He Was Her Man (34 page)

“Well, I did give ’em a free lunch for a sweetener while y’all were putting on your little show.”

“And I thought we did real well. Doc seemed to fall for it.”

“And Jethro did his thing.”

“Cool as a cuke, your man Jethro. Not to mention the toe-sniffer. We didn’t really have to use him, but I couldn’t resist.”

Jack finished off his coffee and leaned back. “So all we have to do now is wait for Jinx and Loydell to finish up.”

“That’s right.”

“I imagine that’s when Doc’s going to come on over here and try to kill me, wouldn’t you think?” With that, Jack pulled a beauty of an antique Colt revolver from where it had been resting beside him on the seat, and he laid it on the table.

Sam braced herself against the back of the mahogany and green baize booth. “Jack, have you gone crazy?”

“For wanting to defend myself? I don’t think so.”

“Wait a minute. The plan was, we finish the sting, then we sic the cops on him. Surprise, Doc! We’ve got your diamond, your money, and here’s the blowoff—you’re going to jail.”

“And I said that wouldn’t fly. He’ll walk out, a free man, in five minutes.”

“So instead you’re waiting for Doc to come in here, to blast you away?”

“No, actually, I wasn’t going to let him get that far. I was thinking more of meeting him out in the street.”

“High Noon?”

“Something like that.”

“Olive was right. You all can’t help it. It’s the testosterone backing up in your brain.”

*

“You’re a what?” Loydell was saying.

“Treasury Agent Dan Little, ma’am.” Doc pulled out his fake badge and ID and showed her. She didn’t even look all that closely. Nobody ever did.

“Well, I swear. I never saw one of y’all before. Seen plenty of Fibbies. Yep, town used to be lousy with Fibbies, had one full-time there for a long while, J. Edgar sent down to torment Owney Madden.”

“Mother,” Jinx interrupted. “Mr. Dolittle, I mean Little, doesn’t—”

But Loydell went right on. “That Fibbie stayed on, became sheriff. He’s retired now. But a Treasury man? Nope. So what’s your business here? I ain’t robbed any banks.” Loydell held her hands up in the air.

“I know that, ma’am.” Doc gave her his best smile. “But it’s banking, actually, that brought me here.”

“I’ve banked with First National and Amalgamated Savings my whole life. They never sent anybody out to visit with me before.”

“No, ma’am, I wouldn’t think they would. But, you see, there’s been this problem recently, people passing phony thousand-dollar bills at racetracks all across the South. I was just down in Shreveport dealing with the same thing.”

“This is certainly is a coincidence. My daughter, Jinx, here and I were just down at Amalgamated having them check some thousand-dollar bills that came into her possession. But ours were real. You don’t have to worry about us.”

“Well, ma’am, that’s the problem. See, I had called them over at Amalgamated not two seconds after you left the bank. I’d just flown into town and got myself situated and was starting to contact all the local bankers, when lo and behold, your names came up.”

“Yes, sir,” said Loydell, “we’ve got the real thousands all right. Or, I do. Now, Mr. Little, would you like a Coke?”

“No, ma’am. I don’t want to put you to the trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. I’ll be back in a second. You chat with my daughter, Jinx, here. She’s single.”

“Moth-er,” Jinx wailed.

Doc winked at Jinx when Loydell left the room. Then he gave her the high sign, reached over and patted her on the shoulder. “You’re doing swell,” he whispered.

“Here’s your Coke.” Loydell bustled back into the living room. “So what exactly is it you want us to tell you about our thousand-dollar bills?”

“Well, ma’am, I’m afraid it’s what
I
have to tell you. You see, I’m afraid they’re not real.”

“Not real! Why, of course, they are,” said Jinx. “We just took them into Amalgamated, and my very good friend Bo, who’s the president of the bank, he dealt with us personally, assured us our money was genuine.”

Doc drew himself up, in a show of authority. “And where did this money come from?”

“I won it at the track,” said Jinx.

“Wait a minute,” the old lady interrupted. “What you’re saying is, no matter what Bo said, this money of Jinx’s that she just paid me for my diamond, it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.”

