Heavenly Lover (13 page)

This calls for drastic measures.This dream will end permanently tonight. I’m sick of it.

Claire put a wrinkle in the rug, so when the goddess walked across the room, she tripped and fell, landing on her rear.

Audray wasn’t one of those women who fell well. For one thing, she had artificial breasts and they stayed pretty much in the same location – out front and center, pointed to the ceiling like a plastic doll. They were too rigid and did not look real. Claire looked at Daniel’s face again, hoping to see some relief.

Instead, he looked like he wanted to rush in to her aid.

Disgusted, Claire couldn’t help imagining his thoughts. She needed something to get this scene ended once and for all.

Then another idea came to her. Audray and Neal had been having some sort of snack by the fire. With not much little effort, Clare repositioned a red napkin strategically, and, as Audray arose gracefully and turned around, there was a very obvious and hard to miss red napkin stuck in her butt crack. Hoping Daniel would find this as hilarious as she did, Claire looked to his face and was rewarded with a huge smile.

Then he turned and looked behind him. Did he know she did it?

I have the best job in the whole universe.
She danced a jig and fluttered with enthusiasm, almost levitating.

Daniel awoke with a big smile on his face. Unpeeling himself from the living room chair, he began a slow ascent upstairs to his bedroom. He shook his head from side to side, chuckling. He rubbed his fingers through his shiny black hair as he yawned. Then, to Claire’s great pleasure, he stepped into the shower.

Claire could do nothing else but join him this time, though she had already showered. She was completely invisible and undetectable, but she did not remove her gown, out of respect for Daniel’s nakedness. The gown, made in Heaven, would not get wet.

Concentrate on his face, shoulders and chest.

She inhaled the spicy steam, the shampoo, soap and warm water. Her eyes did drift down to view his full naked body, first from behind, and then as he turned to rinse the shampoo from his hair… She held her breath.

Heaven help me.

She watched his hands touching and smoothing off the soapy goodness, touching himself in the places that she wanted to touch.

Wonderful.
She couldn’t help looking. Her body heated.

He stepped out, buffed his fully packed torso and legs. He did one last rub to his hair and face. Then he sniffed the towel—the very one Claire had dried herself with earlier. He did it again, before placing it back on the towel bar.

Uh oh.

Daniel lumbered slowly to his bed, and sat, chin in his hand, one elbow perched on his bulging thigh. Moonlight made him look like a marble statue.

Adonis. Statue of David. I have touched this beautiful statue before.

He looked out the window at the stars, then lay back on the bed fully exposed to her in his nakedness. She tried not to look.

You’ve seen a naked man before. Oh! God help me.

Claire’s eyes seemed to have their own volition as they ran over him, ending far below his face and chest.

Touch him. No! Stop it. Stop it.

She was almost relieved when he covered himself up with the sheeted comforter, head propped on the light blue pillow she would share when he was in dream state. His arm rested under his head, exposing the muscles and ribs of his torso just above the hemline of the coverlet.

He went quickly to dream state again. Claire had only just wrapped her arms around him and inhaled his clean, wet hair when she saw he was standing in a rose garden lined with star jasmine plants. He was picking the delicate vines, smelling them deeply, with eyes closed.

Claire realized it came from the perfume scent on her wrists.

Note to self: no perfume before bedtime.
Especially
her
perfume. A little too careless, and risky.

It could affect the outcome of his dreams and put focus on her. She had to stay invisible to him forever.

And then there was that part of her somewhere that wanted him to see her. Would she have another close encounter again? Would he touch her and smile? Would she disappear this time?

“Unsafe thoughts, Claire.” She could almost hear Mother’s voice.

She gave Daniel and extra dose of dust so he would sleep soundly without dreaming. She needed time to sort everything out. She needed to plan tomorrow.

She had to find out more about this Audray. No sense putting it off any further, Claire thought. Perhaps she had underestimated Josh and his connection to the vixen. She hoped she hadn’t waited too long.

