Himiko: Warrior (7 page)

I'm sorry, but it's not that hard to figure out. He is your leader, after all.

How do you know that?

This was one of those things that Matt had to think about.
I just know.
Pietr hadn't told him, it was just... there.

Pietr was still surprised, but he continued his explanation.

He's very eager to obtain his goal.

Which is what?

It's... I don't know anymore.
There was worry and trepidation in Pietr's mind, and it was clear to Matt that this was something he hadn't wanted to admit even to himself.
In the beginning, it was the official mission statement. But now, I don't know.

What is the official mission statement?

You don't know?
Pietr's mind was filled with incredulity.
God, we've done nothing right.

The Himiko took a deep breath.
The official mission statement is to obtain a greater understanding between the two races in order to secure the survival of both. Especially for you; you're showing every sign of making the same mistakes that almost destroyed us. It was urgent that we meet. And now see how we fucked it up.

Matt made a mental note to himself to get back to those mistakes later.
What do you mean, you don't know what his goal is anymore?

Pietr hesitated, and Matt could feel him plucking up the courage to say something he hadn't dared thinking before now.

I'm not sure. I think he's going rogue.
There was a dizzying number of connotations in that phrase, memories of something gone horribly wrong in the history of the Himika.
He's out of control, and he's too powerful for any of us to stop.

There wasn't anything Matt could do or say that would resolve the worries in Pietr's mind, but he could hold and comfort his mate, and he did.
You're stuck with me, and we'll figure it out.

There was an overwhelming gratitude in Pietr's mind, and the Himiko clung to Matt, taking in every comforting touch that Matt gave him.

You really thought I would leave you, didn't you?
Matt had difficulty believing what Pietr had felt.

Pietr was very quiet when he answered.
You could have the chip taken out. Then it wouldn't be impossible for you to leave.

Matt was speechless. Pietr had really thought that this might happen.

I wouldn't, Pietr! It would hurt me so badly to be without you.
Matt tried to hold back the tears that suddenly threatened to fall.

Pietr tightened his arms around Matt, pouring comfort and gratitude into Matt's mind.

And it would kill you!

Pietr hadn't been able to hold back that image as he opened himself to comfort Matt.

Pietr, look at me.
Matt forced Pietr to look into his eyes.
I'll never leave you. Ever. Not because I can't, but because you make me happier than I could ever be without you. Even when I get beat up or mess up or you turn out not to be perfect, I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me, too?

Yes!
There was outrage in Pietr's mind at the mere thought that the Himiko wouldn't.

Good. Then no more talk about taking chips out, okay? It would probably kill me, too, anyway.

Probably.
Pietr's effort to be his old acerbic self was brave enough for Matt to lean in and kiss him.

I would fuck your brains out to prove it to you, but I'm afraid I'm not up to it yet.

It's okay, I can wait.

You better. And one more thing.
Matt looked into Pietr's eyes.
We need to stop thinking that if we fuck up, the other one is going to leave. It's killing us. So, no more of that, okay?

Yes, Mom.

Matt raised an eyebrow.
Do you really believe that's a wise strategy for getting me back in bed anytime soon?

Pietr shuddered when he realized the implications of his comment.
God, no. I'll take that back.

That's a first. There just might be hope for you still.

Pietr's attempt to punish him for that remark was a kiss. Which, as revenge went, was rather pathetic. In every other sense, though, it was quite nice.

***

Now that Pietr had finally told him about his job, it raised more questions. Pietr didn't want to go back, but he couldn't let anybody know how he felt about his work.

Who's doing your job while you're away?
Matt asked his mate. He was trying to be matter-of-fact, pushing what he felt about Pietr's job out of the way. There were only so many feelings he could face in a couple of days. Right now it seemed easier to be practical.

Pietr was reluctant to even talk about it.
Nobody, really. We have some routines by now, and everybody follows them. I think I'm stretching it, though. I was already asked to come back while we were in the city.

Then go back.

There was both outrage and disgust in Pietr's mind when Matt made that suggestion.
Didn't you understand what I did?

Yes, I understand. Been there, remember?

Pietr winced, and Matt instantly regretted his words. In spite of his disgust, it hurt every time he felt Pietr's pain. He hurried to continue.

I also understand that it would have been worse if you hadn't been there.

Pietr was still protesting, but Matt didn't give in.

Can you honestly say that things are better when you're not there?

No.
Pietr was reluctant, but he couldn't lie.

Are they better when you're there?

Yes.

Then you're going back. If not for any other reason than to figure out how to clean this mess up.

Pietr kept protesting, but Matt was adamant. And Pietr grudgingly had to admit that he could probably do more good trying to make the harvesting as gentle as possible. Matt pretended not to notice the flicker of a thought when Pietr admitted to himself that he would probably be killed if he refused to do his job.

***

So much had happened within the last couple of months that Matt could barely contain it anymore. It wasn't so much a matter of his world being turned upside down as his world changing so many times that he wasn't even sure what was up and down anymore. First he had been scared of the Himika, and then he had come to the realization that Pietr was his mate and Aki and Robbie his good friends. Now he was back to the beginning. They had had at least some kind of reconciliation, but Pietr's confession meant that Matt was faced with his original fear, and he didn't know what or who to trust anymore.

