Hell to Heaven (7 page)

‘The architect estimates a cost of ten jin of jade to make the necessary alterations to the Dark Bliss Pavilion. I’m just as comfortable staying here, so we won’t be making the changes,’ I said.

He nodded, unsurprised. ‘That is a great deal of money, ma’am. But if you extended the Pavilion of Dark Bliss, the fung shui aspects would be perfectly aligned. As well as that, you would have more room for your clothes, your make-up, all your feminine necessities—’

I cut him off. ‘Snakes don’t need clothes or make-up. Where is this going?’

‘One day you will be able to take human form here, ma’am, I’m sure of it. If you were to extend Dark Bliss as they have suggested, it would not only improve the harmonious resonance of the building, it would provide you with more space for all your needs.’

‘I fail to see where this is heading, Dragon.’

‘I would hate to see a beautiful lady such as yourself unable to make herself as attractive as she possibly can for the return of her lover. I would like to help.’

‘You want to help? How?’

‘How about I pay for the additions to the pavilion? It would be my pleasure, ma’am. I know that the
Northern coffers have been drained by the recent difficulties, while the East remains strong. Let me do this thing for you.’

I hesitated a moment, studying him, then said, ‘And what do you want in return?’

‘Well, I will have more of a budget for the renovation if I do not have to pay such ridiculously exorbitant prices for the leaves for my silk factories.’

I stared at him, stunned.

He shrugged and smiled slightly. ‘You are a beautiful woman, Lady Emma. It is such a shame that you do not have the space to allow you to enhance your appearance to the utmost—for your Lord, of course. With the space for proper baths and personal care staff here, you would always look your best. I can provide you with clothing assistants, make-up artists and hair designers. You will want for nothing.’

I opened my mouth then closed it again.

‘So, would you like me to pay for the alterations?’ the Dragon said, his face full of hope.

‘I tell you what,’ I said, ‘I will take your offer into consideration when I am hearing the case tomorrow.’

He bowed his head again. ‘That is all I can ask for: some small amount of consideration for the care I am taking of you.’

‘Yes, I’ll be
absolutely damn sure
to remember that you tried to
bribe
me to give you a sympathetic outcome,’ I said with force. ‘I’ve half a mind to find in the tree’s favour without even having a hearing. In fact, I should double whatever price he’s asking for his leaves.’ I moved my head and the first metre or so of my body closer to the Dragon’s face. ‘You insult me by attempting to corrupt me. Is this the way you do business in the East?’

The Dragon replaced his teacup. ‘This is the way I do business everywhere, because it’s the way business is done.’ He disappeared.

‘Asshole!’ I said, and slithered down off the throne and headed back to my sleeping quarters.

‘You should do what you said you’d do: find in the tree’s favour tomorrow,’ the stone said.

‘No, I’m going to hear this case fairly and impartially,’ I said. ‘The fact he’s tried to bribe me doesn’t change the facts of the case, and I will hear it based on the facts rather than on how much I
intensely dislike
the two parties involved in it.’

‘Which one do you hate more?’ the stone said.

I slid into my sleeping pit. ‘If I had a choice of which one I’d hang upside down over a scorpion pit, I’d choose both of them.’

‘Would you like me to order you a scorpion pit? I can get one about three metres across, filled with the most enormous, highly venomous scorpions you ever saw. Hours of fun for the whole family.’

‘You’re worse than they are,’ I said, and stretched out to sleep on the cushions.

T
he next morning I entered the court for the final day of hearings. The guards fell to one knee and saluted me, then rose and held their swords in front of them. I nodded to Lily and Martin, slithered up the dais and onto the chair behind the desk. A demon servant took up position next to me, ready to turn the pages of the documents, saving me the embarrassment of having to turn them with my mouth.

‘First case today,’ I said, ‘the horse one; about time we had something interesting. Bring the case of Ling versus Toi.’

Ling and Toi entered the room and kneeled before me; they were both dragons in human form.

‘Up you get,’ I said, and they rose, their expressions suspicious at my informal tone. ‘I’d like to hear from your own mouth, Mr Toi, exactly what the
hell
you were thinking when you did this.’

