Healing A Hero (The Camerons of Tide’s Way #4) (18 page)

Chapter 33

April 2015

Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

ELENA CHECKED THE arrivals board as she strode into the terminal at the Wilmington International Airport. Julie’s plane had not yet landed. She relaxed and detoured to the newly remodeled arrivals lounge for a cup of coffee.

A jumble of emotions churned in her stomach.

It felt more like a month rather than just six days since she’d put Julie on the plane headed west. A lot had happened in those six days, but even in the midst of reconnecting with Philip, she’d missed her daughter. Instead of sharing girl talk over the dinner table, she’d been caught up in the heady excitement of physical desire that sparked at every touch, however fleeting or innocent.

When she was with Philip, she’d felt nineteen again, falling head over heels in love with a man she was just learning to know all over again. But when they were apart, the responsible mother in her reasserted itself. That, and the growing guilt about lies that had gone on too long between her and Philip. And for that matter, between her and Julie.

Only a few weeks ago, she’d told Julie she and Philip had only been friends, and now they were sleeping together as if the last fourteen years had never happened. In spite of the repercussions that would surely follow if anyone at the rehab center found out they were intimately involved, she’d given him a key, and, twice already, he’d let himself in late at night and crawled directly into her bed as if he belonged there.

How was she going to explain that to her almost-thirteen-year-old daughter?

She glanced at the arrivals board again and saw that Julie’s plane had just landed. She tossed the nearly empty coffee cup into the trash and headed for the corridor leading from the security area.

Philip had called to report that his brother was going to be okay, but Philip had stayed in Raleigh overnight. He hadn’t said when he’d be back, but she assumed he’d show up for work tomorrow and she’d see him after he got out. Perhaps it was better this way.

Today was for Julie. Elena twisted her hands together nervously. Julie would be full of her week and likely to chatter all the way back to their apartment.

But eventually, Elena would have to explain about Philip.

A stream of passengers rounded the corner, striding toward the lobby and heading off toward baggage claim. Elena peered past a line of people waiting for guests and family to arrive. When Julie finally appeared, her head was down and she was not in a hurry. Elena elbowed her way to the edge of the lobby.

“It’s good to have you back.” Elena wrapped Julie in an enthusiastic embrace.

Julie didn’t reciprocate.

“I’m not so sure it’s good to
be
back,” Julie muttered, pulling herself free of Elena’s arms.

“You haven’t missed me at all?” Elena tried to keep her voice light, but her heart felt like someone had dropped a heavy load of books on it. Just a couple of days ago, Julie had been bubbly and overflowing with happy chatter. What could have happened in two days’ time to change that?

Julie didn’t meet Elena’s gaze. “Yeah. I missed you. Let’s go get my stuff.”

They waited in silence while suitcases and duffels dropped onto the conveyor. Eventually, Julie’s bright green rolling suitcase slid into sight and she stepped forward to haul it off the luggage conveyor. A smaller bag, inexpensive and an awful shade of orange, appeared and Julie grabbed that one as well. She handed it to Elena and headed for the exit.

“This is yours.”

“I told you not to buy a bag just for my old stuff,” Elena said, hurrying to keep up as Julie headed for the parking lot.

Julie spied the car and wordlessly angled off toward it. Elena rushed ahead, opened the trunk, and tossed the ugly bag inside. Julie wrestled the bigger suitcase in next to it. Then she headed for the passenger door. Still without speaking.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Elena asked as she slid into the driver’s seat. She did not put the keys in the ignition or start the car.

“Can we talk about it later? Like when we get home?”

The drive took just under an hour, and Julie spent the entire trip staring out her side window. Elena felt the tension building inside her along with an inexplicable dread. By the time she parked the car and got out to help Julie with her gear, her head throbbed.

Surely Julie could have no idea what had gone on between Elena and Philip in her absence, so any objections to that could not be the cause of her current mood. But what was? She couldn’t have argued with Eli. They never argued. They always sided with each other against Elena. Maybe she was just grumpy because her school break was over and she had to leave San Diego and all her old friends behind again.

