Hidden Truths (56 page)

"I'll leave you two to talk," Phin said.

After he disappeared into the night, Nora crossed the
veranda on bare feet and sat on the top step next to Nattie.

Isaac the owl hooted in a pine tree behind the house.

For the first time in her life, Nora didn't know how to talk
to Nattie, what to say to make everything all right.

"You're in your nightgown, Mama," Nattie said.

Nora tugged the thin fabric over her ankles. Unlike Nora,
Nattie was fully dressed. Had she wanted to run away? "I couldn't sleep,
and I worried when I found your bed empty. You weren't about to just up and
leave, were you?"

"What? No. Amy's the one who runs when she's scared,
not me."

Another knot of worry lodged in Nora's throat. Where was
Amy?

"She's in the hayloft," Nattie said as if sensing
Nora's thoughts.

The knot in Nora's throat loosened. At least Amy hadn't gone
far. "Have you talked to her?"

"A bit. But she's not ready to talk."

Again, silence fell between them.

"My father... do you think he was a good man?"
Nattie didn't look at Nora but stared straight ahead into the night, her arms
wrapped tightly around her pulled-up knees.

"Your father is upstairs in the bedroom, and yes, she's
a good person."

"Mama..."

"I know what you're asking, Nattie, but I don't have an
answer. I don't know who fathered you." She placed her hand on Nattie's
cheek and guided her around to face her. "It doesn't matter. You're your
own, wonderful person."

Nattie trembled beneath her hand. "But I don't look
like you and Amy, and I'm not Papa's... Luke's daughter either. I don't
resemble any of you."

"That's not true. You're so much like I was at your age
that it sometimes takes my breath away. And you have that little bump,"
she tapped Nattie on the nose, "just like Luke does. You were so proud of
that when you were little. Luke influenced you so much more than the man whose
blood you share ever could. She taught you how to ride, where to find the
juiciest strawberries, and how to be a good human being. You have always loved
her so much, and it breaks my heart to think that it might change now."

Tears burned in Nora's eyes, and when she blinked, they
spilled over and ran in hot trails down her cheeks.

"It won't," Nattie whispered as if afraid to say
it aloud. "I still love him... her, but I'm so confused. I thought you and
Papa met and fell in love and then had Amy and me. But now everything is
different."

"Not everything," Nora said. "We still love
you."

"But doesn't love include trust? In all those years,
you never once considered telling us?"

"We thought about it a thousand times. Not telling you
had nothing to do with lack of trust. We were afraid that you might not be able
to accept it... to accept Luke... and our love."

Nattie rubbed the bump on the bridge of her nose, a gesture
that reminded Nora so much of Luke that her heart hurt. "Well, finding out
you lied to us all these years sure doesn't help me accept the situation. You
were in my shoes once. Weren't you terribly angry with Papa... at... her when
you found out she'd deceived you all along?"

It was hard to remember herself as the young woman who had
been so scared to love again. "I wasn't just angry. I was devastated. I
thought my plans of a happy family life were ruined."

"But they weren't?"

It hurt that Nattie needed to ask, but Nora understood.
After discovering such a fundamental lie, Nattie wouldn't take anything for
granted anymore. At least not for a while. "I can't imagine loving anyone
— man or woman — more than I love Luke." Nora trailed her fingers through
Nattie's shiny black hair. "Luke and I, we did things a little backward
and we're a pretty unlikely pair, but that doesn't mean our love is any less
than you thought. It doesn't mean
you
are any less. Luke chose to be
your parent because she loves you. Do you understand that?"

When Nattie turned toward her, her knees pressed against
Nora's thigh. She sniffled and then nodded. "I think I do."

*  *  *

Rika stepped out of the cabin. Moonlight filtered through
the shadows on the veranda, and she thought she saw someone sitting on the
steps leading up to the main house.

Amy?

Quickly, Rika crossed the ranch yard.

"Amy?" Nora's voice cut through the almost
darkness.

Rika lifted her lantern so that Nora could see her face.
"No, it's me, Hendrika." When she came closer, the circle of light
illuminated Nora and Nattie huddling close on the top step. "Everything
all right?"

