Hero: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance (9 page)

Chapter Nine

Lottie

Despite everything I’d tried telling myself, my heart sped up as I approached the hotel again, warmth stirring in anticipation within me.

I’d spent the last week replaying those hot, intense moments - wondering what on earth had happened, and what it meant - Jason’s touch and heat driving me crazy even in my mind. I’d had plenty of fun with guys before, but it had never felt like that. The power and intensity of his thick, muscled body, with the way he’d taken me over and given me things I hadn’t even known were possible.

I’d wanted to text him a dozen times this week and ask about what had happened - check that he was still going to meet me now. But it didn’t count as an emergency, and if I wanted to see him again, acting like it was worth mentioning was probably a bad idea.

I didn’t even know if it
was
worth mentioning. One random, hot-as-hell encounter. An energy neither of us could resist acting on. But lust and heat didn’t mean much, especially compared to everything else we were dealing with. And I didn’t even know whether I wanted it to mean more - he intrigued and captivated me, but at the end of the day he was a mobster. I was fundamentally opposed to everything he stood for.

I couldn’t stand him.

I shouldn’t be able to stand him.

The desire that was already raging inside me said otherwise.

The man who escorted me up didn’t phase me this time, but getting one step closer to confronting Jason again had me biting my lip as we headed up. I glanced down at the thin skirt that flowed around my knees and couldn’t help feeling like some ridiculous teenage girl, recalling the way I’d changed with care before I came out tonight. Only, interestingly, I’d never acted like this for my
actual
teenage flings.

This mode of dress was beyond impractical for the way I spent most of my days, but I remembered quite firmly how frustrating my usual get up had been last week - and when I wasn’t coming straight from Jorge’s old warehouse, I didn’t see why I shouldn’t indulge myself.

I had no idea what I was going to find on the other side of that door. The direction of my thoughts over the last week had made what I was hoping for obvious, but Jason wasn’t exactly predictable and regardless of how it had affected me, that intense night might have been a moment of madness for him. It could have meant nothing.

I liked to think those haunted eyes had shown me otherwise, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered whether I was imagining it.

Those thoughts had kept me distracted this week, but somehow our passion had left me feeling more relaxed and secure. I’d gone back to my life as I’d known it only a few weeks ago without hesitation, finally feeling calm enough to adjust to the idea of what I was doing now. It seemed crazy that I wasn’t more worried or concerned about it all, but something about Jason had reassured me.

And in answering his challenge to back out, I’d reaffirmed to myself just why this was important. That had always been me - try to convince me to do one thing, and I was suddenly set upon the opposite. Contrary. Difficult. I didn’t care - I liked proving others wrong.

As I settled into it, I reclaimed my confidence that I could be a damn good spy. I hadn’t deserted my own book of information, and this time I had some interesting things to tell Jason - and as much as the woman in me was dying to see him, the part of me that wanted real change couldn’t wait to find out how they were going to start putting my help to good use.

I took a deep breath as the elevator pinged, opening to the room that had been so scandalized by us last week.

As I stepped into it, I saw Jason look up, a glass of whiskey already in his hand.

I’d pictured a dozen things about this moment - about the definition of what we had and what we were doing. A million different ways he might act.

What I hadn’t counted on was my own attitude, or my instinctive reaction to seeing him standing there, offering me a slight smile. The look in his eyes was slightly uncertain - lust mixed with caution - but I didn’t even bother to take it in.

The little skip forward was automatic, and then I jumped up into his arms, wrapping my legs and arms around him as he stepped backward to catch his balance, one hand grabbing my ass - and sending sparks shooting through me - as his other tried not to spill the tumbler. He grunted in surprise, but I just grinned and kissed him deeply.

“Missed you.”

Of course. Because saying that was a good idea.

I could be careful and reserved - dishonest and calculating, even - when the situation called for it. But with those I trusted, I acted on instinct. Spoke without thinking. And damn it all, it seemed I didn’t even get a choice in the matter, my actions and words too natural to deny.

Still, my open smile didn’t fade, and as he looked down at me, I could see those handsome green eyes crinkle at the sides. He returned the brush of my lips, his hand starting to explore my ass in a way that was going to have me squirming soon.

