His Princess in the Making (14 page)

A joy so poignant it was almost pain lit her entire body. Toby’s child…

“I’ve dreamed of seeing you rounded with our child for years.” He kissed her cheek, her throat. “But if you fall pregnant, beloved, I’ll storm the damned palace to bring you home if I have to. I’ll fight Charlie and Jazmine and the entire House of Hereditary Lords. I won’t give you up, or our child, not to kings or princes or any national need.”

Lost in the lovely dreams his declaration brought to life in her, she whispered, “Make me pregnant, Toby. Give me your child. Then Charlie would…”

Slowly, he looked up into her eyes, the fire dimmed. “Even when he’s king, Charlie can’t wave a magic wand to make me a duke or prince. He checked the law. He can’t hand me Malascos like a gift. It has to be inherited at death, to a descendant.” He shrugged. “I always knew I barely deserved you, even when you were my at-home girl. But you’re not my Giulia now—you’re the princess you were born to be. You belong in the palace. You deserve the adoration of everyone in Hellenia, and I don’t have a place in that world.”

How he could believe he didn’t have a place, when he was a national hero, she didn’t understand—or maybe she did.
She’d spent years not feeling pretty enough for him; he’d spent those same years feeling unworthy of her. The titles and castles only widened that gap in his mind.

“It isn’t about adoration or fame or wealth to me,” she said earnestly, staring into his eyes, pleading for him to understand. “If it were that, I’d walk away from it to be with you without looking back. You’ve seen what I do. It’s so much more important than looking good, smiling, waving and having people love you.”

“I do know—I understand, Giulia—but I am what I am. I’m a commoner, a simple fireman. Even if the Hellenican people would allow it, I can’t ride on your wings or live in your shadow.” He frowned and looked away from the devastation she knew was in her eyes. “I handled the intrusions, and everyone in my face and business in the palace, because it had a shelf life. Even all the knighthood stuff will pass. But even here, in my home country, I can’t leave a hotel room to organise my father’s funeral.” He sighed. “I’ll always love you, but I can’t live my life surrounded by security, every hour planned, my most personal moments documented in the press, always giving some piece of me to fulfil the dreams and expectations of strangers.”

Sadness swamped her as the last vestiges of her life’s dream quietly splintered and fell to the ground; but she couldn’t blame him. He’d sacrificed enough of his life to her health and happiness. It was time she gave him a priceless gift: his freedom, without chains of guilt. “It’s all right,” she whispered, trying not to cry.

“I won’t ask you to stay with me,” he whispered back. “No matter how much I need and love you.”

Blackness swamped her eyes and heart as she saw the “Toby and Giulia” story dying right in front of her. “I couldn’t forgive myself for choosing personal happiness over the welfare of a nation, and a royal family that’s lost everyone else. I couldn’t stand the regrets Yiayia and Papou suffered, or live in hiding.”

As if he’d expected it, he nodded. He knew her so well.

“I’ll always be the King’s sister, the lost princess. There’ll always be press interest in my life. You’d hate it, hate
me,
in the end.”

“I could never hate you,” he said quietly.

But you couldn’t live my life either, even if we found a miracle. So I’m giving you the gift you deserve.
She smiled at him. “We still have tonight.”

He stood, lifting her in his arms, kissed her and carried her to the bed, lying her down on the cover. “What is it?” he whispered.

“Silly dreams,” she whispered. “I always envisioned this as our wedding night.” She bit her lip, embarrassed. “I’ve imagined my wedding since I was twelve. You were always the groom at the end of the aisle, the one I made my vows to.”

His eyes darkened. “If your dream is silly, beloved, then so is mine.” He pulled two boxes from his pocket, his face still and serious. “I’ve been carrying these around since the tenth anniversary of your release from the clinic. Wear them for me tonight.”

He opened the first box: inside was a pretty ruby-and-diamond engagement ring. The second held matching wedding rings. “T-T…” She couldn’t go on.

He pulled her rings from their boxes, his smile so tender it broke her heart. “Left hand, please.”

She bit her lip as she held out her left hand. Looking into those summer-sky eyes so filled with love, finally she believed the heart of this magnificent, giving man was hers for life.

