Heightened: The Federation Series (21 page)

My hand vibrates. I see an image of her. She’s crying. Smith is standing beside her. The vibration turns into an ache. More images fly through my head. I see her on the floor; she’s rubbing her hand. The ache turns into pain. More images, faster; I can’t focus. I try to see her, but they are all blurred together.

Then they slow. The pain is unbearable. I try to pull my hand away, but I can’t move. I see her; she’s standing in the forum. She looking at me; she looks frightened. The image vanishes. My hand is on fire, the vibration has spread from my hand to my body and now my head. All I see are streaks of color and light.

The images slow down again. The pain is excruciating. I see her. I can feel her against me. She is kissing me. I am kissing her. I don’t remember this, and then I realize; I see the memories that I had lost. I call out to her. The images vanish again. More pain, more vibration, and nausea.

Everything stops. I’m standing by a tree, and I can smell the Earth and apples. I look out into a field. There are rows and rows of corn. I have no idea where I am. Then I see her. She’s smiling at me. I walk up to her and pick her up into my arms, and we kiss. I hear her voice. She looks younger. Her hair is shorter than I remember.

“I love you,” I hear myself say.

“You’re going to be so far away,” her smile turns down. “I can’t imagine being without you,”

“I’ll sneak away, every chance I get,” I kiss her again. “I’ll find a way.”

“I’m afraid,” she looks right into my eyes.

“…of what”? I say.

“That you will forget me,” she says. “That you will go on and live without me.”

The image starts to speed up, and it blurs. I call out to her. I try to fight. I can’t move. The pain returns, and I can’t see anything. I think one last thought; I failed her. It all goes dark.

I look out the window as we arrive at Adam’s parent’s house. We stop at a gate at the end of the drive. Our driver talks to a man in uniform. The gate opens, and we enter. The yard is perfect, and the house is grand. We pull up to the front, and the driver gets out and opens the door for us. I take Adam’s hand as I exit. We are allowed to touch hands, now that we are officially engaged. Apparently if you’re a Benson, you can have anything expedited…including matching.

I’m uncomfortable. I keep going over in my head, what the man said to me earlier. If I don’t steal information from Adam’s father; they are going to kill Mandy. I can feel the data scanner against my skin. I hid it in my bra so that I wouldn’t lose it.

I think about Quinn. I know he made his choice, but I wonder if he would help me or if Max or Smith would be willing to come to my aid. But then I think of Pam; she’s so young and innocent. I need to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.

We enter the foyer and are met by a man in uniform. He takes my jacket and bag and then gestures for us to enter the room to our right.

“Your parents will be down shortly,” he says. He leaves the room.

I sit on a chair by the fireplace. Adam sits across from me.

He looks at me for a moment.

I fidget with my dress. I don’t look at him. I try to think of something to say to break the silence.

He gets up and kneels on the floor in front of me. He cradles my face in his hands, and he kisses me. I pull away. All I can think about is Quinn. I can’t help but feel like I am betraying him, even though he choice to leave.

“What’s wrong?’

“What if your parents come down?”

He pulls me close to him again. I try to turn my head, but he has my face held firmly. I give up and stop resisting. I’m already lost. After tonight, there will be no turning back for me.

As soon as I allow him, he stops. He sits back in the chair across from me.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I have a difficult time controlling myself around you.”

I think about what he said before I speak; his emotions must be heightened. Why would he risk it, or is he like me and something is wrong with him?

“It’s alright,” I lie. “We will be married soon enough.”

“I’m not sure I can wait,” he smiles at me. “You are breathtaking.”

I can feel my cheeks flush. I’m not use to compliments. My emotions are not as high as they were on graduation night, but I still have a difficult time keeping them concealed.

I look out the window. The sky is graying. It’s only September, but winter is coming fast. In a year, I will be preparing to be Mrs. Adam Benson. The clouds are far from the only things that are ominous in my life. I sigh.

Mrs. Benson enters the room. She is a tall blonde, with bright blue eyes. Everything about her is perfect, to the point of being unreal. She sits on the sofa, her back as straight as a rail.

