High society (9 page)

THE LEMAN HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

W
hat, may I ask, are you doing up?’

‘Dad. I’m fifteen.’

‘Yes, I know that, Anna. Now, returning to my question, what are you doing up? It’s past midnight on a school day.’

‘Did you meet him?’

‘And again we return to the core of the issue, what are you do — ’

‘Dad! Shut up! Did you meet him?’

‘Meet who?’

‘Don’t be sad. It’s so sad the way you think you’re funny when you’re not.’

‘Yes, I met him.’

‘Unreal! Absolutely, totally unreal! You met him! I cannot believe you met him!’

‘Well, I did.’

‘What’s he like?’

‘He’s a stupid, arrogant, spoilt brat.’

‘No way! That is so not true.’

‘It so is true. I’ve met him.’

‘You were probably being a pain. Trying to be funny or something.’

‘I did not try to be funny.’

‘Well then, you’re just jealous because he’s the most fantastic person on earth and you’re a boring policeman.’

‘Well, put like that, who wouldn’t be jealous?’

‘Did you get his autograph and loads of stuff?’

‘Stuff?’

‘You know — hats, tour jackets, fleeces, T-shirts. Stuff, Dad. They give all that to people who meet them.’

‘Well, nobody gave me anything, I’m afraid.’

Suddenly Anna was fighting back the tears. ‘You’re pathetic, Dad! Pathetic! I hate you! You were probably being all know-it all and pig-like! You probably put him off! I can’t believe it! My dad does one decent thing in his whole life by meeting Tommy Hanson and he doesn’t even get any stuff!’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think.’

‘But I told you to get his autograph.’

‘And I said I would if it was appropriate and it wasn’t.’

‘It’s always appropriate to get Tommy’s autograph. He loves his fans, he says so. He loves us. He’ll never be too big to chill with his fans.’

‘That’s very commendable, but it really wasn’t the time for me to ask for an autograph…But I did get myself a nice new baseball cap, look, and a mug and a fleece, and a scarf and a programme. Sadly no tour jacket but everything has been pre-signed by Tommy. Mr Hanson’s tour manager assured me so.’

‘Dad, that’s fantastic1. Give me!’

‘You want my stuff? Can’t I keep any of it?’

‘Dad!’

‘Oh, all right.’

‘Look, he’s signed everything!’

‘As I say, I didn’t see him do it.’

‘Yeah, right, like Tommy’s going to lie to his fans about a thing like that.’

‘No, absolutely. Of course not…Anna, do you think Tommy Hanson takes drugs?’

‘He did, everybody knows that, but he’s kicked it. It’s in his autobiography. He struggles with an addictive personality. He’s got demons. It’s very hard being Tommy.’

‘He hasn’t given up.’

‘He has. He said.’

‘When I met him he had cocaine all over his top lip.’

‘No! That is so cool I’

Anna was halfway up the stairs when Commander Leman called her back.

‘Anna. You do think about what I told you, don’t you? Every day?’

‘Yes, Dad. God, how many more times?’

‘Every day, Anna. Every single day you have to remind yourself that I’ve made you a potential target. I couldn’t bear it if I thought you took the threat made against you lightly.’

‘I don’t, Dad, and you haven’t made me anything. You have to do your job. I’m proud of you.’

‘How many rape alarms do you have? Where are they as of this instant?’

‘Five. Schoolbag. Jacket pocket. Handbag. Under pillow. Gaffered to handlebars of bike.’

‘Under what circumstances would you set one off?’

‘At the slightest hint of suspicion. Bugger embarrassment.’

‘Good. Most important that. At the slightest hint. Bugger embarrassment.’

‘Don’t worry.’

‘And where is your pepper spray at this moment?’

In one quick and decisive movement Anna Leman reached into the breast pocket of her pyjamas and the Commander suddenly found himself facing the tiny nozzle of the illegal little can that he had procured for her. If ever it were discovered that he had removed one from the station he would almost certainly lose his job, but that was not an issue. He smiled at the girl standing on the stairs, legs apart, both arms outstretched, the can held in her hands like a movie cop’s Magnum. He half expected her to say ‘Freeze!’ Strange how young she seemed when discussing the subject of Tommy Hanson and how mature she seemed now. He knew that he was a very lucky man to have such a daughter.

‘Very good, darling.’

‘Aikido training, Dad. I’m a cat. In fact I’m a minx.’

‘D’you sleep with it in that pocket?’