“I suspect that’s pretty much the size of it,” said Doc. “See, the thing is, these counterfeits are so good, you’d have to be a
real
expert to tell the difference. I mean, these are excellent fakes, not done the old-fashioned way with engraving plates, but on a color laser copier. And then the paper’s aged. Here, let me see your bills, I’ll show you.”

Loydell reached in her white plastic handbag and found the long green envelope with the money Jinx had given her. She handed it to Doc. He fingered it, turned it over, pretended to examine it this way and that, all the while shaking his head. “It’s amazing,” he finally said. “Just amazing the work they can do with those laser printers.”

“I swear!” said Loydell. Then she turned to Jinx.

“Well, hon, I guess you’re out ten thousand smackeroos. Which is a real disappointment, but then, on the other hand, I guess you could say money won at the track is a kind of gift, anyway.” She tapped Jinx on the arm. “Now, could you give me back my diamond, please?”

Jinx made a face, then rooted around in her huge yellow straw tote, pulled out a gray flannel jeweler’s bag tied with golden cord, and handed it to Loydell. “Easy come, easy go,” Jinx said with a sad shrug. “I guess that’s the story of my life.”

Doc had to give it to her. The woman was a good actor.

Then Jinx said, “Do you mind if I take another look at that money, Mr. Little? It sure
looked
like the genuine article.”

“Sure thing.” Doc handed Jinx the envelope containing his 10,000 in real bills. Then to Loydell, “And do you mind if I see your diamond, Mrs. Watson? If there’s already been something of value exchanged for this counterfeit, it puts an extra twist on things.”

“Why, I don’t mind at all,” said Loydell. “Hold out your hand.”

Doc did, and Loydell untied the golden cord, turned the gray flannel bag upside down, and tumbled a breathtaking sparkler into Doc’s palm. It was brilliant. It was gorgeous. And it was huge,
much
bigger than Jinx had led him to expect. It was,
Jesus,
thought Doc, it was the spit and image of Little Doc. A matched
pair
of premium quality diamonds like this, there was no
telling
what the value might be. It was all he could do to keep the excitement out of his voice as he said, “Gosh, ma’am, this is an awfully pretty stone.”

“Well, I always thought so,” said Loydell. “I found it myself, you know, over at Crater of Diamonds.”

“You don’t say,” Doc breathed. He couldn’t even look at Jinx. He was afraid he’d blurt, Hell, woman, you said it was a little thing. But then, she
was
dumb, barely had enough sense to come in out of the rain. Though, on the other hand, she hadn’t screwed this scam up. Yet. He’d better get moving before she did.

“Now, ma’am,” he said to Loydell. “What I need to do is this. Because there was something of value exchanged, I’m going to have to take your diamond along with this counterfeit down to the police department and have it photographed. That way, when we catch the counterfeiters, the charges against them will include the theft of your diamond.”

“Really?” said Loydell. “Even though they didn’t actually take it?” She reached out her hand for the diamond, and Doc handed it to her. She dropped it back in its little flannel bag.

“Well, they would have, wouldn’t they, by passing this phony money, it would have amounted to the same thing? You would have been out your diamond.”

“I never thought about it like that,” said Loydell. “So, when will I get it back?”

“Oh, right away,” said Doc. “Tell you what, I’ll just take Jinx—did I get your name right, ma’am, yes, Jinx—along with me, and we’ll shoot it, and then she’ll bring your diamond right back to you. Of course, we have to keep the counterfeit.”

“Maybe I ought to come along myself,” said Loydell, rising.

“No, Mother.” Jinx practically pushed her back in the chair. “I feel like this whole thing’s my fault, and I don’t want you to have to go to any trouble. You just wait right here, and I’ll be back with your diamond before you can say Jack Robinson.” She held out her hand, and Loydell gave her the gray flannel bag. Then Jinx tucked both the bag and the green envelope with the money in her straw tote and stood. “Well, Mr. Little?”