Mr. Benson enters; he is a handsome man. Adam gets his looks from his father. He looks at me. He doesn’t smile. He makes eye contact, which is inappropriate.

Adam stands and shakes his father’s hand. He looks back at me, “this is Emma.”

“Miss Greene,” he says.

I stand, “nice to meet you.”

We all enter the dining room; where a huge feast is spread out. I sit quietly during dinner, as I am expected to do.

Gender is equal in the Federation, but I am an intern and from another component. It is in my best interest to remain silent until I am spoken to or asked a question.

“Emma,” Mrs. Benson says. “How is Political going for you?”

“It’s been an interesting week,” I say. “I’ve learned so much.”

“You seem pleased,” Mr. Benson says. “Perhaps, you will achieve Political as your occupation.”

“I would be pleased with Political but I’m striving for Education,” I say.

“She will be Education,” Adam interjects. “I have ensured her results.”

“I have no doubt,” Atticus replies. “I have seen her transcripts. She is impressive.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“A good choice for a partner,” Mrs. Benson says. “Our grandchildren will be spectacular.”

Adam’s face is turning red. He ignores his mother’s comments. He looks at me, and I give him a small smile. I feel sorry for him. My parents never spoke to me like they speak to him.

Dinner is long but delicious. I grew up in Agriculture, and we never ate as well and we reap food. After dinner, Adam goes off with his father and I am left with his mother.

“Emma,” she smiles at me, “the men are gone. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” I say.

“I remember my first week,” she says, “but, of course, that was years ago. It was difficult. Atticus and I were engaged, and all I wanted to do was to be done with it.”

“I’ve been so busy, studying and taking in all the sights,” I say, but I think…
plotting to steal from you and your husband
. “I haven’t had much time to think about the wedding.”

“You don’t need to study,” she says. “Adam and Atticus will ensure you receive an excellent placement. The test will be taken care of; you can enjoy your time. Learn the social ins and outs.”

“No, studying?” I repeat. “I can’t imagine. I’ve spent my whole life studying.”

“Take some time off to enjoy yourself.” She says. “You’ll never have to contribute.”

I think about her words and I wonder what happened to the perfect visualization of the Federation that I believed in all those years. I’ve only been an adult for a week, and I’ve learned that the Federation is far from perfect, and I’m going to have a difficult time fitting in.

We chat for a while until Adam returns. His mother leaves and we are alone again.

“Did she ask you a million questions?” he asks.

“No, it was pleasant,” I say. “She is very nice.”

“Good,” he says. “We have a long day tomorrow. It’s time to turn in.”

“Oh, okay,” I say. I want to protest, but his tone suggests that I just agree.

He walks me to my room. He opens the door and kisses my cheek. I walk inside. It’s a beautiful room. There is a balcony overlooking the back gardens. I walk over and look out. I hear a small click. I look back towards the door and stare. I wait a few seconds and then I walk over to the door. I try the handle’ it’s locked.

“Why would he lock me in?”

I can feel the panic rise from within me. I need to get out and complete my task, or they will kill Mandy. I go back to the balcony doors. I pull the handle down and push. The door opens. I step out and look over the rail. It’s a straight drop. There are no shrubs, no furniture, nothing to use to climb down.

My heart is racing. I sit on the bed and think. I cover my eyes with my hands. The tears are already rolling. I go into the bathroom and look out the window. There is a small roof below me. It is close enough that I think I can reach it. But how will I get into the house. When I entered the foyer earlier, I noticed a security panel next to the front door.

This is an impossible task. Mandy is as good as dead, and it is my fault. Why would they think that I could be able to do this? Atticus Benson is an important politician. A small army guards him, and his house is a fortress.

I curl up on the bed. I think about Quinn; it seems it’s all I do lately. I hear someone talking outside my balcony. I walk over and listen. It’s Adam. I hear him talking to a woman.

“I took care of Emma,” he says.

“Good,” she says. “Meet me at the cottage after everyone goes to bed.”

