Haunting Magic (Ink Book 6) (13 page)

You can feel it in the air—the excitement.

The guys are recording their new album in the studio and the vibe is a good one. For once everyone is together and happy.

I watch Slade in the recording booth.

Karsen stands up with baby Xavier. “I think someone is getting tired.”

Dax offers to take him from her. “I have a way with kids.”

Karsen nods in agreement. “Oh, I know all about your way with kids.”

Dax smirks at her. “Oh no. Kidd got to you.”

Karen bounces the baby. “He told me all about the poor pregnant girl.”

“It wasn’t even mine,” Dax argues.

“Oh, I need to hear this story.” I sit up running my hands together.

Karsen hands over Xavier and takes a seat on the couch ready to tell me all about it.

“This girl told him that she was pregnant, and he threatened to sue her.”

I start laughing. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“He tried to claim he wasn’t going to pay her a cent because he was drunk and he wasn’t in control of his semen.” Karsen shakes her head at Dax.

Dax plays with Xavier’s little hand ignoring our teasing. “I was young. I wasn’t thinking. But this guy is really adorable.”

“He’s more than adorable,” Karsen says. “He’s a sweet baby angel.”

Dax hands him back when he starts to fuss. “I see a bit of a devil right now.” He takes Karsen’s spot when she gets up and leaves the room to take care of Xavier.

“I just keep hearing all kinds of stories about you.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “What can I say I was a fucking mess when I was younger.” He slaps me on the knee. “You might be the only person who has ever thanked me for not ruining their life.”

I laugh at him. “Oh stop. Your brother loves you otherwise you wouldn’t be here. He only keeps the people he likes around.”

Dax nods in agreement. “And that is the truth.”

We fall silent and then Dax speaks up. “Hey. I might not be able to help you with magic. But the tour bus has a huge stockpile of liquor we could have a few drinks. It’s the second best way to run from your demons.”

He offers his hand and I take it. “They aren’t going to be done for a while.”

“So let’s do this,” Dax say
s
.

Slade voice rips through the bus. He’s angry and I have never seen him this angry.

“What are you doing?” He’s just standing there, looking at me.

I drop the bottle of Jack Daniels on the ground and lift my chin. He will not tell me I am wrong for wanting to numb this. I am going crazy. Hutch is driving me insane.

If I have to do to this to quiet the voices inside of my head I will do it.

Dax stands up, and tries leaving.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Slade closes in on him, he is ready to hit him. Slade picks up the empty bottles and shake his head at the two of us. “You don’t get my wife drunk.”

Dax runs a hand down his face and picks his shirt up from the floor. “Sorry if I can’t remember all the rules.” He stumbles forward and Slade shoves him down onto the couch.

“Fuck you, Slade. I don’t want to sit here and be lectured.” Dax looks at me but I can’t look at him. I feel so stupid for ever agreeing to drinking with him now that I see Slade’s expression.

“Then get the fuck out of here and don’t ever come back.” Slade goes to the door and opens it. “You are making our lives as shitty as they were the last time you came around.”

“Slade,” I can’t let him talk to his brother like that. They care about each other. “Just stop. It wasn’t his idea it was mine,” I try to tell him. It wasn’t, but he doesn’t have to know that.

But Dax leaves before I can fix things.

I get up and pick up the mess we made.

“I can’t leave you alone for an hour without you doing something stupid,” he tells me. He lifts a can of beer and crushes the can tossing it in the sink. “What the fuck were you thinking, Hope?”

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. I can hardly see.

He stands there, taking over the whole room with the amount of anger coming from him. I’ve never seen him so upset with me. But he is.

“What do you want?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t.” I tell him. I want all of this going on inside of my head to go away so I can feel normal again. I want to be the person I once was before everything changed. Before my dad died. Before Nona died. Before I met Hutch. Even before I came to Cherry. I want it all to go away if that means I have at least a little of my sanity back.

Slade closes his eyes. It all hangs in the air. The realization that maybe things can’t work out. That maybe nothing is perfect and never will be.

“I love you.” He moves forward and take me by the hand. “Don’t you feel that? Doesn’t that make all of this worth it? Why can’t you be happy with what we have?” He grabs a hold of me begging me to believe it.

“I want to be happy. I just don’t know how anymore.”