Of course, Pietr felt his doubt, and his mate insisted on talking about it.

So, what do you want to know?
It seemed that Pietr was determined to get everything out in the open now that they had started talking.

Matt didn't even know where to begin. Then he asked a question that had bothered him for a long time.

Robbie was really scared when I talked to him back in the beginning about the kidnappings. I got the impression that he didn't like them either. Why don't you just speak up?

Robbie told you that?
There was surprise in Pietr's inner voice.

Well, I got it out of him; I'm really stubborn that way. So, why don't you just refuse to do it?

Pietr shook his head.
We can't.

That's ridiculous.

No, you don't understand -- we don't work that way. Himiko society is strictly hierarchical; everything depends on how strong you are. The stronger you are, the more you have to say in important questions. And Robbie wasn't considered to be powerful at all.

But, still -- you could just say no. You don't have to talk everybody else into agreeing with you.

Pietr just shook his head again.
No. It would be seen as treason against the community. And to us, the community is everything. Interacting is the way we stay sane, and that's why it's really important to keep that solidarity. Apart from that, it's nearly impossible to disobey orders.

Because it's hard to hide anything from mind readers?

Exactly. You can shield, but only for so long -- and only if you're strong enough to keep it up for a long time, which most Himika aren't
.

But you did so yourself when you hid your job for me!

Pietr flinched mentally, but he still answered Matt's question.
That wasn't easy, believe me. And I don't think many Himika can do it.

So, you're compelled to go with it, even though you don't agree?

Yes.
There was a firm conviction in Pietr's mind

It didn't convince Matt that Pietr really hadn't had a choice. But it did convince him that Pietr thought so.

That fact didn't sit well with Matt. Following orders was something he despised. He had a feeling that there were even more details that Pietr wasn't telling him. He didn't ask, though. Pietr had had good reason not to tell him in the first place. Matt was well aware that his life could be in danger if he let anybody know what he had found out.

He tried hard to ignore the little voice nagging him with the fact that he also risked finding out more about his mate; facts that could mean that the precarious balance they had found in their relationship would be torn up once again. Matt had insisted that they belonged together, and he wasn't ready to face any facts that could disturb that conviction. It was fragile enough as it was.

***

Pietr took Matt's advice, and a month later, the Himiko slowly started going back to work. Not full time and not in the city or at the collecting station (Matt hadn't been able to hide his shudder when he learned the Himiko name for the converted gym where he had met his mate for the first time), but Pietr went to meetings at the clinic and around the compound.

He wasn't exactly happy about being back in the job he hated so much, but he did do something good: he managed to decrease the number of humans being harvested, citing as his reason the humans' difficulties in learning how to use their new abilities and the duration of their training.

Matt hadn't realized before now that he had been exceptionally quick in learning to use his skills. Aki hadn't known, since his mentor hadn't worked with any humans before. And Pietr had just been proud of everything Matt did, so Matt had never found out that his speed was anything out of the ordinary.

It did explain why none of the successfully implanted humans had returned to normal society yet. Pietr reassured him that they were in training facilities, being trained like Aki had trained Matt. It just was going a lot slower.

That was an immense relief to Matt. Pietr's regret about what he had done was very real. Still, it was easier to forgive somebody who wasn't a mass murderer.

Pietr didn't know if he should laugh or cry when he heard that thought.

Sorry, baby. I didn't mean to put it like that.

Well, you're right. At least I'm not a mass murderer.

Matt didn't know what to say. Pietr's job was still a huge obstacle between them, even if they were trying to move on. To Matt, the problem was both the truth about Pietr's job and the fact that he had been hiding it to Matt. It felt like a betrayal, no matter how hard Matt tried to ignore it.

***

After almost six weeks, Pietr finally deemed Matt ready to meet other people again. Matt had a hunch that Pietr had been somewhat reluctant to share him; he'd caught a hint now and then in his mate's mind. He hadn't said anything to Pietr, though. Even Matt acknowledged that there were a few things you shouldn't be mocked for. Loving and protecting your mate was one of those.

I think Aki has something to say to you.

They were hanging out, waiting for Robbie and Aki to come over. The potatoes were already on the grill, and the meat and the salad sat in the fridge.

Yeah? What?
Matt absentmindedly fingered Pietr's shirt.

Robbie wouldn't say.

He wouldn't? Should I be worried?
Matt frowned.

More like incredibly annoyed, according to Robbie.

Matt decided to let it go until he could actually talk to Aki. The fabric of Pietr's shirt really was quite thin, doing nothing to hide the tight body under it. They just might have time...

No, we don't. They're only two minutes away, and I have much more stamina than that. I, for one, don't come as soon as I'm touched.

Matt really thought that Pietr should have learned the consequences of teasing by now. The Himiko certainly would have had fewer bruises if he had.

Ouch! You really must be into spanking, baby. There's no other explanation for all this excessive violence.

No, you just induce punishment. And for your information: I hadn't had sex for weeks, and you're hot. Very hot.
Their bodies still knew what they needed. Matt took the fingering a bit lower.