Heart Echoes (28 page)

Chapter 46

Teal made her scrumptious manicotti, but at the dinner table she feasted more on River and Maiya than the food. They gave her odd glances, as if unsure what to make of her demeanor.

After her outburst at San Sebastian that afternoon, a joyful calm surrounded her. There was no escaping it. She breathed it in and out, in and out.

“Mom, how was work?” Maiya probed for clues.

Teal smiled. “Not much to report. I figured out that people are not always what they appear to be. And then I left early, which accounts for this dinner and the caramel pecan ice cream in the freezer.”

“No way.”

“It's all yours.”

Maiya angled her head. “I have some research to do online. And I have to talk to Heather and Ben about our project for history class. I need to touch base with Baker, too.” She blushed whenever she said his name. “He's got a better grip on trig than Mr. J.”

“Fine.”

“I just, uh, wanted you to know?”

“Honey, you did get the message that you're not grounded anymore, right?”

River chuckled. “You don't have to run everything by us.”

“You remember that Jake broke up with his new girlfriend?”

Teal said, “We trust you. Now go. It sounds like you have a lot to do. We'll clean up.”

When she had gone, Teal met River's gaze. He said, “I could make a fire outside.”

She smiled. They were on the same page. The backyard was the only place for private, uninterrupted conversation if Maiya was in the house.

A short while later, bundled in sweats and a jacket, she joined him on the dark patio beside the terra-cotta fire ring. Under its domed grate, the wood snapped and crackled. The heat felt good in the cold evening. She handed him a cup of tea and sat on the cushioned chair shoved close to his.

“Do you want to tell me about Monday?” she asked.

“I missed you. But I had a good whining session. Krissy told me to get over it and I moved on.”

“Get over what?”

“The distance I was feeling from you.”

She leaned against his arm. “I'm sorry.”

He kissed the top of her head.

“River, I don't want you to get over something like that. There shouldn't be a distance between us.”

“I see our life like a forest. I can come looking for you, but if you keep hiding behind the trees, there's not much else I can do except get over it.”

“You could leave.”

“No, love. It's
our
forest.”

“Really?”

He smiled. “Really. You are stuck with me lurking about.”

Why did she ever hold back on this man?

“I think . . .” Her breath caught. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. The joyful calm had fled, but deep inside she knew it was still out there . . . in the open forest. “I think I'm tired of hiding.”

“You think?”

“I am. For sure.” She resisted the desire to crawl onto his lap and hide her face against his neck. She inhaled deeply, skipped the rehearsed intro, and went straight to the punch line. “Bio Dad is Cody Janski.”

No sound or movement came from River, but a tension went from him as obviously as if he had slid from his chair onto the concrete.

Teal waited for her own knotted stomach to untwist. It didn't. Because there was more. “Whew. I never said that out loud to anyone.” She tried to smile. “Lucky you, huh?”

He touched her cheek and whispered, “Yes, lucky me.”

Okay, so far, so good. “No surprise either, right?”

He shook his head and lowered his hand to her arm. “No.”

“Has Maiya guessed?”

“She hasn't said.”

Thank You, God.

Teal took another deep breath. “He was Lacey's boyfriend. Well, sort of. They had one date, when she invited him to a dance. She'd been crazy about him for a long time, though. She was so straitlaced, and he was the exact opposite. Mouthy, always in trouble, secretive. He was in her class, but older. There was an air of danger about him. It was a totally idiotic crush. She was a sharp girl. I truly believed it was a joke.” She paused. “I'm not making excuses.”

“I know.”

“Later I figured out that she'd had grand visions of rescuing him. If she kissed the beast, he would turn into a prince. Her friends dared her to ask him to the dance. He said yes for one reason only. Randi and Owen gave permission because they were incredibly stupid and inattentive. Which I told them before he came to pick her up.” She slowed her speech, letting her anger subside.

“She wasn't your responsibility.”

“But she was, River. They were incapable of it.”

He squeezed her arm. “You were home from college?”

