Harry Putter and the Chamber of Cheesecakes (8 page)

            Suzanne sat down, and all the Party Animal’s congratulated her for sticking it to the Headmaster and his stupid contest. 

            Grumblesnore didn’t offer to answer any further questions, saying, “I’m sure you are all tired from your long journey, and classes start tomorrow morning, so be sure to get a goodnight sleep.  Goodnight, y’all.”

            The students began exiting from the Great Eatery, only to clog the area immediately outside.  Harry waited with the throngs who couldn’t exit. 

            While he waited, Yu Rang approached him with a deep wordless groan.  She towered over him, the tallest girl in the school. 

            “H-Hello, Yu,” was all Harry could manage to say as he stared up at her, a lump in his throat. 

            He felt embarrassed, and impatient to leave, but something wasn’t right.  “Something must have happened,” he thought as he waited.  Everyone was craning their necks to see what was going on outside. 

            “So, did you have a good summer?” he bantered.

            Yu Rang answered with a long groan of dismay.

            Someone called for Professor McGooglesnot.  She pushed her way through the congregated crowd outside the Great Eatery.  Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed in her wake, much to Harry’s relief.  He didn’t know why it was so difficult to talk to a beautiful girl like Yu.

            Outside the Great Eatery was Custodian Belch.  He was lying on the ground holding his stomach.  Next to him was a wooden stool where a disposable pie tin rested, inside was a sole graham cracker crumb and a used fork.  Immediately above him was a printed sign taped to the wall.  It read:

The Chamber of Cheesecakes has been opened.  

Dieter’s beware!

The best Cheesecakes ever made! 

Just 12 Galleys each. 

Try a sample, if you dare.

            Belch groaned, “OH!  I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!  Oh!  I was just going to try a bite.  I read the sign.  OH!  ‘Best cheesecake ever made’ and I said to myself ‘best cheesecake ever made, my foot!  Grandma Belch makes the best cheesecake ever!’  So, I tried it, and curse it!  It’s a thousand times better than me Grandmama’s! Ouch!  Forgive me, Grandmama!  So I had some more, and then some more, and ouch, I couldn’t put it down.  I ate and ate until there wasn’t any more left. Oh!”

            Professor McGooglesnot waved her wand and said, “Wigwamia Levi-straussa!” Belch still groaning, began to levitate, hoisted up by the seat of his pants.  “Ernie Mackelroy, please push Mr. Belch to the hospital wing, and tell Nurse Pomfrite what has happened.”

            She pushed her index finger on the moist graham cracker crumb.  The morsel stuck to the end of her finger.  She lifted it to her nose and sniffed.  Then she placed the crumb in her mouth.  A moan of dismay passed her lips.

            Then Professor McGooglesnot said to the crowd, “Students, I cannot emphasize strongly enough that should any of you see a similar sign or cheesecake appearing anywhere in Hogwashes, that under no circumstances should you try it.  I cannot warn you strongly enough the danger you will be in should the next cheesecake be eaten in its entirety without saving a slice for yours truly.  If only I could impress upon you just how much I love cheesecake!  Therefore, I am willing to give five hundred points, no, make that one thousand points, to the house that brings me the next sample cheesecake!”

            This announcement was followed by a huge cheer from the gathered crowd.  Then, as the crowd started to disperse, it fell into many loud and excited conversations of which Harry’s, Ron’s, and Hermione’s was just one.  The students all wanted answers.  What was the Chamber of Cheesecakes?  Were the cheesecakes as good as Belch said?  Once you started to eat one, could you stop?  Or would you eat until you were laid up like Belch?  Were they really worth twelve galleys each?  That’s quite a lot for a cheesecake!  And, just who was responsible for them?  Most of all, they wanted to know, where could one get one of these wonderful desserts?

