Her Fierce SEAL: Midnight Delta Book 6 (2 page)

Mason, the Midnight Delta lieutenant, held out his hand for his wife, and Sophia went and sat on his lap.  Beth sat next to her fiancé, Jack Preston, another member of the SEAL team. 

Again, Finn perused everyone in the living room.  He wished everything would have just remained the same.  That he could get back to the time before the mission when everything had been so joyful at this house, and he had been capable of smiling.  Four contented couples, so much love.  Less than four months ago he had been grinning from ear-to-ear when he had been a groomsman in Mason’s wedding.  Now everything was just another shade of gray.

For a time, everyone stayed quiet, lost in thought as they gave Lydia time to compose herself.

“I’m sorry I lost it,” Lydia said finally as she looked up from Clint’s arms.

“No need to apologize,” Mason responded.  “We’re all on edge.  We want to do what we can to assist the girls who were trafficked find new homes or reunite them with their families.  And we sure as fuck want to hunt down those stolen babies and get them back into the arms of their mothers.  It’s just taking longer than we thought it would.”

“Fucking bureaucrats,” Drake’s loud voice carried through the room. “I still can’t believe how many of those motherfuckers have their thumbs up their asses trying to figure out whose job it is to help those girls because it’s an international case.  I know this crossed multiple borders, and only two of the girls were US citizens, but more should be done for them.  I’m about ready to crack some fucking skulls!” 

“Down Drake, you’re not helping anything,” Mason said tiredly.  Sophia stroked the side of his face and Finn saw him take comfort in the small caress.

“We know this operation inside and out.  No one can put the pieces together better than we can.  So even if they did decide to help, they’d fuck things up,” Rylie said with disgust.  She turned to Lydia.  “I know you’re worried about Ursula, but Sophia has already got a couple of ideas about where she could stay.”

“You do?”  Lydia sat straight up on Clint’s lap and stared at Sophia, who blushed.

“I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure they wouldn’t fall through.  But yes, I know one family in particular that would love to have her come and stay with them.  They’re in San Bernardino.  They’re suffering from empty nest syndrome, and the idea of having Ursula stay for a year or two, until she gets on her feet, tickles them to death.”

“They know she’s pregnant, right?” Rylie asked.

“Yep. I told them everything. One of their daughters is currently serving in the Navy.  That’s how I knew to reach out to them,” Sophia explained.  “Beth and I went over and met with them yesterday.  When we left, they were talking about buying Rosetta Stone for Ukrainian.”

“Oh my God, that’s another one taken care of,” Rylie said, her eyes shining.  “We can do this.  We only have three more girls to place and five more babies to find.  This will be a piece of cake.”

“I love your positive attitude, sunshine.” Drake’s eyes lit up as he looked at Darius’ fiancée.  “Are you sure you want to hook up with Dare?  I think you would be better off with me.”

“Fuck off, Avery,” Darius said to Drake.  “Rylie is mine.”

“Damn right I am.  I have the ring to prove it.”  She smirked, holding out her left hand.

“Now, if he can only keep you out of trouble.”  Drake sighed.

“Are you kidding?  I intend to live a boring life from this day forward.  At least, after we find places for all of the girls and reunite all of the babies with their moms.”

“Did you just say boring?” Drake asked Rylie.  “I’ve met your brothers and sister.  You’re not going to be doing boring for the next forty years.  I know everybody thinks that Georgie is hell on wheels, but trust me, it’s going to be quiet little Charlie who’s going to be the hell raiser.”

Rylie looked at Drake in confusion.

“He’s talking about Charlotte, baby,” Dare explained to Rylie.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Drake,” Rylie sputtered.  “Char is a good girl.”

“She’s going to find the right boy, and they’ll be no stopping her.”  Rylie got up out of her seat and took a step towards Drake, and Dare grabbed her hand.

“He’s baiting you.  Don’t listen to him.  Stop it, Drake,” he admonished his friend.

“Sorry Rylie.  I was kidding, Charlotte is an absolute doll.  Actually, I would love to see her kick up her heels.”

“Yeah, me too,” Rylie admitted.

“Hey,” Clint said looking down at his computer.  “We just got another hit.  Seems like one of the web spiders we put out on the net picked up another couple who mysteriously adopted a child five weeks ago.”