Chapter 14

Claire was drawn back to the Farmer’s Market. Daniel was off looking at gallery space out of town. She would go in human form, so all her senses would be heightened, but she would stay in angel uniform just in case.

Doris dropped her off by the fairgrounds. Claire had heightened senses in the human state, immediately smelling freshly ground coffee and a nut roaster. Today was grey, but the overcast was to burn off by eleven. Small patches of blue sky already broke through, laced with occasional ribbons of sunlight on the wet pavement. She passed several people with gloved hands holding steaming Styrofoam cups. She walked past a long table with bright orange tangelos, yellow-orange Meyer lemons, limes, and oversized Chinese grapefruits. The pungent citrus made her mouth water. She took a slice of the orange fruit, savoring the sweet, cold segment with her eyes closed.

What would it be like to feel hungry? Claire greatly enjoyed just smelling and tasting. Being in the human world was unlike Heaven. It was richer, fuller with more choice and variety. She enjoyed the emotional responses she got from her heightened senses. The human world was almost like a kind of dust to Claire—its powerful effects often left her daydreaming.

She remembered the first time she walked past a Laundromat; the fresh laundry soap and clean clothes smell burst out onto the sidewalk. The warm space was lined with humming machines spinning colorfully. She’d been so mesmerized by it that she’d closed her eyes to enjoy it fully. When she opened them she was surprised to find several of the patrons staring at her. Did they not appreciate the warm smell of soap bubbles? She guessed not.

Claire heard music from a stringed instrument. Anything with strings, like guitars, lutes or cellos were of special attraction to her, and she wandered in the direction of the music. On the way, a bright flower stand called to her. She bent down to smell a bouquet of long-stemmed deep pink roses displayed in a white bucket. She closed her eyes. These floppy, almost overripe roses were her favorite. Next to them stood several other containers of mums, stock, and roses in varieties from purple to yellow, red to orange. Kneeling there before the altar of color she felt her heart swell with the goodness of it.

Claire walked toward the music again. The harp-like instruments were played with nimble fingers. The sound sent ripples of joy down her spine with each pluck of the strings. Claire wondered if she could bring one of those harps home to Heaven when she was done. She thought it looked small enough to fit in the transport bag, when the time came.

She scanned the marketplace, feasting on the colors, smells and sounds of this happy place. Tears came to her eyes as she realized how much she loved being in the human world.

A cheese vendor handed her a sample of a creamy white soft spread on a cracker. She tasted the cream, loving the tangy saltiness of it, and the way it made her taste buds stand to full attention. An Indian woman sold wild berry preserves. She spread the globule of glistening red jam on the small, white plastic sampling paddle, then placed it on her tongue. She closed her eyes to savor the sweet and sour combination that filled her head.

“I have cherry,” the woman told her. That was Claire’s favorite sweet taste. The old woman’s cherry preserves were definitely going back to Heaven with her. There would be no other way Claire could describe the flavor of this compote to the new guardian recruits.

She heard a tinkling sound that instantly attracted her. A vendor had made wind chimes of flattened silverware. He displayed them on an overhanging metal rack, which Claire ducked under. She stood in the middle of several of these chimes in various sizes, some made with large flattened serving spoons, others with combinations of forks, spoons and small knives, occasionally twisted or folded into an unusual shape, all glistening in the early morning sunlight. With her eyes closed, again she let her fingers drift up to the chards of silver, hearing a Heavenly chord of perhaps twenty tones only an angel could distinguish. Again, she felt her heart soar. This was a good day.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” The voice seemed to come from within the waterfall of the chimes music. It washed over her like a smooth elixir. She was lost in it, so natural, so safe…

Daniel’s voice. The realization jarred her to the present. Her stomach knotted with excitement. She turned sideways to avoid looking in his eyes.

“Yes, they are lovely.” Claire smiled and looked down at her feet.
He talked to me. I’m talking to him right now.
“Excuse me.”

She began to walk away, but Daniel called out to her. “We’ve seen each other before. We’ve met, I think. I saw you here, maybe last week?” Daniel said to her back.

