Her Perfect Man (15 page)

“I don’t know why! Okay? I mean, I was sixteen years old. Maybe I was jealous that you had a boyfriend and I didn’t. Maybe I wanted to know what he was like.” Her mouth twisted downward.

“Once I got him, though, it was like…geez, I don’t know what you ever saw in him.”

For the second time that day, Kim fought the overwhelming urge to punch someone in the face.

Lynnette’s voice grew quieter. “Maybe I just wanted to see what would happen if I hit on him.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Kim remembered what she told Dale at the supermarket.
It was never about you.

No, it was never about Dale. And it was never about Kim either. It was all about Lynnette and her need to be the center of the universe.

“And you never said anything. All this time, you’ve let me think you were my friend.”

“I am your friend. What good would telling you have done? Just hurt you. Okay, it was shitty what I did, but it was high school. Come on. Grow up, Kim.

To hear you tell it, you’re the only person who ever got crapped on. I mean, d’you think it was easy for me? Getting pregnant at nineteen and having a kid?

Being a single mom? Think that’s a picnic?”

“Sure it is,” Kim shot back. “When you foist him off on Tommy or me or your mom every chance you get.” “Oh, and you think you’re so perfect. All you’ve ever done is cry about how your parents always loved Cheryl best and never noticed you. But they noticed you just fine when you got pregnant, right?

And they noticed every time you wound up in the principal’s office. When you flunked out of college.

And every time you hooked up with some loser. So who the hell are you to tell me anything when you’re as big a screw-up as I am?”

****

Kim didn’t know how long she’d been sitting in the armchair stroking Groucho, who lay purring on her lap. The cat seemed to know how fragile she felt at the moment and offered what comfort he could.

His heavy weight anchored her, and his low rumble soothed her frayed nerves.

Frayed. That’s exactly how she felt. Someone had pulled a loose strand, and she was unraveling thread by thread. Or maybe she’d come apart a long time ago and had only gotten around to noticing it now. A knock on the door. She ignored it. A moment later, another knock, more insistant.

“Kim.” Charlie’s voice echoed from the hall.

Go away
.

“Kim!”

Can’t you take a hint, buddy? I’m not home.

“I know you’re in there.” He sounded weary, as though trying to reason with a stubborn student.

“What’s going on? If there’s a problem, let’s discuss it. Not play these silly games.”

She held her breath, praying he’d leave her alone. Yet she was disappointed by the silence that followed.

“Kim.” A pause. “Kim?” The doorknob rattled.

“Hey, are you all right? Kim!” He pounded hard. “If you don’t answer this door, I’m going to kick it in, I swear.”

Groucho lifted his head and blinked his green eyes at her.
I’d like to see that.

Kim sprang out of her chair and lunged for the door. When she reached it, she yanked it open with a bad-mannered “What?”

Charlie met her snarl with one of his own. “So you’re not dead.”

“No, I’m not. As you can see.” She spotted the wine bottle in his hand. “What’s that—”

“It’s customary to bring something when one is invited to dinner.” He glared at her, his mouth a straight angry line. “Though, considering I don’t smell anything cooking, it looks like plans have changed.”

Oh shit
. Kim remembered the invitation she’d issued, the plans she’d made, the cart full of groceries she’d abandoned at GoodSavings.

She stepped away from the door. “I forgot.”

He came through the doorway as she backed up.

“Yeah, that’s pretty clear. It’s also customary to call a guest when plans have changed.”

“Yeah, thanks Miss Manners,” she snapped.

“I’ve had a really shitty day, so spare me the lessons in etiquette, huh?”

“Well, of course, because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Kim?” Charlie slammed the door shut behind him.

“Treat everybody like shit, cause you’re the only one who counts.”

Oh, Jesus. Kim stopped in her tracks. He was right. That’s exactly how she was acting. “I’m sorry.”

But he didn’t let her off the hook. “I suppose it never occurred to you that I got worried when you didn’t answer the goddamn door. That maybe I was afraid you’d hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine. I just—”

“You were just being a self-centered brat. Stop blowing me off like I don’t fucking matter. It pisses me off, all right? And it
hurts
.”

Kim felt like he’d punched her in the sternum.

