Her Christmas Hero (Home To Dover 6) (16 page)

“Why not?” She was pushing him away again.

Gemma stood and walked to the fireplace, staring into the flames. “There’s too much you don’t know and you’d never understand.”

His throat ached at the sadness in her voice. “Then, explain it to me.” She shook her head. “I know you have feelings for me. I know you watch me when you think I’m not looking, the same way I watch you. I know your pulse speeds up when I’m close to you. I know you smile when you see Evan and I playing ball.”

Gemma glanced over her shoulder at him, her lips pressed together. “Yes. I care for you. A lot, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course it does.” He stood and joined her. “Is it because of Evan?”

“Not exactly.”

He peered at her more closely. That was an odd response. “Then, what exactly? Help me understand.” She turned away, burying her face in her hands. He stepped closer, taking her shoulders gently in his hands. “Gemma, whatever it is, I’ll understand. Nothing can be that bad.”

Her shoulders arched beneath his hands as she stiffened her spine and sidestepped around his hold. “Yes, it can.” She faced him, her green eyes dark and tortured. “I was raped.”

Shock jolted through him as if he’d grabbed a live wire. His lungs seized up. He searched her expression, his shock giving way quickly to horror and anger. “When? Who? Tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

She shook her head. “It was a long time ago. Nine years.”

It took Linc a moment to do the math. “Evan?”

She swiped away tears from her cheeks. Nodded. “Yes.”

Linc didn’t know how to process her revelation. He fisted his hands, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the wall. One look at her filled him with a fierce need to hold her and make the pain go away. He sank onto the arm of the sofa, searching for words that would comfort but needing desperately to know what had happened. “Tell me.”

She gulped down a sob. “It won’t do any good.”

“Please.” He watched her emotions scroll across her face—fear, longing, sadness. He ground his teeth together, helpless to do anything constructive for her. Except to pray for understanding and guidance.

“It was my first job after college. I’d been at the company about a year when we started dating. After a few weeks he started pressuring me to sleep with him. I kept telling him I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t a Christian then. I didn’t have a problem with the idea—I just wasn’t sure about my feelings. One night he fixed us drinks. I started to feel strange. I couldn’t think clearly, my vision blurred. The next thing I remember I woke up in the middle of the night and I knew...what he’d done to me.”

Bile worked up into his throat. He struggled to keep his tone calm. “Did you report him?”

“No. He was my boss. I didn’t think anyone would believe me. I took a few days off. He wasn’t at work when I returned. I learned he’d transferred to the West Coast office. I never saw him again.”

“Not even when you learned you were pregnant?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks. “No. I knew he wouldn’t want to be involved.”

“What about your parents? Did you tell them?”

She nodded, wiping her cheeks. “They were furious. My mother told me I was to blame. She said I must have done something to encourage him. She said I’d ruined my life and no one would want me because I was damaged goods.” She bowed her head. “Then she told me to do something about it.”

Linc groaned.

“I couldn’t. Caroline had just brought me to the Lord. I decided to give the baby up for adoption, but when I saw him, I couldn’t do that, either. This precious little baby was mine, and I could raise him in love and happiness. No matter how his birth had begun, I would make sure his life was happy.”

She looked at the floor.

Linc hurried to her, wrapped her in his arms, lifting her chin to look at him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You were the victim.” He brushed her hair off her face. “Ah, sweetheart. You shame me with your strength and devotion.”

She shook her head. “I trusted him.”

“And he betrayed you.” Now he understood why she found it so hard to trust anyone. And why she never talked about Evan’s father. How could she explain the violence that had created him?

“I trusted Darren, too, and he stole my business and left me with a mountain of debt. My mother is right. I have poor judgment.” She hiccupped a sob. “What’s wrong with me?”

Linc held her tighter, cradling the back of her head in his hand. “Hush. I won’t let you think that. Your boss was a predator, and Darren was a greedy jerk.” The clip slipped out of her hair and fell to the floor, letting her curls tumble down across his arm. “Not all men are like that. You can trust me, Gemma. I would never let anything happen to you.”

