Having Faith (23 page)

* * *

F
aith stared at his back as he walked away from her, stunned.  At least until the anger began to overshadow everything else.  She stomped right into Sean’s office and looked at the posted rate charges.  She figured he’d spent a good hour on the car.  By emptying her wallet, her coat pockets, and every last purse compartment she scraped together enough for one hour of labor and left it on his desk, then turned and walked out.

No wonder pride was considered a deadly sin, she thought sometime later as she walked the five miles in the cold October rain back to her cottage.  Hers just might kill her.

“Where the hell have you been?!” Matt shouted when Faith finally walked through the door. 

“Can we talk about this a little later?” she said, struggling to speak through her chattering teeth.  “I’d really like to get into something dry first.”  She ignored the urge to chastise him for his disrespect and language choice when she saw the stark fear in his eyes.

It took him a minute to realize that she was soaking wet and shivering.  “Jesus, Mom,” he said, following behind her as she headed straight for the stairs.  “What happened?  Are you alright?”

“Car trouble.  And I’m fine.  Just a little cold and wet at the moment.”  If she’d been thinking clearly, she might have realized that fall rain in Pennsylvania was a lot colder than fall rain in Georgia
before
she’d decided to walk home. 

“Why didn’t you call?”

In answer, Faith reached her hand into her pocket (which wasn’t easy because her fingers were numb) and extracted a thoroughly soaked cell phone, thrusting it into Matt’s hands.  Then she left him standing there as she closed the door to the bathroom and cranked up the hot water.

The cold had seeped so far into her bones that she didn’t think she’d ever feel warm again, but a full tank of hot water later, she was feeling much better.  Tugging on thick sweats, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and two pairs of Matt’s sweat socks, she made her way back downstairs for some hot soup.

Faith found a steaming bowl waiting for her, as well as a cup of tea.  Matt was just sliding his cell phone back into his pocket and spooning out some soup for himself.  Judging by the way he attacked the rolls she’d made the night before, he hadn’t eaten either.

She thanked him for getting supper on the table and sat down, physically and mentally exhausted.  “I’m sorry you were worried,” she said.

“What happened, Mom?”

Faith sighed.  She’d never lied to Matt and she wasn’t about to start now.  “I took the car into town hoping to get it tweaked enough to make the trip to Georgia,” she said with a hesitant smile when Matt’s head jerked up.  “But it turns out the old gal’s on her last legs, and the mechanic said it wasn’t safe to drive anymore.”

“Sean said that?”

Of course Matt would know Sean Callaghan.  He knew all of the brothers.  She nodded.

“So we don’t have a car.”

“No.  I’m sorry, Matt.”  She looked at the soup, her appetite suddenly gone.

Matt was quiet for a long time.  “We’ve been without a car before,” he finally said.  “But how will you get to work?”

She shrugged, having giving that a lot of thought on the long walk home.  The Goddess was cut into the side of a mountain, and unless she suddenly developed leg muscles like the Callaghan men, she wouldn’t be riding a bike there. 

“I’ll have to bum a ride from someone until I figure something out.”  It would kill her, but she’d find some way to pay them back.  “But Matt, this means I won’t be able to pick you up in town anymore.”

“Kieran can bring me home.”

“Matt, you can’t take advantage of him like that,” she said quietly. 

A familiar fire lit his eyes, his chin lifted defensively.  “He doesn’t mind.  And just because you don’t want him around anymore doesn’t mean that I don’t.”

“Matt... ”   She didn’t finish what she was going to say.  Matt was right.  There was no reason for her to forbid Matt from seeing Kieran, especially as long as he continued to pay for his own classes.  She sighed, forcing another spoonful into her mouth and trying to swallow past the lump in her throat.

“Alright.  But just until I get us some new wheels.”  Which, judging by the way things were going, might happen around the same time Matt left for college.

Matt’s phone vibrated again, the third time since they’d sat down.  “No texting while we’re eating,” Faith said, reaching for the phone, but Matt was faster.  “Who is that anyway?” she demanded, her eyes narrowing. 

“Kieran,” Matt said, scrolling down the message.  “He wants to talk to you.”