Her cheeks started to flush.
He’s following me.
Even from several feet ahead of him she could smell his cologne and shampoo. Turning her head slightly, but still looking down she replied, “I think you have me confused with someone else. It happens all the time.” Claire’s heart raced, and she started walking again, increasing her speed to lengthen the distance. His voice pulled at her heart, spoke to it. Her heart wanted her to stop.

Her mind knew it was dangerous and that she had to get away.

Between two stalls a large vegetable truck loomed in front of an alleyway. She quickly slipped in the empty space and looked around carefully.
No one here to see me.
In the privacy between this truck and another stall, she shifted into disappear.

Claire made a hasty exit around the other side of the truck, until she stood right next to Daniel as he stood, watching the alley. He walked forward, and finding the alley vacant, he turned fully around, scanning the area. Since there was no sight of her, he repositioned the flowers he had bought and the green handle bag containing something lumpy, and walked off down the aisle. His head moved from side to side as she watched him walk. He was searching still.

He wants to find me. He looks for me.

She watched his casual gait, the way his jeans covered the tops of his athletic shoes, the black hair on his forearm that held the bouquet of roses to his chest, and how the other arm swung back and forth clutching the green bag full of the market’s bounty.

She trailed farther behind Daniel, catching glimpses of his back or the sides of his face between the crowds. He stopped, examined and tasted samples, and looked over other stalls before finally moving off toward his car. Before he unlocked his door, he turned and surveyed the market one last time, his eyes looking right through her without detecting her presence. He finally drove away, leaving Claire standing in the wet parking lot, invisible, breathing hard. Something in her chest was throbbing with a dull ache.

Deep in her heart, she felt excitement that Daniel had actually gone looking for her. In all the years of being a Guardian, no one had ever done that. Though it was not a safe thought, she secretly hoped it would happen again. For the first time she wondered what would happen if she gave in to the attraction she was feeling for Daniel.

If God made all things in the universe, how could it be wrong?

“Macy’s again? Boy, aren’t we the little spendaholic? You know they have meetings about that.” Doris pulled up in front of the store. “Receipts, remember the receipts,” she said to Claire’s back.

Claire didn’t pay any attention. She was on a mission to speak with Angela again.

She met her at the mall and they spent the remainder of the morning and afternoon together, taking turns getting their makeup done at Macy’s, wandering through the perfume counters, sitting to watch the shoppers in the mall over hot chocolate.

“You’d best be careful, Claire,” Angela said seriously. “Sounds like you are getting a bit too influenced.”  

“So, what do you do, when the influence … flows?” Claire wasn’t sure how to put it.

“Flows?”

“It just seems like it flows. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“You’re falling in love.”

Claire felt like Angela had slapped her. She wasn’t sure whether she was more upset about not knowing the obvious signs or that Angela thought she wasn’t able to complete her mission. “That’s silly, Angie. It’s impossible.”

“Are you having trouble staying away from him when he is in the room? Does your skin seem to leap out to touch him?” Angie looked amused. “Could you pick his scent out from a crowd of people? Can you hear his voice from a block away? When he speaks to you do your ears buzz?” The older angel looked at Claire with concern in her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me—I can see it in your face.”

Claire looked down. Her emotions were confusing her, forcing tears into her eyes. She looked at her friend, now feeling the pain and the peril of her predicament.

“What do I do?”

“Ah, the age-old question. I have spoken to Father about it before—not about you, of course.”

“Are our conversations here private?” Claire whispered, her eyes wide.

“What do you think?”

“No.”

“Tell me, have you ever seen anything Father does not know about?” Angela asked.

Claire shook her head slowly. But she wasn’t sure about her secret memories of her human life. “Why is this happening? It never happened before.” Claire needed answers.

“I have a theory about this. I think sometimes we get paired with someone we would have been paired with in the human world. Then it is more difficult, you see. It’s harder to keep your distance. I think he knows your struggle.”

“Daniel?” Claire asked.