"Yes," Nora said, but it didn't sound convincing.
"Nattie, you best go to bed. I'll look for Amy."

Nattie stood and dusted off her skirt. "Give her some
time, Mama. You know Amy. If you climb up in that hayloft now, you'll only
chase her away."

After some hesitation, Nora said goodnight and followed
Nattie into the house.

Rika stared after them. Should she go to bed too and give
Amy some time alone, as Nattie had suggested? But she knew she wouldn't be able
to sleep.

Maybe Amy would have an easier time talking to someone who
wasn't part of the family.

She walked to the hay barn, opened the big doors, and
listened.

Hay rustled.

"Amy?"

Silence.

"Amy? If you're there, please answer me. I'm worried
about you."

"I'm fine," Amy's voice came from the hayloft.
"Go to bed."

Rika left the lantern on a hook, groped for the ladder, and
climbed through the hay door. With her arm in a sling, she struggled, but the
thought of Amy alone and hurting urged her onward.

"What are you doing? You'll hurt your shoulder!"
Amy hurried over and helped her into the hayloft.

"I just want to make sure you're all right," Rika
said.

Amy didn't answer, didn't tell her she was fine. She sank
into a pile of hay, wrapped her arms around her legs, and pressed her forehead
to her knees.

"What's going on?" Rika walked over, knelt, and
touched Amy's shoulder.

The muscles under her hand were stiff.

"What happened with your parents?" Rika asked.

"I can't tell you. I want to, but I just... I
can't." Amy let go of her legs and flopped into the hay.

Not a lot of things had the power to upset Amy like this.
For Amy, only her family, the ranch, and the horses mattered. Rika stretched
out in the hay next to Amy. Their arms touched, but Rika didn't move away.
"Your father," she said and took a wild guess, "he's not your
father, is he?"

Amy scrambled upright.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Half right," Amy mumbled. She slung her arms
around her knees again and rocked back and forth as if to soothe herself.
"How did you know?"

"You asked him if Nora is even your mother. I know you
love your parents, and you'd never ask something like that if you hadn't just
received shocking news."

Amy blew air through her nose. "You have no idea."

"You know what I would say if someone told me that my
father isn't really my father?" Rika didn't wait for Amy's answer.
"I'd say, 'Oh thank the Lord!'"

"That's different," Amy said.

"I know. Your father... Luke, he's a good man and a
good father."

"No."

"No?" She squinted at Amy. "Don't be stupid,
Amy. You have two parents who love you. Don't you know how precious that is?
What difference does it make if he's your father by blood or by choice?"

Hay rustled when Amy lifted up on her knees and loomed over
her. "You don't understand." Her voice rose to a growl. "He's
not my father. He's no man at all."

Rika blinked. "What?"

But Amy didn't answer. She dropped back into the hay and
pressed her hand against her mouth as if she was sorry she had said anything.

"No man at all," Rika whispered. What did that
mean? She pictured Luke: tall, with the wiry strength of someone who had worked
hard his whole life but didn't have her own father's heavy build. His
gentleness was so much like Amy's, not because they were related, but because
they were both —

Rika sucked in a breath. "He's a woman."

Amy said nothing. Her silence spoke volumes.

"It's true? Are you sure?"

"Who would make up something so crazy?" Amy
mumbled.

Rika rubbed her forehead, but it didn't help her think more
clearly. What on God's green earth was going on? She thought of the dying
soldier who had confessed her true identity to her. Was Luke like that?

No. The soldier had dressed as a man to follow her betrothed
into battle, but Luke loved Nora. Even if everything else was a disguise, that
part was true.

Amy's parents were two women who loved each other.
Lord.
How many of them are there? Are there really so many women couples, and I just
never knew about it?
Maybe it should have been a shock, but for some
reason, it wasn't. When Rika looked at Amy, she understood why Luke preferred
life with Nora to life with a husband.

"Nothing makes sense anymore." Amy threw her arm
across her eyes, shutting out the world. "And at the same time, a lot of
little details make sense now. Why they taught us to always knock on their
bedroom door. Why Papa... Luke never went to see Doctor Tolridge, no matter how
sick he... she was."

