Heightened: The Federation Series (20 page)

It’s been a week since I fell from the top of a fence, and my ankle is mending, but it still hurts. I'm used to the cast and can hobble around quite efficiently. My wrist is healed, but my heart is twisted. It does not ache, it does not pain me to think of him, but I can’t get him out of my mind. I remember wrapping my arms around him, and I remember wanting him, but I can’t feel the heat or the desire. My emotions are no longer extreme, but something is different this time. I feel numb. I hope the extremes do not return; I don’t think I can handle aching for him.

I look around my room. It is bright and well appointed; Adam made sure I had everything I needed. I no longer need 24-hour assistance, but a maid comes in once a day.

Adam came by yesterday. We had lunch and talked about the weather and dates for the wedding. We agreed upon a day in October. The orchard is beautiful that time of year, and I will be done with my internships.

He looked at me, in the eyes. It’s not the same, as looking into Quinn’s eyes. I could see forever in Quinn’s eyes, all I see in Adams are my reflection and fear. I have no idea what is expected of me; he tells me he cares and then he accuses and demands me to appease him.

I walk to my window and look out over the courtyard. It is quiet in the morning, especially on Saturdays. Political is very civilized and clean. The people are tidy and polite. It’s raining. My window is blurred, and the courtyard is gray.

I like it here. I would stay here; if it weren’t for Adam. He is Education, and I will be Education. We will live close to our work. I think about Quinn again; even if I loved him and he loved me; there would be no way for us to be together. Defense officers usually partner with other Defense officers. But then I remember what Adam said to me. Most of the interns will receive Defense. If Adam hadn’t of interfered with my placement, I could achieve Defense and then Quinn, and I could be together. An infinitesimal ache tears through my heart; he walked away. I am nothing more than a silly school girl to him. All those years hoping, and wanting for him to be real, were for nothing, a waste. Maggie warned me to stay away from Quinn. She told me he had changed. I know I should listen, but my memories of him are full of love. I want that Quinn.

I touch my hand where Adam touched me yesterday. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. I didn’t feel anything. I wasn’t expecting to feel anything, but I wondered what it would be like. I try to remember how the urges feel, but I can’t.

I decide to go to the Galleria. There is a store that Adam’s mother suggested and I want to check it out. The shuttle ride is short. Adam wants me to start acting the part. He’s worried about his image; he has decided to run for council. I should be happy. Campaigning will allow for me to travel out of our territory.

I open my door, and Quinn is standing in the hallway. He looks at me and turns to walk away. I’m so surprised to see him; I can’t speak at first.

“Wait.” I manage.

He stops and turns to face me. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Come inside,” I say.

I open the door wider, and he walks inside brushing against me as he passes. I look to my left and then to my rights, no one is around. I close the door and lock it.

He is standing in the living room. He looks nervous; he’s twisting his hands and shifting his weight back and forth.

“Why are you here,” I ask?

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he says.

“I’m fine,” I say, “a little sore, but I will live.”

“Good,” he says. “A lot of things happened.”

“You don’t have to do this,” I interrupt him. “I take full responsibility for my actions. I was out of line and inappropriate.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he says.

I have no idea how to reply. He seemed so angry at me before. Perhaps it was frustration, and not anger. I step closer to him.

“I know it doesn’t make sense,” he says. “You have Benson. I should go.”

He walks towards the door. I grab his arm, and he stops. He looks down at me. I can see those eyes of his; they are like home.

“I don’t want you to go,” I say.

He grabs my waist and brings me to him. He kisses my lips, awakening my desire for him.

I lead him into the bedroom. We spend the next few hours wrapped up in each other arms. Every moment, every touch, kiss, and embrace is sweet and effortless. Our minds may have forgotten each other, but our souls and our bodies react in perfect unison with a flawless execution, and an emotional solidification.

I look out the glass wall. The lights of the city blend with the night sky. He is next to me, on his stomach, eyes closed and breathing soft and gentle. I gaze at every curve and line on his body, wanting to remember every detail. I allow my hand to hover over the muscles of his back. I smile. I am home. My eyes close and I drift into a tangle of fear, arousal and loss.

The first thing I feel is cold. I smooth my hand across the bed. I open my eyes when I realize that there is no warmth beside me. I turn my head, resting my cheek on the pillow. The room is dark, but the lights from the city create an eerie glow as they filter through the wall of glass. I am alone.