“Maybe later,” she hedged.  She had been avoiding him since the night she’d asked him to leave.  She’d have to face him eventually, but not now.  She was exhausted; she didn’t have the strength to stand up against the force of nature that was Kieran, not when all it took was a look from those blue eyes to melt her defenses. 

There was a knock at the door, and Faith sighed.  She didn’t have the strength for company, either. 

“Get that, will you please, Matt?” Faith said, her voice weary.  “Tell whoever it is to come back another time.”  She felt a slight pang of guilt at the uncharacteristic rudeness, but she knew her limits, and right now smiling and being neighborly was beyond her capabilities.

She heard Matt open the door and speak softly, then exhaled when she heard the door close again.  She rose to empty the remainder of her soup back in the pot for another time when she might be able to stomach it.

“Faith.”  Kieran’s low voice rumbled through her as he stepped into the kitchen.  “Are you alright?”

“Obviously,” she snapped.  He shouldn’t be here.  She hated that some part of her really liked the fact that he was.  It was the same part that ached to run into his arms and tell him how much she missed him, how much she wanted to stop fighting these feelings she had for him and let him take care of everything.

But she couldn’t.  She’d lain awake every night going over and over it in her head.  And by the time dawn rolled around, the conclusion was always the same:  they were from completely different worlds.  Her life had been a series of lessons, proving that it would never work. 

“How did you get home?” he asked, unfazed.

“She walked,” Matt said, exchanging a glance with Kieran as he resumed his seat at the table.  He seemed to have gotten his second wind, tucking into another roll.

Faith didn’t have to turn around to know that Kieran’s eyes had narrowed and were now focused on her back.  Apparently laser-vision was a genetic trait among the Callaghans. 

“She did what?”  Kieran’s voice was whisper soft.  Faith shivered; she didn’t think she’d ever heard anything quite so menacing.  Even Matt stopped chewing, his wide eyes looking from one to the other.

“What were you thinking, Faith?” Kieran asked, his voice still too soft, too even to be anything good.

“I was thinking that your brother wouldn’t let me drive my car home,” she hissed, turning around so quickly she felt lightheaded for a moment.  As if it was Sean’s fault her car wasn’t even worth the price to tow it to the junkyard. 

It wasn’t fair; she knew that, but in that moment all she cared about was releasing the ball of frustration and misery and heartache that had lodged in her chest and threatened to suffocate her if she didn’t do something.  It had been building ever since that damn letter came.

“He offered you a loaner,” he said, confirming her suspicions that Sean probably called Kieran right after she left, no doubt to tell him how pathetic and stubborn she was.  Maybe even to offer kudos to Kieran for getting out before it was too late.

“I don’t want your charity!” she practically yelled. 

Kieran blinked, nonplussed.  “Then why not at least call a cab or something?  It would have only cost a couple of bucks.”

Her spine stiffened, proving to her once again that they came from completely different worlds.  A couple of bucks might as well have been a hundred when she left every last dime she had on his brother’s desk.

He ran his hand through his hair and blinked again as he read the answer in her eyes.  “Jesus Christ, Faith.  You could have called
me
.”

“No, she couldn’t,” Matt interrupted, tossing Kieran the ruined cell.  He looked at it as if he’d never seen such a thing before.  A few more drops of water leaked from its innards, landing right on the tips of his size fourteen shoes.

“You were out wandering in the dark, in the rain, by yourself, without even a working phone?”  If she thought his voice was dark before, it was doubly so now.  The fact that he spoke through clenched teeth didn’t help.  It pissed her off.

“News flash,
Mr.
Callaghan,” she said, feeling the heat rising within her.  “Not all of us have Droids and a garage filled with Porsches and Jaguars and H2s.  Not all of us own our own businesses and can come and go as we please.  Not all of us can afford to be financially philanthropic.  And those of us who can’t do any of those things sometimes do whatever we have to
just to survive
.”

Kieran snapped back like she had slapped him.  Out of everything she’d hurled at him, one thing stood out.  “Is that what you think?  You think I’m here because I’m philanthropic?”

