Heart of the Wilderness (28 page)
No one had to tell Kendra about the reality of sin. Deep within her own heart was a feeling of guilt. She wasn’t sure she could have listed the things that made her guilty—but she knew that her heart was not right in the eyes of her Creator. The knowledge troubled her, but she wasn’t sure what to do about it. She knew one thing. She could not stop attending the services. She hungered for the truths that were taught. Nor could she quit reading the borrowed Bible. She was sure that it was the only place where the true answers might be found.
“I know you are well familiar with the text of the morning,” said the pastor, “but I feel we should return to it often so that we might never lose the wonder—the marvel—of what it says to us. That an almighty, eternal, holy, and just God would love us—me—and you— so much as to send His only Son to Calvary to bear the penalty for our sins and grant to us, through the name of Jesus Christ our Savior, forgiveness of our sins and life everlasting. Turn with me to the third chapter of the gospel of John.”
Kendra did not stir. She held the open Bible in her hands silently as others about her rustled with the pages of their Books. Something had clicked in her mind with the words of the speaker. That was it. That was it! God loved her. God had sent His Son—for her, Kendra Marty—that she might have her sin forgiven and be granted everlasting life.
A sob arose in her throat. Her head dropped and before she hardly knew what was happening she was saying, “God, please forgive me— please help me—” The prayer quickly turned to one of thanksgiving.
“Thank you—oh, thank you, Father,” her heart cried. “Thank you, Lord Jesus.”
A peace, a warmth began to steal over her soul, washing away doubts, confusion, and frustration. It was true. It was true. She knew it as surely as she knew anything. It was not a myth. There was a God. He loved her. He sent His Son to take her penalty of death. She was free. Free and forgiven.
The tears rolled down her cheeks as she turned the pages of her Bible to locate the morning text. The preacher was beginning his sermon. But Kendra was already marveling over the truth of the message.
“You look all bubbly this morning,” Kendra remarked to Amy as the two fell into step for their walk to morning class.
“I am. I’m going home for the Easter break. I can hardly wait. I haven’t been home since Christmas and it seems an awfully long time.”
Kendra’s eyes shadowed. She hadn’t been home for what seemed like ever so long. Now that she had answers—the real answers to life— she longed to get back to her grandfather so she might share her good news. She had written him a long, long letter, but it had been so hard to try to express all that she felt, all she was discovering, on paper.
And she wished to see Nonie again. To tell the dear Indian woman that she now knew just who the Great Spirit was that Nonie spoke of. The woman was so close—yet so far from the truth. There weren’t lots and lots of gods dwelling in the hills, the trees, the sun, the moon. There was only one God—who made all things. And human beings were not fashioned by Mother Earth who took from herself to bring people forth. Humankind was designed by the Creator who breathed into the new creation the breath of life, making each one the only created being with a living soul.
Kendra could hardly wait to explain it all to the woman who had been her guardian, her mother, her grandmother—all in one.
Kendra turned her attention back to Amy, happy for her upcoming visit.
“They are picking me up tomorrow night,” Amy went on excitedly. “And Mama suggested that I bring you along. Oh, can you, Kendra? I would so love to have you.”
Kendra stopped walking. Was she hearing right? Was Amy really asking her to share her wonderful long Easter week at her farm home?
“Can you?” prompted Amy again.
“I don’t know,” replied Kendra. “I’ll have to talk with Aunt Maggie.”
“Oh, I hope you can. I would love to have you meet Mama and Papa and Reynard and Thomas and Carry and Nell. I would—”
But Kendra had grabbed her hand to stop her. If Mrs. Miller didn’t agree, it would be difficult enough to endure without making lots of plans that would never happen.
“I’ll ask,” promised Kendra, her whole being filled with excitement. She had heard Amy speak of her family many times and always thought how wonderful it would be to have brothers and sisters. A real family.
All during the classes of the day, Kendra kept thinking about the possibility of going home with Amy. Would Mrs. Miller think it was okay or would she hesitate to take responsibility for the decision? Kendra prayed, as she had learned to do, many times throughout the morning and afternoon. She finally came to the place where she could honestly leave her deep desires in the hands of her newfound God.
“As you will,” she whispered and felt a measure of peace. Whatever God worked for her would be for her best good.
“Do you want me to come with you to ask Mrs. Miller?” asked
Amy on their return home. “I will—and explain everything—if you wish.”
