HOLD (15 page)

“What’s up there, up ahead of us?” I asked because somehow I knew I wasn’t in there alone. 

“Nothing as terrible as what’s behind us,” my companion growled and took the lead.  “Come on.  We have to keep looking.” 

“Will we find him?”

“We have to.” 

“We’ll fight for him.” 

“Of course.”  Then my friend let out a defeated sigh.  “We have no weapons.” 

I looked down at my empty hands.  I closed them into fists and then opened them again. 

“Yes we do.” 

It took a few rings for me to realize that the noise was coming from my phone.  And that my phone was in some unknown place inside the apartment.  Stephanie was still sound asleep so I leapt out of bed, trying to get to it before it woke her.  As I hunted for the source of the sound I hoped it was just a random drunk dial.   After all, anyone who called at this hour wouldn’t have anything nice to say.

The sight of my brother’s phone number was a knife of anxiety right in my gut. 

“Cord. Is Creed okay?”

“Yeah.”

“The girls?  Saylor? Deck?”

“They’re all fine, Chase.”

I exhaled with relief and sank into the nearest chair. 

“Who’s not fine then?”

My brother took a deep breath.  Whatever it was the words weren’t coming easy to him. “She’s dead.  He didn’t kill her but you know he still killed her.” 

I swallowed.  I had to close my eyes because the room had suddenly begun to spin.  I didn’t ask him who he was talking about.  I didn’t need to. 

CORD

“I hate this,” she said miserably. 

“I know.” 

“And I hate to think of you going down there.”

“I know.”

Creed had said he’d be here in half an hour to pick me up.  That gave me time for a shower but not much else.  I toweled off and pulled on a pair of jeans while Saylor sat on the edge of our bed and watched me with sadness. 

“Oh god Cord, I’m so sorry.” 

I leaned on the sink, facing away from her.  I didn’t want her to see my face right now.  It didn’t matter that Maggie Gentry was never a true mother in any way that counted.  It didn’t matter that she’d let drugs and her piece of shit husband wreck her inside and out.  She was the only mother I was going to have in this lifetime and she’d descended into nothing but a pitiable object long before the end came for her. 

“Cord.”  Saylor had crept behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing my back. 

I turned around and buried my face in her neck, inhaling warmth and love as she cradled my head.  She hadn’t argued with me when I told her the boys and I needed to drive down there and that no one else other than the three of us brothers were included.  After all, there would be no touching service to honor a beloved mother and grandmother.  The woman who’d choked on her own vomit and died alone on a dirty bathroom floor was none of those things. 

Despite all that, there must have been an unresolved piece of my heart that always wished she would escape her demons somehow.  It was that hidden, hopeful fragment that let out a sob on my wife’s shoulder as she held me. 

But there was no time to indulge in grief.  I could hear the low growl of Creed’s truck engine right outside.  I knew he would have enough sense not to honk the horn, considering the sun wouldn’t rise for well over an hour, but I didn’t want to keep him waiting. 

Saylor kissed me.  Without speaking a word she went to the closet and handed over a shirt.  She waited for me in the bedroom while I threw on the shirt and grabbed a pair of shoes. 

“I love you,” she told me, handing over my phone and wallet as I headed out. 

I turned around to look at her.  I wanted to remember what waited for me right here once I was done with the day’s sorrow.  “I love you too.”

She folded her hands in her lap and stared at them.  “You want me to say anything to the girls?”

“They don’t need to know the details.  Just tell them Daddy had a secret mission.  And that when I get back we’ll light those sparklers.” 

She bit the corner of her lip, something she did when she was especially worried.  “Don’t stay down there long, Cord.” 

“No. I won’t.” 

And I wouldn’t. 

My chest felt heavy as I left my house, locking the front door.  Creed had picked up Chase first and they waited inside Creed’s pickup truck, Chase in the back of the cab.   I knew their profiles as well as I knew my own.   They just sat there together, waiting.  Waiting for me, the missing piece of the Gentry triplet puzzle.  The things we shared went way back to before we even knew our own names.  I didn’t say anything as I climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door. 

Creed waited for my nod before he took the truck out of park and pulled into the street.  Chase reached from the backseat and touched the back of my head, patting gently a few times for comfort before he withdrew to stare out the back window. 

I’d already told them the short version of the tragedy on the phone.  There were some details missing but all I knew was what Gaps had told me. 