    Hermione, Harry, and Ron, were excitedly asking the same questions, plus a few more.  Did the Chamber of Cheesecakes have anything to do with the sinister Chamber of Frozen Dairy Deserts?  Was the same insane wizard, Sloberic Slipperin, responsible for this newly opened chamber, too?  Would another terrible creature be guarding this chamber as well?  Which was better, the steadfast classic, strawberry cheesecake, or the more modern delight, pumpkin cheesecake?  While many answers eluded them, they quickly decided that with Custodian Belch incapacitated in the hospital wing, they could search after curfew, without fear of being caught outside their rooms, to see if they could find the hidden Chamber of Cheesecakes or at the very least a sample pie. 

            The Nerd House common room was abuzz with talk about cheesecake.  Everyone wanted everyone else’s opinion.  Harry loudly told everyone who asked him, “I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunity for cheesecake for everyone, what I want is a good night sleep so I’m fresh for the first day of classes.  He kept his real plans secret.  After a short while, Ron, Hermione, and Harry excused themselves from the Nerd House Common Room early to go to bed. 

            Then hours after curfew, Harry woke up, slipped out from under his four-poster bed, and tipped toed over to Ron’s.  He pulled back the drape and was momentarily surprised to see Ron’s eyes open.  For a moment, he thought Ron was dead, and then Ron let out a snore.  He was sleeping with his eyes open. 

            “Ron, you are so weird,” Harry whispered as he shook his friend awake. 

            They each quietly constructed dummies in their beds, to make it look like someone was sleeping there, should anyone peek in past the curtains of their beds.  They used a couple of extra pillows and Ron’s clothes straight from his trunk. 

            Normally, Harry would have used his special cloak.  Normally Harry would have checked his special map, the Malarky Map.  However, these items were with all his other belongings back at 4 Privy Dr.  But, with Belch out of the way, there was little need for caution.  They simply slipped out of their room, without awakening their other two roommates, Shameonus Finnigan and Spleen Thomas.

            Ron whispered, “Wait!”  He crept back in to their room, and came out carrying Nemoy, his pet squid.  Ron had fished the sea creature out of its special tank.  Harry was puzzled as to why anyone would want to bring a giant squid along on an exploratory search.  Then again, he didn’t understand why Ron wanted a squid for a pet in the first place.

            They met Hermione in the now empty Nerd House Common Room, and tiptoed outside as quietly as they could, so as not to disturb the stillness of the night. 

            Harry gently closed the portrait of the two fat ladies that hid the entrance to the Nerd House.  The large women remained snoring on their canvas. 

            “Hello, Harry!” 

            “Hi Harry!”

            “Holy Crap!  What the heck are you two doing sneaking up on us like that?” jumped Harry.

            It was Ginny Cheesley and Looney Luvnoodle. 

            “Sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you.  Getting a late start aren’t you?” replied Ginny.

            “Errr, late start for what?”

            “Searching for the Chamber of Cheesecake, nearly everyone’s been out combing the halls and dungeons for the past three hours.  No one’s found it yet though, not one pie.  Though we did find an ancient Scottish burial tomb, and National Geographic wants to interview us tomorrow.  A few others found some neat stuff, too.  One of the Party Animals found a portal to Electric Underwear, you know, that exclusive American nightclub?  Oh, and someone from the Athletic Jocks said he found a time machine and traveled back in time to visit Ancient Egypt, but we think he’s lying.”

            Harry stared dumbstruck.

            “Oh, well, we’re beat, been up searching for hours, good luck, you three.  Don’t stay up too late.”  Ginny gave Harry a kiss full on the lips.

            “Gulp, goodnight,” he croaked.  Ginny slipped inside the Nerd House Common Room.  Looney said goodbye and headed to the Locker Room, that’s what everyone called the Jock Common Room, including the Jocks.

            “What was that?” asked Ron disgusted, “You got something for my little sister?”

            “What?  No!  I ….”

            “I’d better not see THAT ever happen again!  Or else!” Ron shook his knuckles under Harry’s nose.  Harry didn’t find it particularly scary, but decided it best not to upset Ron any further. 