“This isn’t the way to do that,” he says, looking at the bottles scattered around the room. “This isn’t fixing anything.”

“This makes things tolerable,” I breathe.

“You’re being a coward. You are taking the easy way about because that’s all you know how to do. That’s what your dad taught you.”

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m meant to be this way.” I touch his arm. “Maybe you looked past.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Slade admits.

The pain going on in the room is too much to take.

“I don’t know either.” I sit down on the couch. “It’s all going to fall apart. It always does.”

The guys practiced until late and when Slade returns I am in bed asleep. But he doesn’t let that stop him from climbing in beside me. When he kisses me I can smell beer on his breath. And it’s rare he drinks.

“I hate when you’re mad at me,” he whispers against my ear, his hands slipping under the covers so he can touch me.

I touch his face wanting to do nothing more than comfort him. No matter what I love Slade. I always will love Slade. He’s the best moment in my life. He’s a continuous moment that keeps making me realize how happy I am and can continue to be.

“I don’t want to be mad at you.” I touch his mouth. “None of this is worth fighting with you. That was never my intention.” I only wanted to be better for the both of us.

He knows that. Our happiness is most important to both of us.  But when you are battling with things like we are it’s very hard to make yourself happy let alone another person. But I have to give us both credit because we try our hardest to do just that.

Slade and I together are beautiful but we once were a disaster. And I have learned that beautiful things come from dark places.

“I need you to believe in me,” he whispers. “That’s all I need you to do… just believe me.”

I lift my eyes to his and nod. “Okay.”

“I would never let anything happen to you. And I am sorry that everything I said came off like I don’t give a fuck about your feelings. You’re the most important thing Hope.” He touches my face and kisses me.

I run my hands through his hair and smile so glad I am hearing those words. I feel lighter. “I believe you.”

“Thank you for that,” he says. I can sense the relief. My anger with him for hurting my feelings disappears. Maybe he didn’t think I could get over it this time.

And as good as I should feel in the back of my mind I still fear Hutch is waiting to ruin it. And I am so desperate to not let that happen. How can you look the one you love in the eyes and tell them that everything will be all right when you are scared to death it won’t be?

The fear creates a swarm of tears. They spill out revealing just how pathetic I am. I don’t want him to see it, but there’s nothing I can do.

“Hope, I don’t want you to cry.”

But my mind takes over and feeds into my fleeing emotions and I can’t hold it in. I’m afraid my mind is capable of horrible things. I am afraid I am losing my mind. And if I am losing it I am afraid I will lose everything we created as a couple. All the love we share could be destroyed with a wave of a hand. And I struggle to breathe. Slade pulls me close and holds me while I cry.

“What do you want me to do? Tell me, and I will do it,” he begs. And I don’t know but I speak anyways.

“I want all of this to go away. Fix me before I lose myself and it’s too late. I don’t want to lose myself.”

“You will not lose yourself.”

“I feel like piece by piece I am disappearing, Slade.”

“You are going to be okay. This will end, and as long as you believe that and believe in me I will fix this.” He kisses me. “And that’s all you need to focus on.”

I believe it. Slade is the one person who can fix everything. And if I have to see Hutch a few more times to get better than I will. If that what it takes to get back to where I need to be I will do it.

But if none of this works. If he can’t fix it I have to realize that I might have to make a different choice. Maybe a choice I don’t want to make. Because I can’t live like this.

I shake my head and kiss him, half crying and half smiling. I need him right now. I crush my lips against his and we join in a twisted mess of emotions. He pushes me down on my back. “You’re beautiful.”

His mouth meets mine, and he kisses me. He moves his way down, from my chin to my neck. And he trails soft kisses down even farther. Down to my neck, and from there to my chest. He pulls my shirt up and keeps going right down to my stomach. He snaps the button on my shorts and goes even farther.
Oh god.

He tugs my underwear down and settles between my legs. He fingers me planting delicate kisses against me. I arch my back and let all my stress and anxiety out.

My body fights to get away from him I’m not sure how much more I can handle.

Slade takes his fingers out of me to keep me there. He locks down on my hips and stops me from taking off, he keeps his mouth on me and gives me what I need.

When he gets me back under control he slips his fingers back inside of me and I grab him by the hair. I push against him, I am so close to coming. And I want that. I twist and move, greedy for it.

