Having Faith (21 page)

She nodded, her fingers shaking so much as she tried to peel apart the sealed lip that she gave herself a paper cut.  Before the blood could soak through the expensive vellum stationary, she handed it to Kieran.  “Would you mind?” she asked, reaching for a tissue to wrap around her finger.

Kieran extracted two items – a long, rectangular, legal-size envelope also bearing the name of the firm, and a smaller note-sized one, hand-written and addressed to Faith.  Faith regarded both as if they might bite her.

“Start with the official-looking one,” she said.  Kieran nodded and opened the legal letter.  His expression gave nothing away as he scanned the paper.  Faith didn’t even realize she was holding her breath until he folded it back into thirds and slipped it into the envelope. 

“It’s a notification that you and Matt have been named as beneficiaries in a will.”

“Who’s will?”

Kieran met her eyes meaningfully.  “Ethan Longstreet.”  Faith’s face softened.  “Oh, no.  Not Ethan.”

“Old Ethan?” Matt asked, a frown on his face.  “The guy that used to take me fishing?”

Faith nodded.  “What did he leave stuff to us for?” Matt asked.

Because he’s your grandfather.
  “I think he wanted you to remember him.  You two always seemed to have a good time together.”

“Yeah, we did,” Matt agreed.  He looked at Kieran.  “Does it say how much?”

“Matt!” Faith scolded.  “It doesn’t matter!  What matters is that he remembered you.  Have a little respect.”

Looking properly abashed, Matt apologized.  “I’m sorry, Mom.  You’re right.”

“Actually, Faith,” Kieran said, his face unreadable. “I think it might matter in this case.”

“Why?” she asked, though the sinking feeling in her stomach already presented her with a possibility.

“Because he left you one million dollars and his son is contesting it.”

“Holy shit,” Matt breathed.  Faith couldn’t even bring herself to admonish him for it, not when the same words were sounding in her own mind.

“One
million
dollars?” Faith whispered.

Kieran nodded. 
Oh, Ethan
, she thought. 
What have you done?

Kieran handed her the small, sealed envelope with her name written across the front.  “This is addressed to you.  It looks personal.”

Faith looked at it, recognizing Ethan’s scrawling script.  At least it wasn’t from Nathan.

Tears were rolling down her face by the time she finished.  She didn’t even think of protesting when Kieran pulled her into his arms. 

“Mom?  What does it say?”

When Faith didn’t answer, Matt carefully took the letter and read it for himself.  Faith didn’t stop him.  He was old enough to know.

“He was my grandfather?” he asked quietly.  There was none of the anger or hurt in his voice that she would have expected. 

“Yes,” she answered, her voice thick.

Matt nodded.  “I kind of figured,” he said, surprising her.  “And this guy he mentions – Nathan.  He’s my dad, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me?” Matt asked, pinning Faith with soft gray eyes so like her own.  It was a reasonable request, and one long overdue.

She looked at him, at her beautiful son, with his dark coppery hair and velvety gray eyes.  Those he had gotten from her, but in everything else, he took after his father.  Matt was a big kid, taller and broader than most kids his age.  Spending the last couple of months with Kieran only developed him further.  The varsity coaches were already chomping at the bit, trying to coax him onto every sports team they had.  He was so much like Nathan that way.

“Yes,” she answered. 

And so she told him the tale of how a naïve young girl became involved with an older boy, star-struck and blinded by romantic notions and misinterpretations.  She didn’t go into excruciating detail, but she didn’t sugar coat it, either.

As hard as it was to confess her sins in front of her son, it was even harder to try to explain how his father wanted no part of them.  Matt listened quietly, his normally expressive face showing interest but not giving away any of his inner feelings.  He asked a few questions, which Faith answered honestly and to the best of her ability.

When she had finished, a heavy silence fell over the room.  She glanced at Matt, trying to get a read on his feelings, but it was hard to glean anything from his neutral expression.  He seemed neither angry nor hurt as she might have expected, but thoughtful, as if he was sorting through it all.

“I need to think about this.  I’m going up to my room,” Matt announced suddenly, grabbing his backpack and starting up the stairs.

“Matt - ” Faith called after him, but Kieran gave her hand a gentle squeeze.  “Let him go, Faith,” he said quietly.  “He needs some time to assimilate this.  It’s a lot to take in.”

Faith nodded, knowing it was true, but longing for the time when Matt would have sought comfort in her arms.  He was growing up, and it was hard to accept that a hug and a cookie wasn’t enough to ease him anymore.  Hadn’t been for a long time, she realized.

Faith sank into the chair and put her head in her hands. “Have you eaten?” Kieran asked softly.

She shook her head.  The sun had long since set.  The crock pot filled with chicken and vegetables still simmered on low, the tray of fluffy biscuits still waiting for its turn in the oven.  Kieran kissed the top of her head and rose.  He slid the tray into the oven, then filled the old-fashioned tea kettle with water and set it on the stove. 

Before long the kettle whistled and Kieran fixed a cup of tea for her, using the special blend Maggie had prepared and gifted her with weeks earlier.  He knew it was her favorite.

She offered him a grateful smile as he placed the mug in front of her.  When he sat down and tugged her onto his lap, she didn’t even think of resisting.

Faith leaned back upon this man who had become such an integral part of her life.  He believed she was his soul mate.  Warmth curled through her, and for the first time, she realized that he was hers as well.  She could no longer imagine her life without him in it, nor did she want to.

But no matter how far or fast she ran, she would never escape her past.  It would always be there, looming over her like a great shadow.  For a little while, she’d managed to fool herself into thinking that she might be able to outrun it by moving away from all that she knew, and, more importantly, from everyone that knew her.  By making a fresh start with a new job in a new place with a new home and new friends.  Hoping against hope that she could bury her mistakes and let them rest in peace.

