His Holiday Heart (3 page)

“I’ll walk you in.” Spence pulled the e-brake and turned off the ignition. Without the engine noise, the howl of wind and the ping of snowflakes sounded loud in the silence. He cleared his throat, looking pained that she was still in his company. “I picked up a few things for Rebecca at the store.”

That was surprising. He said it casually, as if he did favors every day. Spence McKaslin was definitely a surprise. She grabbed her bag by the straps and heaved it off the floor. “Did you go shopping for anyone else?”

“Katherine needed a few things. I’ll drop her stuff by on my way home. I don’t live too far from her.”

She had never given much thought to where Spence lived—in a cave, a townhouse, a tidy home in a cul-de-sac? She couldn’t picture him anywhere. Spence McKaslin was more than a surprise, he was a genuine mystery and the opposite of what she expected. “If you live near Katherine, does that mean down the street? In the same subdivision?”

“Three streets down, five blocks over.”

A homeowner, then. She still couldn’t picture it. She was glad he hadn’t insisted on taking her all the way home. The fifteen miles out of town and then all the way back across town would have taxed her conversational skills. Spence was not an easy man to chat with. “Thanks for this. You could have left me to freeze beside my car.”

“Sure, but then I would have had to deal with all my sisters. They would have been very mad at me.” He almost smiled again.

Yep, there was a hint of dimples, just as she’d imagined. Their gazes met, and it was like a spark from a live wire against her soul. What she saw in that brief moment was Spence’s heart—good and noble and lonely.

Lonely was something she knew a lot about.

“There’s Rebecca.” Spence gave a nod in the direction of the condo and yanked open his door.

Bitter cold and bulleting snow filled the passenger compartment. Through the haze of snow coating the glass, she could see Spence’s hulking shadow cut around the front of the truck. She reached for the door handle, but then the door was already opening. Spence stood with his hand out, gloves on, to help her down.

“Careful, its slick.” That’s all he said and tersely, as if she were annoying him.

She remembered the glimpse she’d seen of him. The hint of a smile, the niceness. She didn’t take his gruff tone seriously as she placed her hand in his and launched off the truck’s high seat. She landed knee-deep in snow, nearly blown over by the gusting wind, but Spence steadied her. He was solid and reliable, refusing to let her fall.

A haze of the porch light winked like a lighthouse’s beacon on a far shore. Spence yanked his hand from hers and turned his back to gather the groceries from the backseat. He took hers, too, and walked alongside her so as to block the worst of the storm.

“Quick! Before you two freeze.” Rebecca held the door open more widely.

Since she was already about to become a snow woman in two more seconds, Lucy gladly tumbled through the doorway and into the warm condo. Spence was on her heels, groceries in the crook of his arm. The door slammed shut. The arctic blast of the wind died. The last of the snow tumbled to the entry rug, and Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. A hot current of air blew at her ankles. Blessed warmth.

“Lucy, this is going to be so much fun.” Rebecca took one of the grocery sacks from her brother. “I’ve got the fire going in the living room. The guest bed is made up with the electric blanket on high. I’ve got a pot of lemon tea steeping to warm you up. Spence, come this way and put that heavy sack on the kitchen counter.”

Spence glowered. “I’ve got to hit the road. More stops to make before I get home.”

Lucy struggled with her zipper, watching him through her lashes. The way he said it, no one would guess that he had groceries to deliver and family to check on. Or that he did so gladly. “Thanks again, Spence. You are my lifesaver.”

“Next time pay better attention to the weather reports.” He marched past her dripping snow on the carpet and disappeared into another room.

He said it as if she had majorly inconvenienced him. But she had this suspicion that wasn’t the truth at all. What was Spence’s truth? she wondered as she shucked off her coat and let Rebecca hook it over the back of a nearby chair. Spence was definitely a man of mystery.

He marched straight out of the shadows as if he were a part of it. He nodded to her once as he passed straight to the door. “Rebecca, let me know if you need anything else. I bought an extra flashlight and a pack of batteries, just in case.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about the lights going out.”

He nodded as if he wasn’t surprised by that comment and grabbed the door. The spill of overhead light shone on him just right—or maybe it was her imagination—but for one brief moment his harshness lifted, his gaze found hers and there was that vulnerable heart of his. It was simple to see his loving concern for his baby sister and his protective nature, and more.