“So, we’re still doing this, huh?”

Well, if you’re going to give me a choice…

“Yes.”

He laughed and shook his head, but to my surprise he seemed more open than he had been last week - as if he’d come to his own decision about this while we’d been apart.

Better than you did.

I ignored the sarcastic voice in my head and kissed him again before he could say anything.

This time, he returned it in force, his tongue slipping into my mouth and dancing with mine until I was breathless and our hands were all over each other. I had no idea what had happened to his glass of whiskey, but the taste of it on his mouth combined with whatever cologne he was using was already affecting me.

He finally captured my head in his hand and pulled back, looking at me with a mixture of wry amusement and deep lust. I was more interested in the latter, but I let him catch his breath, unhooking my legs and slipping down that deliciously hard body. My inner center spasmed at the brief contact with what was quickly becoming a bulge in his pants before I stepped back, unable to help the self-satisfied half smile I gave him at the reaction.

He stepped close again, his lips nuzzling at my mouth as he matched my smile.

“Business first?”

My fingers stroked along the smooth fabric of his shirt as I shot him an arch look.

“You think I came for that?”

The dark chuckle lit something inside me.

“My ego is hoping not. But while you’re here, I might as well corner you.”

“Ohh, yes please.”

He nipped my lip.

“Behave. Corner you
with business.
”

I grinned as he disengaged, picking up the whiskey and settling back into one of the leather seats.

My gaze ran up and down the hot image he made there, one leg crossed over the other knee and drawing my eyes to a wonderful view of his crotch. He would have been a sight of pure class and sophistication if I wasn’t convinced I could see evidence of his interest right there.

It also had the effect of putting him right back into that picture of the detached businessman-mobster, on comfortable ground.

If it wasn’t for the amusement dancing in his eyes as he looked at me, I would have thought he was withdrawing, but I was beyond thrilled that I was finally starting to see more of the man - the shadow that lived behind the image he cultivated.

Resisting the urge to settle in his lap and ruin that more distant image, I sat down opposite and brought us back to business. Light-hearted comments aside, that
was
what we were both here for.

I gave him an update on a couple of movements and plays I’d noticed from Jorge this week, as well as more detailed information on each of the guys involved in it - that I had from months of sitting and watching. Unlike last time, I was prepared today, and there was a strange relief in finally showing someone what I’d observed - giving over the responsibility to do something with it to someone else. Someone who could actually do something.

“You will tell me what you do with this?”

He nodded, serious consideration on his face as he thought through the things I’d told him and came to his own mental conclusions about what it all meant.

“Yes - but just the results, after anything happens. I’ve spoken to Valentini, and it’s going to be a long game, Lottie. We’ll spend more time consolidating information than anything, and we won’t explain our plans until they’re done.”

I could understand that - it was something I didn’t like to think about, but I
was
too close to Jorge at the moment. And if he ever got suspicious…yes, it made sense for them to keep their actions guarded. Still, as much as Jason had affected me, there was an unrelenting voice reminding me what he was. I found it hard to deal with how much I already trusted him, and I couldn’t quite beat back the uncomfortable feeling that I might be blind.

Meeting his gaze, I nodded slowly.

“Okay. Then I’ll trust you’re acting in my interests too.”

His hand came out to catch mine, and I was surprised at the personal gesture - he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to mix business and pleasure. At least, more than we already were.

“It’s in both of our interests if Jorge’s influence is limited.”

That was true. It was what I’d relied on from the start, after all - or at least the rationale I gave to convince myself I wasn’t doing this all on my instincts about Jason.

It was after Jorge’s influence died and we saw what Valentini did that we could have a problem. But that was something I could worry about then.

Shaking off that vague unease, I stood up with a smile and - meeting his eyes - took the whiskey from his hand and replaced it on the table beside the large leather chair he was occupying. He shifted on the seat, uncrossing his legs as I came to straddle him, eyes narrowing on me with a completely different intent at my words.

“I think the boring part’s done now.”