She slid her arms around his waist. He rested his chin on her head, inhaling the jasmine fragrance in her hair.

“I want to believe that.”

“Believe it.” He tilted her chin upward, looked into her tear-filled eyes. “You are the most amazing, determined, aggravating woman I’ve ever met. You make me crazy and happy at the same time.” With her wet cheeks and red eyes, she looked sweet and vulnerable, and he wanted to protect her from pain and sadness with every ounce of strength he possessed.

He took possession of her lips, crushed her to him and poured out his heart in the kiss, longing to give her the best part of himself. She meshed with him, returning his kiss with a purity that rocked his foundation.

He sensed her shift in mood. She was pulling away again. She rested her hand on his face, her thumb touching his lip. Then she moved off, picking up the hair clip, turning it over in her hands. “I appreciate you listening, for defending me. That’s very sweet. But I’m not ready for anything else, Linc. I can’t. Try to understand.”

“No. I don’t understand. Gemma, let me...”

She turned her back. Shutting him out. His stomach in knots, he pivoted and walked out, pulling the door shut with a bang. Darkness covered him as he walked across the lawn. He welcomed it. It suited his mood.

* * *

Gemma walked into Peace Community the next morning with Beatrice at her side. She’d prayed all night that the Lord would touch her sister’s heart. The prospect lifted her spirits—but not enough to erase the cold heaviness in her chest that had formed when she’d sent Linc away last night.

“Aunt Beatrice, we always sit with Miss Francie. You can sit beside me so I can show you what to do. In case you don’t know.”

“That’s very kind and thoughtful of you, Evan.”

Gemma followed her sister into the pew and sat down, casting a glance around for Linc. Her heart beat triple time thinking about facing him again. She’d agonized all night about how he would feel now that she’d told him about her past. She’d sent him home, needing time to sort through all the emotions reliving the past had churned up. But the moment the door had closed behind him, she’d longed to call him back and fall into his arms again. He was always there to protect and defend her. No one had ever cared enough before.

It was time to face the truth. She’d stepped off the cliff and was in free fall with no idea of her landing spot.

She glanced around the sanctuary again. No Linc. He never missed church unless he was out of town, and she suspected even then he found a place to worship. She admired his deep faith, his commitment to his family. Last night she’d broken down and told him her deepest, most shameful secret. He’d been compassionate, understanding and loving. His kiss had unlocked the last barrier around her fearful heart, but she’d panicked at the depth and intensity of her love for him.

And she worried about how he would feel today, after he’d had a night to consider the things she’d confided. Would he see things differently? Was that why he wasn’t at church? He was reluctant to be seen with her now? Her throat convulsed with the thought.

Gemma struggled to keep her focus on the service. She should never have told him. She’d known it would change the way he saw her, but she’d hoped he was different. That he might care enough to overlook her past.

When Pastor Barrett started his sermon it was if he’d known Beatrice would be there today. He spoke of trying to find validation in the eyes of others. When he explained the path to salvation, Gemma noticed her sister brush a tear from her cheek.

Please, Lord, draw her to You.

As they left the church, Beatrice’s phone vibrated. Their mother was impatient to leave for the airport.

Beatrice gave Gemma a hug. “This was wonderful. I had no idea church was like this. I have a lot of questions. I wish I could stay longer.”

“So do I. You can call me anytime. We can talk. And, Bea, you don’t have to live your life Mom and Dad’s way. You can strike out on your own.”

She looked skeptical. “I saw how hard it was for you. I’m not as strong as you are, Gem. I never have been. And I don’t have the support of a family like the Montgomerys or a man who loves me.”

“Oh, no, Linc and I are...” What were they now?

“No. He’s head over heels. It’s in his eyes when he looks at you, and you love him, too. I can see it.”

“Maybe. But it’s complicated.”

“Sis, don’t try to control this. Just let it happen.”

“I’m not trying to control anything.”