‘Hardly, Dad, bit uncomfortable. Under the pillow with the rape alarm, but I move it into whatever I’m wearing, just like you said.’

‘Good girl. Oh, you’re such a good girl, and I’m so sorry, darling.’

‘Shut up, Dad.’

‘Goodnight.’ Commander Leman stepped up the stairs to embrace his daughter. As he reached out to her he suddenly found two fingers hovering inches from his face, a vicious polished fingernail pointing straight into each eyeball.

Anna smiled. ‘Do you know, Dad, I can push them all the way through an orange in a single thrust? If I decided to take a guy’s eyes out, by the time the bridge of his nose had stopped my thrust I’d be at least an inch and a half into his brain. Who needs a pepper spray? ‘Night.’

Anna Leman put her pepper spray back into her pocket, kissed her father and, hugging her Tommy Hanson merchandise, went to bed.

Central Criminal Court, Bangkok (Translation)

‘For too long the moral and cultural strength of this country has been drained and corrupted by the insatiable Western appetite for hard drugs. We will no longer tolerate the pernicious influence of the drug gangs who feed this market. I am aware, miss, that you are a tiny part of the problem, a small fish in a big pond. Nonetheless, the role you chose to play in this crime was a central one. Whether it was your first and only excursion as a drug courier is neither here nor there. You are nineteen years old, a grown woman. It is absurd to imagine that you did not know that what you were doing was wicked and criminal and wrong, and that the consequences should you be caught would be severe. As I am sure that the counsel whom this court has appointed to speak in your defence has explained, it is within my power to pronounce the death penalty upon you. However, in view of your age and apparent inexperience, I am minded to be lenient. You will serve thirty years in prison.’

‘What did he say? What did he say? Am I gowing home?’

THE BRIT AWARDS, DOCKLANDS ARENA

W
ell, ever so slightly weird, actually. He wanted to play around with the fruit a lot, so I had to be really careful about my dress. Christ, though, he had some excellent cocaine, like diamonds up the nose, I’m not kidding, the best…Unlike this champagne can you believe it? It might as well be fizzy bleach. Probably is, actually, takes the back off your neck. But anyway, as I was saying, Tommy’s totally losing it. I mean, what about him biffing you like that, Harry? Incredible. I think it’s because you said I was your girlfriend. He had a moral moment. But it was so obvious you were joking. Reality is no longer Tommy’s strong point, I think…but so incredibly good looking, though, you can see why he’s such a star. God, but I still can’t believe it. I’ve done it. Yes! I’ve shagged Tommy Hanson. I said I was going to and I bloody have…Oh my God, he’s won another one!’

‘This is for the fans! Because the fans are…Well, they’re the fans, in’t they? An’ at the end of the day, this award’s for them. The fans…So this is for you…The fans, because the fans are what this industry is all about, the fans are, and this is for them. Yeah! The fans! Yeah!’

A DROP-IN CENTRE, KING’S CROSS

M
a name’s Jessica. They call me Jessie. Yes Ah’m a prostitute, yes Ah’m a heroin addict. How did ye ever guess? Glasgow. Well, a little village near Glasgow, actually. Dumgoyne, it’s called, very nice, lots of hills, if you like hills, which Ah don’t, well, Ah didnae then, anyway. Ah miss ‘em now…No, Ah can’t give it up, not the smack or the game. Christ, you ought to know better than to ask that. How long have ye worked here? Ah’ve told you Ah’m an addict, Ah need the junk, Ah like it and whoring’s the only way Ah can get it. Besides, the fellah Ah work fur’s no very pleasant, if you get ma meaning. Ah imagine you meet a lot of girls in ma position…Don’t feel you have to talk to me, hen, Ah’m no’ after counselling and Ah’m no’ looking for a methadone programme, Ah’ve only come here for the free coffee and a bit of a warm, it’s effing freezing out if you hadn’t noticed and there’s me standing about in hotpants and a boob tube. No no, don’t get me wrong, Ah’m nae trying to get rid of yez. Ah don’t mind chatting if you don’t mind — Ah’m just saying Ah don’t need help, that’s all, or at least there’s nothing ye can do for me, which isn’t the same thing, Ah suppose…But Ah don’t mind chatting, telling you how badly Ah’ve screwed up ma life, confessing, Ah suppose…Ah used to go to confession when Ah was a wee girl — Ah was a good Catholic then — every week: forgive me, Father, Ah stole some sweeties, forgive me, Father, Ah put glue on my teacher’s chair, forgive me, Father, but Ah must be bad because ma stepfather says it’s ma fault what we dae together…Sorry, I’m rambling, Ah didnae mean to say that. Ah hate other people’s hard luck stories, it just came out. To tell you the truth, Ah’m still a bit wasted…’

Jessie’s eyes were far away, the pupils almost invisible. The volunteer worker offered her more coffee, but she seemed not to hear.