I leaned in for a kiss, my hands starting to explore that crisp shirt, edging towards the buttons without any subtlety. I’d always been confident and self-assured when it came to sex - I took enjoyment from every other part of life, and I’d never seen a reason to hesitate with this. Especially with a guy I couldn’t stop thinking about, whose breath against me sparked heat and need and every good feeling I’d ever imagined.

Maybe the intensity and urgency of my actions was slightly out of character, but after last week…there was nothing else on my mind. I couldn’t resist whatever it was we were doing.

As I shifted on top of him and my skirt fell around his legs, I caught his mouth again and then we were gone, finally setting aside the dark concerns that had brought us here. His eyes smoldered as they raked over me, hands firm on my body as I worked his shirt open, already feeling ready for whatever the fierce intent there held.

He broke the kiss for a brief moment, raising one eyebrow in an attempt to look unaffected. I was pleased at how little it worked.

“You’re not going to ask what we’re doing? We’re just going to…do this?”

He seemed a little disbelieving, but I just laughed. Raising questions seemed like a sure-fire way to end it - which was the last thing I wanted right now.

“I’m more of a live in the moment kind of girl.”

I’d fully expected his subtle relaxation at that comment and with a grin, I raised my own eyebrow.

“Think you can deal with that?”

His eyes dilated at the challenge and he grabbed my hips to bring me closer - right on top of the bulge growing there.

“Mm, I think I’ll manage.”

I had no idea what this was or where it was going - probably nowhere - but that was okay.

I wasn’t going to ruin what I had right now by crowding it with too many irrelevant questions and worries that belonged in the future.

Chapter Ten

Jason

I stalked around the hotel room, vibrating with anger from the snide face still stuck in my mind, images of the long day flashing as I cracked my knuckles and tried to stretch out the tension in my back.

A long day with a lot of jobs. Wouldn’t have been so bad if the guy I’d picked up to remind him of his place hadn’t turned out to be a fucking traitor. That certainly turned a casual beating into things I’d rather not carry around in my head.

As I turned the corner on the room that now seemed crowded with furniture, I cursed again. I could have sworn this place had always seemed huge to me. Unfortunately, pacing had a way of putting that into perspective.

I glanced at the door with mixed feelings. Lottie would be here soon, and I was caught between the desire to get lost in her and put everything behind me for this brief hour - and the uneasy feeling that touching her right now was somehow…wrong.

Of course, that just made me more irritable.

Why did this take so much out of me?

It’s not like it was an old routine, or even that the guy had put up a fight. I’d had more days like this than I could count, but tonight my arms and back were aching and everything felt grim.

Maybe I’m getting old.

That was a ridiculous thought - at mid twenties it was no excuse, even if right now I felt it.

The last few weeks had somehow highlighted that. In many ways, they’d been the most interesting I’d had in the last year, but in others…they were pulling me in directions I wasn’t comfortable with.

Lottie’s information was often gold, and Valentini and I were working in the background to manipulate it as best we could. It was going well, too - we knew a great deal about Jorge’s dealings now and I couldn’t help but enjoy the run of bad luck he’d been having at getting established anywhere beyond his home turf.

I’d started feeling more like an actual crime lord than some thug - working with Valentini to move pieces and coordinate both politics and ops wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d be doing, but it almost reminded me of some of the time I’d had in the army.

Not that it was what I actually
wanted
to be doing. I’d never been the kind of guy to sit back and play with pawns - I believed in being in the thick of the action, which was one of the reasons I’d never sought to lead before. I wasn’t the guy sitting in a glass tower giving orders - I was the one on the ground getting shit done.

But it wasn’t like it mattered what I did. There was no news about Xero or any of his boys - a constant disappointment - and until something came up I’d just do what needed to be done. And if it limited Jorge’s influence, I couldn’t deny that seemed worthwhile.

Unlike today.

Irritation flared within me as I shot the door another glance, running a hand through my hair and wondering whether it would have been better to avoid this meeting. As much as her unique combination of humor and fire seemed to calm me, I wasn’t sure I was up to dealing with those piercing comments she made as she didn’t even try to soften the way she saw the world.