“It was right before Christmas. I'd gone there to drop off gifts and pick up mine. Weird how we could keep up the charade. I spent the holiday working in Portland.” If only she'd stayed away.

The constant pressure of River's hand on her arm encouraged her to release words she had cried to God on the darkest days.

“She came home before midnight.” Teal remembered the time. Details like that were etched in her mind. “She was crying so hard, we all woke up. Her hair a mess. Her gorgeous red dress all wet and muddy because she had to walk home. She blubbered that he wanted to have sex. Owen blew up. It took forever for Lacey to get a chance to tell us that no, they did not, and that he had not hurt her. She cried and cried. Said she loved him. That she really could help him change. Then . . .” Teal swallowed a sob and spoke in a monotone. “Then Owen laid into me. Lacey Jo was not a slut like her sister. Lacey knew how to say no. Lacey had dignity. Lacey was a saint. Lacey was a good girl. Lacey was a winner. Lacey could give me lessons. Lacey, Lacey, Lacey.”

The accusations echoed again in her mind. His cutting words were memorized, every single indictment proclaimed against her. Owen was angry at Cody, but just as he'd been doing since she was a little girl, her stepdad took it out on her. “I was twenty-two, River. I'd been on my own for years, figuratively and literally. I was going to graduate from college in the spring. I was going to law school in Los Angeles. I should have known better than to believe all that junk.”

“He was still your father figure. And, I imagine, he was repeating what he'd been telling you for a long, long time.”

She nodded and let out a heavy breath. “I left that night instead of in the morning. First, though, I went looking for Cody. I started at the nearest park in town. It was a popular hangout.” Everyone, including the Cedar Pointe cops, knew where the outcasts drank and smoked. As long as the kids bothered no one else, they were left alone.

She said, “I spotted him walking near the coffee shop. We argued. Part of me wanted him to leave Lacey alone. Part of me wanted to get back at her for being the family princess. I hated her in that moment.”

River gently wiped under her eyes.

She said, “What did it matter? Randi and Owen believed I was a slut. I'm sure half the town did too. I might as well prove they were right. I told Cody I'd give him what Lacey wouldn't. That I could make him happier than she could. He said prove it.”

She went on, rushing her words to get through the worst of it. “It was pouring down rain. He had a key. We went inside Happy Grounds. There was a couch in the back room. He said he wanted a virgin but I'd do. I was angry and he was angry and we—”

“Shh. It's okay.”

“River.” Teal looked at his face in the firelight. “I
was
a virgin that night.”

He stared at her. She saw the surprise in his eyes.

“Teal.”

“Doesn't that take the cake? I do it once and get pregnant.”

River blinked.

She waited for the light to dawn. “Yeah. One time until you.”

He only blinked some more.

“I always just let on that I was experienced. It didn't take much of a leap since I grew up acting tough. And who's going to hire a naive, non-savvy lawyer?”

He shook his head as if he doubted his hearing.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, by the way, for being sweet and tender and helping me catch on.”

He chuckled. “You are . . . I have no word for it.”

“A good liar?”

“Complicated. You do know I've always loved you for yourself, not for what you've done or haven't done?” He brushed a stray tear from her cheek.

“Okay.”

“Okay. So, obviously you and Cody did not have a relationship. Did you just go back to school?”

“Yes. I hated myself for what I'd done to Lacey, for being the person Owen always said I was. Nobody was surprised when I finally told them I was pregnant. It was easy not to say who the father was. There was no reason to tell Cody. I wanted no part of him or anyone else in Cedar Pointe. But I did want my baby.” She smiled. “Suddenly I had my own family, and I could be in control. I could make it what I wanted. Of course what I wanted was for somebody to love me.”

“And you never told anyone.”

“No. Time and distance did their thing. It seemed pointless to reveal Cody's name. Everyone probably assumed it was someone I met in college.”

“But guys talk, Teal. He would have told his buddies.”

“He probably did. Honestly, I was a nonentity in town. It wouldn't have been a big deal that he'd slept with a loser of questionable repute. And it wasn't long after that he was in the car accident with his cousin Dylan.”