From what the authorities could tell, it was probably around thirty six hours ago that Maggie Gentry had collapsed on the floor of the bathroom and drowned in her own vomit.  Benton had been out drinking and once he came home it apparently didn’t occur to him for a good eight hours to check on his wife.  And then even after he found her lying on the floor he just shrugged and figured she was unconscious since passing out in that house was about as regular as a sunny day in the Sonoran desert.  But when he went to go take a piss and she hadn’t moved and her eyes were open, his pea-sized alcohol-soaked brain started to realize that she wasn’t asleep.  By that time she was cold to the touch.  The autopsy would tell if she had any garbage in her system but it didn’t matter.  Everyone in Emblem knew Maggie was a hopeless junkie and everyone knew who kept feeding her that shit.  It was a fool’s dream at this point to believe anything would happen to Benton even if he’d stuck the needle in her veins himself.  Gaps all but said so over the phone although he did mention that Emblem PD was happy to haul Benton in for taking a half assed swing at one of the paramedics.  He’d been sitting in a jail cell since Maggie’s body was taken away.  Gaps didn’t comment on Benton’s state of mind and I didn’t ask.  That fucker had no business even being alive as far as I was concerned. 

“You boys hungry?” Creed asked and I saw him glance at the way my fists were balled in my lap.  I relaxed them, noticing that I’d forgotten to wear my wedding ring.  Since the day I married Saylor I’d only ever taken it off to sleep and shower.  It might sound like a small thing to forget since it was such a shit chore we were chasing but it bothered me.  It bothered me a lot.   

“I could eat,” yawned Chase. 

It was still too early for most breakfast drive thrus to be open but Creed knew about a donut and coffee shop close to the university.  He ordered two boxes of donuts and three coffees, waving away the change the cashier tried to hand him. 

As I chewed I thought about how there’d been a time when a donut was a rare luxury.  We’d often been hungry when we were kids and if it weren’t for the kindness of our Aunt Isobel, Deck’s mother, we likely would have suffered some serious side effects of malnutrition. 

We were traveling southeast and the sky had begun to lighten.  For some reason I wasn’t expecting the sun to emerge.  A day of rain and clouds would have better served the mood.  But when you live in a part of the world that boasts something like three hundred days of clear skies a year, odds are the sun is going to show up. 

On the drive we talked about everything but the past, everything but our parents.  Creed had a smile on his face as he talked about how he and Truly planned to adopt their nephew.  He already loved the kid and he was excited to be a father.  Then  Chase cleared his throat and announced that he and Stephanie were officially, unquestionably, one hundred percent engaged. 

“Took you freaking long enough,” Creed smirked and dodged the Boston Crème donut that was rifled at him from the backseat.  I grabbed the donut from the dashboard and ate it. 

Creed shifted his weight and glanced at me.  “Hey,” he said. “I’m not arguing about whether we should be driving down there today, but what exactly are we driving down there to do?”

The truth was, I didn’t know.  I just knew that we were all of the same mind as soon as we got the news.  Call it closure, call it whatever the fuck you wanted.  We just had to go.   

“You know,” said Chase, “it’s a pretty sure thing the coroner won’t release the body yet.  I’m with you guys no matter what, I just wanted to lay it out on the table.  And assuming he’s out of jail, the body will be released to him, not to us.”

“Probably,” I admitted. 

“So are we planning on sticking around until the funeral?”

“Not if he’s in town,” grumbled Creed.   His hands tightened on the steering wheel and I imagined that he was picturing our father’s neck as his fingers squeezed. “I’m sorry but I can’t fucking do that.  I can’t shake his fucking hand and pretend he’s a real father.”

“Never,” I assured him.  “No one expects that.” 

Creed relaxed a notch and nodded.  “So what is it we’re going down there for?”

The tidy housing tracts that stretched out of Phoenix like a thousand prosperous arms were no longer in evidence.  There was just road and desert and the occasional farm. 

“We’re going down there to say goodbye,” I finally told him. 

The barbed wire of the sprawling state prison, the signature Emblem landmark, emerged on the horizon just as my phone rang.  I wasn’t at all surprised to see who the caller was.  I hadn’t told him anything yet because I saw no reason to disturb him.  Besides, this was our mess to handle, not his.  But of course Deck had ears everywhere and some of them were attached to mouths that made it their business to tell him anything that might interest him. 

“Cord,” he said and I could tell from the sound of his voice that he knew exactly what was going on.

