the lines of
Chicago Magazine,
but for a younger crowd. People in their late twenties and thirties aren’t subscribing to a paper magazine. We live in an online world. My vision is to create a destination they’ll come to daily.” She took a drink from her cup.

Moira practically danced in her seat.

“That’s where you guys come in. I know Moira can write. I’ve looked at your portfolio, and I think you’ll be a good fit.”

Maggie’s heart started to race. Blood filled her ears, and she slowed her breathing so she wouldn’t miss anything. This sounded like the opportunity of a lifetime.

“I want to take what Moira’s already doing with the social scene and expand it to include more youthful events. Not that the charity stuff doesn’t have a place, it does. But we can capitalize on a different market.”