As he slid the rings on her finger, she stumbled through a clumsy vow, the words she’d relived in her mind a thousand times. “I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, and forsaking all others, love only you for all the days of my life.”

As she slid the ring onto his wedding finger, he said, “There
will never be another woman in my heart, Giulia. You are my wife, my love, now and for ever.”

He kissed her, then walked to the bedroom door and closed it.

Hours later, Lia stood watching the fading lights of the city shimmering on the shifting waves of Sydney Harbour. Dawn was close.

She wore the satin robe the hotel had provided, her hair loose. She was barefoot, her body thoroughly loved, her mind and heart full. She’d hoped, believed, that if her first time was with Toby she could face the future with courage, and allow one of those suitable men the King favoured to give the country a backup heir or two.

Now, having loved the only man for her, she couldn’t stand to think about another man’s hands touching her. She was Toby’s woman, heart, body and soul. She always had been. Now she always would be.

She wasn’t surprised when his warm, muscled, firefighter’s arms came round her. “Hey,” she greeted him, snuggling back against his body.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

He didn’t ask the timeless question. He knew she was all right, that she had no regrets for the most poignant, beautiful night of her life. He waited for her to speak.

She couldn’t tell him. He’d given up so much for her sake, for too many years. She had no doubt that, if she told him how she felt, he’d do it again. But this time he’d change jobs and countries, living alone for her sake, waiting for stolen moments with her, and his spirit would wither.

She kept looking out over the water, watching the soft fire of morning begin on the eastern side of Fort Dennison.

“God, how I wish I could ask you to stay, to marry me, my beautiful, beloved friend. I want you to stay with me in the
house Papou built, have babies with me and live the life we both love.”

“Don’t, Toby, please don’t.” She closed her eyes. “It’s a beautiful dream with no substance. You know it wouldn’t happen, even if they let me go.”

His voice was smoky-dark, husky with love. “Some people live their entire lives never knowing the kind of love we have. What we have comes only once in a lifetime.”

A lifetime they couldn’t have…

“Do you remember when I took your hand the day you came to live with us?”

He lifted her hair, kissing her neck. “Yes, of course.”

“I walked home, so proud and happy. You were holding my hand, and it meant the world to me. I couldn’t talk. I just kept thinking, ‘I’m going to marry him,’” she said through a thick throat. “That’s how long I’ve loved you.”

His eyes were dark. “I’ve loved you from the same day. You pulled off a miracle for me, gave me a life and family, and I’ve adored you ever since.”

Breathe, Lia. Remember to breathe.
She concentrated on it until she had a measure of control. “I’ll organise for you to meet your family today.”

“It’s done. The security contingent just needed a day to work out the logistics.”

“Would you like me to come with you?” she offered tentatively.

He kissed her hair. “Best not to. They’d just turn it into another story.”

“All right.”

He lifted her hand, the one wearing his rings. “They’re not like any of your royal jewels.”

“No, they’re not.”
They’re modest and sweet, like our lives before. A simple expression of your love: the only thing I ever wanted.
“Can I keep them?”

“I bought them for you.” He pulled the wedding ring from her finger. “Look inside.”

She read the inscription: Giulia, for ever.

Moved by unbearable sweetness, she turned in his arms. “I said ‘I love you’ so many times as we made love, you must be tired of hearing it, but I held it in so long. I love you so much.”

“I’ll never tire of hearing it, or knowing it.” He kissed her with lingering sweetness. “Call me in the middle of the night if you need to. I’ll always want to hear it. And if you need to hear how much I love you, I’ll always say it back and mean every word.”

He didn’t say the rest:
when I’m here and you’re gone.

She blocked it from her mind. Her hands slipped beneath his robe to his waist, caressing it. They slid up to his chest and then his shoulders…and as the lovely thudding of desire took over again she whispered, “I need you,” as she’d already said so many times on this, the only night they could have.

With a tender smile, he led her back to the bed.

Toby awoke with Giulia in his arms.

The morning sun flooded through the plate window, flickering over her golden skin; the reflections from the windows glistened on the hair spread over his pillows. She was deeply asleep, but her arm held him close, one of her legs tossed over his. Her lips moved over his chest as she breathed in and out.