“No, not entirely,” she said, her voice softer as the last of the wind left her sails.  “I think you are an incredibly kind, generous man who wants something so desperately that he’s willing to see it, even when it’s not really there.”

He stared at her, long and hard, as the seconds ticked into minutes, the muscles working in his jaw. 

“Maybe you’re right,” he said finally.  “Because if you were what I thought you were, you could never have said those words to me.”

Without another word, Kieran turned around and walked out of the kitchen, taking the last remaining piece of Faith’s heart with him.

T
he weather turned cold faster than she had expected.  At least she had a car with a working heater.  She bought the old Buick from Mrs. Campbell, who said that it had been sitting in the garage since her late husband died.  Thankfully, Mrs. Campbell had been willing to sell Faith the car on a “payment plan”.  To each installment, Faith added on a free housecleaning every two weeks.

It turned out to be a good thing.  Mrs. Campbell raved about Faith’s cleaning skills and soon Faith found herself turning away potential clients when nearly every night and every weekend was booked.

The downside was that between her job at the Goddess and cleaning houses, she had very little quality time to spend at home with her son.  The upside was that she was so busy she barely had time to recognize her broken heart.

She hadn’t seen or heard from Kieran since the night she’d walked home in the rain.  She’d picked up a new Go phone, but she had the number changed to a local one.  Not that she expected him to call.  Why would he?  Given the look in his eyes that last night, she didn’t think she’d ever hear from him again.

Lacie stopped by a few times, but Faith couldn’t bring herself to ask about Kieran, and Lacie didn’t mention him. 

By the end of November, Faith had saved enough to purchase two coach tickets to Georgia.  The holidays made people generous.  Between the tips she’d received from her personal clients as well as the rich and famous vacationing at the Goddess, she had more petty cash than she’d ever had at one time.  It was enough to cover mid-week airfare for two, plus a night or two in a budget motel.  Her hopes of getting Matt something nice for Christmas were dashed, but she was going to give him something he really wanted instead – a chance to meet his father.

When Matt came home, she was packing a small travel bag for each of them.

“No MMA tonight?” she asked, surprised to see him home so early.

“No,” he said simply, but his steely tone immediately caught her attention. 

“Why not?”

He shrugged, asking a question of his own.  “What’s with the bags?”

“I got us a red-eye into Atlanta tonight.  We need to be at the airport by nine, and it’s about a two hour drive from here, so we should leave about seven.  Why no class tonight?”

“Atlanta?  What about school?”

“I’ve already cleared it with your teachers.  The rates are cheaper mid-week.”  She stood up and blew a lock of hair from her forehead.  “Matt, what’s going on with you and Kieran?  Did he tell you that you can’t take class anymore?”  She didn’t really believe Kieran would do such a thing, but she also knew Matt loved the classes.

“No,” Matt said.  “I just don’t want to do it anymore, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.  I thought you loved it.”

“Things change.”

“Matt.”

“Leave it, Mom.  Are we going to eat before we leave?  I’m starving.”

Faith looked up at her son.  So tall, so proud.  And stubborn enough that she would get no more from him until he was ready to share. 

“I made a lot in tips last week,” she said, dropping the subject for now.  She’d have the next couple of days with him; hopefully he’d open up.  “Maybe we could stop and grab something on the way.”

He nodded, looking relieved when she didn’t question him again.  “Cool.” 

* * *

“Y
ou look like shit, Kier,” Ian said as he stacked a few more mugs in the behind-the-bar freezer to frost up. 

Kieran saw no reason to argue.  Ian was right.  That’s what happened when you felt like your heart was ripped right out of your chest.  It tended to affect things like eating and sleeping and working out.  As it was, he could barely stand to make it through the day until he could get back to the Pub and try to numb the pain a little.  He didn’t have to worry about drinking and driving; all he had to do was manage the stairs to his room on the second floor when he’d had enough.  He simply nodded and accepted the longneck Ian handed him.

“Still no word from Faith, huh?”

Even her name was a sharp dagger to his chest.  How could he have been so wrong?  “Nope.”

ESPN played on the flat screens hung on each wall.  Kieran glanced up occasionally, but he couldn’t follow the game.  He didn’t care.  None of it mattered.