And I still didn’t know what to think of the way she made me feel.

Confused and intoxicated and frustrated and…free.

In those brief moments we were together,
having fun
as she put it, the rest of the world disappeared. The ugliness and pain and horror - it all collapsed in the pleasure and intensity of that red-hot need. Nothing else mattered.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt like that. It was an illusion, we both knew that. The world outside still existed - and if they ever collided, ours could never survive. But in our little meets - our getaways - that was okay.

I’d take that over the emptiness I’d had before, even if returning to reality and putting what we had back in its little box until the next time was getting harder every week.

I sighed at the familiar concerns echoing in my mind. For the moment, I could ignore them, but I knew this must be setting us up for trouble. Maybe it was just a way to blow off steam, but that shit could be damn addictive. And I couldn’t afford to get addicted to a woman I couldn’t have, or one that confused my real purpose - and everything else.

I heard the latch on the door and turned, a smile already on my face in anticipation.

She stepped in and my body was already hot for her, pure desire rushing straight through me at those bright eyes set in her cute-and-serious face. If it wasn’t for the darkness lurking in her eyes from everything she’d seen, her exuberance for life could have fooled others into thinking there was a child-like innocence about her. But that wasn’t it. Instead, she had something greater - that boundless determination to act and take pleasure as if nothing had ever tarnished her view of the world.

Part of me wanted that, even if it was just by association and I knew it couldn’t really last - especially not in the world she lived in. I admired her for the ferocity and ideals she protected herself with, but I knew better. And I needed to get far away from here before I lived to see her crushed by reality - the thought of that killed something inside me.

Fuck. Stop thinking such damn morbid thoughts.

I was obsessing a bit. I knew that - I just couldn’t tell whether it was over her, or what all this was going to do to me.

Being around her confused the hell out of me. It was lighting me up with a life and possibility that I
knew
was wrong, and that conflict was driving me crazy.

It was better not to think about it. Particularly when there were so many better things we could be doing…

“What’s wrong?”

Lottie had been considering me silently, and I cursed internally as I shrugged.

“Just a long day.”

She came closer and then stopped abruptly, eyes widening.

“Is that yours?!”

She was up against me and pulling my arm towards her before I had a chance to glance down and notice what she was referring to.

Blood.

Fuck.

My stomach flipped.

How the hell hadn’t I seen the bloodstains scattered across me?!

Her hands were running over me and searching for an injury before I came to my senses and jerked roughly back, roiling emotion pounding hard in my head and turning everything at once intense and hazy as I struggled to comprehend what was happening.

“No, it’s not mine.”

And for some reason, the idea of her touching it repulsed me.

She paused at the words, eyes flicking over me, but I didn’t see the horror or disgust that I was expecting. Instead, she stepped back with a hint of relief in her eyes, expression hard to read.

“Okay, good. You alright?”

“Yes. As I said, not mine.”

My tone was abrupt as I glanced down at myself and stripped off the t-shirt. I wasn’t wearing my usual suit - it wouldn’t have worked with the jobs today - and I was reminded every time I left it behind how much more natural I found the black t-shirt and jeans. Throwing the top to the side I grimaced as I realized there were splatters of red on my chest - not many, but enough to notice. I should have showered - I usually did, after a job like that, but I was running late and I’d wanted to…get here. Now I hated myself for bringing that into this room.

I looked up to see Lottie’s eyes on my chest, the tension I’d felt earlier reaching another level entirely. I hated the obvious reminder of what I’d been doing today, the fact that it was right here between us.

When she glanced up at me, though, I didn’t see the judgment or censure I expected from the idealistic girl she was - instead she came towards me without hesitation. I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and forget about it all - devour every seductive, intoxicating part of her and take us both to the heights and ecstasy that we wanted. That’s all I’d been thinking about doing when I saw her - but now I couldn’t bring myself to touch her. It didn’t feel right.

When I didn’t move, she stepped forward. One hand lightly danced across my chest and the other reached to tilt my head down, her lips brushing mine. That sent a shot of lust through me, the desire reigniting under my confusion even as I pulled back, lifting her hand away.