Kendra shook her head. It was in God’s hands. “Aunt Maggie is not unreasonable,” she hastened to say. “If she feels that she isn’t stepping out of line by giving permission, she’ll let me go. I know she will. After all, I’m not a child.”
Amy nodded. “Oh, I do so hope you can come,” she said. “I do hate to leave you here all alone—and Easter week, too.”
Mrs. Miller did not even hesitate to grant her permission, even though she had a few reservations about the new “faith” that Kendra often spoke about. Mrs. Miller had never been a religious person and she knew that George McMannus was not in any way religious either. What would George think of Kendra’s embracing of a faith?
Mrs. Miller had written a letter to George. Hers too was a long letter, trying her best to describe what had happened to Kendra. But Mrs. Miller really didn’t understand what it was.
“She has not gone ‘off,’ ” her letter stated. “She was lonely before and seemed a bit disturbed. Now she is more settled and seems to enjoy the little church where she goes. I think that having Amy Preston for her friend has been good for her. There doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about. I will keep my eyes and ears open and let you know if anything happens that doesn’t seem right.”
George had written back to Maggie through the first available post.
“When Kendra went off to university,” he wrote, “I fully expected that it would change her thinking on many things. Though, I admit, I didn’t expect this. But she is a bright girl. She has her own life to live. She must make up her own mind on such things. I will not try to sway her or change her thinking. I do hope that she continues to hold steady. I wouldn’t want her becoming fanatical or mystical about this new religion she has taken on.”
Kendra knew nothing of the exchange of letters. She had told her grandfather about her experience in her own way. His reply to her had been carefully penned.
“I am glad that you have discovered an answer that suits you,” he had written. “We all have the right to find an inner peace in our own way.”
Then he had gone on to speak of the sled dogs, the winter’s catch, and the cold weather. Kendra knew that she hadn’t been able to make him understand.
Now as Kendra excitedly packed a small valise for her trip home with Amy, she thought again of her grandfather. Oh, if she could only go home. If she could only sit and have a long chat with him. She was sure that he would be as excited as she was about discovering the Truth.
Arrangements were made to travel with another student who was going to Amy’s home community. It was a long drive by team. They had to make one stopover on the way. Amy and Kendra shared a small room over the kitchen of a farmer who took overnight paying guests.
“This works perfectly for me,” said Amy. “It’s a place to stop for the night and we’ll be home by noon tomorrow.”
Kendra was so excited, she could hardly sleep. Tomorrow she would discover for herself what a real family was. There had only been herself and her grandfather for as long as she could remember. She had a few scattered mental images of a laughing mother and a teasing father, but not enough for her to put together any kind of picture of a home life.
The two girls had a simple, early breakfast the next morning and started out again with their travel companion at the reins. The morning was bright, but the day still held the chill of early spring. Kendra was glad for the heavy coat that kept the brisk breeze from freezing her bones.
“We are almost there. Just over that next hill!” Amy exclaimed. “I can hardly wait.”
Kendra felt the tingle go through her body.
“I wish Reynard would hurry. I’m starved,” said fourteen-yearold Thomas.
Amy laughed. “You’re always starved,” she teased him.
Kendra looked again at the young boy. He was tall and lanky, almost red-headed, but his eyes were much like Amy’s. Carry, who was coming from the kitchen with a platter of fried chicken, looked much more like her mother, slight and much fairer, with a sprinkling of freckles across her upturned nose, and eyes more the color of blue cornflowers. Nell, the baby of the family at age eight, was brownhaired, her hair done in two long plaits much as Kendra had worn her own blond hair for many years. Except Nell’s darker braids were enhanced by two large green velvet bows.
“You know that Reynard will be here just as soon as he can,” said Mrs. Preston, entering the room with a bowl of vegetables in each hand.
Kendra had been informed that Reynard worked in the nearby town and rode horseback to and from his job each day. And that was all she knew. She was so busy studying the other members of the family that she had given very little thought to the one still missing.
Mr. Preston entered the room, his face shining from a recent wash at the kitchen basin. He was a big man, dark like his oldest daughter. His coloring was ruddy from working outside, and his hands reminded Kendra of her grandfather’s. His face lighted easily into a teasing grin. He flashed one at Kendra now.
“Have you ever seen such an impatient brood?” he asked her. “Sort of reminds one of a nest of young magpies. Every one wants to be fed right now. I’m sure your family is much more civilized.”