Hard to Resist (30 page)

This is it. It’s so gut-wrenching, so intense. Slipping my way through the tables, I finally spot Brittany and Jordan at a lounge area that is fit enough for more than ten people. Harper and Dawson came along and that makes me even more nervous because they’re so close. It’s the people that are my friends that I’m really afraid to face after the show.

“Natalie! You’re finally here!” Brittany sings as she hops from the plush sofa to get to me. I nod while swallowing as she hooks her arms around my neck and reels me in. “You look fantastic. I love the dress! All black with diamonds and lip-gloss. Beautiful.” Brittany studies my outfit but I can’t help but to study hers. She looks amazing in her coral sundress and her short hair that is now wavy from most likely washing it. She’s applied more makeup and has on gold sandals that match her gold studs.

“Thank you,” I breathe.

Jordan steps around Brittany to get a glimpse at me. “All prepared for the show. They’re gonna love you,” he says.

“You think so?” I ask nervously while scanning the sea of people that are chatting amongst themselves. “There are just so many people here. This doesn’t make you nervous?”

“Nah,” Jordan shrugs. “It did at first but I’ve been doing Open Mic for so long that I don’t really care whether they hate it or love it. It just feels right to do for myself.”

I nod with a boggled mind. I turn to look over my shoulder and spot Harper and Dawson making their way through the crowd. “Nat! Where’re we sitting?” Harper screeches from across the room. Gosh, she can be very obnoxious.

“Over here, Harp,” I say as I point to the reserved lounge area. There’s a perfect view from the sofas to the stage. Nothing is standing in the way. We have front row seats with unlimited drinks and cozy sofas. Nothing can top that. I’m sort of glad that Brittany’s mother knows the manager of this lounge now.”

Harper stumbles her way through with a white and gold sequined dress, gold heels, and freshly applied makeup on. Her hair is slick and straight (as always) but she looks beautiful. Unlike her, I decided to curl my ends and make myself seem a bit classier. It isn’t too long before Dawson casually makes his way to stand beside Harp in his dark jeans, collared blue shirt, and his hair that seems much curlier than its usual wavy. His dark eyes meet mine before meeting Brittany’s and Jordan’s.

“Harper and Dawson, this is Brittany and Jordan. Brittany and Jordan, this is Harper and Dawson,” I announce.

“It’ is really a pleasure to meet you guys. Nat can never shut up about you two. She says you got her into stepping out of her shell.”

Brittany and Jordan look at each other with smiles hinting at their lips. “You could say that,” Brittany says. “It’s always good to get yourself out there. From what I’ve read, Natalie has true talent. I love the way she writes.”

My cheeks spark with heat from both the compliment and from the fact that all eyes are now on me. “How about we have a seat?” I insist

“Loving that idea,” Dawson says as he steps around me to slump down on the curved sofa. Harper takes the spot on the left of him while I take the spot at the end. Brittany and Jordan sit on the sofa across from us with bright smiles glued to their faces.

“So, where’s Nolan?” Brittany asks.

“I’m hoping that he’ll be here momentarily,” I murmur. The fact that he isn’t here yet is really making me nervous. I thought that he would beat me here since he said he was getting dressed before me. It takes guys no time at all to be ready.

“I can’t wait to see which poem you’ve chosen,” Brittany murmurs while reaching for a drink. “I hope it’s my favorite one.”

“No spoilers,” Jordan says with a teasing smile. He leans forward to kiss the tip of Brittany’s nose and she grins heavily as she kisses his back.

“I won’t spoil it for you.”

Watching them causes my heartbeat to snag. I whip my head to look towards the entrance of the lounge and it is just my luck that I see him. As he steps in, my belly heats. His grey and white T-shirt fits to every curve of his upper body. His dark jeans are snug and fit all too well against his swaying hips. His guitar is strapped around him, dangling in the back as he steps through the tables. His grey eyes scan the crowd but once he turns his head and meets my gaze, he smiles.

I hop from my seat quickly as a way to welcome him and to silently thank him for actually showing up. “You’re here.”

One of his eyebrows shoot up, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I got kind of . . . nervous that maybe you weren’t going to show up.”

“Bunny, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I know this is your start. It’s mine as well. I’d never do you like that.”

“I know—sorry. My mind is just everywhere right now.”

“Nolan, my man!” Dawson calls as he slides his rear to the end of the sofa. He stands and his eyes become chinky as he grins at his best friend. “Looking swell, my dude. You’re looking like you’re gonna crumble that stage.”