Elena unlocked the door and rolled the big green suitcase inside. Dreading what was coming, but knowing it couldn’t be avoided, she set her purse and the car keys on the table and turned to face her daughter.

“Okay. What’s up?”

Julie tossed her backpack on the couch, planted her fisted hands on her hips and glared at Elena. “What’s up is that you lied to me. You’ve been lying to me my entire life.” Julie’s eyes blazed with accusation. “Did you lie to Dad, too?”

“I’ve never lied to Eli. Or you.” The blow couldn’t have stung more if Julie had slapped her.

“Oh yeah, huh? And letting me think Eli was my father wasn’t a lie?”

Elena dropped into a chair, her legs suddenly unable to hold her up. The truth was out. “I never actually lied. Eli is your dad. He’s been your dad since you were a baby. There’s more to being a father than biology.”

“So? Did he know before or after I was born? Did you trick him into thinking he got you pregnant after you went slutting around with another man?” Julie hissed.

Elena wrung her hands together in a desperate attempt to remain calm, but her heart was in shreds.

“I never lied to Eli.” But she’d lied to Philip by omission. And Julie. “He chose to be your father. He chose to stick by me when—when—”

“And you never let him adopt me either.” Tears filled Julie’s beautiful blue eyes and began running down her cheeks. “He’s the only father I’ve ever known, and you wouldn’t let him adopt me. So now I’ve got no father at all.”

With that parting shot, she whirled and ran down the hall to her room.

Elena shot to her feet and followed her, but Julie slammed the bedroom door in her face.

“Julie, please let me in. Let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain.” Julie’s words were muffled as if she had thrown herself across her bed and buried her face in the quilt.

Elena rested her forehead against Julie’s door. “I’m not perfect. I never claimed to be. I made mistakes, and I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you before now, but I didn’t know how. There just never seemed to be a right time.”

Julie didn’t respond.

“Please, can’t we talk about it? Without this door between us?”

“You waited all this time. Now you can wait until I feel like listening to your excuses. And it’s not going to be tonight. And maybe not tomorrow either.”

Elena’s tears scalded her eyes, then brimmed over. She sagged against Julie’s door, unwilling to give up, unable to do anything else. “Please, Julie.”

The door swung open so swiftly that Elena staggered.

Julie’s face was streaked with tears. “This isn’t just about you, Mom. It’s about me. I’m not who I thought I was. I’m angry, and I’m confused, and right now, I want to be alone.”

This time, she closed the door gently, but the click echoed in Elena’s brain with the finality of a judge’s gavel. She backed into the wall behind her and slid down it. She wrapped her arms about her bent legs and pressed her eyes against her knees. Her heart had been broken when she believed that Philip had abandoned her, but this felt a whole lot worse. And this time, she had no one to turn to.

“Philip,” she whispered brokenly. “I need you and you’re still not here.”

Chapter 34

April 2015

Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

PHILIP STEPPED OUT of the shower and toweled himself off. It had been a good workout, and he was eager to reach Elena and see her again
.
She hadn’t called him today, which given the week previous, seemed odd. She hadn’t returned the message he’d left on her voice mail either. It didn’t seem like Elena to hold it against him that he’d had to run out on her on their last night together before Julie came home.

He pulled on a pair of jeans and reached for a clean T-shirt. He was hunting for his phone when a knock sounded on his door.

No one ever came knocking on his door. Had Elena come here because she wasn’t ready to have him go to her with Julie around?

He strode to the door and yanked it open with a happy bounce in his heart.

But it wasn’t Elena.

It was Julie.

“Miss Tischler,” Philip said, doing his best to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He opened the door wider to let her come in. “This is a surprise. How was your trip to San Diego?”