What are they talking about? I get down on my hands and knees and crawl out onto the balcony. I peer over. I can see her; she’s dressed in a uniform similar to the guard. She must be one of the laborers.

“I can’t wait that long,” he says. “I need to be with you.”

My heart is beating against my chest.

“Adam,” her voice is sweet.

“I won’t take no for an answer, I see the hesitation in your eyes,” he says. “Emma pulls away from me every time I come near her. I need to know you will be there for me.”

“I’ll always be there for you,” she says.

“But?”

“You’ll be married soon,” she says. “It’ll all change.”

“Nothing will change,” he says. “I don’t love her; it’s a partnership…nothing more.”

I crawl back into my room. I go into the bathroom and wash my face. I look at myself in the mirror. How did I become this person? Just a week ago I was feeling guilty because I was so excited to leave Agricultural, and now I miss home so much, I ache.

I had so much to look forward to; my life was just beginning, and now I can’t imagine myself lasting much longer.

My room is cold. I left the balcony doors open, and I just look at them; there’s a stiff breeze and the evening has turned into night. My face is wet, and the pillow beneath my head is soaked. My body shivers and my skin is covered in goose bumps. I hear footsteps on the patio below. I get up and look; it’s Adam. He’s heading to meet the women.

I look up at the stars. The sky is dark, and the stars are brilliant against its depths. I wish I could leap off the balcony and dance between their light.

I laugh; I must be losing my mind.

I hear more footsteps. I look down. I see her. She looks over her shoulder, back towards the house. I see her face.

“Hannah?”

I have a strange feeling that I have met her before; her name just rolled off my tongue. I think of the two women at the Galleria earlier. I knew their names too.

A sharp pain shoots behind my eyes. I drop to my knees. I can see Adam in my mind. I’m kissing him. I don’t remember this, and then I hear his voice, “Hannah…”

Did He call me Hannah? The vision changes; I’m looking out a window, and then I turn. I see a reflection, but it is not me…it is her.

I make my way back into the bedroom. This time I close the doors behind me. I pull the covers back and crawl into bed. I pull them tight over my head, and I concentrate on Quinn. I say his name over and over again in my mind. I can’t shake the image of Hannah. I cry.

And then a terrible thought occurs to me; what if my memories of Quinn are not actual mine? What if they are like the images of Hannah and the two women from the Galleria? What if I’m experiencing someone else’s memories of him? No, Maggie remembers me and him together. We knew each other. I’m confused, and almost certain that I am going crazy.

I squeeze my eyes closed and pull my knees to my chest. I try and make my body as small as possible. All I want to do is disappear.

I think about Mandy. I wonder if they have her or if they are waiting to for me to fail. I imagine her face; will she be afraid, or will she not know what happened and just fall? Will she know that it was my fault? Will she forgive me?

I can’t forgive myself. I won’t. I think about Grace, will she be next or Pam. What if they know about Quinn? He will fight for his life. Maybe he will be able to stop them and then I can go on. But will I ever be able to live again? I don’t think so. If all the people I love are gone, will I be able to go on, without them?

I won’t. I will find a way. I know I will find a way to join them; to leave this place.

I sit up and look around the room. I could end it all now. I get out of bed and walk to the balcony. I open the doors. The handles are cold in my hands. I walk to the rail and look down. It is only one story but the patio is stone and if I landed right; I would break my neck.

I look towards the cottage. I don’t see any lights. I imagine Adam and Hannah’s bodies entwined.

What would Quinn think? Would he miss me? He turned from me; he walked away. He doesn’t love me. Why would he? We just meet, and I’m a mess. I have no one, not even Adam. I am all alone.

But then I think of Pam, my brothers, and my parents. I think of home, the farm, and my orchard. I think of my tree by the meadow. It’s the one place that I feel safe and at peace with myself. To me, my orchard is my home.

I step away from the rail. I want to go home. I want my life back. I want to regain my innocence. I close the doors and get back to bed. I fall asleep and dream, not of Quinn but my trees.