Yes, she saw much more. Like a flash of concern for her, too. He was glad that she was safe from the hazards of the storm.

“Good night, Lucy,” he said quietly, not harshly at all. He opened the door, the storm claimed him and he was out of her sight.

But not out of her thoughts.

B
etween the heat from the fireplace and the comfort of the electric throw she was wrapped up in, Lucy was blissful. Add to that the pair of comfy sweats and warm fuzzy socks Rebecca had lent her, and she never wanted to move.

“That was Katherine on the phone.” Rebecca swept into the living room with a tray of drinks and two plates of goodies from the grocery sacks. “She said Marin called her a while ago and said she had an interesting experience in the grocery store. I’m sorry, but she knows about you and Spence now.”

“You say that as if there is something more at work than his stalwart Christian duty.”

“There could be. Katherine couldn’t remember the last time Spence gave a woman who wasn’t family a ride, let alone went grocery shopping with one. He tends to keep his distance.”

“
Tends
to keep his distance? Now that’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one.”

“He’s a pro at it. If it was an event at the Olympics, he would be a gold medal winner. For the last decade. Maybe longer.” Rebecca curled up on the opposite couch and stole a chocolate-covered marshmallow cookie from the tray. “It’s just his personality. He’s been that way as long as I can remember. He’s the nicest guy beneath all the frowning.”

“I’m beginning to notice that.” Since she had a terrible weakness for those cookies, she had to take one and ignore the fact that she was supposed to be counting calories. “I get the feeling he doesn’t want anyone to know the real Spence McKaslin.”

“So, does this mean you like him?”

“Me?” Should the fact that she dropped the cookie mean anything? She hoped not. She snatched it up, hoping that her fingers were shaking because they had been so cold only a little bit ago—and for no other reason. “Please don’t read too much into this. Spence told me the only reason he was helping me was because he didn’t want all his sisters angry at him if he left me there to freeze into an icicle.”

“Uh-huh.” Rebecca looked like she didn’t believe it not even a tiny bit.

Maybe it was the perfect time to change the subject. “How is Katherine doing? I haven’t had a chance to talk to her this week.”

“Well, don’t you think it’s time we fixed that? Come to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and you can see for yourself.”

Was that a twinkle of mischief in Rebecca’s eyes or just a trick of the light? Lucy wasn’t sure, but she did know one thing. “I can’t go barging in on a family holiday. No way.”

“Well, Spence told Katherine who told me that you don’t have any family in the area.”

“Did he? So this is his idea?” Her heart gave a lurch. She had no clue if that was a good sign or a very bad one.

“Oh, no. This invitation comes from Katherine. We’re having dinner at her house this year. Besides, our family has grown so huge with everyone getting married that you won’t be barging in at all. We’ll hardly notice you in the crowd. C’mon, say yes. Please?” She polished off the last of the cookie in one big bite.

Lucy did the same. Maybe it was all that yummy chocolate and processed sugar, but she felt warm and wonderful and optimistic. What could go wrong? She could have a little turkey, have a chance to talk with some of her favorite people—Katherine and Danielle. With any luck, Ava would bring dessert—she owned the best bakery in town. It was all win-win and had nothing at all—nothing whatsoever—to do with the fact that Spence would be there, too. She didn’t want to see the man of mystery again. Really.

“Sure,” she said, reaching for another cookie. Yes, she was feeling exceptionally optimistic. “Why not?”

“Great. Everyone will be thrilled you’re coming.” Rebecca spoke around a bite of cookie. “Even Spence.”

Even Spence. Lucy felt her heart give a little flip-flop again. She tried to tell herself it was only because she was curious about the man. Only curious. But she wasn’t quite convinced that was the whole truth—at least not anymore.

The moment he caught the delighted grin on Katherine’s face, Spence knew he was in trouble. “Was it Marin or Rebecca?” he demanded over the top of the grocery bag.

“Both, actually.” Katherine’s beautiful glow wasn’t only because she was eight months pregnant but because she thought her great plan might actually be possible. “Remember last year when Lucy first joined my reader’s group, I tried to fix the two of you up?”

