Hard to Resist (25 page)

It’s a Thursday night and my legs are curled up beneath the coffee table again. Adjusting myself on the throw pillow, I sigh when I can’t get comfortable enough. But there is a real reason why I’m not comfortable. It’s because I’m expecting a call from my father today. When he’d text me, my heart had practically stopped beating.

Serious talk tonight, Natty. Make sure you answer your phone.

That’s what he said. So yeah, I’m pretty bummed out right now. All I can think is the negative. My dad wouldn’t just text me and say that. If he were happy, he would have added one of his silly smiley faces. But not this time. No, he’s upset about something.

As I tap my pen against my chin, I finally find the right words to say:

In order to be happy,

You have to let something go

You have to release something prideful

You have to let yourself know

That when it’s time to give in

You can’t continue to hold on

When it’s time to just give up

Realize what’s wrong

You won’t be happy with your pride

You won’t be happy without love

You won’t be smiling without a heart

You won’t feel as free as a dove

Love is still there,

Even when you feel blinded by it

Love is forever strong

Even when you want to try and hide it

My phone buzzes on the table, interrupting my next few lines. I gulp heavily, spotting the name “
Dad
” along with his picture on the screen. Dropping my pen quickly and rushing to my feet, I grab my phone and march for the patio door. I slide it open and as soon as I gulp the night air down, I answer.

“Dad?” I breathe.

“Hey, Natty Bear.” I can tell that he’s smiling.

“Are you alright?”

“Never better, baby.” He pauses and I chew on my bottom lip, until it hurts enough to stop. “Look, I won’t keep the tension in the air. Your mother and I talked last night . . . and I mean
really
talked,” he sighs through a breathy chuckle. “We talked about us, about what was really going on between us, and why we were mad at one another in the first place. And you want to know what we came up with?”

I gulp again, forcing myself to keep my eyes on the guardrail of the patio to prevent any dizziness from taking over. “What?” I ask.

“The conclusion was that we didn’t know why the hell we were arguing to begin with. At first, I thought it was me. And then she thought it was her. She blamed me for wanting a divorce but when I really looked at her—when I really took in how she felt—I knew what was wrong.”

My eyebrows stitch. “What do you mean?”

He sighs. “I mean that your mother doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want a divorce and she doesn’t want to separate. She just wants me to fight back. She feels as if I’m careless when it comes to our relationship but in all reality, I love your mother. She can win any fight that goes on between us and I will still love her the same. She can knock me out cold and give me a black eye, but she will still be my wife. When I said the words “‘til death do us part”, I meant every bit of it. I’m not leaving Darlene, Natalie.”

As my father finishes his rant, my heart does ten glee-filled flips in my chest. I can’t believe it. “So you’re not going through with the divorce? Is that what you’re saying?” I ask, squeezing my phone against my ear.

“Hell no,” he grumbles. “I grew up to love one woman, and I am doing just that. I love my wife and last night, I took her in my arms and made it clear. I guess that’s what she was waiting on. For me to give it to her straight.” He sighs and I know for sure that he’s just raked his fingers through his hair. “I just don’t understand why she would think I stopped loving her. That’s nearly impossible for me.”

“Yeah.” I slouch down on one of the cushioned patio chairs. “I don’t either. To be honest, I think Grandma Minnie is putting thoughts into her head. Grandma hates you and of course mom listens to everything that that woman says.”

“I can’t stand that woman,” he growls. “If she wasn’t your grandmother, she would be in a nursing home right now.”

I giggle as I pull at a loose string that is attached to my tan camisole. Dad chuckles with me for a brief moment before the line goes silent. “So, does this mean that I don’t have to worry anymore?” I ask.

“Not at all, Natty. I swore an oath to your mother—to you—and I’ll be damned if after all of these years, my marriage goes down the drain.”

“Well, good. I’m glad, Daddy.” Right now, a smile is stuck firmly to my lips. I’m smiling like a big goof but I can’t feel any better from hearing this. It’s a big relief on my behalf. I was dreading this moment on the phone but now I’m glad that it happened. I’m glad that my father fought for what he truly loves. And that’s my mother, Darlene Missy Carmichael.

“Yep,” he says through a sigh. “So how are things down in Miami? When are you going to pay us a visit again? Your mom misses you.”

“Things are actually great right now, Dad. And I’m not sure. Maybe around Thanksgiving.”

“No . . . er . . . boyfriend or boy problems are there?”

I giggle and I can almost imagine him trying to keep a straight face. “None, dad. Everything is fine. Although I did meet this one guy.”

“Name?”

“Nolan.”

“Is Nolan a “
hottie
” as you and Grace used to call those guys on T.V.?”

I giggle just thinking of how Gracey and I used to squeal over Jason Mraz. He had a voice to die for. “Nolan is really cute, dad.”

“Well, just don’t get hurt by this Nolan character. Remember, I was a guy once. We strive for one thing at such a young age.”

I groan. “Okay—enough, dad. I think I got it.” I shake my head as I stand from my chair.

“I’m just saying, Natty. Back in the day, looking at your mom would make me just wanna—”

“Oh my God! Dad, stop!” I squeal, trying my hardest to bite back on a smile.

He chuckles heavily as I step back into the condo. “I love you, Natty. Your mom should be calling you later.”

“I love you too, Dad. Kiss her for me tonight.”

