Held Captive By Love (5 page)

Jenna blinked her eyes and rolled over, throwing an arm over Fernando- or at least what she'd thought was going to be Fernando.  Her arm, instead, landed on a pillow.  Languidly sitting up, she surveyed the empty room.  Resting on the bedside table was a white sheet of paper.  She grabbed it, eager to see what the note said.

 
Lover,

Got called to work early.  Big water case is taking a lot of energy.  May end up working overtime tonight.  Will text.  Make yourself comfortable.  Already made you coffee.

X,

Fernando.

  Jenna smiled.  It was a sweet note.  Everything about Fernando was sweet.  And that was what made her reservations so much worse.

  It was likely that she didn't deserve him after all.  Maybe sooner or later he would figure that out.  For now, though? 

  Well, for now she was going to have some coffee, then she was going to go to her apartment to shower and do her video for the day.  After that, she had an interview downtown with a women's magazine.  An actual famous women's magazine- as in, one of the publications that Jenna herself had spent her teenage years reading religiously. 

  In general, things were going great on the career front.  Views had been sky-rocketing over the last couple weeks, and just yesterday she had received an invitation to do a one day segment for one of New York's local news stations.

  Jenna rolled out of bed and stretched.  Yep.  Things were looking up.  She needed to count her blessings and not forget that.

  Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she walked across the bedroom.  She had on one of Fernando's white t-shirts and a pair of his boxers.  She brought the shirt up to her face to take in his familiar scent.

  In the kitchen, not only was there a fresh pot of coffee made, with a mug and a spoon already set out, but there was a pink rose resting in a slender vase.  Jenna leaned against the counter and fingered the flower's petals.  How could she ever be expected to compete with Fernando?  The man went above and beyond.

  The sound of the doorbell buzzing interrupted her thoughts.  Jenna froze.  Who would be stopping by so early?  And should she even answer it?  It wasn't her apartment, after all.

  Then again, it was her boyfriend's apartment...

  The bell sounded again, and then a female's voice came through the door.  “Yoo-hoo!  Fernando, honey!  I've got your book!”

  Honey?

  Jenna furrowed her brows.  She did not like the woman's choice of words.  Yep.  She was definitely answering the door now. 

  She stomped across the apartment, intending to tell whatever woman was out there that not only was Fernando not home, but his Dom services had been recently discontinued (sure, Jenna had told Fernando that he didn't have to quit for her, but having a woman come to the door looking for him suddenly made the reality a bit much to handle). 

  Jenna swung the door open, her mouth already open to say 'Sorry, not sorry,' when she came face to face with a little old lady who was eighty years old if she was two.

  Jenna laughed out loud, and then quickly covered her mouth with her hand.  The woman's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

  “Oh!  Sorry dear,” She said.  “I was just bringing by Fernando's copy of Kerouac.  Is he home?”

  Jenna shook her head, suddenly feeling both incredibly ashamed by the angry way she'd answered the door and by the fact that she was dressed in men's undergarments.  “He left for work all right.”

  “Oh.”  The woman looked disappointed.  “And I walked all the way down the block.”

  Jenna's heart melted.  “Why don't you come in?” She asked.  “Would you like some coffee?”

  The woman's face brightened.  “Sounds lovely.”

  Jenna stood aside as the lady shuffled in.  “I'm Kate Winslow.  I live two buildings away.”

  “Nice to meet you.  I'm Jenna Smith.  Fernando's girlfriend.”

  “Oooh,” Kate exclaimed, stopping to gape over her shoulder at Jenna.  “Interesting.”

  “Um, yeah.  I guess.”

  Jenna scurried ahead of Kate to pull the old lady out a chair and retrieve another mug.  “Cream?  Sugar?”

  “Just cut mine with water, please.  Everyone makes coffee too strong these days.”

  Jenna smiled as she opened the fridge to get herself some half and half.  This old lady was entertaining.  After pouring two mugs of coffee (and cutting Kate's with water), Jenna turned to take a seat with the lady at the tiny table.

