Highlander's Ransom (20 page)

“As you know, Robert—the Laird—and I are married,” she
began a bit shakily.

“Yes, my child. I wish that I could have been the one
to perform the ceremony. I have been overseeing the flock here at Roslin for
some years now, and would have gotten much joy from seeing Robert wed,” he said
familiarly, a kind smile on his face.

She hesitated awkwardly, searching for the right
words. “I must discuss something with you, but I hope that you will
understand,” she said. He waited patiently, his hands clasped in front of him.
Finally, she forced herself to spit it out. “I wish to discuss the possibility
of an annulment.”

Father Frederick’s mouth fell open for a moment and
his eyes widened, but he quickly regained his calm comportment. “And why would
you ask of such a thing, my child?”

“The circumstances under which Robert and I were wed
were, well…”

A knowing look came into the priest’s eyes. “My child,
if you…partook of each other before the vows were spoken, then you should not
worry yourself. You have done the right thing by being wed now, and surely—”

A choking cough from Alwin interrupted him. When she
had gotten her sputtering under control, she said quickly, “Nay, that is not
what happened. We have not—” This wasn’t going well. She decided she’d better
just get it out. “Father, Robert kidnapped me and tricked me into marrying him.
He had the ceremony conducted in Gaelic and made his man Burke speak for me.”

There. She had said it. But why did the priest now
have a twinkle in his eye? “Yes, my child, I am aware of what happened. Robert
confessed this morning. He has already received absolution and blessings.”

Now it was her turn to widen her eyes and drop her
mouth open. Father Frederick went on. “These things happen, my child. This is
the Highlands, after all. But I don’t understand why you wish to seek an
annulment. Robert didn’t mention anything of the sort this morning, and I have
seen you two together, first when you arrived and then last night in the great
hall. There seems to be real…regard between the two of you.”

At her shocked expression, he hurried on. “And even if
there wasn’t any regard, the words have been spoken before God.”

“But not by me!” she nearly shouted, finally snapping
out of her stunned silence.

Father Frederick paused before responding, giving her
a chance to draw in several breaths to try to calm herself. Finally, he said
quietly, “Do you know who my predecessor was here at Roslin?” A sinking feeling
hit Alwin. “Father Paul resided over the flock during Robert’s father’s
Lairdship, and he trained me. He knows Robert better than I do, and knows God
better too, I’d wager,” he said with a little smile. Letting his warmth fade,
he took her hands in his and said seriously, “I
will
not go against
Father Paul, and I
cannot
go against God. I am sorry my child, but this
marriage stands in the eyes of the church.” He paused again, but, giving her
hands a little squeeze and letting the kindness flow in his eyes, added, “And I
believe it stands in Robert’s mind as well. Perhaps the two of you should
discuss your future. I see no reason why this union cannot be a happy and
prosperous one.”

He let go of her hands and patted her shoulder. “Is
there anything else, my child?”

“No, Father,” she mumbled, too stunned by the priest’s
words and her own jumbled thoughts to respond further. Without another word,
she turned and walked stiffly out of the chapel. Outside, the sun seemed too
bright and harsh, the air too sharp, the noises of the castle’s daily activity
too loud. Strangers’ faces swam before her, and she was disoriented for a
moment. She had to get out of here, get away from everyone and everything.

Chapter 27

She stumbled toward the great hall and thought for a
moment of going back to Robert’s chamber. But then the thought of his bed,
where they had been so intimate the night before, only reminded her of their
marriage and the wedding night consummation they had yet to complete. She
turned without thinking and went toward a different tower. Her mind in tangles,
she didn’t pay attention to where she was going, only that she had started
winding upward on one of the tower’s staircases. Her thoughts were interrupted
when she could go up no longer, and found herself in front of a large wooden
door. She was at the northeast tower solar. Pushing the door open, she slipped
inside.

The light coming in through the windows was more muted
now, as the sun had moved out of the east. She walked over to a window and
leaned against the frame, gazing out at the seemingly endless sea before her.
There was something mesmerizing and soothing about the repetitious crashing of
the waves against the cliffs below the castle, the swell of the ocean, and the
seagulls, turning and turning in endless spirals. She could hear their faint
calls to each other mingling with the sound of swelling water.

She felt suddenly exhausted. She realized that she had
based all her plans on the assumption that she could undo this marriage she
found herself in. She wasn’t sure why, though, because she knew she didn’t want
to be wed to Raef Warren, or any other man for that matter. She also knew that
she could never return to her father’s keep again; she had not felt at home
there since her mother died, and now that she was married, she was no longer
his concern.

She realized as she stared out at sea that what she
had been holding on to was a memory of herself before she had met Robert.
Things hadn’t been easy then, but they had been simpler. She had entertained
fantasies of escaping her father and finding a gentle, courtly love with an
English knight, one of her choosing. But everything was so jumbled now, so much
more complicated. She had never envisioned being kidnapped and held for ransom.
She had also never imagined seeing the cruelty and callousness of an English
nobleman, or for that matter the underlying kindness and honor in a rugged
Highland warrior.

Yes, she had to admit that something was growing
inside her: feelings of affection, perhaps even love, for Robert. Wary from
years of being used for other men’s gain, though, she realized that she was
holding something back from him—from herself. A part of her didn’t want to
admit that despite his deceit, she understood his reasons for doing what he
did, and actually felt grateful to have their lives bound together. Another
part of her could acknowledge that her resistance was childish and stubborn,
the less flattering side of her spiritedness. She knew he was a good man; she
saw it in his protectiveness of her, the way he interacted with his men, and
the harmony she sensed at Roslin. And, she thought as the heat rose up her neck
and to her cheeks, they clearly desired each other. She had no idea that it
could be this way between a man and a woman, between a husband and a wife. Of
course, their shared passion was no reason to stay with him—or at least
shouldn’t be the only reason. But then her mind circled back to his honor, his
goodness, his kindness, his gruff command of his people—and her.