“The kid who was killed?”

“Yes. Dylan was driving, apparently not under the influence. Given Cody's alcohol content, he probably didn't feel a thing. The incident did him in, though. He really started to get into serious trouble after that. He was arrested for disorderly conduct. The story goes that it was the last straw for his parents. They were done bailing him out of trouble. He pleaded guilty and went to jail. I didn't make up that part. Apparently it straightened him out. Afterward he got his diploma and a military waiver.”

“I take it Will was not all that close with his brother?”

“No. They were like me and Lacey. Opposites, nothing in common. They would not have talked about that night. Eventually Lacey got over her crush and married Will. Once in a while she would mention what was going on with Cody. He went back to Cedar Pointe about as often as I did.” She paused. “It was strange. He was such a distant connection to me, not even a real memory. It was like we had no connection. Maiya was mine.”

“And then she grew up.”

Teal nodded. “And started asking questions.”

The obvious hung between them. Maiya had to be told. Cody had to be told. Lacey had to be told.

Teal said, “I'll get there.”

“You will.”

“I've hurt so many people. I know it's only getting worse now, the longer I wait. Especially since they've gotten to know her.”

He kissed her forehead. “Thank you for bringing me in first.”

“Oh, River, I love you so much. I'm sorry for pushing you away, for hiding behind those trees.”

“Hey, how many times do I have to say I'm in for the long haul?”

She smiled. “As many times as it takes?”

“Okay, you got it.”

The joyful calm enveloped her again, unfamiliar yet comforting, elusive yet full of promise.

Chapter 47

CEDAR POINTE

“Aunt Lacey, you are not going to believe this one!” Maiya's voice rose over the phone line as she went on to describe her latest woe with her history teacher.

Smiling, Lacey settled into the recliner in the shop's back room and pulled up the footrest. She missed her niece something awful. Their frequent phone conversations alleviated the ache to a certain extent, but Lacey was counting the hours until their reunion: Thanksgiving week in Los Angeles.

She disagreed with Will, who thought the lack of dramatics in their life was best for Lacey's energy level. On the contrary, the girl had been a continual source of freshness and joy.

“See, Aunt Lace? I told you I learned more from you in a few weeks than this idiot can teach me all semester. He knows nada about the Civil War.”

Aunt Lace, Aunt Lacey, Aunt L.
Always with the
aunt
in place. She loved it, although it did remind her not to pass up a teaching moment.

“Maiya, my rule book says to remind you that
idiot
is highly disrespectful.”

“Okay, okay.” Maiya groaned. “Was that a reprimand?”

“I think so.”

“How come I can take it from you and not my mom?”

“Well, that's in the book too. Moms are like emery boards. It's their job to file away at all the rough edges in their daughters.”

“But you do it and it doesn't set me off.”

“That's because aunts are just plain cool. No other explanation.”

Maiya laughed. “Well, Mom's lost her sandpaper personality. She's still into sappy.”

When they had last talked on Saturday, Maiya had described Teal as weepy and giggly at the same time, all the time. And River was more mellow than she had ever seen him in her whole entire life.

“Actually, Aunt Lace, I'm beginning to wonder if they remember I live here. The huggy, kissy-face stuff is kind of embarrassing.”

Lacey smiled. Obviously something was going on between Teal and River. The separation must have kicked them into another honeymoon phase.

Maiya went on. “I hope I can spend the weekend at Amber's. Oh, get this. Last night I brought up the Jake thing. Remember he's going to be at the auction on Saturday? I told Mom I wanted to talk with him, get some closure. She just sort of nodded and said, ‘Fine.' Do you believe it? Maybe now's the time to ask them for a car.”

“You don't want to break the spell. From what I've heard, they're adamant about that one.”

“I suppose. So, did you have closure with Cody after that dance you told me about?”