Toi, a slender, elderly gentleman in a black silk robe, was the owner of the demon stallion. He bowed his head slightly to speak. ‘This was an accident, Lady Regent. The stallion concerned broke from its restraints in the middle of the night and went to
Honoured Miss Ling’s residence under its own volition, probably drawn by the scent of her fine mare in heat.’

‘You had the stallion restrained?’ I said.

‘It was in a high-walled stall, but it managed to escape,’ Toi said. ‘I do not understand how such a thing could have happened, ma’am. I provide the best accommodation for my beasts. This will never happen again.’

I turned to the woman, who also wore a black silk robe, probably dressed down to show her distress. ‘Miss Ling, you claim that the mare is ruined and request compensation of ten jin of Celestial Jade. Has the mare been injured by bearing the foal and cannot bear any more for you?’

‘She has been contaminated by the demon essence of the stallion,’ Ling said, her jaw clenched with anger. ‘This foal is half-demon and an abomination. I will never be able to sell another foal from the mare, as any future foal will be tainted by the fact that the mare has been covered by a demon. The mare is worthless.’

‘I have investigated this claim—something along the lines of a Celestial urban myth—that once a female animal has been impregnated by a demon, the demonic essence remains.’ I nodded to the demon secretary and she pulled out the folder containing the DNA samples. ‘I have scientific evidence that this is not true: the mare’s future offspring will not be contaminated in any way.’

Toi gave Miss Ling a triumphant look.

‘That’s as it may be, ma’am,’ Ling said, ‘but everybody still believes it, and my mare’s foals will no longer be as prized—or as valuable—as they once were.’

‘Madam,’ Toi said, ‘please, go to the stables and view the colt. It is exceptional. I do not dispute that it
is the progeny of my stallion, but I
do
dispute that the foal is an abomination. The mother is quite capable of bearing many more fine foals, both pure animal and half-demon.’

I checked the notes in front of me. ‘You request ownership of the colt and have offered Miss Ling two jin of jade for it. She is asking for ten, which is the value of the mare and any future progeny she would have borne.’

Miss Ling spread her arms. ‘This mare is only seven years old, she had many more years of fruitfulness in her. This is a tragedy.’

‘If he paid the ten jin, would you give him the mare and the foal?’ I asked Miss Ling.

She nodded, sober. ‘That I would, ma’am.’

‘I would like to see this mare again and view the colt.’ I called towards the back of the courtroom: ‘Hey, Lily, do we have time this afternoon? What else do I have on?’

‘Only one more, scheduled for 2 pm, ma’am,’ Lily called back, to the shock and amusement of those present. ‘The closed hearing.’

‘Only one more? That’s a relief.’ I slithered down off my chair. ‘Get the demon driver to bring the car around, I want to have a look at these horses.’ I nodded to Lily. ‘Arrange the usual witness and note-taking rigmarole, will you?’

‘Sure thing, ma’am,’ Lily said, and went out to organise the details.

I saw Toi and Ling share a lightning-fast look and realised this whole thing was a setup. I stopped, nearly changing my mind about seeing the horses—but what the hell. Foals were cute. I raised my snout to them. ‘Want to come in my car?’

They bowed, formal again, and agreed. I sat in the front next to the driver, and Toi and Ling sat side by side in the back.

These two ever been an item?
I asked the stone.

If the stone could sigh, it would have.
Emma, with people who live this long, I think everybody’s been an item with everybody else at some stage. These are both dragons, and not related to each other; he’s spawn of Qing Long and she’s one of the daughters of the Dragon King. Of course they’ve ‘done it’.

I turned my head to see them. ‘I think I should just cut to the chase here. Do you want to give the foal to me or to Simone?’

Ling opened and closed her mouth a few times, then glanced at Toi, speechless.

‘I have no idea what you are talking about, ma’am,’ Toi said.

I rested my chin on the top of the car seat. ‘You two want to dispel this myth about demon essence ruining animals. You arranged for the stallion to “escape” and impregnate the mare. I’ve heard how fine this mare is, Miss Ling; the White Tiger has been trying to arrange for his own stallions to cover her—he’s jealous as all hell about her. You’re taking me to look at her so I fall in love with the foal and want to take him as my own—or as Simone’s private riding horse. If I take the foal, your mare will become even more prestigious and people will be forced to overcome their prejudice about demon essence contaminating livestock if they want to buy any further foals from her. Am I correct so far?’