“Hot damn!”  Lydia peered at Clint’s computer screen.

Finn sat back a little further on the couch, listening to the team talk about the next steps.  He wished he could feel even a tenth of what they were feeling, but he couldn’t.  He knew he wasn’t the same man he was before the mission, and he never would be again.  How do you ever come back after you’ve become a monster?

***

T
he Pacifico went down smoothly.  It was his second.  He was in his favorite seat, at his favorite table, in his favorite bar overlooking the Pacific Ocean in San Diego.  Soon the sun would set, and he was finally beginning to relax.  He was doing the right thing.

The day after the all-nighter at Mason’s house, Finn had finally come clean to the Midnight Delta Team about what had happened.  Drake and Dare knew some fugly shit had gone down when he had been undercover at the farmhouse, but they’d had no earthly idea how bad it’d been. Normally, his confession would be something he would just tell his commander, but they all needed to know the kind of man he’d become.  So he told them all as a group.  He’d told them every ugly fucking detail.  Even the stuff he’d held back when he’d initially talked to Drake up in Canada.

Even now, sitting in a spot that was basically paradise, chills raced down his spine. He started to gag as he set down his beer.

He thought back to the little bit of time he had worked undercover guarding the young women who had been trafficked.  His mission had been to pretend to be one of the bad guys and keep them holed up in the farmhouse for two days until the auction.  It had gone against every bone in his body not to break them out and take them to safety. 

Yeah, but you didn’t. Did you, Crandall?

Instead, he had acted like a sadistic asshole as they cried and begged to be released.  One girl, who couldn’t have been more than sixteen, had gotten down on her knees in front of him.  She had pleaded in broken English to do anything to be allowed a chance to escape.  Her meaning had been clear.

Another girl, who had been caught trying to run away, had been pulled back to the farmhouse by her hair and almost raped by two men before Finn had been alerted and stepped in.  Suspicious of him, Mike and Howard had made Finn hold Penelope down while Howard forced her to drink a bottle of hot sauce as punishment.  Part of his soul died that night.

Fast forward two days to the night of the auction and the shootout.  He had to admit, Rylie and Darius had planned the takedown slicker than snot.  The only discordant notes were that he hadn’t been able to beat Howard and Mike to death the way they deserved.  Still, he had killed Albert Liu, the man who had orchestrated the hell at the farmhouse.  He only wished he could have prolonged his death.  Thinking of the operation, of the defenseless women, cracked him wide open with helplessness and anger.  Even now, a cloud of self-loathing threatened to swallow him whole. 

Even almost two months after the events, he wasn’t able to hide his rage as he would have liked.

He clenched and unclenched his fists.  A new habit he had picked up.  He closed his eyes and focused on the present.  His buddies had invited him for a drink tonight.  He looked at his watch.  Any minute they’d arrive at the bar.  It was just going to be a different bar than the one Finn was at.  He knew they were planning an intervention.  Finn tipped back his chair and closed his eyes, and played out what they would say.

Mason would start, God love the man.

“Finn, where have you been hiding?  Haven’t seen your ass around except at the base since you dropped your bomb.  We told you it didn’t matter.  You did exactly what every one of us would have done in your shoes.”

“Would you believe I started dating this girl?” Finn would start out.

“Fuck no!  You’re ducking us, and this shit has to stop.”  Drake would roar.  “Pull your guilt-ridden head out of your ass and talk to us.”

“What the big guy means is that we’re here for you.” A typical Dare comment.

“I know you are.  I just don’t feel like socializing.  I want to focus on work.”

Mason would look uncomfortable.  He just knew it, because that’s the kind of leader he was.  The very reason for this intervention was because Mason was trying to arrange a safety net for Finn in his time of need.  If that didn’t work, Mason would sit him down privately and discuss the need to place him sick in quarters and counseling so he could work through his issues.  Finn’s chest tightened because he knew this man, and he would be with him every step of the way.  God, there would never be anyone else he would want to serve under.

His phone rang, interrupting his musings.  It was Drake.

“You fucker.  Where are you?”

“Not there.”

“Get your ass over here.”

“I’m in Carlsbad,” Finn lied.  It was nice hearing Drake’s frustration.

“Fucker.”  He heard him tell the others. 