So this was his dream come true; this was making
love.
He’d waited a lifetime for this night, this morning, and again she’d made it worth every moment. With every touch, every movement inside her, she’d unleashed a torrent of love on him like a burst dam:
I love you, I adore you, Toby. You’re everything to me.
She had to have be in pain after the first time, yet she turned to him over and over in the night, loving his body with such utter reverence and pure love it had brought a physical ache to his chest.

And as she’d fallen into an exhausted sleep an hour ago, she’d whispered, “This is the only wedding night I’ll ever have.”

How she could love him so much when he’d screwed it up with her so many times through the years, he didn’t know. All he knew was that she was the love of this lifetime or any other, and giving her up now would kill him. He’d fight the world to keep her here with him for life.

But there was no choice, nothing to fight. He could make her stay, but it would destroy her giving heart, her principles and her conscience. The woman he loved could never walk away from a promise and live with herself…

Surely there had to be a way? They were so
close
to it, so close he felt as if he was constantly groping towards a solution he just couldn’t see. Love this perfect couldn’t be for nothing.

A slight sound, a movement, made him look round. Charlie stood in the half-open doorway, looking at them.

Toby met his oldest friend’s look of agonised indecision—deep, awkward sympathy and unspoken accusation—head on without apology.

As if feeling the disturbance, Giulia stirred, nuzzling his chest with her mouth. “I love you,” she mumbled.

Charlie flinched, turned on his heel and walked away.

T
OBY
returned to the bed, where she lay sleeping over an hour later. He watched her for a moment, then bent and kissed her. “Giulia.”

She stirred, stretched and smiled at him. “Toby.” The name was a caress. She reached for him.

Her lovely dancer’s body, golden and glowing and
loved,
showed through the sheet, and he ached to love her again. “I’ve just come back from talking to Charlie. He wants to see you.”

She must have seen something in his face; her arms dropped and her smile faded. “He came in here?” He nodded, and her mouth quirked. “Well, he always was on the overprotective side. So, is it the future king or the brother who wants to see me? Will it be pistols at dawn, or is he hounding you out of town?”

He held out his arms, knowing she was trying to hide her upset. She snuggled in, belonging there so naturally he wondered how he’d cope with the emptiness when she was gone. “He’s distraught, Giulia. He’d hoped you and Max…”

Her voice was flat, hard. “These Marandis men seem to think they can order women to love where it’s convenient for the nation.”

“We knew he couldn’t do anything,” he said softly. “It’s the way we were all raised. He has to put Hellenia first, just as you do. It’s not his fault.”

“I know,” she said, and sighed. “But I can’t do it, Toby, not even for the good of the nation. I thought making love to you would make it easier, but…” She shuddered against him.

Rage flooded him at the thought of any other man touching her, but he had to control it for her sake. “Don’t think about it.” Heaven knew he couldn’t bear to. “He’s agreed to look the other way with us until after the funeral.”

“Oh.”
Giulia looked up at him, her eyes glowing dark with such joy it blocked his throat. “We have two more days?”

He nodded, but didn’t add that Charlie had told him the King expected her to “get him out of her system” in that time. Why destroy the brief time they had?

She searched his eyes, sensed his disquiet. “Don’t worry about what I said. According to the law as it stands, only the reigning king can force me to marry, and Charlie won’t go that far.”

Grimly, Toby wondered if that was true. This morning he’d seen a new Charlie, a man at war with himself, man against king. He’d never doubt how much Charlie loved his sister, but every decision must feel like Russian roulette to him. Which did he put first: family or the welfare of eight-million people? In royalty or government, collateral damage wasn’t an excuse, it was a reason, a means to peace.

Was it overprotecting her to say nothing? If so, that was who
he
was: loving her, shielding her from this kind of pain was just what he did.

He just hoped Charlie didn’t let her down when he was gone.

“Charlie can wait a bit longer,” he said huskily, and bent to kiss her.

Two days later

“Thank God that’s over.” Charlie sighed and leaned back in the leather seating of the consulate limo.