"Come here." Rika wrestled her right arm out of
its sling and opened her arms.

Amy didn't resist. She melted against Rika, resting against
her uninjured shoulder as if they had lain that way a thousand times.

Carefully, Rika lowered her sore arm and clutched Amy to her
body. Hot skin pressed against her own, and Rika nearly groaned. She trailed
the fingers of her left hand through Amy's locks and down her back, feeling the
smooth skin beneath Amy's shirt. For an instant, she imagined continuing on her
path and letting her fingers wander down Amy's buttocks.

She shook herself.
Stop that. You can't have such
thoughts. Not now.
"Did they tell you who your father, the man who
fathered you, is?"

"Some man in Boston," Amy said. When she snorted,
her breath warmed Rika's neck. "Well, at least I wasn't fathered by a
stranger in a brothel."

"What? A brothel? Where's this coming from?"

"Mama... she..." A tear splashed onto Rika's skin.
Amy wiped it away, her hand lingering on Rika's collarbone.

Rika cleared her throat. Twice. "What about your
mother?"

"She worked in a brothel after I was born. She doesn't
know who Nattie's father is."

Despite Amy's heat against her, Rika's body went cold. She
clutched Amy tighter. "That's horrible."

"Why did this have to happen?" Amy whispered. She
buried her face against Rika's neck. Warm lips brushed Rika's skin.

The tips of Rika's breasts hardened. Her head swam with
sensation, but she forced herself to focus on Amy's words, not her body. This
was serious. Amy needed her. "Would you rather they never said a word?
Keeping so many secrets all of these years..." Rika shook her head.
"That must have been so hard on them."

Amy lifted her head off Rika's shoulder. "On
them?"

"You don't honestly think they were out to hurt you?
Whatever they did, they did for you and Nattie. Your mother didn't have a
choice. You don't understand how it is to be all alone in the world. For all
your strength, you're so innocent..."

"I'm not innocent." Amy's voice rumbled against
Rika's skin.

Rika swirled a handful of Amy's hair between her fingers and
smiled. "Oh, yes, you are." It was part of Amy's appeal. "You
have a kind heart, and you help any creature who needs you. But back East, in
Boston, things are not like that. I saw children with dirty faces and hollow
cheeks on the street every day. Once, I gave a loaf of bread to a little boy
who was clutching his stomach because he was so hungry. My father got so
angry..." She closed her eyes. "He broke my wrist."

"Oh, Rika..." Amy trailed her fingers along Rika's
right arm and cradled her wrist.

It was the wrong arm, but Rika didn't mind. The touch was
soothing. "Between starving and doing whatever it took to keep herself and
you alive, your mother didn't have a choice. It doesn't make her a bad
person."

"I know. I'm not judging her. It's just... They should
have told us sooner," Amy said.

"They were afraid of losing your love." A ball of
emotions lodged in her throat, making it hard to continue. She kept her own
secret for the same reason. "And? Did they?"

When Amy cuddled closer, a few strands of her hair tickled
Rika's skin. Rika shivered.

"Did they what?" Amy asked.

"Lose your love."

Amy gave no answer. Maybe she didn't have one. She laid her
face against Rika's neck, and Rika cradled her head. Once, she had lain that
way with Jo during a long night when her coughing wouldn't stop, but holding
Amy felt different.

The feeling in her belly wasn't just the protectiveness of a
friend. It was fiercer, but at the same time gentler than what she had
experienced before.

Is this what love feels like?

She gave a shake of her head, nearly displacing Amy from her
comfortable spot.
You didn't love Willem and you don't love Phin, so how
could you feel love for Amy, a woman?
But when she stroked the red locks,
marveling at the vulnerability of this strong woman, she thought,
How can
anyone not love her?

But of course there was no future in thinking like that.
Rika had spent a lifetime listening to reason, not feelings, and she couldn't
afford to change that now. "Ready to climb down?" she asked.

Amy shook her head. "Stay with me?"

Sleeping in the hayloft when she had a perfectly good bed
was crazy, but Rika nodded and pulled Amy closer, basking in her warmth and her
company for as long as she could. Monday, her wedding day, would come all too
soon.