I sit up, and the blanket falls to the bed. I am naked; goose bumps spread across my flesh in an instant. I grab the blanket and cover myself.

“Was I dreaming,” I ask?

The room is silent.

I gather the blanket around myself and walk into the living room. It is empty. I check each room, but he is nowhere. I walk to the glass wall and look out into the night. I reach up and touch my reflection; it feels cold under my hands. The blanket falls to the floor. I welcome the cold as it engulfs my fragile frame. I look up to the heavens and become lost in its greatness, its vast empty expanse.

I walk back to the bed. I fall in a pile of defeat: exposed and lost. I know he is gone from me, of his own choice. He came to say goodbye.

In the morning, I wake up, shower, dress, and start with the rest of my life. It is the first time that I have not longed for him. That I had not wished that he would appear and sweep me away. I walk out of my apartment.

I exit the shuttle and stand before the Galleria. It is a large building with an impressive glass exterior. Inside are stores with everything; anyone could possible need. I have endless credits; thanks to Adam. It is the first lesson I’ve learned as an adult…nothing is equal in the Federation.

I walk along a walkway made of white stone that glistens in the morning sun. My shoes click, clack on the stone. There are a few other shoppers: a man in a dark gray suit and women and a young boy.

I make my way through the halls and stop to look in a few store windows. I stop at one with exquisite jewels displayed in the front window. I see a reflection in the glass; it’s a woman. She’s not looking at me; she’s at a vendor behind me, but I can see her face.

I think to myself, “
It’s Eli Standfore, Political 22106E.”
I turn to look at her. I don’t recognize her. I have no idea how I know who she is.

She gives me a strange look; I turn away. I hear a man’s voice. She looks up and waves.

“Eli,” he says.

I turn back to the window. My heart is racing. How did I do that? I shake my head and continue to the store that Adam suggested. It is a beautiful store with home furnishings.

I walk inside. I am young, and I have no job. The items in the store are expensive, and they are luxuries. I feel out of place, and uncomfortable. In each component, we are allowed to reap. Adams parents are Political, and they are allowed to receive luxury. Other components can purchase luxuries, but they have to earn credits to buy them. Credits are earned by achievements in your occupation and contributions to our society.

A woman walks up to me, “May I help you?” she looks at me and then she looks at another woman standing at a counter.

“I’m looking for a gift,” I say, “for my mother.”

“I’m sure you are, “she takes a deep breath, “perhaps we could direct you to a store that can fulfill your needs?”

“Excuse me?” I’m confused. “I was told I could find what I am looking for in here.”

“Well, Miss…” she looks at me, “your name?”

“Is there a problem?” I say.

“We just have to run a scan before you can shop,” she says.

She leads me to a receptor by the counter. She motions for me to place my hand, and I do. The scan only takes a moment.

She looks at me and smiles, “I’m sorry Miss Greene. We have to be careful; there have been several robberies in the Galleria lately.”

“People are actually committing crimes?” I can’t believe what I just heard. I can’t remember ever hearing of thieves. “That’s horrible.”

“It is terrible,” she says. “Congratulations on your engagement.”

“Thank you,” I say. I wasn’t aware that Adam had made an announcement. As far as I know we won’t be sure until my internships are over. But she said engagement, right?

I look around the store. The woman doesn’t leave my side, not because she thinks I might steal, but because she wants to please me. I find a music box. It’s made out of mahogany, and there is a picture of a horse on the top. My mother loves horses. I buy it, and she wraps it in silver and plum paper. I won’t be able to see my parents until I go to Agriculture, and I’m not allowed to contact them, but I’m worried. I’ve heard that the Federation is conducting investigations. That there are reports of direct links with Agricultural and the wastelands; that some council members have supplied food to the rebels. There are rumors of an uprising by banished ex-civilians.

“Thank you, Miss Greene,” she says. “Please come back, we will be able to help you decorate your new home when you and Mr. Benson are married.”

Her hand grazes my hand, ever so slightly. I feel a tinge of heat.
Aston Wales, Labor 21102E
. I pull my hand away and look at her.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean…please don’t turn me in.”

“What,” I say, “of course not. It was an accident.”