“No. Father of course!” Angie shook her head. “If Daniel ever finds out about you, there will be real trouble. You can’t show your human form to him in a dream. Don’t go there.”

“What kind of trouble?” Claire asked.

“He could lose his soul and be lost to us forever. He’s not to know anything about having a Guardian. He has to think they are his own dreams, not ones you embellish.” Angela took a deep breath. “It happened to me. That is how I know.”

“What happened?”

“We fell in love. I couldn’t help appearing to him, not in the flesh of course, but in his dreams. We were inseparable. He wanted to dream all the time. I was in danger of, well, you know, appearing to him in the flesh, and thought about having sex with him. I went home to ask for some advice, get some help, like you’re doing now. When I returned, he thought I’d abandoned him. I even warned him all about the dark side, and he still went there. Some dark angel grabbed him. It was my fault. I have to live with that, forever!” She looked up at Claire. Her eyes were wet too. Claire took her hand softly in both of hers.

“I am so sorry, Angie. I didn’t know. This was James, your charge last year, right?”

Angie winced. “You know there is a theory on that too. I can’t say his name, or I will summon him.”

“Again, I’m sorry, Angie.”

“You want to know the worst part about it?” Angie’s eyes showed all the internal conflict of her words. “I look for him everywhere.”

Both angels paused, watching humans pass them by—families—whole families, with children. “Have you ever thought about being a mother?” Angela asked.

“Not really.”

“Well, I did. I thought about all of it. Marriage, children—even breast-feeding. Isn’t it funny? Something I’ll never have, but I would never have minded getting up at one or two in the morning to feed a child. Some humans complain about their kids, even resent them. That is something I just can’t understand. They don’t know what a miracle life is, do they?” She sighed again. “No, I was confused, very confused, but I was one of the happiest angels you have ever seen.” She smiled to the mug of hot chocolate.

“What did Father say when you asked for his advice? Was he mad?”

“Not really. But he said to find another way without breaking the rule. Find the strength in my heart to make it work, somehow. Never give my whole heart away. Keep that part of me an angel forever. And then come back home. I thought I could fix it somehow.”

“What else could you have done?” Claire was curious.

“I’ve asked that question millions of times. I honestly can’t say.”

“Father still lets you come down here, knowing about your failure?”

“Guardians fail all the time. Look at Carmen and those girls that work with the streetwalkers. They lose more than half of their charges. It was only once for me. I think he has enough faith in me that I can still do my job. I was never the risk taker you are. This guy just came on me right out of left field. I went home to get help, before we did anything irreversible. You understand.”

Claire did.

“I have no idea what they would have done with me if I let this relationship bloom. I was going to have the full on experience, and I returned still not sure what I would do. One thing for sure, I’d have been ruined as a Guardian.”

Claire asked, “You know about the cemetery?”

“What cemetery?”

“The one behind the greenhouse. Mother ever take you there?”

“Nope.”

“Mother showed me just before I came down here.” Claire told her about the scene.

“Holy cow. You remember any of the names?” Angela asked.

“One was Melody.”

“Melody! I knew a Melody. Bright red hair, gorgeous. I thought she got transferred. That was years ago.”

“Transferred to where?”

“Beats me. You think she’s buried there?”

“Looks like it. No date on the stone, just the etching of a harp.”

“Yeah, she played the harp beautifully. It was almost mesmerizing. She made everyone cry when she played, the music was so beautiful. Especially the Mothers. There was something very sad about her.”

“Like she had a broken heart, you mean?” Claire probed.

“She tried to talk to me, and we just never got together. Then she was transferred. You think she’s actually buried, I mean, in the ground there?”

“Why else would there be stones?”

Both angels thought in silence. Claire was a little nervous Mother had confided in her now. She looked back at her friend. “Angela, what will you do if you see him again?” Claire asked.

“If I see him again, one of two things will have happened.” She looked at Claire with no expression, “Either he has come back to battle with us as a dark angel …” she looked off to the side, not wanting to meet Claire’s gaze, “or I have gone dark.”