Heart Echoes (33 page)

Teal relayed her conversation with Cody to River.

When she had finished, he sighed. “Not to worry. It's in God's hands. Whatever is best for Maiya is best for all of us. In two years she'll legally be an adult and this won't be an issue.”

“I'm sorry I waited so long to tell him.” She really was tired of apologizing.

“Like Maiya said, I love you, and you're not on the hook.”

“Can you say that again? It's not sinking in.”

“Hormones.” He chuckled. “I love you, and you're not on the hook.” He smiled with a hint of sadness. “Maiya and I could not have been any closer than we've been these past four years. Five and a half if we count from the time we met. She always had that need to know Bio Dad. Adoption would not have taken it away. And Cody's right about loyalty. If he signs off, that's got abandonment written all over it. We don't want that for her.”

“But still . . .”

“But still nothing. Who knows? Maybe down the road a piece, she'll opt to change her name. Maiya Marie Morgan-Adams-Janski.”

“Lots of hyphens.”

“Then I suppose she might add a husband's name. I don't like this growing-up business.”

“Me neither, but on a mercenary note, there might be some veteran's benefits to help pay for her college.”

“I hadn't thought of that.”

“That's because you're not the mercenary in this family.”

He kissed her. “I have to go.”

“Okay.”

“See you tonight.” He rose and left the room.

The heaviness crept back into her heart. The damage she had inflicted on River was too much to bear.

If she had addressed things years ago with Cody, when he was in jail, he probably would have given up his rights in a heartbeat. River could have adopted Maiya when he married Teal. Maiya would not have had to track down Bio Dad by herself. Lacey would have loved Teal like she always had and forgiven her. She could have enjoyed aunthood ages ago. After Cody had gotten his life in order, he and Maiya could have e-mailed each other, not really bothering with much else because he had not been a big secret for her entire life.

The bedroom door reopened and River came back inside. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I love you, Xena, and you're not on the hook.”

She smiled.

“God told me to tell you He feels the same way and that you might want to let yourself off the hook too.” River kissed her cheek and left again.

This time the heaviness dissipated.

Epilogue

THIRTEEN MONTHS LATER

Teal glanced around her living room. Currier and Ives would have been proud. The flames in the fireplace danced around fake logs and the tree was artificial, but the ambience worked.

Colorful lights twinkled on the Christmas tree, decorated with garlands of popcorn and cranberry, Maiya's crafts since preschool, the Disneyland additions from last year, and painted wooden ornaments River's sister had sent from Switzerland. Some gifts, opened a few days before on Christmas Day, still sat under the tree. A picture frame, a book, a sweater.

The fireplace glowed. Pine-scented candles and a single lamp added soft light. Music played in the background, instrumental versions of carols.

The tree held several new ornaments, most of them colorful balls with sparkly blue letters spelling out things like
Baby's First Christmas
. The luscious scent of baking cookies filled the air, compliments of Maiya, who liked spending more time at home than not. Teal's own waistline was an addition of extra pounds, thanks to the best addition of all, now playing on the floor with his daddy.

Bryson Charles Adams cooed and giggled, lying on his abdomen and flailing his arms and legs about like a turtle under water. River cooed and giggled and swam like a bigger turtle.

The baby already had a head full of nut-brown wavy hair. Named after River's father and the neighbor Charlie, the four-and-a-half-month-old provided them all endless hours of entertainment. Teal thought it was amazingly fitting that he'd been born on August 10, the one-year anniversary of the large quake, the event that had set everything in motion to upset their lives. She flipped through the stack of mail on her lap. Four days after Christmas and the cards kept coming. She had sent her own out early, eager to share the newest Adams family photo with sweet little Bryson front and center.

An Iowa return address caught her attention and she laughed. “The Swansons!” She pulled out a photo and a letter and wondered whether the earthquake had set them on a winding side road of life as it had her. Did the aftershocks take them places they had not wanted to go?

Maiya came into the room, plopped beside her on the couch, and handed her a long wooden spoon. “Taste.”

She eyed the lump of buttercream frosting and moaned. “Maybe you could get into recipes that include vegetables.”

“After New Year's. Taste it. Is there enough vanilla?”

“Mmm.” The butter and sugar and vanilla melted in her mouth. “Mm-hmm. Perfect.”

“It's Erica's. It's going on her three-layer red velvet cake.” Maiya took the mail from her lap. “What have we today?”

Teal caught River's wink. She winked back. It had taken some getting used to, but the blended family was what it was. Several Fridays during the past year, River had left school early and driven Maiya to meet Cody somewhere along the I-5, about forty-five minutes one way for each of them when traffic cooperated. Maiya loved spending weekends with the Janskis, and they loved having her.

Resisting the fact that her definition of family had been turned inside out was pointless. They'd been invaded. Maiya had a stepmom, a dad, a stepdad, a mom, three half siblings at Camp Pendleton and one at home, an uncle, and two sets of grandparents. Bryson had a mom, a dad, and a half sister. The two of them shared Aunt Jenny and Half-Aunt Lacey, Gran Randi, and cousin Jason by adoption.

Lacey had called earlier to tell Teal all about the party they were having today to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Jason's adoption. Teal could not get enough of her sister's baby news and how much fun all of them—even Randi—were having. Lacey and Will had moved little Jason and his grandmother, Ellen, up to Cedar Pointe soon after Thanksgiving last year. To say that the four of them clicked was an understatement. They had been like a family waiting to happen.