“It’s not Miss Tischler. And it never has been, but I guess you’d already know that.” She stormed past him into the center of his small room, then turned to face him, her feet spread wide and her eyes narrowed.

Philip shut the door and faced her.
Why is she so angry? If this is her reaction to being told about me and her mother, my immediate future sucks.

“Have I done something to upset you?” Maybe she was incensed that he had been sleeping in Elena’s bed. In the place Julie felt her father belonged.

“It’s what you didn’t do that upsets me.”

“Okay, then what didn’t I do?” His confusion grew and a knot of inexplicable apprehension settled in his gut.

“You could have stuck around and acknowledged me instead of running off and pretending I didn’t happen.”

The little knot in the pit of Philip’s stomach surged into full-blown unease. He barely knew this girl, and she seemed to be accusing him of some heinous crime. “I don’t understand.” He gestured toward the only comfortable chair in the room. “Why don’t we sit down and talk about it.”

“I’m talking about this.” Julie thrust a folded piece of paper toward him.

He unfolded the page and realized it was a birth certificate. For a female child named Juliana Blair Castillo.

Ice suddenly seemed to have replaced the blood in Philip’s veins.
Date of birth:
May twenty, two thousand and two
. He swallowed hard.
Mother: Elena Rose Castillo. Father: Philip Blair Cameron.
He swallowed again and looked at the girl before him.

No wonder those eyes looked so familiar. And the dimple. They were his. Julie was his. Why hadn’t he seen it before? His head spun and breathing seemed suddenly impossible. Condoms failed sometimes, but he’d never thought it would happen to him.

“Mom lied to me,” Julie spat. “I asked her if you were her boyfriend before she met my dad. She said you were just friends. But it wasn’t like that, was it? You fucked her and blew town.”

Julie’s vulgarity shocked him, but it barely registered. “I was only home on compassionate leave. I had to return to my unit.”

“You left her pregnant and alone,” Julie’s voice rose to a shout. “That’s not how friendship works.”

“We weren’t
just
friends. I was in love with your mother.”

Julie hesitated for only a moment. “Then why did you abandon us?”

Philip’s blood roared in his ears, and his heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest. “I didn’t know,” he croaked, his voice breaking.

Julie’s shoulders suddenly slumped, and the fire went out of her eyes, leaving her looking lost and vulnerable. “She never told you either?”

Philip shook his head, too stunned to elaborate.

“All this time, I thought Eli was my father. I thought I had Mom’s name for some kind of feminist statement she was making. I didn’t know why he didn’t ask for joint custody. No one ever told me. Now there’s—” She broke off on a sobbing hiccough. Tears welled up and began running down her cheeks.

In two strides, Philip closed the gap between them and enfolded her in his arms. She stood, ramrod-stiff and unresponsive. Another wave of grief coursed through her, and she shuddered. Philip tightened his embrace.

This weeping, broken girl was his daughter. His own eyes stung with the realization. His heart ached at Elena’s deceit.

Julie was his daughter, and Elena had kept it from him. He’d missed so much. He hadn’t been there when she was born. He hadn’t seen her first steps or heard her first words. She’d learned to call another man Daddy. Another man had read her bedtime stories and taught her how to play tennis. Another man had taken what should have been Philip’s.

A flood of anger surged through Philip’s bloodstream, chasing away the ice. He’d lost so much. Elena had lied to them both.

Julie recovered first and pushed her way free of Philip’s arms. She dashed angrily at the tears still trickling down her cheeks. “So, what are you going to do about it now that you know?”

“I’m going to tell the whole world I have a daughter,” he replied, biting back the anger. Finding out why Elena had not told him could wait. He felt betrayed all over again, but that had nothing to do with the girl standing in front of him doing her level best to stop weeping.

He wiped her tears away with his thumbs, and then bracketed her face with his hands and bent to kiss her forehead. “I’ve got a lot of time to make up for. Please give me a chance?”

