Highland Chieftain (23 page)

“Or being bone-deep terrified because they just got hurt, e'en though ye can see it isnae a mortal wound.”

“Exactly.”

He frowned and said carefully, “Or being afraid that if ye admit it, it might nae be returned.” He felt lighter in heart for saying that and began to know that that had been his real fear, one that had been set so deep he had not really recognized it.

“Most certainly that. That would mean heartache and nay rational person courts that.”

He stared at her. She sat with the linen sheet covering her lap and her hair draped over her breasts. He thought her the most beautiful thing he had seen. She loved him and he could only marvel at the fact that she did. His inept words had not sent her storming from the room either, and he began to think that was because she understood him better than he did himself.

“Then I love ye, Bethoc Matheson, and I want ye to marry me.” He felt a cold grip his innards as he spoke the words and waited for her answer.

“Oh, aye, Callum. Aye.”

She flung herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. Callum breathed a hearty sigh of relief. It was odd how he had ignored his own fear but he was relieved it had not cost him Bethoc. When she lifted her head to look at him, he kissed her.

“I have four children,” she warned after the kiss ended.

“I collect them and quite often have more than four.”

“Are ye certain, Callum? I couldnae bear having ye change your mind later and find myself wed to ye but ye nae bound to me.”

“Actually, aye, I am verra sure.” He touched a kiss to her nose. “I realized as we talked that my doubts were born of fear. I am nae clean and have often doubted why anyone would have anything to do with me. I didnae heed my grandfather's words of affection for a long time because of that.”

“Ye are nae unclean, Callum. That is utter nonsense. Do ye think Laurel unclean and unworthy of Robbie's love?”

“Weel, nay. Of course not. Sadly, too many women suffer the horror of rape, e'en from their own husbands. How could one fault them for that?”

“And how could one fault a child for the same thing?”

“That's what Payton always said.”

“Weel, ye obviously didnae listen. Would ye have thought me unclean if ye hadnae arrived in time at the jail and the sheriff and his men had done as they were intending?”

“Nay, but I would have killed them and that would have caused a problem or two.”

He sighed and nodded. “I understand. I do. 'Tis just hard to recall it from time to time. I will try harder to do so.”

“Good, because it twists up your thoughts, I think.”

He laughed. “Aye, it does.”

“So when would ye like to be married? In the spring?”

“Nay, that is too long to wait. Soon. I want ye to be the lady here as soon as possible.” He slid his hands down to caress her buttocks.

“I dinnae need anything fancy so whene'er ye choose is fine with me. Maybe before all the flowers are gone though. I think a wee basket of petals to throw about would please Margaret.”

“I was thinking we would wed as soon as I can get a priest here.”

She grinned. “Then find your priest. I will be ready.”

He kissed her and began to make love to her. Slow and languid, he dragged out every caress and kiss to savor the pleasure. When they finally found release as one, he held her close as she fell asleep. Once he was sure she was sound asleep he slipped out of bed and donned his plaid. He intended to get the vows said as soon as possible and for that he needed someone to fetch him a priest.

Once in the room that Simon and Uven shared, he nudged Simon awake, knowing without looking that Uven had already woken up and was watching him. The man had that ability to sense when someone approached. If he had been a threat he would already be bleeding out on the floor.

“I need a priest as soon as one can be found,” he told Simon.

“So ye finally came to your senses,” Simon said, and yawned widely.

“Aye, though it was a long road and I said stupid things. Fortunately, she is a forgiving lass and a lot smarter about such things than I am. And I think she kens me better than I do myself. But I dinnae want to wait long in case she comes to her senses.” He glared at Uven who just laughed.

“So ye wish us to be up early and go search out a priest?”

“Aye.”

“She is happy enough with such a hurried wedding?” asked Uven.

“She said aye.”

“Might I ask just what made ye so slow? I ken ye think about things too much but nae sure that explains it all.”

Callum sighed and dragged his hand through his hair. “It was stupid and something Payton often lectured me on. I kenned it the moment I asked her to marry me and my innards froze in fear she would say nay. I ne'er fully accepted his lesson that I am nae to blame.”

“Ah. That whole ‘unclean' problem. Fool.”

“Weel, she didnae call me that but I think she thought me a fool.” He grinned. “Then asked me a couple of questions concerning Laurel and what might have been her if I was not in time and something just fell into place for me. Nae sure what it was and why it didnae work with Payton, but there it is.”