Don’t
.
Don’t let me hurt you. Don’t care about me.

She couldn’t handle it. Her only choices were to bust out crying or turn on him in anger. She chose anger. “I don’t need any lectures from you. I’m full up on them today.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I ran into an old boyfriend today. At the supermarket. Yeah, I was there, shopping for all the stuff I needed for this little
dinner
I was gonna make you.” She laughed at herself, wanting to impress him by making him dinner. What a joke, her trying to play Suzy Homemaker. The last time she cooked anything was when she stuck a frozen pizza in the oven.

Charlie blinked in surprise at her response, his anger suddenly derailed. “Okay.” He looked wary, unsure what might come next. He gestured to the futon. “Let’s sit down.”

“Let’s not,” she said, her hand on her cocked hip.

“Let’s keep it short and sweet. Okay, this boyfriend.

Dale. He was my first. My
first
. You know what I mean, or do I have to spell it out for you?”

His lips compressed at her contemptuous tone, but his voice was mild. “Go on.”

“Yeah. Well, I was fifteen and dumb as hell. All giggly and goony over my
twue love
. I knew it was gonna last forever. He was
the one
, you know. So of course I had sex with him. And of course we didn’t use any birth control. I didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant because I was special—it wouldn’t happen to me. Except I wasn’t, and it did. Got the picture?”

Charlie nodded, his handsome features softening as he gazed at her. Strange. When had she started finding him handsome?

No. She was getting off track. The man had told her he wanted to know her better. Well, he’d get an earful.

“My parents pulled me right out of school until they could decide what to do about my little problem.

My dad’s a big shot in town, Dr. Jasper Hansen, you heard of him? Well, he couldn’t let the neighbors and all his colleagues learn about his slutty daughter.

And my mom, are you kidding? She’d have a fit if anyone in her social circle found out. No, no.” Kim licked her lips, a sheen of sweat misting her face.

“But when I’m back in school, no longer pregnant, my true love isn’t so hot for me anymore. In fact, he’s got another girl. And spends the rest of our high school years staying as far away from me as possible.”

“Kim—”

“No.” She didn’t want his kindness, didn’t want the sympathy that shone in his eyes. “Don’t. Don’t be nice to me.”

“All right.” Then he surprised her by going into the kitchen and returning with two juice glasses.

He placed them on the coffee table and tore the plastic wrapper from the mouth of the bottle. “Let’s have some of this. Got a corkscrew?”

She smirked and shook her head. “Sorry. I only get the kind with the screw off tops.”

“Never mind.” He dug into his pants pocket and drew out a pocketknife. Kim’s eyes widened. Along with the knife blade, it contained a small nail file and a few other implements, including a tiny corkscrew. “This should work.”

Kim snorted. Yep. Mr. Perfect. Nothing fazed him long. He was always prepared. All his ducks in a row. Once he uncorked the wine, he poured them both healthy glassfuls. Kim took hers automatically and stared at him in astonishment. “That’s it? No lecture?”

He shook his head.

Nonplussed, she gulped several swallows of wine. The rim of the glass clicked against her teeth.

She smacked her lips at the wine’s crisp, tangy taste.

She could feel the alcohol spreading through her veins. Giving her the courage to challenge him.

“Don’t you want to tell me what a bad person I am?”

He took a sip, shook his head. “You’re not bad.”

Goddamnit, why was he so fucking calm? “Gee, that’s big of you. Well, maybe you’d like to
forgive
me for taking the
easy
way out and getting rid of the kid.” Charlie looked at her over the rim of her glass.

“You want me to be a dick like your ex-boyfriend?

You want me to beat you up? Why, when you’re doing such a good job of it yourself?”

Her face burned and her head pulsed like it might explode. What was his problem? Was he so frickin’ dumb he didn’t know she wanted a fight?

“Yeah, right. You’re so understanding. I know you’re judging me. I can see it in your face.”

He ground his teeth. “No,” he answered, his voice as raspy as a cat’s tongue. “What you see, Kim, is empathy. I’m sad that happened to you. I’m sorry you went through it. It doesn’t sound like you had much support. But I’m not judging you.” He took a breath and pulled back his shoulders. “We could both use a little fresh air. Would you like to go out for something to eat?”

