Heavenly Lover (22 page)

Chapter 29

All the way home Audray thought about Josh’s proposal. Not that she hadn’t considered proposals from past acquaintances, but none of them had the kind of permanence this one did. Even marriage was a temporary thing for Audray, who was not convinced it was normal to stay with the same person for the rest of her life.

But this wasn’t about love, or even sex. It was about living forever. Being beautiful forever. There was a part of her that wanted to say yes right away. But a decision as grave as this deserved more consideration, so she took the time to reflect on her options.

There was no denying life was hard as a human. Audray had seen her share of the seedier parts of it. She was aware of the transitory nature of beauty and youth. It concerned her if she would be able to wield power and influence when she was no longer a coveted possession. And the thought of someone loving her for “who she was” brought tears of laughter.

What a cruel joke by some supreme being, whoever he was
. It was certainly the type of joke only a man would create.

Who are they kidding?
Josh had casually told her about the new love in Daniel’s life. One who inspired him. She knew full well no one could inspire Daniel the way she could. Her crowning glory was to drain every drop of passion from a man, leaving him spent but wanting more with his last dying breath. And then she moved on. Whoever this new woman in Daniel’s was would be a poor substitute. Besides, who could live on an artist’s meager earnings? Live on love? That was another good one.

Wouldn’t it be fun to screw Daniel in a vineyard when he was fifty and she was still twenty-five? Just thinking about it made her moist between her legs.

And what would happen if she turned? Would she still get the moistness, the horniness she lived for like vitamins? Would the touch of a man’s tongue on her sex still send her through the roof? Would she still come? Josh better have a good answer to all these things. If she was going to go to the dark side, it damned well be warmer than a cold grave, or ice-cold fingers snaking up her spine.

Neal was a generous man. But he had a generous backside, and some day would look like just a frumpy older man with a pot belly. How she hated pot bellies.

She thought of Daniel’s chiseled chest. She feasted on the memory of his smooth ass and his long lean looks. The way his beautiful skin felt against her bare breasts still made her wet. She had to admit, there were some things she missed about him. And he had been the best lover she had ever experienced.

Unlike Neal, who had been going through the phase of fucking anyone in skirts—anyone who said yes. Compared to Neal’s other choices, Audray had been a goddess. So she made him pay for it. Lavish gifts. Trips. They had romantic weekends, cruises. She even got to send the girlfriends packing, relishing in their pain.
Did he notice I have to get drunk to screw him?

And then there was the surgery. During their first morning after sex, he had cupped her breasts and told her she was perfect.
Perfect, but…

“I could enhance you,” he’d said. He methodically told her what he could do to her breasts. “You’ll enjoy your body so much more,” he’d insisted.
Did he really think I bought that line? Who is he kidding?
He fixed every woman he slept with more than twice. His office manager had complained to Audray that they had been doing too many gratis boob jobs for his girlfriends.

For most plastic surgeons there would be the issue of his medical license at stake. But Neal would not be denied his sexual liaisons, which were a form of payment for enhancing the women. If they signed the consent form, which had a morals clause inserted in very fine print—something his attorney had recommended—he was covered, or covered the best way possible. Going without sex outside of his long, boring marriage to a loveless woman was not really an option. Not to Neal. She gave him credit for that.

So, for now, Neal was a keeper. But it wasn’t permanent. Even for him. Audray knew this as sure as she knew she was female.

The prospect of living forever in a perfect state was appealing. She had to admit, with no desire to have children or settle down, life would undoubtedly be on the upswing from here on out. Fantastic at twenty-five, ravishing at thirty-five, terrific at forty-five, stunning at fifty-five. From there a woman’s allure was only referred to as her “inner beauty.” This was not at all to Audray’s liking. In fact, she had thought about taking her own life the first time she had a relationship disappointment. She had the sense her flawed past would catch up to her some day, anyway.

No, immortality was looking pretty good.