Yes, the family tree got complicated. That wasn't even counting Nora and William, who already treated Bryson like a grandchild. They might as well throw in the Yoshidas next door, who thought they were Maiya's surrogate grandparents and were totally gaga over the baby.

Maiya muttered under her breath.

“What's wrong, hon?” Teal asked.

Maiya slapped the mail down and looked up, surprised. “What?”

“You just said a word that I really don't want your brother picking up on.”

Maiya usually laughed at that. Instead, she shrugged and shifted around. “Well, the thing is . . . um . . . Okay. Riv, you listening? I guess I should confess something 'cause it's really bugging me.”

Teal bit back a sigh. They'd been through enough teenage confessions. The Jake Ford and Cody things were the biggest. They'd been through a few minor incidents in the past year. There was a date that wasn't really a date with someone she'd met at Camp Pendleton. There was the party at Baker's fraternity house. There was the scrape on the car bumper.

The girl was seventeen, a senior in high school. Weren't they about finished?

River said, “What's up?”

Maiya grimaced. “I sent Dutch Morgan our Christmas card.”

“Hm.”

Teal couldn't even get out an
oh
.

Maiya said, “I just thought, you know, if he sees what a fun-looking family we are and finds out he's got a little grandson now, he might write back. At least send a card. Say hey.”

Teal cleared her throat but her voice still came out in a whisper. “Did you send him the letter too?”

“No. I thought that might upset you.” She shrugged again. “The picture says it all. We're here. We're real. We're cool. We're related. We should keep in touch.”

“Oh, Mai.” Teal wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It's okay to give it up.”

“But, Mom. I am so happy I know my dad. I just want you to have that too.”

“I appreciate that, hon, but it's his choice, and we can't change him.” She kissed her forehead. “Maybe you could change Bryson's diaper, though?”

Maiya grinned. “I guess that would be easier.” She slid off the couch and scooped up the baby. “Hey, baby Bry. Say Mai. M-m-mai.”

His eyes locked on his big sister's and his face grew serious. He pressed his lips tightly together. “Mmm.”

“Yeah! Thatta boy. M-m-mai.” They disappeared down the hall, squeals of delight trailing behind.

River moved up and sat on the couch. “They're both corkers.” He put his arms around her.

She settled against him.

“Does it still hurt?” His tone was subdued.

“Yeah. He's not coming back.” She looked up at him. “Like Krissy and Sammy.”

River sighed and held her more tightly. “The hurts make us who we are, Xena. And I do so love you the way you are.”

“And I so love you, just the way you are.”

“Even when I procrastinate about changing a diaper?”

She laughed. “Even then.”

A Note from the Author

Dear reader friend,

The older I get, the more I grasp the significance of what is written in our hearts. Our beings echo with our experiences, with voices of other people, with our perspectives. We live out of all of these, whether they are truth or lies. Sometimes we can't tell the difference.

And so Teal was born, a woman whose unhealthy childhood flowed into unhealthy choices that set the course for a life of hiding and running . . . until an earthquake shook things up.

When devastation strikes, we have a choice to make. We can run and hide—an especially attractive option if that's what we're used to doing anyway—or we can sit up, take notice, learn, and heal. The second option requires everything of us, and then some. It requires a heart ready to receive a new message, a new echo, from the only One who can speak it.

Thank you for traveling this side road with Teal and River. As always, my prayer is that along with them, you were reminded that God does indeed love you unconditionally, passionately, and wildly.

Peace,

Sally John

E-MAIL:
[email protected]

WEBSITE:
www.sally-john.com

BLOG:
http://lifeinthefictionlane.blogspot.com/

FACEBOOK:
“Sally John Books”
page

Discussion Questions

1. Teal embodies what we might refer to as a “control freak” personality, a common temperament in today's fast-paced, overscheduled society. Many wonder how else to balance the full plates they carry 24-7. Do you identify with Teal's natural bent to be responsible for her family's welfare? In what ways can this be a positive thing? In what ways can it become overdone and more negative than positive? What might cause the shift?

2. River's nickname for Teal, “Xena, Warrior Princess,” hints at Teal's tendency to take this natural bent to the extreme. What situations in her past and now—after the earthquake—drive her to cling more tightly than ever to a sense of control?

3. Teal's visit to Cedar Pointe is all about heart echoes, memories imprinted from childhood. What sorts of things does she hear? Once we meet Lacey, Randi, Owen, and Dutch, what do we learn about Teal's need to be in control?

4. River uses the phrase “father wound” in describing what both Teal and Maiya have experienced. What does he mean by this? Can you identify with the concept? Why or why not?

5. River is a long-suffering soul. Explore his character and the impact left on him by the loss of his first wife and child. What developments in his marriage to Teal did he “not sign up for”?

6. Explore the sister roles. How does birth order affect Teal and Lacey? In what ways can you relate to these characteristics?

7. An underlying tension between Teal and Lacey is the general pattern that family members don't talk about what's going on in a dysfunctional home. Have you or someone you know experienced this? What are some ways to try to break the pattern, especially for the next generation?

8. Why does Teal hide her secret about Cody? How has the secret affected her? Have you ever harbored a deep secret? What was (or would be) the impact of revealing it? Of keeping it?

9. In what ways does Teal learn from her daughter, Maiya? What life lessons have you learned from your children or other young people?

10. Psalm 147:3 says that God “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” These wounds may come from the lies we believe about ourselves, lies that echo in our hearts. Often they have been placed there by others, whether intentionally or not. What has been your experience with such things? Has God healed your wounds? How do we replace the lies with truth?