“I plan on doing much—”

Giggling, I end the call way before he can even finish his sentence. My dad never used to hide the fact that he and my mom had tons of sex. Sometimes it was okay because they understood that sex is natural but when they started talking about it, I had to dismiss myself from the room because things got pretty awkward. Heading back to the table, I tuck myself beneath it and begin to write again, this time with a happier purpose.

****

Rounds of applauds fill the room, and although I didn’t win, I’m proud of the winner. Kelly Sparks. Long legs, beautiful, curly brown hair, glossy pink lips, and a body that I would die for. On top of it, she was as sweet as candy. She deserved it.

Clunking my way off of the stage with my high red sequined heels that matched well with my ruby red dress, I turned for the girl’s locker room. I grabbed for my things without even bothering to change. I was just ready to go home. After a whole days work of practicing and running in fourth place of the pageant, I was exhausted. I didn’t think fourth place was too bad. I was only glad that I was in a spot before Sara.

Before stepping out of the locker room, I spotted Sara bawling her eyes out as her best friends Madison Brewer and Danielle Lucas rubbed her back.

“Get the fuck off of me,” Sara growled as she pulled away from them. “I should have won that shit. I should have just cheated my way to the top, like my mom told me to do. That ribbon and tiara should have been mine!”

Silently, I pulled the door open. I smiled to myself the whole way through the halls. Some people gave their condolences and said “congrats” and “great job” but I was more than relieved that all of the attention wasn’t on me. Kelly deserved it. She wasn’t popular at all, but she was beautiful. She wasn’t a cheerleader or a flirtatious chick. She was just a normal girl that was involved in the yearbook committee and even the debate team. She had goals, dreams, and that’s what I loved about her. Her speech was touching and her focus was on herself.

Flickers and flashes of cameras were going off and at the moment, I just wanted to see my mother. My father was there. I saw him in the crowd looking as lost as ever. I should have been upset about the fact that my mother wasn’t there because she was the one that made me audition and she was the one that chose my dress and shoes and had the appointment set up for me to get my hair done. I could have been mad at her, but I wasn’t. Seeing my father was kind of enough. And in a way, I didn’t want her to be disappointed. My mom has always strove to be a winner. Nothing less. Even when I told her I came in fourth place, she wasn’t satisfied with it and I know that if I could get another year in school, she would have made me go just to audition again.

But I didn’t mind it. I was glad to be in the top five, at least.

As I stepped out, the fall air was brisk but not necessary for me to have a jacket. I stumbled around the corner, clutching my keys in my hand and making my way to my white Camry but just as I was nearing it, someone was already standing there.

He had on dark jeans, a black Rolling Stones T-shirt, and a grey baseball cap on his head that hooded his eyes. I couldn’t see anything but his mesmerizing smile that caused my heart to stumble over the beats. As he pushed from the car, his shoes pressed against the asphalt and his hand wrapped around my waist. He took my things out of my hands to place them on the trunk of my car then immediately crushed his lips against mine.

His tongue tasted like beer and a mix of peanuts. I immediately pulled away from him and tilted his baseball cap back to get a clear sight of his eyes. “Bryson, have you been drinking?”

“Just a little,” he murmured, his lips still graced with a grin.

I bit on my bottom lip as he pulled me in closer. “You drove here drunk?”

“I’m not drunk, Natalie.” Just as he said that, he staggered just a bit. “Just . . . tipsy I guess.”

“You’re not tipsy. You’re drunk,” I snapped. I turned to scan the parking lot and spotted the silver chrome of his motorcycle that his mother had given to him as an early birthday gift. My head whipped to look at him again. If he drove his motorcycle that only meant that he was hanging around Moe’s with a few older friends that are in college. At Moe’s, they don’t check for I.D. They ignore the policy.

“Bryson, I think I should drive you home. We can pick your bike up in the morning.” I pulled away from him to grab my things off of the trunk but before I could make it to open the back door of my car, Bryson pressed against me and my chest pushed against the glass. “Bryson,” I struggled to say. I could hardly breathe. “What are you doing?”

“I wanna do it. Right here, Natalie. I’ve been waiting all night for it.”

“No.” I shook my head then turned around to face him. I don’t know how I managed to spin, considering the fact that there was minimal space between us. Bryson’s hands pinned on both sides of me and barricaded me in. His emerald eyes were hooded but hard. His eyes scanned their way from mine to my chest then to the curve of my breasts in my dress. Usually when I spotted him looking at my breasts, I would find it cute, but that time around, I was afraid. He was looking at me as if he wanted to take me away from my free will. “Bryson, seriously. Come on.” I tried to push my way past him while also aiming to keep my voice steady but he remained in front of me.

“You’re not taking me home, Nat. Right here. Now,” he demanded. I gulped as tears crept to my eyes but as soon as he spotted them he pulled his hands down to hold my face up. I kept my gaze down to hold the tears back. “Don’t cry, Natalie. Don’t you love me?” he asked.

Like a love-struck idiot, I nodded.

“Then why can’t we make love right here. Right now. In your backseat. There’s plenty of space. I need to release. I need to feel every part of you. I’ve missed you.”

I nodded again. Although I didn’t realize it then, he was only using love as an excuse. He knew that I would do anything for him. That I would go through with whatever he wanted. I was a fool in love. I only wanted to be wanted by him.

“Okay,” I breathed through another nod.

“That’s my baby,” he said then pulled me against him to open the door of my car.

Chapter Twenty-Six