Audray waited at the coffee shop she and Daniel used to walk to. She halfway wanted to see his face one more time, in light of the decision she was about to make. Just to see if the look of him would change her mind. Even if she held her breath and lazily scanned the hardness and the passion of his beautiful body, she doubted she’d change her mind. There were other men like him everywhere. And, if she were going to live forever, she would have all the time to explore them.

And that was her greatest concern. Would her life be hers to live as she saw fit? That and the tepid explanation of the “transformation” she would undergo made her a little nervous. When she came back to the human world, where would she be, exactly? She couldn’t bring herself to say the H word, like it was bad luck.

“Hello my lovely.” Josh slipped into the seat across the table from her without a sound. “Sorry I’m late, I guess.”

“No, I was early.”

“Ah, and you are eager with questions, no doubt.”

“Yes.” Audray looked at her cappuccino like reading tea leaves.
Another stupid custom.
“Tell me blow by blow exactly what happens to me.”

“Of course. You mean after you are dead.”

Audray gave a visible shiver, shaking herself as the reality of her decision cooled her spine. “You’re not making this any easier for me.”

“No, I guess I’m not. It’s just that I have become very comfortable with death. In time, love, you will too. Until then, the most important death is your own, so I understand how it feels.”

“It feels positively creepy.”

“I can see that. A transitory feeling, I assure you.”

“Maybe if I knew where I was going, how I was going to change, you said, into a dark angel. Could you please give me the details I neglected to ask before?”

“Of course. Really very simple. You become dead. No explanation needed there, right?” He looked at Audray and found no protest, so continued. “You transition to a holding area where you are evaluated. You will be awake, and I will be with you the whole way. They have to identify the ‘Source.’”

“Source?”

“Who has taken responsibility for the”—he paused, then sucked in a breath before continuing— “the death.”

“See, even you have a problem with it.”

“No, to the contrary, I have a problem finding words that you can understand. I have been doing this for centuries, three of them to be exact. I get a little jaded with my lingo—”

“Would you fucking stop it and give me a simple answer? Goddamn it, Josh. You want me to say no?”

“No. I want you to say yes, with all my heart.”

“If you had one, that is.”

“Oh yes, I have one. A soul as well.”

“A black one.”

“I’m afraid so. Audray, I came to this lifestyle the same way you will. I was guided. I was advised. I have not regretted my decision for a second. You, however, will have someone who cares more about you than my Source did. I was part of a numbers game to him. I don’t consider him my friend, even though he did me a favor by turning me.”

“You know, Josh, maybe I need more time.”

“No, this is all my fault. I can do things quite well when I concentrate. I can see now I’ve been playing too much. Inappropriate. I apologize.”

“Tell me. Or I am so out of here.”

He inclined his head in acquiescence. “You will first wake up in a room—well, like a hospital room. Depending on the method you used, there’s an entry team there that cleans you up a bit. Makes you more presentable to yourself and the Readers.”

“Readers?”

“They look over your last thoughts, to make sure you really killed yourself—had no help. Not a murder. You cannot be a dark angel without this determination. There are never any exceptions to this.”

“Who are these people?”

“People just like you. Volunteers, all of them. Some would rather do this than return to the human world. My dear, you are judged by your peers.”

“And this is supposed to ease my nerves exactly why?”

“Everyone gets to do the job they want. You don’t have someone laboring over things they hate. This is a great misconception about our world. These Readers are good at watching someone’s last minutes of lifetime, verifying their admittance. I am there too, love.” He added, “Our goal is to get you back to the human world as soon as possible.”

“Okay. Then what?”

“There is some paperwork and such. I will try to streamline it for you. If there is a weakness in this whole system, it’s in the paperwork, sorry to say. We are a little disorganized. And that’s really the worst of it, honest.”

Audray could not find the energy to hide her disbelief. This was making little sense. She had intended on saying yes, but now was reconsidering her choice.

“So, what am I doing while you are getting the paperwork together?”