“Miss Watson.” He nodded. “I guess we’d better go ahead and get this over with. I’m real sorry about your money.”

“Not nearly as sorry as I am,” Jinx said. “I’ll tell you, this has been one horrible week.” Her bottom lip was starting to tremble.

“Now, Jinx,” said Loydell. “Don’t burden the nice man with your problems. You just get on down to the police station and hurry back here, and then we’ll go over to Bubbles, I’ll buy you a nice lunch. Maybe that big Gulf shrimp salad they do. Won’t that make you feel better?”

Bubbles, thought Doc. Bubbles, where he had an appointment with Jack Graham. Plus, now he had a
pair
of perfect diamonds, Little Doc plus this baby. A million dollars, they had to be worth a million, and that was probably on the conservative side. All of a sudden this whole thing was coming together better than Doc had ever dreamed. He could hardly keep himself from jumping up and down.

“Come, Miss Watson,” he said offering Jinx his arm. “Shall we?”

36

“FROM WHAT I hear, there hasn’t been a real good shootout in the middle of Central Avenue for over a hundred years, not since 1883, Frank Flynn and Major Doran got into it over who was controlling the town’s gambling,” Jack was saying. “Of course, then, quite a few civilians were killed. We’ll try to keep it among us bad guys, Miss Samantha.” Then he nodded at his coffee cup to the waiter. Thank you, yes, he could use a
refill.

“Do you think I’m going to let you walk out in the middle of the street with that six-gun like Wyatt Earp?”

“Why, Sammy,” he reached over and covered her hand with his. “I didn’t think you cared.”

“That doesn’t make the least bit of sense, Jack. I’d stop
anybody
from getting his head blown off.” She paused. “Of course, I’d really rather you, specifically, didn’t.”

Jack leaned back in the booth and gave her his best grin. “Those are awfully sweet words to my ears. Almost as sweet as
I’m crazy about you too, Jack
.”

“I don’t think the lady’s likely to be saying that any time soon. Not if I have anything to do with it.” It was Harry, Sam’s Harry, glowering down at the two of them.

*

Doc unlocked the Mercury on the passenger side and said to Jinx, “Now, do you remember what to do?”

“Of course I do. I slide over, start the engine, and wait until you come back out of Bubbles. Then you’ll take me to Speed. But what I don’t understand is why you want me to keep the engine running. Are you going to rob the restaurant? Stealing my mother’s diamond is one thing, Doc, but I don’t want to be accessory to any robbery.”

“There’s not going to be any robbery, dimwit. Now get in the car.” He grabbed her elbow and pushed her toward the door.

Jinx jerked away. “
Dimwit?
Dimwit! I have absolutely had it with people calling me names. Here, mister, you just take these.” Jinx reached her right hand into her huge yellow tote and started rummaging around, talking all the while.
“
Dimwit, stupid, dumb blonde.
I don’t know where people get off thinking they can talk to me like that just because I was once a beauty queen. I own property. I have a business. I’ve raised a son who may not make straight A’s, but he’s not a juvenile delinquent, either. I am a person in the world, a registered Democrat, a citizen of the United States. Do you understand what I’m saying?” Then she found what she was looking for and threw the green envelope and the little gray flannel bag past Doc through the open car door onto the seat. “Now, go screw yourself!” And then Jinx Watson, person in the world, registered Democrat, mother and property-owner, stomped into the middle of Central Avenue in her brand-new navy blue heels, right out in front of the same pickup truck that Jack Graham had cut off near the Kentucky Fried Chicken a couple of nights earlier, and for the second time that week, the driver of the pickup was real glad he’d let his wife talk him into that brake job.

“Besides,” Jinx yelled back at Doc, who was standing there open-mouthed, staring at her from the other side of Central, “do you think I’m so stupid I really thought you were going to take me to Speed once you had your grubby hands on Mother’s diamond? Up yours, Doc!” She punctuated her words with a stiffly crooked right forearm. Then Jinx took off running around the side of the Quapaw toward the back door of Bubbles, which was exactly according to Sam and Mickey’s plan.