  “What book are you bringing back?” Jenna asked, blowing on her steaming mug.

  “Big Sur,” Kate replied excitedly, before reaching into her tote bag (which Jenna was pretty sure was a Forever 21 one) and pulling out the book.  “I recommend it.”

  “Cool.  Maybe I'll read it.”

  Jenna glanced at the clock above Kate's head.  She figured she had ten or twenty minutes to shoot the shit before she had to go shower.  Besides, it was nice having someone to talk to.  Working for yourself in your apartment all day, while everyone else was out, could get pretty lonely. 

  “You must be an amazing woman,” Kate said.

  Jenna laughed, nearly spitting out some coffee.  “Why's that?”

  “Well, it's pretty obvious that you're comfortable in Fernando's apartment.”  She nodded at Jenna's attire, and heat rose in Jenna's cheeks.  Nothing like the little old lady from down the block knowing you were knocking boots.

  Kate continued.  “He told me that he never had women stay over here.”

  Jenna ran a finger along the rim of her mug.  “Yeah, but he's had girlfriends before, right?...  How long have you known him?”

  Kate squinted her eyes, thinking hard.  “I've known Fernando, let's see...  Three years, I believe.  And no, I can't remember any girlfriends.  So not since I've known him.  He told me he was no good with women.”

  Jenna laughed.  She assumed that Kate knew nothing about the late-night Dom business.

  “Well, it's sweet of you, but I'm not that special.”

  “You must be.  He lets you stay here all by yourself.  Fernando trusts hardly anybody.”

  Jenna took a moment to think about that.  Of course, it really shouldn't come as a surprise.  After growing up in the foster system as he did- being discarded time and time again- why should he trust anyone?

  “Has he asked you to marry him yet?”

  Jenna laughed.  “We haven't been dating for very long.”

  Kate took a slow sip of her coffee.  “Yes, but when a man like Fernando finally finds that one special lady...”  She trailed off.

  “Then what?” Jenna asked.

  “It'll happen, honey.”  She reached across the table to pat Jenna's hand.  “Don't you worry.”

  Oh, I'm not worried, Jenna thought.  She wanted to tell Kate that it wasn't 1949 anymore, and some women were perfectly fine with not getting married.  She decided better of it, though.  Instead, she just smiled and nodded before taking another sip of coffee.

  “And what do you think of his dominatrix business?”

  This time, Jenna really did spit out her coffee- all across the table.  “Excuse me?” She gasped.  Had Fernando told this sweet old lady that he whipped naked women as a hobby?!

  Kate nodded, a knowing look on her face.  “Pretty interesting, huh?  Are you all right with it?”

  Jenna stammered, trying to get the words out.  “Well, he uh- he actually quit.  I didn't ask him to, but he said that he wanted to.  He said he wasn't comfortable keeping that going with me in his life.”

  “Oooh!” Kate squealed like she was ten.

  “What?”

  “Oh, honey, you keep a lookout.”

  This lady is wild; Jenna thought to herself.  “A lookout for what?”

  “For that ring.”

  Jenna blinked hard, and her heart rate nearly doubled.  “You mean an engagement ring?”

  Kate nodded.  “A man doesn't just change of his own accord for anyone.  Trust me, honey.  In no time at all you'll be Mrs. Gomez.”

  Jenna took a deep breath, but it did nothing to ease the panic collecting in her chest.  Mrs. Gomez?

  Feeling lightheaded, she stood up.  “Well, this has been great, but I have to go down to my apartment and shower.  I'll put Fernando's book in his room for you.”

  “All right honey,” Kate responded, heaving herself out of her chair. 

  “Let me get the elevator for you,” Jenna offered, helping Kate to steady herself.  The woman looked like she'd tumble right down the stairs if she attempted to take them. 

  “You're a sweet girl,” Kate said, beaming at Jenna.  “Fernando will be lucky to have you have his babies.”