I turn and walk out of the store quickly. It was the second time that a stranger’s identification flashed through my program, but it was not only her identification. I could see faces, places, and memories.

I walk around the different levels, and I find a bench on the second level and I sit. It looks over the center courtyard, and the smells from the eateries drift up from below. I’m only there for a few moments when a man sits next to me.

I don’t look at him. I don’t acknowledge him. But I can feel him looking at me. I grab my bag and start to stand up.

“Where are you going, Emma?”

I look at him. I don’t recognize him. He motions for me to sit. I hesitate. I look around to make sure no one is looking. We are alone.

“Just a moment of your time,” he pats the seat next to him.

I sit.

“You owe a debt.”

My mind races and I know he must be one of Marcus’ men.

“Don’t worry,” he says. “I’m not going to kill you. It seems you are more useful to us alive and in one piece.”

“What do you want?”

“It’s not what I want, but what my boss wants,” he says.

“What if I say no?” I ask.

“We start to kill your friends, your family,” he laughs, “maybe take that cute little sister of yours and make her repay your debt.”

“No,” I say. “I will do whatever it is you want.”

“Good,” he touches my leg. “Right now all he wants is for you to download a file from your soon to be father in laws computer.”

“How am I going to do that?” I say. His hand is still on my leg.

“You will be having dinner there tonight,” he whispers. “I will take care of the security in the house. At 10:05 sneak into his office. At 10:00 I will shut off the cameras and firewalls, all you have to do is download a file named Section 216. Put it on this.”

He hands me a drive scanner. I put it into my pocket.

“If you mess up,” he says, “I will kill Mandy.”

“I don’t understand all of this,” I say. “How did you know where I’d be tonight?’

“We hacked you,” he smiles.

“From the Under?” I say, “I didn’t think they were online.”

“We are capable of many things, Miss Greene,” he squeezes my leg.

“What if I get caught?”

“Meet me back here tomorrow at noon,” he lets go of my leg and walks away.

“You didn’t answer me.”

He doesn’t look back. He walks away; they always walk away.

I sit there for a few moments.

I go back to my room.

I’m alone.

Max and Smith are sitting next to me in the shuttle. They’ve been quiet. It didn’t take too much convincing that we needed a few days away. So Max arranged a patrol to the West City, and I arranged the entertainment. If they knew the real reason we were going, neither of them would has agreed.

David Finch told me to meet him, tomorrow at 10pm, at his apartment. I told Max and Smith that we were meeting my friend and her two female friends, for drinks. They didn’t think twice.

The West City is bigger than the East City. It is a security nightmare. Its western border is a massive lake and to its north is another huge lake. Before the second civil war, the lakes were used for commerce and leisure, but now they are unregulated and provide a place for non-citizens to hide, travel and escape.

As a Defense officer, I spend most of my time patrolling the borders to the East, but several times a year I travel to the other cities.

The shuttle descends into the station. The platform is bustling with morning commuters. We make our way to the scanners and pass through without any problems.

Our first stop is the Western Defense post. We deliver our directives and immediately head into the city. We are officially looking for a fugitive that was involved in a robbery in the Eastern City. We know the chances that he is actually in the West City are slim, but we did have a legitimate lead, and we needed a viable excuse to explore the Under City.

Our first stop is the city center. It is where the Political and Business components of the city are located. In every case, the thieves, target the city centers and innocent citizens. The rise in crime has the Federation Council on high alert. The whole purpose of the Federation and their system of integrated citizens is to keep the peace, control, and civility.

It is our purpose to eliminate any individuals that threaten the calm, smooth workings of the government. The suspect is a non-citizen, who is not online. He has been able to drift undetected throughout the territory.

The night that we went to the East Under, we were looking for the thief. But Emma and her friends distracted us, and he got away.

I stop and look across the city center; the West is the most elaborate in the territory of Eleven. We are standing on top of a walled walkway that looks down upon a perfectly planned park. It is surrounded by buildings that house offices and shops.

“You coming,” Max asks?

I nod. I think about her. I have a knot in my stomach. It feels like a knife is being twisted inside me. I sat on the edge of her bed watching her sleep. I wanted to wake her and tell her that I remembered her standing in my arms. I remember saying goodbye. I couldn’t wake her, she looked so peaceful.