She didn’t know how long she had been standing there
gazing out at the sea, but she slowly became aware of her aching feet and back.
The solar was now infused with the bluish light of evening. Her exhaustion
suddenly overwhelmed her, and all she wanted to do was curl up and sleep,
letting her mind cease its gnawing on these issues. The girl in her, which was
awakened by this room’s similarity to the beloved library of her childhood,
longed to crawl into a small space and sleep hidden from view. She pulled out
the upholstered chair a little and scooted her way underneath the desk, her
back pressing against the desk’s wooden panels, which blocked out the door and
the rest of the room. From her nook on the floor, all she could see were the
chair and one window. She watched as the sky continued to deepen into dark blue
and then black before slipping into a slumber in a ball beneath the desk.

Chapter 28

Robert wiped the damp sleeve of his shirt over his
brow. Despite the cold outside, he and his men had managed to work up a sweat
during their training. With only a brief break for the midday meal, he had put
them all through their paces for several hours. When the sun had finally set,
he allowed them to break for the day, and now he sought Stella. He guessed that
the head servant had shown Alwin around Roslin and that she had had a chance to
get more accustomed to the place. Curiosity niggled at him about what she
thought of Roslin. He took great pride in his holding, and secretly hoped that
she was impressed. And curiosity wasn’t the only thing pulling at him when his
mind went to Alwin, as it had done without fail the entire day.

Entering the great hall, he saw no sign of either of
the women, and so called out to Stella.

The old servant poked her head through the door
leading to the kitchen. “What are you bellowing about, Laird?” she said curtly,
clearly in the middle of something.

“Is Alwin with you?” he asked, a little too eagerly
for his pride to stand. His thoughts had been completely invaded by the lass.
Her scent clung to his skin, and he couldn’t stop the images of her naked body
from swimming before him, or keep the little sounds and moans of pleasure she
had made last night from echoing in his ears. And damn if he could forget the
sensation of her hand on him, a bit timid at first, but then eager to bring him
pleasure. She was innocent, and yet a deep current of passion and sensuality
ran through her, which stirred him like nothing he had experienced before.

In truth, he had hoped that giving himself and his men
a thorough thrashing on the practice field would alleviate some of his pent-up
energy. Yet even now, exhausted and sweaty as he was, he hungered for her more
than ever. What was it about this woman? All he knew was that he had to have
more of her. And judging by the smart smirk on Stella’s face, his tone and
question had given him away.

“She is not with me, Laird. Perhaps you should check
your chamber?”

Robert turned without a word and bounded up the stairs
toward his chamber. He yanked open the door, half expecting to catch her asleep
across the bed in his shirt again, but all he found was a cold, dark, and empty
room. Returning to the great hall, he approached Stella, who was beginning to
prepare the long tables for the evening meal. “She was not there. When did you
last see her?”

Stella paused in her motions, hearing the shift in
Robert’s tone from annoyed to slightly concerned. She scratched her head and
considered for a moment. “I left her with Father Frederick around midday today.
I sensed that perhaps she had something to discuss with him,” she said, giving
Robert a knowing look. Of course the old head of servants would have pieced
together a few things even without being told, Robert thought wryly. She had
likely seen him head to the chapel first thing this morning.

Returning his thoughts to Alwin, he said, “I’ll ask
Father Frederick where she went after speaking with him.”

Inside the chapel, Father Frederick explained to
Robert that after a brief chat, Lady Alwin had left. He didn’t say what they
had discussed, but Robert would put money on it being about their marriage. He
had confessed to the priest, anticipating the fact that Alwin would want to see
him about an annulment. He wanted to be the one to explain things to Father
Frederick, but also wanted to get a sense for how the priest would respond to
the less-then-straightforward circumstances under which they were married.
After the initial shock, the priest had given Robert his blessings on the
union, confirming Robert’s suspicions that the marriage would stand. If Alwin
had been staking her hopes on an annulment, and Father Frederick had told her
that it would not happen, what would she do? How much did she want to escape
this marriage? Robert considered this uneasily. For some reason, the thought of
her desperately trying to get away from him made him angry, and something
else—scared. Would she have tried to escape the castle? It seemed unlikely, but
the lass had tried to run away from him and his men before. She also had
fortitude and a backbone of steel when it came to resisting being forced
against her will. He had seen her fight tooth and nail against Warren when he
had held her captive. Would she do the same to him?

Uneasiness filled him as he left the chapel. He
crossed to the stables, but all the horses were accounted for and the stable
lads hadn’t seen Alwin. He next climbed the stairs that led from the inner
courtyard to the curtain wall where guards patrolled, taking the steps two at a
time. The guards had not seen her leave, though. Wracking his mind for what to
do next, he turned and headed for the stairs back to the courtyard. Just then
he spotted Stella coming from the great hall into the courtyard with a worried
look on her face.

When he reached her, she said, “I asked the servants,
but they haven’t seen her since this morning, Laird.” She was frowning, and he
guessed that she was responding to the worry that was quickly escalating within
him.

“I’ll check the chapel again,” he said, frustration
lining his voice.

Suddenly Stella’s face cleared and she grabbed his arm
before he could turn away. “The solar?” she asked.

“Why would she be there?” he said crossly. He was
grateful for another place to look, but the solar was his private study, and he
hadn’t expected Alwin to even know of it yet.