His Princess in the Making (13 page)

“I wish…” But she couldn’t finish it, couldn’t wish that he’d never spoken, never kissed her. She just wished Dr Evans had never spoken to Toby.

“No matter what happens, I’ll be here when you need me,” he said quietly. “That’s what best friends do.”

“Yes,” she whispered, wanting to say, “I’ll be there for you too,” but they both knew it was a promise she couldn’t make or keep. “Sleep now.” She reached up and caressed his damp hair.

When she knew he was asleep, she kissed his cheek, his mouth, so tenderly he wouldn’t feel it.
I love you,
she mouthed, and slipped from the room.

Extraordinary Meeting, House of Hereditary Lords
A week later

“F
OR
your services to crown and country, in the name of King Angelis and in his sickness, we knight you Sir Toby Winder.” Charlie, who’d come back with Jazmine from their extended honeymoon for one day to give Toby this honour, placed the golden sword either side of Toby’s shoulders with a grin. “Welcome to the nobility, Grizz,” he said as, with a proud, happy smile, Jazmine placed the knight’s cloak over his shoulders.

Kneeling at their feet, he winked at his old friend. “You never could handle going anywhere without me, could you?”

Charlie laughed and slapped him on the back. “It’s your fault, mate. If you didn’t want to become a noble, you
shouldn’t have saved a Grand Duke’s life and taken Orakis down all in a day.”

After Charlie helped him to his feet, since he still didn’t have use of his hands, Toby turned and smiled at the applauding lords around him, nodding. “Talk about surreal,” he muttered. He now owned lands in Charlie’s region of Malascos as well as being a knight of the realm.

But it still wasn’t enough to claim the hand of a princess.

With a major struggle, he smiled over at said princess. Giulia was wiping away tears as she smiled with obvious pride…and sorrow.

“A knighthood is all you can have,” Charlie had said to them this morning when they’d arrived, saying it with obvious awkwardness. “Every other title in Hellenia is hereditary, mate, has been for hundreds of years. If I could make it higher…”

In other words, he’d never rise high enough to be worthy of Giulia.

He had a title, but the same wall existed. He was part of the Costa—Marandis—good fortune and love, but ten steps behind, as he’d been for fourteen years.

The reality was inescapable: if he stayed in Hellenia he’d be rich, famous and titled, but he’d still be Lancelot to her Guinevere. Looking at her now, he knew she knew it, too, and he watched her gentle heart breaking in front of him.

The next night

“There’s something you need to know. Sit down, boy.”

Facing the King in yet another one-sided interview, Toby knew what he had to say. The King didn’t care what the media thought of his unwanted house guest; Toby had no interest in bantering words, or reiterating his protest that he’d stay as long as Giulia and Charlie needed him.

His hands were healing. Charlie and Jazmine were due back from their honeymoon in another five days. The coronation ceremony was scheduled for the second Saturday after that.

Charlie would back him up if he decided to stay. There was so much to do, and his schemes were working well. But…

You’re it, you’re the one.

Since the day he’d been knighted and she’d seen the look in his eyes, Giulia had withdrawn from him. She’d come to his room this morning to clean and dress his wounds, speaking to him as she had in the past: as her dear and trusted friend. She left as soon as his bandages had been changed, and she’d arranged for the King’s valet to shave him, even though she’d always done so when he’d burned himself in the past.

There were no burning kisses, no uncontrollable passion. Touching had become unbearable for them both.

Crowns, palaces and knighthoods, limos and jets; duty, conscience and helping her brother; death threats and treason; he had nothing to give her but his love, and even that put a burden on her…

“You have to go home now. I’ve organised a jet for you, and—”

Toby frowned. The King’s voice wasn’t hard or abrupt, but strangely touched with sympathy. “Your Majesty, I’ve told you—”

“No, Toby,” the King said quietly, using his name for the first time since they’d met. “This isn’t about your friendship with Giulia. This time you must go home.”

Toby went cold all over. “What is it, sire? What’s happened?”