Before seriously considering that Cody might be Maiya's father, Lacey had shared with her some details from that night. Things like he wanted to have sex, that she struggled and her dress ripped before he caught on to the meaning of her
no
, that she walked home in the freezing rain. She figured such brutal honesty might put enough fear into her niece to keep her from pining after Jake.

She said, “Closure? I'm sure I hadn't even heard the word back then. And besides, the incident was such a brief encounter, hardly worth processing beyond, ‘Whoa, that was ugly, and good riddance with the crush.'”

Maiya said, “But wasn't it awkward with him later, like when you and Uncle Will got married?”

Lacey measured her words. Given Maiya's September birth date, Teal would have had to have been with Cody around the time of the dance.
I
f
Cody was the father, which Lacey now believed was true. How much was acceptable to tell the girl about him? That he was a hormonal teenage boy was one thing, but other details revealed character faults that he had overcome. Why go into those now?

Lacey said, “Like I told you, Will and I eloped to Portland. There was no family involved.” Thank goodness for her mother-in-law's forgiving nature. Although Nora understood that a wedding with Owen would have been unbearable, she had not been a happy camper about the elopement. “Cody hadn't lived in Cedar Pointe for ages and didn't visit for a long time.”

“Kind of like my mom.”

“I guess so. Anyway, later he got his act together, joined the Marines, and came home just once before being shipped overseas.”

“That all happened after the accident.”

“Yes. When his cousin died, Cody went off the deep end. He got into more trouble and left town.” No way was she mentioning his jail time. Will and her in-laws never brought up the sad event. Even townspeople no longer spoke of it. The guy was a hero, fighting terrorists.

“So what happened when you finally saw each other?” The girl was relentless. “What did he say to you?”

“Not much, really. He had changed.” In fact, he was a new man. Sober, disciplined, caring, likable. “The thing is, what little history we had in common was ancient. He sort of laughed and said something like, ‘Didn't you have a crush on me once?' I said, ‘In your dreams.' We teased each other. That was the end of it.”

“But what about the night of the dance?”

“Neither of us brought it up.”

“Didn't Will talk to him about it?”

“Maiya, it was over with. Will and I agreed to let it go.”

“Aunt Lacey, don't you think you should finish this business?”

She sighed to herself. “The truth is, I never really cared to talk about it with him, and I don't think he even remembers much about it.”

“Well, duh. I bet he can't. He must have been into a lot of junk back then. He was probably wasted that night.”

Lacey's heart sank at the correct guess. Once she had outgrown her naiveté, she admitted that Cody had been a wreck, not a mysterious bad boy she could save. He must have killed off a lot of brain cells back in the day. Only answers to Nora's prayers explained his intact survival.

Maiya said, “In a way, you can't blame him for being so mean to you that night. I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying, you know . . .”

Warning bells went off. “Hon, was Jake mean to you? Did he try to force himself on you? Did he hit you?”

“No, none of that. Absolutely not. That's the thing. He's a good guy.”

She let out a silent
whew
. “But he's too old.”

“Got that after the bazillionth time from everyone. Was your dance in December?”

Lacey swallowed. “My dance?”

“The one you invited Cody to.”

“Uh, it was cold and rainy. That could be anytime from November to April.”

“Mom was home, though. It was probably a school break for her.”

“She would come home at odd times. She never stayed long, and she skipped most holidays with us.”

“But you said you wore a formal and it wasn't prom. You probably didn't have formal dances all winter long.”

“No. It was a special time.”

“So it could have been Christmas.”

Lacey imagined Maiya's brain calculating the period of gestation. “I suppose it could have been.”

“Your senior year. I was born the next year.”

Lacey winced. “Yes.”

A long silence ensued. She could think of nothing to say to comfort her niece, nothing that would redirect the conversation. Maiya was smart, and she was hurting.

At last Maiya said, “Aunts aren't supposed to fudge. I have to go.”

Her niece was also very angry.

Their good-bye was brief. Not silly. Not warm. Not sweet. Not hopeful. Nothing at all like they had been.

Lacey wanted to call her sister and tell her what an idiot she was to keep them all in the dark.