Adam promised to take care of her for me, but he also said he’d kill her if I tried to take her. If he knew we made love, he’d kill us both. I promised I keep her safe.

“Give him a second,” I hear Smith say.

I ignore them both. After today, I won’t think about her. The pain will go away, and I can get on with my life.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see her. At night, I can’t sleep. I think about her, and I imagine her talking with me, laughing with me, lying with me. It’s real to me, and I pretend that they are more than just fantasies; I believe they are memories. My heart aches and for a split second I lose my will, but I remember his words, his threats; they make me strong.

Max slaps me on the back, and I jolt out of my daydream.

“You made your choice,” he actually looks like he gives a damn.

I nod.

“Let’s find us a thief,” I say, “so we can get into our own trouble tonight.”

“Fight all day,” Smith says, “love all night…love my job!”

We walk through the park. There are vendors scattered throughout and citizens enjoying the mid-day break. Everything seems normal but we round a corner, and I see a familiar face. I recognize him; he’s the bartender from Marcus’ bar. We’re caught by surprise. It seems too quick, too easy.

“You see him too, right?” Smith says.

“He notices us,” Max takes off after him and we follow.

Max stays right behind him; I go to the right and Smith goes to the left. I jump over some neatly trimmed hedges and take a narrow path through a tightly landscaped area. I come out into an open area. The path goes around a circular fountain and then heads down and back to the main path. I can see the bartender ahead of me on the path. He’s looking over his shoulder and Max is right behind him. I charge ahead and tackle him around the waist, taking him to the ground before he even knows what happened to him. He hits hard, but he doesn’t give up the fight. He throws the first punch, and it hits me hard on my left temple. It hurts, and there’s a second of blinding light and a sharp ringing in my ear, but I recover and grab a hold of his shirt.

Max is dragging him back down and places a sound kick hard on his side. He falls, pulling his body into a fetal position. I knock him hard square in the jaw and Max slams him again. His body goes limp, and I restrain his hands and feet.

Smith strolls up, out of breath; he leans over and shakes his head, “couldn’t save any fun for me?’

Max laughs, “next time.”

We call for transport and wait for them to arrive.

I sit on a bench. Five minutes have gone by, and the man starts to groan. He rolls onto his back and opens his eyes. He is dazed at first but then he regains himself.

“I know you,” he says, looking at me. “You killed Marcus’”

“Marcus was a criminal,” Smith says, “and a non-citizen.”

“That’s right, we have no rights,” he says. “We are nonexistent, less than human.”

“You are illegal,” Max corrects.

“Who says?” he shouts, “the Federation? Whatcha gonna do when the Federation falls? It’s coming, the people are rising up and there are more of us.”

He laughs.

“Shut the Hell up,” Max kicks him again.

“You won’t survive without your upgrades and systems,” he won’t be quiet. “I know you and you and you…”

Transport pulls up, and two officers step out. They take him into custody.

“What an ass,” Smith says.

“Well that clears up our day,” Max smiles. “Let’s get started early.”

“To the Under?”

“To the Under,” I say.

We leave the city center and head into the old town. There is an alley marked with a cornerstone; that says 1947 with the name Morgan carved beneath. We walk down the alley and take our second left turn, down another alley and then enter a doorway marked with black paint. Inside we take the stairway down to the lowest level, find the room with the bird, open the interior door, pull open the floor and descend a ladder into a tunnel.

Unlike the East City, the West is not built on top of the old city. But there is a complicated maze of old tunnels and new tunnels that create a network for the black market. The West Under is not as dangerous as the East Under. It is mostly a place for fun, illegal activities: alcohol and sex.

I did not lie about the girls, but I did lie about their motives. They are friends of David Finches, and they are decoys.

We meet up with them at a bar called O’Neil’s.

“Quinn,” a tall blonde with green eyes kisses my check.

I don’t return the gesture. “Nicki?”

She nods at me.

“This is Becky and Jillian,” she looks at me with hungry eyes.

I feel uncomfortable, which is unlike me. I’m usually the first to be all over the ladies. I’ve never had much regard for them. I use them to fulfill my needs and then walk away. But something changed in me when I met Emma. I barely know her, and I am willing to give up everything for her. I’m exchanging part of myself to keep her safe, and I’m giving up any chance to be with her to shelter her from me, the world I represent and Benson’s threats.