The next night
Sydney, Australia

As the jet landed at the part of Kingsford-Smith airport reserved for VIPs, Lia sat tensely, unmoving except for her
toes tapping on the Berber carpet. Her gaze wasn’t on the gorgeously lit nightline all around the harbour; it remained on the note Toby had written.

Tears clogged her throat. Toby’s beautiful words always deserted him when he was in pain…

The King’s kindness at a time when she was in deep shock had been a wonderful relief. He’d taken care of everything, not just for her, but for Toby as well.

“Toby’s father passed away suddenly. The second royal-jet is waiting for you, my dear. Everything has been packed, a suite booked for each of you at the best hotel in Sydney, and your security is ready and waiting for you in Australia. Charlie and Jazmine will arrive the day after you.”

As Sir Toby Winder, member of the Hellenican nobility, Toby had been sent home in one of the diplomatic jets and was staying in a five-star harbourside suite with a full contingent of security as befitted his position as best friend to a king-in-waiting. Yet he’d been sent home alone when his father had died.

She’d been at a party, where she’d met many of the young nobles the King and Lords judged worthy of her, and she’d been jaw-droppingly bored. She’d only gone to please everyone, to show she was willing to make further adjustments in her life. To leave Toby behind for the sake of royal duty.

Because she hadn’t come home until after midnight, she’d missed the chance to support Toby as he’d done for her so many years; had left him alone and grieving.

The fifteen-minute drive had taken for ever, but finally she was there, and the usual rigmarole started, the bowing and gracious words.
Toby, where was he?

At last, at last, she was in the lift, and it pinged on the top floor where there were only three massive suites. Security staff were everywhere, the head someone-or-other was ushering her to her suite.

“Please, which is Sir Toby’s suite?” she asked, cutting off the man’s polite talk with a gentle smile.

He knocked on the door for her, but she called out, “Toby?”

Seconds later he opened the door. He looked white and haggard; his eyes fixed on her like a starving man faced with a banquet. “Giulia?” His voice was hoarse.

“If there are security cameras inside the suite, I want them turned off,” she said to the man behind her.

“You can do that yourself, Your Highness, though I would be happy to.”

“It’s fine. I can do it, really. Thank you again. We’ll call if we need anything.”

“Giulia?” Toby blinked, shaking his head as if she was a phantom. His hands touched her face, probing, wondering, as if he couldn’t believe it was her. It made her want to cry.

Without a word she took him in her arms, walked him backward into the suite and closed the door behind them. When she’d turned off the cameras, she held his face in her hands. “Have you eaten? Do you want food or coffee?”

“You’re here. You’re here,” he said, still as if he couldn’t take it in, as if she was a miracle in his eyes.

“Of course I am,” she said gently, moved. “How could you not know I’d come? I’d do anything for you, Toby, don’t you know that yet?”

“Giulia,” was all he said. His hands kept touching her face, with such unspoken reverence the knowledge came to her…a truth she should have known all along.

But now wasn’t the time. “How are you feeling? How’s your family?”

He shook his head, blinking as if to orientate himself. “I think they’re okay. I called them. Even Mum’s going to the funeral, Jonathan said. They asked me over to discuss the funeral plans, but I haven’t been allowed out of here.”

Shocked, Lia said, “You can’t visit your family? Why?”

“They said something about the media fuss over my knighthood, and being friends with you and Charlie, and the death threats. They seem to think Australia isn’t security-conscious enough. Anyone could infiltrate the press or even the funeral without proper security arrangements, apparently. So they’ve taken over. The King’s paid for the entire shebang, even the wake.” He tried to smile. “It’s a good thing, since Dad didn’t have insurance.”

Lia was horrified. “Oh, Toby, I’m so sorry—it’s because of us. Charlie’s on his way, of course. We weren’t going to leave you alone, but it means there’ll be ASIO everywhere. If you don’t want us to come…”

“Come.” He buried his face in her hair. “It makes no difference. Being the best friend of a king means high security anyway, in case someone kidnaps me to get to Charlie or you.”