‘As long as Ah live nothin’ will ever feel as good as the first time that Ah took heroin. On the other hand, back then when Ah took it nothing had ever felt worse than being’ me. When Francois stuck that needle in ma arm Ah stopped hurting. Instantly years and years of pain and fear disappeared. Everything that had happened to me at home and on the streets went away. The months I spent freezing to death around Charing Cross, the fear, the cold, the hunger, the never-ending loneliness of living like a rat among rats was all ancient history. Ah laid back and truly believed Ah was in heaven. Then of course Ah woke up in hell. Ah can’t believe it was only three months ago. Ah think Ah’ve used up most of the rest of my life since then.’

THE PAGET HOUSEHOLD, DALSTON

W
hen Peter arrived home shortly after 2 a.m. he brought the early editions of the morning papers with him. Angela was in bed but still awake and they devoured the coverage of the Brits together. ‘It’s amazing,’ Angela said. ‘You’re in every single one.’ Inevitably most of the reportage concerned Tommy and his antics, but Peter was definitely prominent amongst the lesser figures.

‘Well, it’s not every humble backbencher who gets hugged by an ex-Spice Girl.’

‘What’s she like?’

‘Emma Bunton?’

‘Of course.’

‘Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.’

‘I can see that, Peter. What’s she like?’

‘So sweet. I mean genuinely nice, not remotely starry. I must write and thank her. Let’s face it, it’s her that’s got me all these photos.’

‘Well, she does look lovely.’

‘But the great thing is all the articles mention my bill and my having seen Tommy Hanson to talk about it. I was worried that they’d spin the Brits against me. If there’s one thing the press hate it’s politicians trying to look cool.’

‘Yes, but drugs is such a youth issue.’

‘Exactly, and I’m making the PM uncomfortable, which the press always like. I really do seem to have caught the public mood or at least the mood of the younger generation. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, they’ve asked me to go on Newsnight as well as Question Time.’

‘Well, so you damn well should. It’s so obvious you’re right. You’re the only politician talking any sense on the issue at all. I mean, look at Prohibition in the States: total failure. All it did was invent Al Capone. There’s no point banning things people want, because they’ll get them anyway.’

‘Exactly, an absolute no-brainer.’

‘You’re not going to use that phrase in public, are you?’

T certainly am. I got it from Samantha. It’s useful having somebody vaguely hip around.’

‘I thought you said she was a serious sort of a girl.’

‘She is, but you can be hip and serious as well, can’t you? Look at Dido.’

‘She’s very beautiful.’

‘Who? Dido?’

‘Samantha.’

‘Not my type.’ He wondered how well he’d played it. Probably a little too quickly. ‘Anyway, youth is always attractive. She’ll be a grim-faced, twenty-stone junior minister in fifteen years’ time.’ Too much, way too much. First rule of politics: when you are in a hole, stop digging.

‘I’ll have to be up early tomorrow. I’m going to King’s Cross. They’re showing me round a drop-in centre they have there, then I’m having lunch with the Party Chairman. I think they’re beginning to realize that I’m not going to back off and that I may be on to something.’

‘D’you still think there’s any danger of their withdrawing the whip? Chucking you out, even?’

‘I doubt it, but it’s possible. My line is that this has to be a conscience issue and that the government and the party should allow a free vote. The Chairman’s line, of course, is that I’m a dangerous, crazy drug-pusher, which actually I don’t mind at all. Churchill was a maverick. You have to be a stirrer if you want to get on.’

‘Oh, so suddenly you’re Churchill already?’

Peter Paget got into bed beside his wife. It was two thirty. Knowing that Angela would be awake, he had taken the Viagra while driving home. One hour. Perfect, better get a move on. Even before Peter had begun his affair with Samantha he had been finding it increasingly difficult to maintain an acceptable level of sexual activity with his wife. Since Samantha had begun to satisfy him so regularly it had become nearly impossible. Viagra had saved him. He still found Angela attractive in a sort of a way, and the little blue pills gave him just enough edge to muster a performance. Once a week was quite enough, though, and, Brits or no Brits, tonight was the night.