Set on being difficult, she said, “I’m not hungry.”

He sighed. “All right. Well, I am. I’m going to get myself something. Would you like me to bring you anything back?”

“I told you I wasn’t hungry.” Kim smirked and crossed her arms over her chest. When Charlie’s back was turned she murmured, loud enough for him to hear, “Sure. Run away.”

“My God,” he exploded. “You’re determined to pick a fight with me, aren’t you? You
want
me to tell you what a terrible person you are. Well, forget it.

But as long as you plan to ream me out no matter what I do…” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a few folded sheets of paper. “Here.” He set the papers on the coffee table, smoothing them out. She frowned. “What’s that?”

“Some information I downloaded from the web.

About colleges. There are some state schools that have excellent education programs. Some of them even have the online courses, so it’s not like you have to worry about travel with gas being so high now—”

“Do you think I’m stupid?” An icy fury enveloped Kim. “If I wanted to go back to school, don’t you think I know how to look that up online? Do you think I’m incapable or something? An idiot? This is bullshit
.” She flipped the printouts off the table with a flick of her hand.

“Right. Bullshit. I guess it was bullshit when you told me you wanted to work with children. I only wanted to help you—”

“I don’t want your help,” she screamed. “I don’t want you to fix me, to turn me into something you think I should be. All my life people have tried twisting me into something I’m not. Now you’re doing the same thing. I’m not good enough for you, either. Well, too bad. Don’t fucking fix me. Just leave me the hell alone.”

Charlie’s lips tightened. His eyes narrowed and turned into chips of blue ice. “Fine, Kim. You win.

You’ve been acting the bitch to me ever since that damn cat of yours got stuck in the tree. Pushing me away every time I start getting close. Except when it comes to sex. I thought it was just a cover for your being scared.”

She responded automatically. “I’m not scared.”

“You’re scared shitless,” he roared, hurling his glass against the wall. Kim froze in shock as the shattered pieces fell to the floor. “That’s the reason you won’t go for what you want. You’d rather wallow in self-pity and bitch about how lousy your life is and not do one damn thing to improve it. Because you’re afraid you’ll fail. Or maybe you’re scared you’ll succeed and your life will still suck.”

His words thrust an icy needle of recognition through her. Because they were so true.

“Shut up.” Something a stupid, bratty kid would say. Pathetic.

Charlie’s voice, his whole body, vibrated with rage. “Sure, I’ll shut up. You’re right. It’s none of my damn business. And I’m tired of the games. So you win. You want me to leave you alone? I will. Gladly.”

He stalked to the door and it slammed behind him.

****

Charlie stood outside the door, trying to stop the trembling. He shook with anger and astonishment.

God, had he really done that? Thrown a glass against the wall like someone in a bad movie? He never lost control like that. That was something Kevin would have done.

Scenes from the past flashed through his memory. Kevin red-faced, snarling at his parents when they wouldn’t give him money. For his rent, he said, but they all knew it would go for drugs. Kevin taking one of Mom’s prized china figurines and smashing it on the floor. His father white-lipped with anger, his mother in tears. But the tears were not for a broken piece of porcelain—they were for Kevin’s broken life.

And later, behind the closed bedroom door, the sounds of both his parents crying because they didn’t know how to save their oldest son. Charlie promised himself that he would never give them reason to cry.

They’d be proud of him. He’d be the good son. Not to show up Kevin, who he loved in spite of everything, but to spare his Mom and Dad any more pain. They had enough pain to last a lifetime.

Charlie was responsible. He helped people. He did the right thing. He was calm, easy-going, and even when he lost his temper, he never lost control.

But with Kim, all bets were off.

Underneath her smartass attitude was a woman who’d been terribly hurt. He’d guessed at something like that, but she was more damaged than he’d ever dreamed.

She was wrong, though, thinking he wanted to fix her. He didn’t want to fix her. He wanted to put his arms around her, make her feel safe. He wanted to help her. The way he couldn’t help Kevin.

But she didn’t want his help, and it was just as well. He made her angry and defensive and obviously she pushed his buttons in ways he didn’t even want to think about.