“I’m sorry, so sorry,” she choked. “When Theo Angelis told me, I didn’t even think beyond that you’d need me. I didn’t realise…”

“I do need you. I’ve been pacing like a crazy man all day without you. I want to help them, do something for Dad, but I can’t. I can’t even go to the damn funeral home and tell my father I’m sorry I left the family that way.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t even know my own father, Giulia, and it’s my fault.”

Holding him to her, Lia walked him to the massive lounge and sat down on his lap. “No, Toby, that’s not true. They put you in an impossible position because they hated each other.”

His face darkened with self-recrimination. “I could have
made it better. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be one of them. I visited them like they were in prison. I wanted to forget I was a Winder. I became one of your family and left them behind.”

“You were
fifteen,
Toby, and they disowned you,” she replied, trying to be gentle, but feeling fierce inside. “You kept calling your father when he wouldn’t take your calls. You visited him as soon as he started talking to you again.” And he’d done so much more, including letting Mr Winder live rent-free for two years in the house he’d bought when his father had lost his job.

“I could have tried harder to be close to him.
You
would have. You never give up on anyone.”

Only on myself, s
he thought ironically.

“Don’t think about it.” She held him in her arms, caressing his hair. “Regrets are useless things, love. You can’t change the past, only try to make the future better.”

“I can’t stop thinking about it.” He held hard to her. “He’s gone, and I can never tell him I’m sorry. It’s just another regret in half a lifetime of them. I keep losing the people I love because I don’t tell them the things I ought to.”

For a long time she just let him shake, let the tears fall, let him hate himself. She heard him out, didn’t attempt to soothe him with words that wouldn’t help. She held him and kissed him over and over, her silence and her love the only balm she had.

When the shaking subsided, she knew the time had come.

“If you lose people you love through silence, we’re two of a kind,” she whispered, kissing his cheek. “I’ve been a coward too long, afraid of losing you, afraid of being hurt. I won’t live my life in fear anymore. I’m sorry, this is probably the worst time to say it, but there may not
be
another time.” She held his face in her hands again, looking deep into his eyes. “I am the most beautiful woman in the world to you, and you want me more than any other woman.”

White-faced, dark rings beneath his eyes, he looked
strained, haggard with grief. But then slowly he smiled, the one that turned her insides to mush, and though the pain, the regret, was still there he looked like sunshine on the water, like a summer breeze through the trees: beautiful and whole. And the worst time somehow became the right time. “Yes.”

“I haven’t finished.” She put a finger to his lips, smiling back. “You love me.”

He smiled, looking puzzled. “Of course.”

“No,” she whispered, tinged with awe and joy. “You’re in love with me.”

He smiled again, his eyes coming to life as he understood: at last she believed in herself; she finally realised that a man as wonderful as Toby could be in love with her. “Of course.”

He said it as if it was something she also should have known all along—and suddenly she realised she
would
always have known, if only she could have believed in herself the way she believed in him.

She touched his face the way he had touched hers minutes ago, her eyes shimmering with trust. “You are the most beautiful man in the world to me, and I want you so much I’m in pain. Tonight I’m going to make love to you all night, the man I love with all my heart.”

“Are you certain, beloved?” he whispered against her mouth. “I’m your first kiss, your first love. If not for my selfishness, you’d—”

She held a finger to his mouth, smiling. “Did you need to taste every fruit in the world to be sure mangoes were always going to be your favourite?”

One side of his mouth quirked up. “No, but…”

“Did kissing or making love to any of those other women make you forget me, or want me less?”

The momentary cloud in his eyes at the mention of those women lifted at the strength and conviction in her voice. “They only made me want you more.”

Her eyes lit; the finger at his mouth drew a slow, sensuous line along it. “Then accept the truth, Winder—I don’t want to kiss anyone else.” She kissed him, slow and deep. “I tried for years to get over you, but I only lied to myself. You’re it—you’re the only one. Love me, Toby.”

One kiss, two, soft, slow and clinging…healing in words, without words. “I do. I always have, since the day you brought me home. I just didn’t know how much until you collapsed and I faced the thought of life without you.” After another, deeper kiss, he pulled back, his eyes searching hers. “I don’t have protection, Giulia, and there’s no way for us to get it without it hitting world news. You could fall pregnant.”