“Lottie—”

I didn’t like her pressed up against my chest - not like this. As if she could read my thoughts, she stepped forward into my arms again, almost defiantly wrapping them around until they hovered over my ass.

“I’m a nurse, I’m not afraid of a little blood.”

It wasn’t the blood - it was everything it meant. My hesitation seemed to give that away too, since she spoke before I could say anything.

“I know what you do, Jason. I’ve never lied to myself about that.”

She leaned in to finish the kiss, those soft lips momentarily letting me forget the awkwardness of the situation, encouraged by her almost understanding words. I’d always felt that this only worked because we were ignoring it, that it couldn’t stand in the light of day between us - but I should have known Lottie better than that. To her, it probably made no difference whether it was unspoken or in her face. My heart sped up and for a moment I felt myself start to relax - then that bright, unrelenting gaze met mine.

“I just wonder…why do you do this, Jason?”

I froze, any initial tendrils of lust doused with cold reality.

I stepped back, breaking the contact between us as I shook my head and folded my arms over my bare chest.

“That’s none of your business.”

My voice was harsh, but she didn’t flinch - even though I meant every word. We’d never talked about this, and I wasn’t going to change that.

Or at least
I’d
never talked about it. Lottie had never been shy about giving her opinion on Jorge’s activities, or Valentini’s, or the world itself. But even that was different - it had never been personal. It had never been ‘why do
you
do this’. Just like we didn’t discuss what was between us or how it related to anything else - we kept real life separate. And that was how it had to be.

She seemed intent on it now, though, not rejecting my refusal to have this conversation, but looking as though she was trying to understand it for herself. That was worse. I’d never let myself wonder what she really thought of me, or how our passion worked when she despised everything about who I was. That wasn’t something I wanted to start thinking about now.

“Tell me anyway.”

Her voice was gentle, but the usual strength was there as she stepped up to me again. We didn’t touch, but just her closeness made me want to wrap my arms around her, scoop her up and forget the whole thing. The thought of the dried blood stains and the intense look in her eyes kept me still, frustration snapping within me.

Surely she knew no good could come of this?

“You’re not a mobster, Jason - it doesn’t fit. Why do it?”

I could see the struggle to understand in her eyes, the attempt to reconcile two things that didn’t work together.

Fuck no.

She just didn’t realize that what she saw was wrong. Whatever we had together here, that was the fantasy, the illusion. I knew who and what I was - and the last thing I was going to do was lay out the history of how I fell in with Valentini.

Instead, I felt my frustration finally snapping, my face turning ugly as everything she claimed I wasn’t took over. The chilling arrogance swept over me, and I could feel my disdain as I regarded her coldly. If she forced an answer, I’d give her one, damn it.

“I’m fucking good at it, Lottie. Ever think maybe that’s all there is to it? I make decent money, get shit done and have the respect of the premier mafioso in Cleveland. It’s a job. I do it well. The world isn’t the fairytale you like to pretend it is - turns out the strong can take what they like, and the rest just fall in line. And guess what - I choose to be on the right side of that line. Satisfied?”

Fury was pumping through me as I waited for the shift of her expression, the condemnation there that would put an end to this whole thing. It was probably better that way - we’d had our fun, but I knew the moment it threatened anything else, that would be the end of it.

Instead, she just looked at me.

“I don’t believe that.”

The simple words, backed up by the calm expression on her face, had my anger rushing out of me all of a sudden. I wanted to rage against whatever she saw when she looked at me like that - prove that unwavering belief wrong - but it had been the same thing that had ensnared me from the start.

I ran a hand through my hair, stubborn determination keeping me tense and wanting a way to end this. She might not accept my half-assed answer, but I sure as hell wasn’t telling her what really lay behind it all.

“
Fuck it, Lottie.
You don’t want to know - and more importantly, I don’t want to tell you. You knew what you were getting involved with - if you want to call it off now, then we’ll do that, but
I’m not having this conversation.
”

She held my eyes for a long time, but I wasn’t backing down on this. I didn’t even like that she wanted to know. That wasn’t what this was about - it was just a bit of fun, and if it ended, so be it.