Nolan chuckles as he places his thumb beneath the leather strap belonging to his guitar. “Right now, I’m almost ready for anything. Tell ‘em to bring it on!”

Dawson laughs with a nod. “Good luck, dude—to you both,” he says as his eyes meet mine. I know you’re gonna kill it.”

“Thanks, Dawson.”

“Thanks, man,” Nolan says right after me.

“Attention,” a woman calls through the microphone on the stage. “We need all speakers, singers, bands readers, and story-tellers that have signed up for tonight’s Open Mic Jam to please meet us back stage. The show will be starting in less than two minutes.”

A whirl of panic corrupts me as I squeeze my hands together.
Okay, breathe, Natalie. You can do this
, I tell myself. A gentle hand presses against the small of my back. Whipping my head upwards, I stare into Nolan’s soft irises.

“We got this, babe. Remember, you got my back, I got yours? You’re gonna be fine.”

“What if they hate it?” I whisper. “What if I make myself look worse than what I already am?”

“There is nothing bad about you, Natalie.” He leans forward to place a kiss on my lips. He then laces his fingers through mine before stepping forward. “Jordan, my man. Can’t wait to see what you have in store for us tonight,” he says.

Jordan chuckles as he grabs hold of his cherry red guitar. “I think I’m more excited for you two than anything else.”

Nolan chuckles as Jordan straps his guitar around him and leads the way backstage. I swallow the lump in my throat as my grip tightens around Nolan’s. I have to do this. It is a must. It’s far too late to back out now. And I feel much better with Nolan by my side. At least if I fuck up, he’ll be there to comfort me and to tell me to start over.

Chapter Thirty-One

“If you feel the words blurring together, look into my eyes and I’ll smile. That smile will be my way of reassuring you that you got this, Bunny. You got this. Chin up.”

Those are the exact words that Nolan told me before we stepped onto this stage. And right now, my heart has never pounded so heavily. All eyes are on me, from behind and in front. Every aspect of my body is being put under the investigation of whether they’ll like what I have to say or not.

Turning my head only slightly, I glance over my shoulder to take a peek at Nolan. His fingers are already prepared to play on his guitar. He’s just ready for me to speak.

“I love you,” he mouths.

My lips press as I look away and face forward again.

“Hi, everyone,” I say through the microphone while trying my best to keep my voice steady. “My name is Natalie Carmichael and with me is Nolan Young who will be performing a solo later.” I turn to look at Nolan who has just nodded his head and is now smiling at the crowd. “I am a poem writer. I may seem young but I feel like I’m far from amateur at what I do because I love it so much. Writing runs in my blood. It’s what has kept me sane throughout these past few months—well that and a few other things,” I say while immediately thinking of Nolan and grinning. “Tonight, I will be feeding you the words of one of my best poems. Nolan, here will be playing a melody to it that we’ve worked on. I hope you all like it.”

As soon as I stop speaking I clear my throat and Nolan begins his melody. The strums start quick but begin to slow down into a brief, soft flow. But as soon as his melody picks up again, I begin to pour the words out of me. The words that I have memorized since day one of writing them and the words that explain my entire relationship with Bryson and even how I feel with Nolan.

I asked to be loved

You gave it to me

I asked for your heart

You handed it to me

Every day, there was happiness

Every night, there was love

Every day, I felt blessed

But soon, every night was tough

I felt it happening

I felt you changing

I felt us fading

I felt you slipping

All I wanted was devotion

All I wanted was your touch

But now I’m going through the motions

I’m trying not to think so much

But without you, it’s hard

Without you, it sucks

Without you, I wasn’t smart

Without you, I felt no luck

But with time, I blossomed

With time, I grew

With time, I lost some

But without you, I knew

I learned how to live

Without you

I learned how to love again

Without you

In order for myself to move on

You had to be let go of

In order for myself to be reborn

You had to lose my love

Without you, I found him

Without you, I found
life

Without you, I wasn’t on my last limb

Without you, I’ve learned to fight

We’re over now

We’re completely through

I’m forgetting about you now

Because I
never
needed you

I finally open my eyes to the sight of blurriness. Nolan strums once more before placing his guitar down, standing up, and meeting to my side. The whole lounge applauds, but I hear Brittany and Harper screaming the most. Chills crawl along my spine . . . but they’re satisfying. I can’t believe it. They actually loved it—and I actually did it. I swipe at my tears just as Nolan turns me around to face him. He kisses me tenderly, passionately, and the crowd cheers even harder to root our kiss on.