“How could I forget?” Lucy was the last woman he wanted to talk about. “Don’t get carried away. She needed a ride. I gave her one. She needed a place to stay. I found her one.”

“Awfully Prince Charming of you to come to her rescue.” Katherine pointed the remote at the television and clicked it off. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to tease you. I’m just so happy. Good things happen to good people, and you’re a good man, Spence. You deserve someone nice.”

He winced. He didn’t know if Lucy was nice enough. He suspected he didn’t even want to know the answer to that. He did know that he had to find everything wrong with her, every flaw, every fault so he could keep his shields ready, active and in place. Spending time with her had proved to him how necessary that was. “Do you know what I deserve? A quiet night to myself without all these errands I have to do for other people. For once I would like to be able to leave work and not have to rescue someone who got her car plowed under along the street and can’t get home.”

“Oh, no. Lucy did that? Well, she’s from Oregon. It rains most of the winter there. She probably doesn’t know.”

“Now she does.” He glowered, hoping he conveyed that he thought Lucy Chapin was nothing but trouble, which she was. Absolutely. “Is Hayden upstairs?”

“Studying for a chemistry test.”

“I brought her some of that tea she likes and those chips. Good study food.” He strode off to the kitchen, leaving his sister before she could get more information out of him. He was sorry she was put on bed rest, as ordered by her doctor, but there
was
a bright side to it. At least she couldn’t come trailing after him demanding to talk more about Lucy.

Lucy. Just thinking of her made confusing emotions tangle up in his chest. She was like looking at an impossible crossword puzzle. She was like looking folly in the face. No, it was worse than that, he decided as he set the bags on the kitchen counter and started putting stuff away.

If she got close enough, Lucy could strip away his tough demeanor and matching scowl, which gave him comfort and a sense of safety. He remembered how she’d made his defenses buckle. How she seemed to see too much of him when they were talking. How his eyes involuntarily followed her whenever she was near.

Not to mention the panic. Lucy Chapin was his worst nightmare. If he let himself, he would really like her. If he let himself feel those emotions knotted up in his chest, he might discover that he could more than like her.

Danger. That’s why his heart was beating like a war drum against his chest. That’s why his palms were damp and his brain was a little scrambled. He wasn’t about to let anyone get that close—not on his life.

He emptied the rest of the perishables into the refrigerator and folded up the bags. He knew Katherine was waiting for him because the television was still off. Since he had to walk through the front of the house to get to his truck, he had to face her. His motto had always been that a good defense was a stunning offense. Distraction, that was the key.

“Hey, Katherine,” he said, even before he could see her. “Have you heard from Jack?”

“Not since he went out. He said he might be late. There was a bad wreck on the highway with a tractor trailer rig, so that might tie him up until late.”

“I’m worried about you.” Which was the truth, absolutely the truth. “I know Hayden’s here, but what if the lights go out?”

“I’ve got a flashlight on my end table and a book to read when my movie is done.” She seemed wise to his ways and bursting with another question.

He had to keep talking and fast. One thing a man learned with so many sisters was how to head them off. “I’ll be just a call away. The roads will still be a mess tomorrow, so I’ll go out to pick up Gran early. We’ll probably be here around ten.”

“Sure, all of that is fine, Spence.” Katherine’s eyes were laughing at him. “You sure are trying hard to keep me from asking you about Lucy again. If it’s too hard for you, I won’t. I promise. I won’t say another word.”

“Thank you.” Relief left him dizzy. “I just helped her out. I know you’re happily married to Jack. I’m glad for you. But you’ve got to understand. Marriage isn’t for everyone.”

“So you keep telling me.” It was concern that marked her pretty face. She was just about the only one he let fuss over him, and he recognized the look.

He stared down at his snowy boots. He didn’t want her to see how much this was costing him. Nothing could hurt like family, he’d told Lucy, but it was so much more than that. He’d lost the ability to trust. To believe in another person. To really believe enough to stake everything on someone else. He was grateful his sisters had found good men they could trust, even love.

But he didn’t believe in it. Love faded. Love ended.

Love could tear a man’s heart out. He’d seen it happen to his father. Spence zipped up his coat all the way and faced the door. He braced himself because he knew Katherine’s question was still coming and it would hit him like a falling brick.