“Yes, you are. You think by closing off your heart, suppressing your emotions, you can keep yourself safe from hurt or betrayal. But you can’t.” Bea pointed a finger at her. “I may not know firsthand about love, but I know you and I know fear when I see it. Linc is a good man. Don’t be afraid to let yourself love him. You’re happy in this place, doing this job. Evan is happy, too. Maybe someday I can find that kind of joy.”

Gemma hugged Beatrice. “I hope so, too.”

“We’d better go. Mom will be upset if I’m late.”

The farewell with her parents was short and curt. No hugs, no warm wishes. But she didn’t expect any different.

She drove back to the Montgomery estate, her heart growing heavier with each rotation of the tires. Had she made a horrible mistake in turning Linc away? Had her fear blocked her from the thing she longed for most?

As she pulled up, she noticed his red truck was missing from the front drive. Further proof that Linc was keeping his distance.

When Evan got an invitation to spend the afternoon with Cody, Gemma went back into town to work. She could not sit home and second-guess her decisions. She had one more weekend of events to oversee, and that was what she needed to focus on. She had to trust in herself and make a life for her and Evan.

* * *

Linc braced against the wind that blew across his face, driving dust into his eyes. He squinted, staring at the water rushing past in the streambed. He’d driven out to his land to think things over. But after an hour in the truck and another half hour wandering the property, he was no closer to solving any of his problems than when he’d arrived.

He’d barely slept after Gemma had told him about being raped. He alternated between wanting to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe to wanting to pummel the man’s face with his fists. Mostly his heart ached for what she’d endured. The thought of someone violating her, shattering her spirit and her trust left him searching for answers. He’d sent up prayers for wisdom and extra compassion and tenderness to help her if he could. He’d offered prayers of thankfulness as well, that the Lord had brought her through, kept her strong and creative and amazing.

Linc strolled toward the old house. Another problem had plagued him today. One he was struggling with even more. Gemma had pointed out to him more than once that his fierce need to have his siblings in Dover was likely backfiring on him. He hadn’t understood. But after seeing the way the Butlers tried to control their daughters—forcing them to follow the paths they thought best and making both women miserable—Linc began to question his attitude. Gemma had fought her way out to earn her own life, but her sister seemed a lifeless shell of a person. He never wanted to control his brothers and sisters in that way—he’d only wanted to keep them close.

The wind made the old wooden house creak and moan. Echoing the emotions he was battling with. He wanted to preserve the old homestead the way he wanted to preserve the closeness of his family. But he realized now that he could no more force them to follow his wishes than he could force the old house to repair itself.

Maybe his mom was right. It was time to let go of the idea that he was the head of the household and start thinking about a family of his own. It was a dream he’d packed away after his last failed relationship, convinced the pieces of his life would never come together. Then Gemma and Evan had moved into the cottage.

A shadow passed overhead, drawing his gaze upward. The clouds were turning dark, speeding across the sky. The air was thick and oppressive with the high humidity and warm temperatures. A combination ripe for dangerous storms. Time to head home.

Inside the cab of his truck he switched on the radio. He needed to hear some Christmas music to lighten his mood. But of all the songs that could play, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” blared from the speaker, setting his teeth on edge. None of his brothers or sisters would be home for the holidays. He’d held out hope that Seth would be able to come, but he’d called last night and said he had too much studying to do.

The main house was just coming into sight when the music was interrupted with a special bulletin. The cold front barreling through the area was bringing a line of nasty storms, with hurricane-force winds, hail and flooding in low-lying areas. Linc climbed out of his truck and checked the sky again. He needed to get things secured before it hit. And he’d feel much better if Gemma and Evan were in the main house tonight.

After checking with his mom, he hurried to the cottage. Thankfully, Evan opened the door. Linc knew it was cowardly, but he wasn’t ready to see the rejection in Gemma’s eyes again so soon. “Hey, buddy, you heard about the big storm coming?”

The boy shook his head. “Mom, Coach is here and there’s a storm.”

Gemma entered from the kitchen as Linc stepped inside. Her shoulders stiffened as she looked at him. “Hello, Linc. What’s Evan talking about?”