  Jenna swallowed hard.  Babies?  Okay, Kate was seriously freaking her out now.

  “Well, we'll see,” She answered, slowly leading Kate to the door.

  Babies, babies... Mrs. Gomez.  The words spun around in Kate's head, and she wanted to knock them out of there.

  “You love him, don't you?” Kate asked suddenly.

  “Yes.  I do.”

  “So there you go,” Kate said, like it was that simple.

  If only, it was.

Fernando rolled the stress ball in his hands and propped his feet up on the desk.  The office was quiet,  almost everyone having just cleared out for their lunch break.  Opting to stay in so he could get some work done, he'd just placed a delivery order over the phone to the Chinese place down the block.  It had been a productive day already, but he wanted to get as much done as he could so that he could maybe leave at a decent time and get home to spend the evening with Jenna.

  He smiled as he thought of her.  Jenna.  A month ago he'd thought he had been happy.  Now he knew he'd had no clue of what true happiness was. 

  Setting his feet back down on the floor, he opened up his browser and typed in a quick search.  Something had been on his mind all morning, in between phone calls and fact checking.  He had woken up with the thought on his brain, although maybe it had been gradually developing in his subconscious the last two weeks. 

  He scrolled quickly, going through pages and pages of jewelry.  Nothing seemed right.  Nothing was perfect enough for Jenna.

  He sighed and let his hand drop from the mouse.  Maybe this whole idea was ridiculous anyway.  She seemed happy with the way things were.  Should he be trying to give her more?

  Or maybe he should just give her more space?  He shook his head.  He didn't know.  All that he knew was that he wanted to do right by her.

  Jenna sprinted down the steps and across the platform, practically throwing herself through the subway train's doors. 

  “Yes,” She whispered to herself as the doors closed behind her.  Five more seconds and she would have missed the train and then had to wait for God knows how long for the next one.  As it stood, though, she was still on time, and would maybe even arrive at the offices of Work It early.

  She grabbed onto a pole as the train lurched forward.  The car was packed, and every seat was taken.  Jenna bit her lip.  She'd worn heels for the special occasion of leaving her apartment (which was where she spent about ninety-five percent of her time working) and going downtown to interact with actual humans.  Standing for the entire train ride was not going to be fun.

  Slowly, she worked her way down the car, moving her hand from pole to pole.  Maybe there was a seat at the other end. 

  Finally, she found one at the very end of the car.  Sighing in relief, she plopped down and opened her purse.  Now was a good time to double check her make-up and ensure that everything was still in place.    Rifling through her massive Louis Vuitton purse (the one splurge she'd allowed herself since moving to the city), she located her makeup bag and pulled it out.  Touching up eyeliner on the train was a no-no (unless you wanted to submerge from the underground with just one eye), but she could retouch her skin and lipstick.

  The car was a loud one.  A guy in dreads sitting just a few feet away was blasting music from his cell phone, bobbing his head along like the reggae beats were the best thing ever to happen in the world.  A few teenage girls chattered loudly, throwing their heads back in laughter.  The noise that caught Jenna's attention, though, was the conversation going on directly across from her.

  A couple who looked to be about in their forties was having a heated conversation.  They appeared to be trying to keep their voices low, but Jenna could hear them perfectly clearly. 

  “I should never have gotten into this,” the woman said, her arms crossed and her brows furrowed.  “I feel like I've wasted ten years of my life.  You know, there were a hundred other men I could have been with.  Instead, I committed to you.”

  “I didn't make you do anything,” the man snarled, before looking away and shaking his head.

  Jenna opened her compact and began powdering her nose, but kept her ears strained.  The two people across from her were strangers, but she felt so emotionally involved in their drama that she felt like she knew them. 

  “We used to be in love,” the woman said, sounding close to tears. 

  The man sighed.  “I know.  What happened?”

  Jenna peeked over the top of her compact at the absolutely desolate looking pair.  Fear clutched her chest.  What had happened?  The two of them were in love and then what?  Things got too crazy?  Too confusing? 