“Probably because Payton didnae have someone ye kenned that he could point to and ask ye if ye thought them unclean. Aye, there were the other lads, but too close, too much like ye were. Who kens. Things like that are hard to understand and what fixes them even harder. But glad ye finally came to your senses. It would have been bad if ye had lost her.”

Callum stood up. “Aye, there is nay doubting that. So I will see ye two when ye return with a priest, aye?”

“Aye. Might be a day or two or e'en longer. If we cannae get one close at hand I ken where to find one.”

“Thank ye. Best get back to bed in case she wakes and wonders where I have run off to.”

Uven watched Callum leave and looked at Simon. “I had wondered if he still had that old fear but it isnae something ye can ask him about verra often.”

“Nay. Ye dinnae wish to bring up old, sad memories either. Then there's how cocky and strong he is and ye forget there might still be scars on his heart. Weel, except for that anger that can show at times.”

“True. Weel, 'tis just ye and I left, old mon.”

“I am nae about to run out and get wed just because Callum and Robbie feel the urge. I have a lot of living yet to do. A lot of lassies yet to enjoy.”

“Certainly and I am sure they are all lined up eagerly waiting for ye to come and enjoy them.”

Simon cursed and tossed his pillow at Uven.

* * *

Callum slipped back into bed and tugged Bethoc into his arms. She settled herself against his chest and he smiled. This was what he wanted. He could not believe he had been such a fool as to not see it clearly.

He felt an odd lightness in his chest. Then he realized it was because he had recognized and tossed aside an old fear. He had finally accepted that what had been done to him when he was a child had not been his fault, had never been his fault. Most of the time he had believed he had ceased thinking that but, facing Bethoc, opening his heart to her, had shown him that he had just buried it deep, not gotten rid of it. Some part of him had still clung to that useless guilt and shame.

“Callum?”

“What, love?”

“Why are your feet cold?”

“Ah, I went to see Simon and Uven to be sure they left early to find us a priest.”

She sleepily kissed his chest, snuggled closer, and went back to sleep. Callum smiled and closed his eyes. He wondered if his nightmares were gone too, and had a feeling they would not return. After all, he could reach for Bethoc now and he knew she would always be there.

Epilogue

 

Payton stood next to Callum as they watched Robbie and Laurel arrive. “Robbie looks happy.”

“Oh, aye, he is. As happy as a pig in mud, he says. He has a fine wife, a fine son, and three foster children who would do any mon proud,” answered Callum.

“And now ye are a settled wedded mon.”

Callum grinned. “Aye. Have a son, too.”

“And five foster children, one of them a hellion of a little girl as a sister by law.”

“More fool me for thinking she would calm just because she can talk so well now.”

Payton laughed. “Aye, that one will ne'er calm. Brett should be along soon. They were almost ready to leave when we left their home. Ah, let us see what Robbie has produced.”

When Robbie introduced Laurel to Payton, she hugged him hard and kissed his cheek. She stepped back and held his hands in hers. “Thank ye, Sir Payton, for raising up such a fine mon,” she said.

“Ye did notice that he is a stubborn fellow, didnae ye?” Payton said, but Callum could see that the man was both pleased and embarrassed by her thanks.

“'Tis hard not to,” she said, and laughed.

“My son, Quentin,” Robbie said, and tickled the small child's neck as he showed him to Payton. “Just old enough to bring him out on such a journey.”

“A fine lad. He will make a fine playmate for your son one day, Callum.”

“Aye, that he will. Go on in, Robbie. Bethoc has been eager to see Laurel.”

The moment Robbie and his family went inside, Payton said, “That is a verra beautiful woman. Must admit, at first I wondered how our Robbie got her and then I saw how well they suited each other.”

“Aye,” Callum answered as he and Payton made their way inside. “He decided he would try for her and ye ken how stubborn he can be. He also obviously has the patience of a saint. But, it worked for him. I think they will move back into her house in a year as Colin will be eighteen then and mon enough to hold the house.”

Once inside, Callum found himself swept up in the crowd of visitors. Then Brett arrived and he watched Payton and Brett fall into a deep discussion. The brothers did not see each other as often as they probably would have liked. Callum then went and joined his friends.

“So, the family gathers,” said Uven.