“Hi, Deck.  I should have called you.”

“Bullshit, I’m not calling now to scold you.” 

“How’d you hear?”

“Doesn’t matter. 

“Well, where are you?”

“About to board the first of a series of flights that will eventually land us back in Phoenix by tomorrow.”

I coughed.  “You don’t have to do that, man.  We’ve got this covered.”

“The hell I don’t have to fucking do it.”  He sounded pissed.  Then I heard him exhale thickly.  “I’m sorry.  She was your mother.  But she meant something to me too.” 

“I know.” 

Actually, I’d forgotten.  But yeah, Deck had always had a special kind of attachment toward Maggie.  He’d known her in better days, before drugs and Benton’s violence broke her.  He’d been an awestruck five-year-old kid when Benton brought his radiant young bride home to the desert.  I wished I’d known her in that time.  She’d been an artist.  She was the reason my hands worked the way they did when I decided to create something. 

On the other hand, it was probably better I had no memory of Maggie Gentry’s golden youth.  If I did then today would probably be even more painful than it was. 

“The boys with you, Cord?”

I glanced back at Chase.  “They are.” 

“Good, that’s good.  You guys need each other right now.  Listen, I won’t say some lame shit like ‘Give them my condolences’.  We all knew this day would come.  But I’m real sorry it’s here anyway.” 

“So am I, Deck.  So am I.”

In the background I heard the sound of Jenny’s voice but I couldn’t make out her words.  Deck answered her.  “Okay baby, just a minute.  Listen, Cord, we’re getting ready to board now.  I’ll be mostly out of reach the next twelve hours or so but I’ll see you tomorrow.  If I know anything about you three I would guess you’re headed to town.”

“We’re almost there.” 

He was silent for a moment.  “Stay cool,” he finally said. “Watch each other’s backs.”

I knew what he meant.  He was telling us to watch out for Benton.  There was probably good reason for Deck to say that.  I couldn’t guarantee what would happen if we ended up in the same room as our father. 

“Always,” I promised. 

A pause.  And then a cough.  “I love you guys.” 

That wasn’t something Deck said lightly.  I didn’t say it back lightly.  “We love you too, Deck.” 

Creed and Chase weren’t surprised that Deck had caught the first flight he could find.  Before I’d ended the call I’d nearly said something sappy like ‘Wish you were here’.  A wildly inappropriate thing to utter when you were on your way to see about your mother’s remains.  But if there was such a thing as a guardian angel then the three of us had long ago been gifted with a gruff, muscled, tattooed version who came to us as a wild cousin. 

The sight of Emblem made us quiet.  The last time we’d been here, only a week ago, it had been dark and somehow that made the landscape seem more benign.  In all fairness it wasn’t a terrible place.  Most of the people who lived outside the prison were honest, hardscrabble folks just trying to make their way.  But for us it symbolized misery, fear and a desperate wish to escape the stigma of our last name.  People assumed Gentrys were shitty because historically most Gentrys
were
shitty.  That’s a dark cloud to be born under.  Suddenly I thought of our young cousins, Conway and Stone, wondered how much the echoes of the past had touched them.  I made a mental note to track them down and look in on them as long as we were down here today.  We may as well try to squeeze at least one good thing out of this.

Gaps had said that if we checked in at the police station they’d put the call out and he’d head down there to meet us.  Creed hung back a little, looking uncomfortable and Chase was glancing around uneasily so I led the way. 

Inside the station there wasn’t much going on.   A bored-looking teenage girl sat on a plastic chair and scowled at the world.  The smell of coffee and fast food assaulted the senses.  And somewhere unseen a man laughed raucously.   Sitting behind the long front desk in the lobby was a middle-aged woman in an Emblem PD uniform.  She looked up when we walked in and her pencil-drawn eyebrows started twitching. 

“I’m Cord Gentry,” I started to say.  “My brothers and I are looking-“

“I know who you are,” she snapped.  Then she let out a wheezing sigh to let us know we’d just fucked up her scenery.  “Go sit over there.”

“Welcome back, boys,” Chase muttered.  I sat beside him and Creed grudgingly took the chair on my other side.  He drummed his fingers on his knee and glared stonily ahead. 

“The prodigal Gentrys return again,” I said, listening to our cheerful greeter get on the phone and call someone, presumably Gaps, to announce his ‘fucking friends’ were here.