“You like Lucy, don’t you?” Her question was soft with kindness and gentle with understanding, but that didn’t stop it from being too personal.

Too touchy-feely. Too tied up in emotions. Life was better when you stayed in the concrete world. In black and white. Did he like Lucy? That was a question he couldn’t answer. Because he would have to look at his tangled-up feelings. Because he would have to admit that his well-guarded heart wasn’t defended enough.

How could he not like Lucy? She was pretty and kind and lovely. When she smiled, it was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day. Like snow on Christmas morning.

“I don’t dislike her too much,” he said instead, saying what he wanted to be true. What he had to make true. “You know I’m better off alone.”

“I know you believe that, but—” Pity for him filled her eyes.

Pity. He hated it. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“I want good things for you, Spence. You work so hard for all of us. You are such a good man.”

“If you go on about how I deserve good things, I’m not going to grocery shop for you again.” It was an empty threat, and they both knew it.

She smiled. “Love isn’t a bad thing, Spence. Look how it has changed my life. I’m happier than I ever imagined being with Jack as my husband and Hayden as my daughter. And this baby on the way.” She rubbed her round stomach, lovingly. “You don’t want to be alone forever, do you? Don’t you want to be a father?”

“No.” To be a father would mean he would need a wife, and he’d vowed never to marry. Who could he ever trust that much? There probably wasn’t a woman on the face of this earth that he could believe in. At least, he was pretty sure he would never find one.

“Fine.” Katherine wasn’t easily defeated. “Then let me tell you a little about Lucy. She didn’t have a close family growing up. Her mother hardly talks to her since she became a Christian.”

He knew that. He didn’t want to think that they had something in common—moms who had let them down.

“She volunteers a lot at the children’s wing of the local hospital. She’s very devoted to her work there. She moved here because she came here on vacation and said she could still see the old Wild West.”

Deep down he wanted to like that about Lucy, that she could see Montana’s heritage and history and respected it. But on a safer level, he couldn’t let himself admit to such a thing. “Probably because she writes those historical books, moving here makes her job easier. That’s all.”

“Even you don’t believe that one. I know you, Spence. You push everyone away. You keep all of us at a distance.” There was more than pity on Katherine’s face now. There was love. “Maybe you could try letting someone in. I’m not saying it has to be Lucy, but if you did, I don’t think it would be a mistake.”

His throat ached. He thought back over the evening with Lucy in his truck. She had a companionable air to her. She was easy to talk with—even if he didn’t talk much. She was gentle and kind and funny. He had said more to her than he’d said to any woman outside his family in a good decade. She’d made him almost smile. At least twice. Maybe more. She made the cold places in his heart ache to be less lonely.

She was definitely a woman he needed to stay away from. He swallowed hard against the emotion bunched in his throat and lifted his hand in farewell. “See you tomorrow, Kath.”

The moment he felt the driving snow beat against his face, he tried to tell himself that Katherine might mean well, but she was wrong. He didn’t need anyone. He was happy with his life. He was glad to be alone.

The trouble was that loneliness was getting bigger and bigger, and tonight it felt enormous. The wind howled, chasing snow into drifts as he fought through the accumulation to his waiting truck. The lights behind him faded into darkness. By the time he’d tumbled into the cab and started the engine, he was colder than he’d ever been. He wanted to tell himself it was the weather, but it was more. It was the loneliness beating at him, the loneliness that hadn’t felt so bad before tonight. Maybe it was because he’d been so numb to it.

That was Lucy’s doing, too.

He started the truck, letting the defroster blast on high as he wiped down the windows again with another towel from beneath his seat. It was impossible not to remember Lucy watching him as if he’d sprouted another ear when he’d meticulously wiped down his side of the truck.

He supposed a woman like her wasn’t used to being practical. Katherine’s words stuck with him and hurt like a blade dug deep.
Maybe you could try letting someone in. I’m not saying it has to be Lucy, but if you did, I don’t think it would be a mistake.

He couldn’t imagine a bigger one. Lucy was a writer, an author. In that way, she was just like his mother had been. She was someone seeking attention and fame and all the things that didn’t matter in life.