“Hey, Finn.”  It was Mason.  Finn let out a sigh.

“Hi, Mase.  Look, I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to need to talk to you tomorrow.  Can we meet in the morning in my office?”  Mason’s voice was soothing.  Finn really liked this man, just hearing how he was attempting to help him made him respect him more.  But Finn knew he was undeserving of his help.

“There’s a letter on your desk requesting discharge.”  This time, Mason sighed.

“I’m not accepting it.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“I do.”  There was a long silence.  Finn wasn’t surprised to hear Clint’s voice.

“Your letter will now be a request for leave, which our beloved leader will approve.”

“You’re going to forge my signature?”  Finn was surprised that he was surprised.  He should have known Clint would be willing to do something like that.

“Bet your ass I’m going to forge your signature.”  Mason got back on the phone.

“Now that I’ve accepted your request for leave, I want you over at the house tomorrow night for dinner.  Sophia misses you, and so does Billy.  Apparently, the guy you’ve arranged as the substitute coach for the Lacrosse team sucks.  That’s an exact quote from Billy.”  Finn closed his eyes and pictured Mason’s wife, Sophia, and her fifteen-year-old brother, Billy.  He was going to miss them.  Especially Billy, the kid was special.

“No can do boss.  Please invite Mom and Rebecca instead.  I have plans.  I’m going off the grid for a while.”  Finn was about to disconnect the phone when Mason stopped him.

“Hold up, Crandall.  You know we’ll have your mom’s six, right?”

Finn tightened the hold on his iPhone.

“I never doubted it for an instant.  I’ve got to do this, Mase.  I’ll be back when I’m back.”

Finn disconnected the call and removed the sim card.  Mason would respect his privacy and give him the space he needed to get his shit together, but he wouldn’t put it past Clint and Lydia to try to track his whereabouts through his phone.  He was serious, he needed away.  If they wanted to find him, he’d make them work for it. 

He picked up the other phone his friend Declan had overnighted to him.  He punched in the first name on the speed dial.  He got voicemail.

“Declan.  It’s me, Finn.  Give me a call.  I’m a free agent for the time being.  I’m working on something and could use some intel.”

––––––––

H
e pulled up to his mother’s duplex.  He’d thought about seeing her before the ‘bait-n-switch’ meeting with his teammates but knew they would respect his privacy...for a while.  He took a deep breath and headed for the door.

“Finnius? Are you even listening to me?”

Finn looked up from the kitchen table and saw his mother was hovering over him.  The last time he had seen her she had been at the counter chopping vegetables.

“You’ve been sitting at my table for over an hour with such a long face that the bread won’t be able to rise.”  His mom put a plate of Norwegian butter cookies and a glass of milk in front of him.

“You must be worried,” he said indicating the treats.

“I am.”  She sat across from him.  She actually patted the pocket of her sweater and laughed. He came close to smiling.  If his mom reached for a cigarette, she was stressed.  She hadn’t smoked in over fifteen years.

“Finn, honey, two years ago you had to pick me up off the floor when your granddad’s Alzheimer’s knocked me on my ass.  All the while you were hurting as badly as I was.  But you did what you always did, you cared for me, coaxed me into moving out here to be near you and make a new life.  Hell, you dragged us both into counseling.  You were a Godsend.  But I know you have one of the most stressful jobs in the world.”

“Are you kidding me, Mom?  This is the job I wanted more than anything.  I worked my ass off to become a SEAL.  It was my dream.”

“I’m not denying that, Finn.  But you’re not going to tell me that some of the things you do aren’t life and death.”  His mother pushed the plate of cookies closer to him.

“Of course, they are.”  Finn grabbed a cookie, took a bite and a long drink of milk.

“When you came back two months ago, you weren’t you.  You’ve shut down.”  She got the carton of milk from the fridge to refill his glass, giving them both time to contemplate her words.

“Can you tell me about it?” she asked as she poured more milk into his glass.

“I can’t.”  The two words came out harsh and ugly.

“Can you tell me how you feel?” she asked gently.

He sighed.  “The cookies help.” 

She gave him a ‘mom’ look.

“They do.  They make me feel like a kid again when a cookie could solve all my problems.”  He blew out a long breath.  “Mom, things are pretty confused right now.  I fucked up.  I hurt some people.”