The funeral had been a media circus, the wake just as bad. The press had tried to push past stony-faced ASIO, yelling questions at them all, but particularly at Lia and Toby about their relationship. Young girls had screamed Charlie’s name as if he was a rock star. Politicians had angled for invitations; they’d all met the Prime Minister and state premier this morning, and had received regrets that they couldn’t attend—as if it was the social event of the season instead of the funeral of an unemployed boiler-maker. Everyone inside had been searched for cameras, even phones had been confiscated.

It wouldn’t stop some of them selling stories later:

What the Crown Prince Said To Me.

What The Princess Wore. How She Held Toby’s Hand All Day.

How The Knighthood Has Changed Toby.

Lia said nothing in reply to Charlie’s awkward comment. Toby said nothing either. She could feel the conflict inside him, the regret and grief—

“You okay, Grizz?” Charlie asked gruffly.

Something inside Lia became gentle, seeing her brother trying so hard to keep the friendship he’d always had. In the life they’d adopted, true friends were a luxury item, but friends who’d known them from childhood they trusted—there was only one.

Toby shrugged and looked out the window as they headed for the hotel, which was also surrounded by ASIO agents. “When do you all leave?”

Charlie looked stricken. “You’re not coming? Not even to the coronation?”

When Toby didn’t answer, Lia spoke. “We discussed it last night.”
In bed,
she thought but didn’t say. “It’s best if he stays here for good.”

She couldn’t ask him to sacrifice his life for her any more. She loved him too much to make a kept man of him.

“It won’t be the same without you, Grizz. You’ve been to every major event in my life.” Charlie’s voice was choked with emotion. “You’re my brother.”

Toby turned and looked at him for a long moment, but said nothing. There was no accusation in his expression, no anger, just…nothing.

“None of us can have everything we want, Charlie.” Lia heard her voice shaking; she couldn’t go on.

They pulled up at the kind of hotel they couldn’t have dreamed of affording only six months before. Toby opened the door before the porter could. “I wish you all the best, Charlie, Jazmine. I’ll send a gift. I’m going to pack.” He looked at them all for a moment, eyes resting on Lia:
Come to me.
“Please thank the King for the funeral arrangements and help. It’s time I returned to my own life.”

He was inside the hotel moments later.

Charlie was pale, his eyes blank. “I—I never thought he could walk out on us like that, just leave us behind when we need him.”

“He’s not,” Lia choked. “We walked out on him, and never looked back until we needed him. We’ve expected him to bend for us, cross the world for us, give up his life and career for us when we needed him, to be whatever we want when we want it. He came to Hellenia on request and left on cue. He put up with danger and humiliation, and rid Hellenia of its greatest threat. He’s even been told by his
brother
that he’s not good enough for the woman he loves, the woman whose life he saved, so don’t talk about
him
walking out on us!”

Charlie whitened, swore and scrambled from the limo. “I have to make this right.” He entered the hotel, wearing the personality of his future like a cloak from the moment he left the car. He smiled and waved to the press, spoke briefly to the security staff, and the hotel people eager to speak to a future king—but he was still at the lift within three minutes.

“They’ll be fine,” Jazmine murmured as the two women followed his lead, smiling and waving as they walked past the flashing cameras, heading for the special elevator reserved for the royal suites.

“I know.” Lia knew it would be smoothed over between the two men. But things couldn’t be as they had been in the past, not for any of them.

Even if he could find a way to become high enough for her, Toby couldn’t stand the life she’d chosen. She couldn’t refuse the privilege and duty that was her birthright, couldn’t let any more of her people die because of her family’s choosing love over duty. But the love of her lifetime was over after three days, she’d lost her lover and her best friend, and she had to learn to live without him.

When the elevator reached the suites, Lia said quietly, “I think it’s also time I returned to my life. Excuse me, Jazmine.”

“We’ll come with you,” Jazmine said, laying a hand on her arm.

Unable to stand being touched, Lia moved away. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather go alone. I’ll see you at—at the palace.” She couldn’t call Hellenia “home.” Home was wherever Toby was.

Stop it. This could only ever have ended one way from the day I accepted the role of princess.

She walked into Toby’s suite. Charlie’s hand was on Toby’s shoulder. He was pleading with his friend to understand, to come to his coronation. Toby was shaking his head, saying as little as possible.

She closed the door, filled with sadness. The day of “the Three Musketeers” was done. “Charlie, can you please leave us alone?”

