Hell Inc. (33 page)

“Are
you trying to say that you were a ... virgin ... when we,
when we did it?” The damn genie was scrunched up in the
corner, wrapped in silent snickers. Levie's face flushed a deep
crimson, and his chest inflated like a balloon. His next words were
barely a whisper despite his enraged, or maybe just mortified, state.

“Of
course. Are you questioning my virtue?” I wanted to laugh.
Really, it was that funny, but I was still pissed about the whole
affair.

“So
you're saying that Hell Inc. just gathers women to be little breeding
machines so that you people can continue your amazing and inherently
superior race?” My voice rose an octave with each and every
syllable so that the word 'race' was more of a battle worthy shriek
than an actual word.

“There
are male Guardians as well.” Wow. That was nice. They didn't
discriminate based on gender. Anyone was good enough to be a
breeding machine. Whoopee.

“What
about gay people?” I knew I was being a smart ass, but I
couldn't help it. I deserved a little facetiousness after all that
I'd been through. Levie shrugged.

“The
Devil kicked out Lunen after he refused to breed with a human woman.
He wanted to be with a vampire. A male. This is why I am the new
successor to the Hell Incorporated empire.” It went without
saying that the Devil could use a few diversity workshops, but I
skipped over that and went right to the part that concerned me. I'd
already established the fact that I was selfish, big deal.

“So
what, I'm supposed to make little demon babies for you? Fuck that.
I don't even want kids.” Thank God I'd made him use a condom.
I was really going to have to send a 'Thank You!' postcard to my old
health ed teacher, Mrs. Rickets. Levie ground his teeth together in
anger.

“I
don't believe that I ever asked that of you.”

“No?
Then what the fuck are you doing with me? We barely know each
other.” Levie took two large steps towards me, closing the
distance between us and slammed his hands on the glass on both sides
of my face.

“It
doesn't matter. I love you.”

My
heart stopped beating for a full minute. Not that it really mattered
since I was dead, but it was still impressive. His words replayed in
an endless loop through my head and the air around me became
increasingly warmer as Levie waited for some sort of response from
me. Unfortunately, I couldn't give him what he wanted.

“Get
out,” I said softly. “Just go.” His eyes were
wide, incredulous. It wasn't fair though. He expected me to just
fall into his arms, cooing with pleasure. Well, it wasn't going to
happen. I had pride. And dignity. And self respect. Even if I was
a little bit dense. Okay, maybe I was a lot dense but still. I
ducked under his arm, my feet stomping a quiet, angry rhythm across
the salt 'n' pepper carpet until I reached the door. My hand twisted
the gold knob, and I stepped aside, waiting for him to leave.

Dia
was silent and still, her bald, orange head gleaming as she stared at
the floor. It was at least an attempt to be respectful, even if I
could still see the edges of her shark-toothed grin on the side of
her face.

Levie
dropped his hands to his side, and his wings rustled as he readjusted
them across his back. He turned around and followed my path to the
door.

“I
was able to get the Devil to offer you a deal. But it was contingent
on the fact that you stay with me. I will have to renegotiate.”
He paused, head down next to me.

“Don't
bother.” I said, looking over at Dia for confirmation. “I
can get out of this myself.
”
She looked up and met my eyes, nodding in agreement. Levie glanced
back at her and shook his head.

“She
cannot help you like I can. I will speak with my uncle.” He
didn't wait for me to answer, just grabbed the knob from my hand and
left, shutting the door softly behind him.

I
took a huge, shuddering breath before finally giving into my tears
and throwing myself onto the bed. Dia stood anxiously next to me and
tried to help by rubbing my back in little circles. She pressed far
too hard and succeeded only in making me cry harder, but I didn't ask
her to stop. I didn't have the heart to ask anything.

An
I Love Lucy
marathon was the only thing playing on the T.V.
and since there was no computer and no phone, I was sort of strapped
in my choices of entertainment. After watching several episodes, I
was pretty sure that Hell really was a place of eternal punishment.
I knew that I was on a time schedule, but I was also having a hard
time making myself care. I stared at the black and white screen and
ignored Dia's attempts at conversation. It was only when she
mentioned two of my favorite vampires that I really started to hear
her.

“This
one guy in a ridiculously bad seventeenth century getup was the one
that started the whole thing. I mean, I was born in the seventeenth
century, so it's not like I haven't seen men in tights but come on.”
I turned my head to look at her, but she was into her story and used
to me being spaced out so it took her awhile to notice. “Him
and this skeleton-vampire were selling my friends like chattel, so of
course, I had to check it out. I haven't had a master in like, fifty
years. Not since Hell Inc.'s intake levels dropped by like, fifty
fucking percent. I was being careless, but I was tired of waiting
for someone to listen to me. When I got there, they ambushed me and
gave my bottle to that little chit, Leah.”

“She
was a Guardian?” I asked quietly, grabbing the remote and
turning off the T.V. Diamokina jumped, her bells and jewelry
tinkling and a small swirl of smoke emanating from her nostrils. She
slapped her hands onto her thighs and shook her white ponytail at me.

“Jesus,
girl, I thought you were like, completely out of it!” She
leaned forward and brushed a hand across my forehead. Her skin felt
strange, more like reptile scales than human skin. I tried not to
shudder away from her touch, but it made me uncomfortable. When I
was about at my limit, she pulled back and sat down in her chair
again, purple skirts folded neatly beneath her. “Now where was
I?”