“Aye, new babies often bring them out. 'Tis a good excuse to make a journey and be away from what work ye need to do for a while.” Callum frowned as he watched Bethoc hitch their small son on her hip while talking to Laurel and Kirstie. “I should probably see if she wants to be relieved of the bairn.”

“She will tell ye if she does,” said Simon and he suddenly looked around. “Where is Margaret? She should be here. So much company is just what she likes.”

“Aye, ye are right.”

As Callum started to go back outside he realized his two friends were following. Just as he stepped outside he caught sight of Margaret, or what looked like it might be her. It was the muddiest child he had ever seen and it did not look as if much of the mud was being removed by the water she was trying to wash it away with.

“Margaret?” he asked as he walked up and she looked at him with wide green eyes. “What happened?”

“I was trying to get a puppy out of the mud but I fell in.”

“I dinnae think this water is helping much, sweetling. Mayhap we should just go in and get ye into a new gown.”

“Bethoc will be mad.”

“Ye didnae do it on purpose, did ye?”

“Nay. I fell and the puppy ran out and got away.”

“Then let us go and get this gown off and wash ye up.”

Keeping the child a safe distance from the rest of them, he took her inside. He then found himself holding his small son as Bethoc hurried Margaret up the stairs to change. He looked down at the boy who stared up at him solemnly with wide green eyes. Looking around he noticed his friends had quietly fled. Laurel walked up to him and smiled.

“Margaret is still getting into trouble, I see,” said Laurel.

“I think trouble and Margaret will always be close friends. Happy, are ye, Laurel?”

“Verra happy. I have what I tried to get the first time I got married and found only misery. I have scars and so does he but we seem to smooth them away when we are together. That isnae such a bad thing.”

“Nay, it certainly isnae. I am pleased ye saw the worth in our Robbie.”

“Ye miss him, dinnae ye.”

“Aye, but I wouldnae wish him anywhere but where he is. Miss him though I do, I also wish him to be happy.” He smiled when she blushed. “And, may I say, that was a verra kind thing ye said to Payton.”

“T'was the simple truth.” She placed a hand on his arm. “And are ye happy, Callum?”

“Oh, aye, verra happy. Were ye worried about that?”

“Some, aye.” She stroked the child's head. “She gave ye a fine son.”

“Aye, Bhaltair was a nice surprise. I am glad we didnae ken he was on his way ere I asked her to wed me though.”

For a while they talked about the house Robbie still worked on and the harvest, what was being planted this year, and even the bairns. Then she was called away to tend to her son who was clearly hungry. Callum walked outside with his son and ran into Brett and Payton. He reluctantly allowed Brett to hold the boy for a while.

“A grandson, Brett. Best get your walking stick,” teased Payton.

“Ye had more to do with raising the father than I did with raising the mother so 'tis ye who best get the walking stick.”

Payton laughed and then studied Callum for a minute. “Ye are doing fine. There is a lightness about ye that wasnae there before.”

Glancing at Brett, Callum sighed. “I faced a truth that I hadn't faced before nay matter what ye said. I buried it instead. Buried it deep. Then I asked Bethoc to wed me and when she said aye, I kenned it was there for it left me. She accepted me.”

“Ah, I see. Ye always were the one who didnae listen. I thought ye had but I can see what ye mean. There was a darkness, aye? And now ye are rid of it. Good. Ye were ne'er to blame.”

“I ken it. Now.” He saw Bethoc looking for him and waved her over.

“A fine son, Daughter,” said Brett, and grinned. “I suppose I should tell Triona that she was right although I hate to.”

Bethoc laughed and took her son when he lunged toward her. She kissed her father on the cheek, hooked her arm through his, and walked back to the keep. Callum watched the two of them talk and was glad that she and Brett were beginning to grow together.

“So ye are all settled and the darkness gone?” asked Payton, once they were alone.

“I think so. I havenae had my temper tested yet though. Not a single nightmare since I married though. They try but, as Bethoc told me, I just grab on to her and hold her and they fade.”

“I am glad ye and Robbie found such good women. Ones who could heal those last scars. And nay, I am nae fool enough to think they are all gone and gone forever, but growing distant is good. Keep holding on, Callum.”

It was late by the time Callum found himself tucked up in bed with his wife. He held her close as she grew sleepy and smiled as he thought of what Payton had said. He kissed the top of Bethoc's head, rubbing his nose in her sweet-smelling hair, and smiled again.
Keep holding on,
Payton had said. He had no intention of letting go.