            “Ron, I’m as surprised as you are.  I never expected Ginny to do that!”

            “What?  You’re blaming this on her?”  Ron was starting to turn red in the face with fury.

            “Ron, Ginny likes Harry, a lot, she always has!  Remember how she kissed him all over his face in the train station?” said Hermione, trying to defuse the situation.

            “What!  Ginny would never do that!  What are you talking about?  She has a boyfriend, what’s-his-name.”

            “She broke up with him last year!  What’s the matter with you Ron?  Don’t you ever talk to her?  It turned out she was only going out with Michael Coronary because he reminded her of Harry.  She accidentally even called him Harry a few times, so he broke up with her.”

            “Oh,” said Ron chewing his lip.  “So, Harry, do you like Ginny?”

            “Oh, my god, Ron!  Have you been in a cave?  Harry likes Yu Rang!” said Hermione exasperated.

            “What?  Ginny’s not good enough for you, Harry?”

            “Ron!” Hermione yelled appalled.  “You are so clueless when it comes to this stuff!  There’s just no getting through to you!”  She grabbed Ron, and despite the fact that he was holding a huge slimy squid, gave him a kiss.  Harry felt quite uncomfortable during it.  His two best friends kissing, on the lips and everything, yuck!  He was greatly relieved when it was over, and pleasantly surprised that Ron was more or less speechless the rest of the night.

            As they made their way up to the sixth floor, they passed numerous groups out searching for the Chamber of Cheesecake, too.  When they passed Faco, Shabby, and Foil along with Panties Pimpleton, Faco said with venom in his voice, “Putter!”

            Had Faco caught Putter alone, he would have at the very least used his Perfect authority to deduct points from the Nerd house.  Since Putter was with Ron and Hermione, they all wordlessly concluded not to bother charging points to each other’s group, both casually disregarding the rules.

            Harry with equal hate in his voice replied, “Maldoy!”

            “What’s with Cheesley?  He looks like a zombie!”

            “He’s fine,” said Harry derisively.

            “Hey Cheesley, is that your girlfriend?

            Hermione replied, “Yes.”

            “Not you, Big Head, I meant the octopus.”

            They all laughed.

            “I’ll bet he tried to use that broken wand of his again,” added Faco.  They all laughed and began walking away.

            “Look, I’m Ronald Cheesley, ‘ack, ack, ack!’” Faco continued to amuse his goons as he continued down the hall.

            When they reached the sixth floor, Shameonus Finnigan and Spleen Davis ran out of a door and slammed it behind them, while yelling in fear.  Shameonus’s pants were ripped.  His leg was bleeding.

            “What’s wrong?” asked Harry, wand ready.

            Spleen said, “There’s a vicious dog in there, guarding a trap door.  We thought it might lead to the Chamber of Cheesecakes, but we can’t get past the beast.  We even tried giving it a doggy biscuit, but it was no good.”

            “Well that’s enough for me, I’m going to bed!” said Shameonus, as he limped away. 

            When they were gone, Harry turned to Hermione and said, “I’ll bet the Chamber of Cheesecakes IS past that guard dog.  Let’s take a peek, shall we?”

            “Why not?” replied Hermione.  Ron’s lips puckered a little.

            They cracked open the door, and peered cautiously within.  Harry laughed, “It’s only a poodle!”  The poodle stared at them and growled a bit.  Harry relaxed, and opened the door to step in.

            “Careful, Harry, poodles can have bad tempers,” warned Hermione.

            “Hi Girl, don’t be afraid,” Harry said while slowly entering the room.  Hermione held her wand ready, just in case.

            “Easy Girl,” said Harry, stepping slowly toward the poodle, his empty hand held out for the dog to sniff.  It bared its teeth now as it growled loudly, and Hermione was getting nervous.

            “Harry, watch out!” she yelled as the poodle launched itself at Harry’s throat.  “Alpo Purina Iams,” but her spell missed the leaping dog.