My body is shaking, I’m a trembling, moaning, moving mess of woman. I sound like one of those stupid porns the way I am begging for it. It’s embarrassing. I bite my lip trying to hold it together.

And then I crash into the finishes line, tires squealing, my body coming to a glorious finish. And I am alive, and I am free. I am perfect right now.

I fall back onto the bed sheets and try to catch my breath. Slade comes back up and kisses me. “I’m not done with you yet.”

He is inside of me again. My body can hardly cooperate after the first orgasm and this man wants to keep going. He locks his hands with mine and pins them above my head. He thrust inside of me eager to feel the way I feel. I press my forehead against him that’s all I can do to connect with him.

He slows down and then picks back up, he slams against me a little faster each time. “I. Fucking. Love. You.” He pulls out almost all the way and I catch my breath and then he slams back inside of me. And he releases.

We both lay there, neither one of us says anything. I stare at the ceiling spent.

“Feel better?” Slade teases when he finally speaks.

I grin. “Much better.” I let out a breath.
Shit that was good.

Slade holds me in my arms. “Promise me you trust I can handle this.”

I stroke his chest. “Of course I trust you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He lifts my hand and kisses my fingers. “That’s all I need to hear.”

Just like every nightmare I have dealt with for months this one is even worse. My dad is begging me,
Please don’t do this!

But no matter what I do I can’t escape. I’m stuck in this sick messed up realm of my dream—is it even a dream?

And there he stands—Hutch. Looking at me, taunting me. How could this be in my mind? How could I be making this up? I see him.

“Leave me alone.” My body is shaking, but that doesn’t stop me from moving toward him. My hands, they are empty. They need to be armed because I am going to take him out once and for all.

I turn around and I concentrate hard. I force this world to give me what I need to take him out. And when I open my eyes I am staring at a beautiful dagger. Its silver blade glistens, it begs me to use it. The world begs me to use it.

“You are going to leave me alone,” I tell him. I only have one chance and I have to make it perfect. One chance to end it all. So I can get my normal back.

My dad’s voice echoes in the background.

“This is your life, doll,” Hutch tells me. “This is what you deserve.”

“No.” I shake my head and move toward him, the blade behind my back. “This isn’t what I deserve. I deserve to be happy.”

He doesn’t move or even notice that I have a hidden agenda.

“Then stop crying and do something about it.” He keeps on pushing me. “Grow some goddamn balls and do something, Hope.”

He won’t stop. He taunts me again and again until I am screaming and I lunge. I raise my arm, the one with the blade and I attack. I use both hands to push the blade deep inside of him and I cry out in satisfaction that what I wanted to happen did.

He drops to his knees, And gasp. He’s defeated—I’ve defeated him.

“Now go away!” I shove him to the ground and stand over his body screaming. “Leave me alone and don’t come back. You are not allowed here.”

He clutches his chest, feeling for the blade. A slow build of red fights to take over the color of his shirt. And Hutch’s hands shake, he fails to pull the blade from his chest.

“You are no longer welcome here!” I drop down beside him and say it again. “Go away!”

He grabs my arm and I fight to get away.

“Hope!” Someone is shaking me. Another violent shake brings me out of it, out of my dream. But I’m not lying in bed, I’m on my bedroom floor.

“Oh my god, what did I do?!” I scream. I kick away from the body lying in the middle of the floor. The body I put there. Slade’s body.

Kidd is beside Slade and Karsen holds onto me trying to get me to calm down. “Please tell me I didn’t stab him.”

But neither one of them will tell me that because I did stab Slade.

“Is he okay?” I ask Kidd. Kidd doesn’t answer me. He looks at me. He’s doesn’t look disgusted. There is no hate behind his eyes. “Kidd, please say something.”

Karsen smooths my hair. “Hope. We have something to tell you.”

I shake my head. “Just tell me that Slade is okay.” I break free from Karsen and crawl across the floor to Slade. I shake him. But he’s lifeless. I start sobbing. I think I killed my husband.

Kidd grabs my arm and shakes his head. “This is what he wanted. He wanted this.”

I am frantic. I think he is saying Slade wanted me to kill him.

But Kidd stops me. “Just calm down.”

“What do you mean calm down? I just killed my husband,” I sob.

Dax is in the doorway. “Who would have thought killing a shaman would come in handy?” He laughs, coming to stand next to Slade’s body.