  Was that what was going to happen to her and Fernando?

  Suddenly, the woman looked up and caught Jenna's eye. 

  Jenna ashamed at being caught eavesdropping, froze.  The woman didn't look angry, though.  She just looked sad.  She raised her eyebrows at Jenna, and the one simple look said so much.  It was one of those 'What can you expect?' looks.

  Jenna's chest began to tighten, and she struggled for breath.  Her hands were shaking, she lowered the compact and stared at her lap. 

  What could she expect?  That things were going to be rosy and glowing forever?  Or should she expect that in ten years she and Fernando would be sitting in a train or on a park bench having the word for word conversation that these two strangers had just had?

  Jenna closed her eyes in fear.  God, no.  Don't let it be so, She prayed.

  Her plea didn't feel like it went anywhere, though.  Instead, it felt like it sat right in her heart, flaming and then smoldering, and never getting to be heard. 

  Fernando tossed the empty rice carton in the trash and then stretched his arms above his head.  His neck was sore from the hours spent at his desk, and it had been a few days since he'd had time to hit the gym.  Then again, he had been working out in other ways...

  Heat spread through his body as he thought about Jenna on the couch the night before.  Her golden hair spread out across the cushions...  Her hands were clutching his hair as she moaned...

  A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts.  Jim Norton, another long-time attorney at the firm, stood in the doorway.  “You didn't go out for lunch?” He asked.

  Fernando shook his head, slightly embarrassed about being walked in on while he was fantasizing about Jenna- not that Jim could read his mind or anything.  Still, it was kind of awkward to be thinking about your girlfriend's breasts while the buddy you went to baseball games with was standing right there.

   Jim smirked.  “Let me guess.  This has something to do with the new girlfriend, right?  Putting in the extra work to get home in time?”

  Fernando grinned in embarrassment.  “I guess if the shoe fits...”

  “And it looks like it does,” Jim quipped, walking into the room and snatching up the mini basketball that sat on the coffee table.  Turning swiftly, he tossed it towards the hoop that Fernando had hanging over the back of the door.  The ball bounced off the hoop's rim and rolled under the desk. 

  “She must be a special girl,” Jim said, groaning as he got on his knees to retrieve the ball.  “To the best of my memory, in the three years we've known each other you haven't had one single girlfriend.  Or if you have, you've certainly never talked about them.”

  “She's the first in a long time,” Fernando sighed heavily.

  Jim popped up with the ball.  “You sound kind of down, though.”

  “Well, she's young...”

  “-So are you.  You make act older, but you're still twenty-nine.”

  Fernando paused.  “I say that because I'm not so sure, she's ready to commit.”

  “And you are?  Wow.  That doesn't sound like the Fernando I know.”

  Fernando looked over Jim's head to gaze out the window at the Brooklyn Bridge.  All his life, he'd just assumed that there was no one out there for him to commit to.  Fernando Gomez lived in a shell- one from which he kept a very tight control on all circumstances of his life.  No one was going to be able to draw him out of that shell, and he had always known that.

  And then, suddenly, he'd met Jenna, and he'd known almost instantly that he wanted more.  Yes, he was ready to commit.  Not only that, but he wanted some real confirmation of their future together.

  “Yes,” He finally said, looking back at Jim.  “I am.”

  Jim nodded his head and looked thoughtful.  Fernando glanced down at the ball in his friend's hand, noticing his wedding ring.  Jim had been married for over ten years.  Maybe he had some advice.

  “How did you know you wanted to be with Clara?” He asked, nodding at the ring.

  “That's easy.”  He took a few steps back and threw the ball at the hoop again.  “I knew when I didn't have to ask myself that question.  With girls before, I had to wonder: Were they right for me?  Were they good for just having flings?  With Clara, I just knew.  Do you feel that way at all about this girl?”

  Fernando didn't even have to think about it.  Yes.  He knew.  The only thing he wasn't sure about was how Jenna herself felt.