Smith sits next to Jillian, but Max doesn’t approach Becky. He’s been acting weird. It’s like his mind is preoccupied.

Becky walks up to him and places her hand on his arm. He pulls away but smiles and then looks at me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, “this is Max, and this is Smith.”

Smith has no problem with Jillian. He has his hand on the small of her back, and she’s leaning in close with her mouth just inches from his face. She laughs, and he pulls her into him.

At least one of us is going to have a good night.

Max is finally sitting with Becky, but he’s still keeping his distance. He looks up at me, and I see a familiar look; it’s an aching heart. Is it possible that the cold, hearted, brutal Max has fallen in love? This complicates things.

I go through the motions with Nicki. She talks; I listen. She kisses my neck; I don’t pull away. But my mind doesn’t falter; I can’t think of anything but Emma.

Nick turns towards me; she leans forward allowing her legs to fall apart enough to bring her body close to mine. Her hand is on my leg.

I look down, and she places her other hand on the back of my neck; I shudder. She leans closer to me. I can feel her lip against my face.

“Who are you thinking about?” she kisses my cheek. “Who is she?”

I close my eyes. “No, one.”

“Let me help you, forget her,” she slides her hand up my leg, coming to rest just below my hip; her fingers touching my inner thigh.

A familiar feeling arises within me; it’s a mix of desire and anger. I usually only get this feeling when I’m about to fight. It’s the want to destroy, the need to protect and the hate I feel for myself because I enjoy it too much.

I look at Nicki. She is perfect. She is exactly what I usually look for, but I don’t want her. I want messy golden brown hair, dark, icy eyes, and a small, fragile frame.

I stand up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back,” I lie.

I walk out the door.

“Hey!” Max’s voice calls after me. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t do this,” I say. “Not anymore.”

“So what now?”

“I have to go,” I say.

“When were you going to tell us about the reset?”

I turn and look at him. How could he know?

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I just can’t remember her.”

“So you thought resetting us was a good idea?”

“I did, “I say.

“But not now?”

“No,” I say. “but I still have to do it.”

“Are you sure you want to wipe her away?” He looks at me, “forever?”

“I do,” I say. “Please don’t mention her or tell me about her. I just want her to go away. I want my life back.”

“Okay,” he says.

“Who is she?” I ask.

“What?” he looks away from me.

“Who has you, all twisted?” I ask. “You can tell me…I’m not going to remember after tonight.”

“Grace,” he says. “I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“You can forget her,” I say.

“I don’t want to forget her, “he smiles. “I want more.”

“So do I,” I say, “that’s the problem.”

I walk away leaving him, Smith and my memories of her behind. I make it back to the topside and go straight to David Finches apartment. I’m early, but I can’t take the pain any longer.

I stand in front of his door, my hand ready to knock. I take a deep breath. I knock. I knock again. He opens the door.

“You’re early,” he says, he looks down the hall to his right and then to his left, “where are your friends?’

“They aren’t coming,” I say.

“Okay?” he motions for me to enter. “It actually works out better for me. I got loaded down with work and had to bring a bunch of stuff home.”

I ignore his small talk.

“Come into my office,” I follow him.

He points to a couch. I sit down.

“You know once I do this there is no going back, right?” he looks concerned.

“I know,” I say. “I don’t want to remember anything that has happened over the last week.”

“You don’t have to forget it all,” he says. “I can pick and choice to a certain degree. Take out a day here or a day there?”

“But I’ll still have some memories of her. I want them all gone; everything about her or that reminds me of her.”

“What the Hell did she do to you?” he asks.

“It’s not important,” I say. “Just do it!”

“Okay!” he brings over a receptor, unlike I’ve ever seen before. “This might hurt a bit. When you have a quick reset, it’s nothing but I have to go in and adjust an entire week.”

“I’ll be able to see everything,” he warns. “Every image you’ve seen.”

I think about that for a moment. I think of Emma in my arms as I carried her from the bath to the bed, and last night making love to her. I shake my head.

“Do it,” I close my eyes.

I place my hand on the receptor. I think of her face, of how soft her skin was against mine and her eyes. I hear her speak to me, as she tried to get me to stay. I feel a tear fall from my eye. I don’t care. It’ll be over soon. She will be gone.