Toi sat back, his face full of shock. ‘I’d heard how intelligent you are, ma’am, but this is exceptional.’

‘I just put two and two together,’ I said. ‘It’s a great idea. You should have contacted me before. I would be
happy to take the foal and prove to the Celestial that this myth is untrue. Stone, is Simone out of school yet?’

‘No, she’s still in class,’ the stone said. ‘Lunch isn’t for another hour or so.’

‘Too bad, she misses out on cute baby horses,’ I said.

Noooo
, Simone wailed in my head.
Cute babies! I love cute babies!

Ling and Toi shared a grin.

‘How about I take this one, the demon spawn,’ I said. ‘Simone can take the next one, the progeny of one of the Tiger’s stallions or something, a pure animal horse that she can ride here in the Heavens. I’ll have to take mine down to the Earthly and ride it there; I can’t really do much as a snake.’

‘That’s what we were hoping for, ma’am,’ Miss Ling said. ‘We would gladly give each of you such a steed in return for your endorsement that the myth is untrue.’

I hissed with amusement. ‘I won’t let you give them to me, I’ll pay you fair recompense for them. It is not right for the ruler to take gifts from the subjects.’

They bowed their heads, obviously delighted at the turn events were taking.

‘I think the prestige you’ll gain from me and Simone both riding this mare’s progeny will override any prejudice people have about the demon thing,’ I said. ‘I’ll arrange for the Tiger to make his most prized stallions available to you—’

‘He already did, ma’am,’ Ling said, cutting me off, then bobbed her head. ‘I apologise for interrupting.’

‘Is he in on this too?’ I said.

‘He may have had something to do with this, yes,’ Toi said.

‘I am going to tear his whiskers off,’ I said. ‘Trying to put one over on me. Who does he think he is?’

I love you too, baby
, the White Tiger said into my ear.
I told these two morons that you’d see through their little plot, but they thought you’d be as stupid as his dad—Qing Long—and they’d have to go through all this roundabout bullshit to get where they wanted to be. Stupid assholes, both of them, typical dragons. But it’s a good cause: this mare of hers is a freak of nature, exceptional animal, and his stallion is one of the finest demon horses anywhere. Anything to make people get over this ‘contaminated by demon’ bullshit! Oh, and if you like, I’d be delighted to train the little bastard for you when he’s old enough to be backed.

Miss Ling’s estate sat on the hills to the south of the capital of the Northern Heavens, with large post-and-rail paddocks and a central equestrian complex. She provided riding, racing and war horses for the Celestial community, and had recently diversified into competition horses as well. Her longstanding rivalry with the White Tiger was well-known throughout the Celestial and there were sometimes bets placed on which of the two would win a particular equestrian event.

The foaling yards were close to the main house for easy monitoring. We entered the stable block and Miss Ling guided us to the mare in question; she was located in one of the stalls, its floor lined with sawdust bedding. The foal was with her, gambolling around the stall. Its legs looked impossibly long and it seemed unable to control all four at once; each splayed out in a different direction and the foal glared at them, as if ordering them to behave. The mare watched with bemused tolerance and obvious affection.

The mare was an eventing horse, a thoroughbred that excelled at both dressage and show jumping. Miss Ling had won a couple of Earthly competitions riding her, and there had been much speculation in the Celestial about the price the foal would command when Miss Ling had the mare serviced with frozen semen from one of the world’s top eventing stallions.

‘The stallion that provided the semen was black, with no dilution gene, and everybody knows it,’ Miss Ling said. ‘This mare is bay, and also has no dilution gene, so a palomino or buckskin from the cross is impossible.’

‘My demon stallion is palomino, however,’ Mr Toi said. ‘There was a reasonable chance that he would throw a dilute foal, which would be a loud signal to everybody that my horse was the father. We succeeded: the foal is palomino, red dilute, and a fine little horse. Everybody in the Celestial is aware of the parentage, and they’ll have to get over their prejudice about demon foals if they want to take advantage of this mare’s progeny in future.’