“Leah.”

“Right.
Leah. Of course the little chit was a Guardian, only Guardians can
take control of a genie.” She reached a hand up and adjusted
her hair. Even though there was so little of it, she seemed to be
quite prideful of the bit that was there.

“What
makes a Guardian a Guardian? I don't understand.” Dia sighed
and shook her head as if disappointed.

“I
remember the days when Hell Inc. used to give full seminars to all
their applicants. Well, not anymore. No sirree, not since Infernix
opened up. You don't know shit, do you, girl?”

“My
name is Ginger,” I replied curtly, feeling offended though I
wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because Levie always referred to me as
'girl.' Stupid girl. The jerk.

“Well
girl, a Guardian is somebody, male or female, that has enough of
their own magic that they can see beyond their world and into the
next. It's the same reason why they can master a genie or ... ”
She wiggled her eyebrows at me, and I turned away, embarrassed.
“Wrangle a demon.” I looked back to her, suddenly
desperate, and flung the blankets back, slamming my feet onto the
floor.

“Why
can't demons just breed with each other? I don't understand.”
Dia smiled and took my hands in hers.

“A
demon is just a human with a lot of magic. More than a Guardian.”
She released my hands and sat back. “Angels, too. They're
the same way. But they have so much of it that it fucks with their
ability to reproduce. So they need someone with a lot of magic, but
not too much. A normal human won't do. They'll only breed more
humans.” I leaned back against the pillows and tried to
breathe. “Now can I finish with my story? You're sort of
running on borrowed time, girl. We need to get you a body and soon.
I can always fill you in on demon lore after you've got a flesh bag
to sit in.”

“Sure.
Whatever.” Dia took a deep breath and began talking. Once
she started, I couldn't get her to stop. She told me how Liam and
Nathaniel had been kidnapping the genies without masters and taking
the bottles of the ones who did and selling them to other Guardians.
She told me how nobody at Hell Inc. seemed to notice or care. Until
their entire Recall and Collections department was gone. Now they
were in deep shit without anybody to reverse the wishes that had
already been made. Like mine.

“So
what do you want me to do about it?” I asked her, still annoyed
that she knew so much about me but hadn't spilled the beans on where
she'd gotten the information. “What the fuck does the Devil
think I can do about it?”

“Well,
you told me he saw your bottle. He knows you already have me. And
even just one Guardian and her genie can really shake things up.
I've got as much power as you've got, girl. So what do you say? You
scratch my back; I scratch yours. Help me get my friends back and
you'll make Lucifer happy, and I'll get you out of every mess you've
gotten yourself in. And maybe a yellow Lamborghini. I think you
could use a nice Lamborghini.”

“Can't
I just order you to do what I want?” Dia frowned at me, and a
small wisp of smoke floated out of each ear.

“You
want to play that game, girl. Wish for money and I'll make sure that
it comes straight out of a high profile bank. Then you can be
arrested and sit in a fucking jail cell. Or wish for eternal life
and I'll switch your soul and Prometheus' and you can enjoy having
your liver eaten by a fucking eagle every Goddamn day.” I held
up my hands in surrender.

“Okay,
okay, I get it. I get it. I'll help you. Now, what do I need to
do?”

Diamokina
had been adamant that I rehearse the words several times, without the
'I wish' of course, before being allowed to actually go forward with
my request. She informed me that she had once had a master that had
said the word 'bog' rather than 'big' resulting in a very swampy,
alligator infected mess instead of a large house. Considering that I
tended to collect the worst of the worst when it came to luck and
the fibbing of words, I relented and rehearsed the script at least
three dozen times. When I was finally fed up, I spun around to face
her and shook the piece of parchment in my hand like a weapon.

“Look,
I appreciate the help, and I'm sure that I probably do need it but
can we just get this over with? I'm tired of being dead. I can't
eat, I don't breathe, and apparently the sex is crap.” I said
apparently because really, I didn't have much to compare it to, and I
was just going off of instinct. It wasn't like I had anyone to have
sex with anyway. Diamokina shrugged and adjusted the strap of the
pink nothingness shirt that she was wearing. One which did
absolutely nothing to disguise her nipples. I pretended not to
notice.

“Fine,”
she replied, her voice tinkling like the little bells on the ends of
her nose ring. “Go ahead. I'm not the one who's going to end
up reincarnated in a charred piece of meat. Take your chances so I
can find a new master when you're gone.”

I
rolled my eyes at her and shook out the paper. I took a deep breath
and counted to ten in my head, trying to relax my muscles and ignore
the oppressive heat.

“I
wish ... ” My voice stumbled as I said the words which,
thus far, had only gotten me into a heap of trouble. I cleared my
throat and continued. “That I had a competent, willing
necromancer to reanimate my body and raise my soul from the dead,
intact and whole.” I spared a glance at Dia who was lounging
on the bed, eyes half lidded as she took in the words from my spell
and did whatever it was that genies do to turn it into reality. “And
I wish,” I continued, using Dia's recommendation that I split
the request into two wishes, to avoid confusion. “That she was
looking at my body now and performing the incantation so that I might
be alive and whole again by the time that she completes her spell.”