“I suggest you give me some of your favorite reading material to bring to the other side for you. That way you’ll have what you like, while you are waiting.”

“You must be joking.”

“You don’t read?”

Audray sighed. “I find it odd I would be reading a book while I’m waiting to be admitted to, to…”

“The Underworld.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. I have a plan that will avoid unnecessary delays. But bring a book, just in case. Things have gotten a little busier in the three hundred years since I was admitted. But I still had to wait, and I did worry. I’m trying to save you any unnecessary pain.” Josh grinned.

“You don’t use the H word.”

“No, we don’t use that word.”

“So I will be assigned a permanent guide, like you?”

“Yes, well I will request that I be your guide. You will become a dark angel and sent back with me to the human world. It will probably take a couple of days, a week tops.”

“What kind of a form will I be in?”

“You’ll look and feel just as you do now. I’ll make sure you have all the things you like. Anything I don’t have, just request and it is yours. You just can’t go exploring around the place until everything is finalized. After the turning is complete, you will feel absolutely marvelous, perfect. All your senses will be heightened. You will be able to feel emotions in others. You will feel absolutely powerful, and alive like you’ve never felt before.”

“So what do I do once I am in the human world? What happens to my body?”

“Every case is different. In your case, you will just disappear, so you can come back later. Some get buried after their deaths. Those are ones that don’t come back.”

“What?”

“Well, it isn’t a perfect science. I mean, people get carried away. You think they are going to do it one day, and then, bang!” Josh had put his fingers to his head, and with a silly grin, continued, saying, “Love, let’s face it. If they are too much of a mess, regardless of what they’ve been promised, they can’t be used. They simply can’t be used anymore.” Josh wrinkled up his nose.

Audray’s eyes went wide.

“Look, my lovely, we want to preserve your beautiful body. I’m going to personally oversee the process. I’ll devote a whole day to it. You have nothing to fear. I have a perfect track record.”

“Oh, Josh. I’m getting a very bad feeling about this. Isn’t there any other way?”

“No.”

“Where does my body go? How does it get to where it’s supposed to be?”

“It’s a very complicated system. Hard to explain all of it right now. The Readers determine your manner of death and your state of mind at the very end.”

“And then? After the Readers decide I am legit, what happens next?”

“You will be released to my care. Our work begins.”

“And what work is that?”

“We promote the strength of the Underworld by claiming souls.”

“You mean getting people to kill themselves?”

“No, we get people to agree to give up their chance at life in the human world. Not everyone becomes a dark angel. They just have to want to give up, stop the pain. We help, or suggest to them a way to get out of their misery. Ever heard of Dr. Death? They even called him a dark angel.”

“He was one of you?”

“We have people in very high places, for obvious reasons. There is attrition, natural attrition.”

“How so?”

“Some people are not cut out for it. They end themselves. It happens, what can I say?”

Audray had to chuckle at this. “I can’t imagine the loser who kills himself and then can’t make it as a dark angel and kills himself again. That’s just like science fiction movie stuff. That could give you guys a bad name.”

“We don’t want that much publicity, trust me. Even Dr. Death was an experiment. Audray, most of what you will do is just experience the human world, but from a different perspective. You get to enjoy all the finer benefits without many of the side effects, that’s all. You’ll come to see our work as important, removing people from their pain. It isn’t as hard as it seems to cull the human population of its weak links.”

 “Is there a quota?”

“It’s kept track of, but we don’t compare ourselves with others. That’s considered unhealthy competition. There is no announced winner.” He hesitated before going further. “But I have it on good authority, if there was a winner, it would be me.”

“I would expect nothing less. So, what happens if you don’t keep turning people?”

“You get disappeared.”

“What is that?”

“No one has come back to tell us. I think it is safe to say you best avoid it. Love, if you only turn one person a year, that is enough. It isn’t that hard to find someone who wants to be separated from their human form. You will see. They almost throw themselves at you.”