Julie fell against his chest, wrapped her slender young arms about his waist, and pressed her face into his shirt. A fresh round of weeping began and, before long, the front of his shirt was soaked. He rubbed her back and murmured soothing sounds. Who needed comfort more was a tossup.

“I’ve missed so much.” He kissed the top of her head. The enormity of it was just beginning to sink in. Fourteen years he’d been a father and never knew. Fourteen years of thinking if only the demands of the life he’d chosen hadn’t separated him from the only woman he’d ever really loved. And all this time . . .

“You won’t mind if I still call Eli Dad, will you?” Her voice was muffled against his damp shirt.

The pang of loss cut sharply into Philip’s heart, but he tightened his arms about her and rocked them both. He shook his head, and then realized she couldn’t see it. “I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt that someone else is your Daddy, but—” he said past the painful lump in his throat. “But, I understand.” He settled his cheek against the top of her sleek black head.

“I don’t know what to call you.” She pulled her head away to look up at him, but didn’t loosen the grip of her arms about his waist.

He kissed her forehead again. “Anything you feel comfortable with.” The rush of emotions left him feeling like he did after a battle when the adrenaline wore off and he crashed. His knees felt weak and his head buzzed.

He had a daughter.

She stared up at him for a long time. “I’m not sure where you fit into my life even.” She released her grip and stepped away.

Philip wanted to pull her back into his arms again. He’d just discovered he had a daughter and he wanted to hang onto her forever.

“I’ll fit in anywhere you’ll let me.”

“I don’t know what to call you,” she said again. “Sergeant Cameron seems too—” A frown furrowed her brow.

Call me Daddy
. He bit the words back. It wasn’t about what he wanted. It was about what she needed. “There’s always Gunny.”

“Gunny,” Julie repeated softly, as if trying it on for size.

“It’s what my men call me. When they’re being informal. And I let ’em.”

“Gunny,” she said again. “It’s a Marine thing, right?”

He nodded. It was better than Sergeant Cameron, but still light-years away from
Daddy
. On the other hand, it was familiar. A name he was comfortable with. One reserved for those he respected . . . men who respected him.

“Does your mother know you’re here?” Philip tamped down a surge of anger. He and Elena had some talking to do, but that could wait.

Julie shook her head.

“Then don’t you think you should let her know?” If he was going to be a father, he had to start acting like one.

“She’s at work still. She’s got a meeting.”

“How did you get here?”

“The school bus,” she answered. “I get dropped off at the gate.” She folded up on the edge of Philip’s bed and gazed up at him, her expression uncertain. “I guess maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

Philip went down on his knees in front of her. “You are always welcome in my home. Wherever that is. Always. Got that?”

She nodded, her eyes going glassy again. “I’m not usually like this,” she said, wiping at her face.

Philip reached out to caress her cheek. “No need to apologize. And no need to pretend with me. Ever.” He grabbed the box of tissues off the head of the bed and handed it to her. “I’m pretty broke up myself, and the only reason I’m not bawling is because if I started, I might never stop.” He touched his chest. “If you knew what I’m feeling right now, finding out I have a daughter, a little girl I should have been there for—” He broke off, unable to put the enormity of what he felt into words.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Then Philip got to his feet, scooped her into his arms, and sat down with her on his lap. When his tears began, he made no effort to stop them. Elena’s lie of omission was killing him.

“Now we’re both a mess,” Julie said, handing him a handful of tissues.

Philip wiped his eyes and tossed the soggy wad into the wastebasket. “I guess one of us should call your mother.” His voice felt raspy and his throat ached. He stood and set Julie on her feet. “Want me to call her?”

Julie nodded and Philip grabbed his cell phone off the dresser where he’d left it when he went to take a shower.

He pressed Elena’s number and waited. Her line went to voice mail.

“Hi. Julie’s with me. Call when you get in, and I’ll bring her home.”

“You didn’t say who was calling,” Julie observed as he dropped his phone into his pocket.

“She’ll know.”