As if anything could really be that easy. 

She felt the strong, steady beat of Kieran’s heart against her side.  God help her, she was so in love with him.  But while she might be able to finally admit that to herself, she could never admit it to him.  Ever since he told her how he felt about her, her life had become an emotional thrill ride.  High one minute from the thought that someone as wonderful as Kieran could care for her as more than a friend, low the next when she remembered that they were from two different worlds. 

Did she love him?  Yes, she thought, without question.  Would she ever find anyone better?  No, not a chance.  Those questions were easy.  But if asked from his point of view, the answers were a lot different. 

Did he love her?  He said he did.  Kieran didn’t have a deceptive bone in his body, so he probably believed it, too.  But how much of that was because he wanted what his brothers had?  She’d learned enough over the past few months to know that all of the brothers had found their wives during some unexpected circumstance, most of which involved the sudden appearance of someone new into their lives. 

Maybe that’s what Kieran had been looking for – someone new.  Maybe it wasn’t so much her as the fact that she fit the profile of circumstance – a young woman who happened to appear out of nowhere and face some kind of life challenge.  Ever the knight, Kieran might see that as a sign.  And he wanted to find his
croie
so badly that maybe the situation blinded him to the grim possibility that she wasn’t it.

The second question was even more difficult.  Would he ever find anyone better?  The answer was unequivocally yes, and that was a bitter pill to swallow.  She could offer him her love and fidelity, but that was about all. 

It was a fact she was reminded of every time she took a good hard look around her.  There were so many women who would be a better choice for him.  Women who had more than their GED.  Women who had better than blue collar jobs, who made more than minimum wage cleaning up after the wealthy.  Women who weren’t forced to sometimes choose between eating and making the mortgage payment.  Women who didn’t have teenage sons to raise as their first priority.

As difficult as they’d been, the last few months had also been some of her happiest.  But now she had to face facts, and the biggest one was that Kieran deserved so much better. 

And she would never survive the day he woke up and finally realized the same thing.

As if on cue, the oven timer went off.  Faith reluctantly slid from his lap, aware of the proof of his arousal as she did so.  Another reason she had to end this.  He wanted a whole lot more than she could give him. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to.  Lord knew, the man had a way of making every feminine part of her sit up straight and put their hands in the air shamelessly vying for his attention.  But despite her feelings for him, despite the powerful feelings of desire he awoke in her, the thought of being intimate with him scared her senseless.  The one and only time she’d been with a man had been, at best, uncomfortable, not to mention downright painful and humiliating.  While she was fairly certain things would be much different with Kieran, she couldn’t take that chance. 

Not to mention that inviting him to her bed was probably not the best way to push away.

Then again, it had worked with Nathan.

Which led inevitably to the next thought: what if she got pregnant again? 

Unaware of the inner battles waging between her heart and her head, Kieran was by her side, pulling out shallow bowls, grabbing some silverware and a tub of butter from the fridge.  Faith tipped the biscuits into a bowl and covered them with a heavy linen napkin, then ladled them each a bowl, putting significantly more into Kieran’s than hers.

“What do you want to do about that?” Kieran asked, inclining his head toward the envelope.  She said a silent prayer of thanks that he hadn’t guessed her thoughts.  So many times it seemed like he knew what she was thinking before she could puzzle it out.

Her shoulders sagged.  Thinking all of those depressing thoughts about putting distance between her and Kieran had temporarily blocked Nathan’s legal notice from her mind. 

“What are my choices?”

“Well,” Kieran said thoughtfully, “I think we should have Shane take a look at the papers.”

Faith nodded.  It made sense.  Shane was a lawyer, and a damn good one for all that she’d heard.  His advice would be welcome, and as much as she hated to ask, there was no way she could afford a legal consultation with someone else.

Kieran made a quick phone call while Faith took a tray up to Matt.  Within an hour, Shane and Lacie were in her living room, with Shane pouring over the documents.

“Well?” Kieran finally asked when Shane neatly refolded the papers and put everything back into the larger envelope.

Shane leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. Lacie placed her hand on his shoulder in a silent show of support.  “Basically, Faith has two options.  She can sign a release refusing the bequeathal, or she can try to claim it.”

“Why would she refuse it?” Kieran asked immediately.

Shane exhaled.  “Nathan Longstreet claims that his father was intentionally misled into believing that Matt was his grandson, and that the terms of his will were predicated on a falsehood and therefore not valid.  Faith can sign the waiver, which in effect says that Matt is not a direct blood descendent of Ethan Longstreet, and thus has no legal claim on any of his holdings.”

Some of the color drained from Faith’s face.  Did Nathan really believe that she would be capable of doing such a thing?  That she would deliberately deceive an old man into thinking he had a grandson simply to get her hands on some of his money?  The very thought that anyone could think that of her made her feel slightly ill. 

“That’s bullshit,” Kieran said firmly, rallying on her behalf.  “Faith would never lie about something like that.” 

Shane nodded as if he agreed.  “If Faith refuses to sign the waiver, then Nathan demands proof of her claim before releasing the holds he’s placed on Ethan’s personal assets.”

“Proof?”

Shane’s lips thinned.  “Matt will be required to undergo a paternity test to prove that Nathan is the father.”

“So?” Kieran asked.  “Mick can do that.”  But Shane was shaking his head.

“It’s more complicated than that, Kier.  Nathan’s motion specifically states that the test must be performed by a certified, non-biased agent, and offers three acceptable choices, all located in Georgia.”