“Lia, you’ve had three days with him without my interference,” Charlie said quietly, his hand falling from Toby.

“And it’s all we’ll ever have,” she replied, just as quiet.
“You get a lifetime with the woman you love, so please don’t lecture me. Just leave.”

White faced, her brother left without another word.

When he was gone, Toby kept packing a bag. She whispered, “Toby, look at me.
Please.
”

He looked worse than she’d ever seen him, grey and haggard with loss and grief. “So this is it?”

Unable to speak, she nodded.

“Ask me to go with you.” His eyes burned dry and hard. “Just ask me, Giulia.”

Tears spilled from her lashes. “I can’t.”
I love you too much.
She walked into his arms, holding him close. There couldn’t be a worse possible day for this farewell, but it was all they had. “I’ll miss you.”

“Like the other half of me is missing,” he agreed, mirroring her own words and hold from the first day he’d arrived in Hellenia.

The first day he’d kissed her.

“Promise me you’ll eat well, look after yourself, and that you’ll call me any time you need me.”

Her heart cracked open. “I will, I promise. I have to go,” she whispered, and broke away from him, bolting for the door.

Amid a multitude of flashing cameras, she returned to the limousine ten minutes later, head high, eyes bright and dry. She smiled and waved for the cameras. Her bodyguards walked each side of her; the jet was ordered and waiting. At the airport, her security detail surrounded her. Her personal assistant sat inside, awaiting orders. In a life of glittering beauty and fortune most would envy, Giulia Maria Helena Costa Marandis, Princess of Hellenia, felt only lost. Empty.

“She did the only thing she could, mate,” Charlie said awkwardly. “I know—”

“No, you don’t.” Toby kept packing his bags. “You don’t
know her. I didn’t know her until recently. She’ll do what you want, you can rely on her sense of duty. You won’t have to worry about the anorexia either. She’s too strong a woman to ever go back there. But if you make her marry and produce royal heirs before she’s ready, you’ll never have your sister again. You’ll only have the princess.”

Unable to deny it, Charlie paled. They’d all seen her complete withdrawal from the King. She’d been gracious and cold, and she’d been polite and remote with Charlie and Jazmine for the past few days. “What the hell do I do, Grizz? You tell me. I’ve bent over backwards to try to make it happen for you both!”

“He has, Toby,” Jazmine said, her voice clogged. “We love you both. We want you to be happy. But how do we live with the consequences?”

“You don’t. The people of Hellenia don’t. Giulia and I have to,” he stated flatly, knowing it wasn’t fair, but he was way past caring. “We know you can’t fix it, but we can’t give you absolution or act as if it doesn’t matter. There’s a price for all of us.” He flicked a glance at his oldest friend, seeing the unalterable pain there, but couldn’t make himself feel it. “You avoid war. Take comfort in that.”

“There’ll always be a place for you in Hellenia, Grizz. A place with us. You’re family.” Charlie’s voice was choked too. “Please, Grizz. Don’t walk out on us.”

“I wish I could do it,” he said flatly. “I wish I was noble enough to give you all unconditional love. But I can’t watch you marry her off to another man. I’d kill him. I’d kill anyone who touched her. The only way to avoid it is to be half a world away.” He closed his bag and zipped it. “I have to go.”

“Don’t go, Grizz. Please, mate. Don’t end our friendship like this.”

“There’s no way to avoid it.” He picked up the phone and got reception. “This is Toby Winder in the Premier Suite. Has the cab arrived?”

When he hung up the phone, Charlie put a hand on his shoulder. “At least take the damn limo, Grizz. We don’t need it until tomorrow.”

Toby gently pulled away. “The limos and jets were only ever on borrowed time for me. Title or not, it’s time I was myself again.” After a moment, he asked, “What do you want to do about the house? It’s in all our names.”

“Keep it.” Charlie stalked over to the window. Even from the distance, Toby could see his throat working. “Papou would want you to have it.”

He nodded. “Thank you for all the years of friendship, Rip.” He smiled at Jazmine, who was openly crying. “I wish you both all the best in life, lots of kids and a peaceful rule. I hope the coronation goes well.”

He picked up his bags and walked out of the room.