Hard to Love You (8 page)

Hailey curses under her breath when she realizes she said that a little too loudly when it was supposed to be a whisper. I walk her up to where MacKenzie is standing and Hailey lets go of my arm. My sister hugs me and whispers, “I love you Mase.”

“I love you too, sis.” I tell her, wishing it were Hailey I was telling it to.

I stroll over and take my place next to Hunter who gives me a handshake. Cooper pats me on the back, as does Jackson. The wedding officiate starts to explain all that we need to do, we run it through once and then call it a night. Dinner is waiting for us at the hotel restaurant once we finish, I offer Hailey my arm again but this time she doesn’t take it; I guess the alcohol is starting to wear off. I shrug and walk away from her. Yeah it stings, but I’m not shocked.

Thankfully dinner is uneventful. Since Hunter drove down with the girls he is catching a ride with Cooper and I back to the shore house.

“I just need to get my bags from the car.” He tells me.

Since I parked in valet, Cooper and I walk with him and the girls to get the bags. Hunter is pulling all the bags out when he comes to the last two.

“Damn Hailey, what the hell do you have in here?” Hunter asks her.

She starts laughing, “Wouldn’t you like to know. Someone has to keep us girls entertained for the night.”

Hunter gives MacKenzie the eye and she starts laughing and hugs him tightly. “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Hunter kisses her a few times. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my soon to be wife.”

Cooper starts coughing while I start gagging. Jaylinn, Chloe and Hailey all have dreamy looks on their faces.

“Alright, break this shit up before I throw up.” I grumble.

I start walking away to meet Jackson who has Alex and Ryder with him in the lobby. Right before I walk back into the hotel I glance over at Hailey who is wiping her eyes.

I’m not sure why she is crying. Is it because of me? Is it because of Hunter and the way he is with my sister, like no one else exists except her? I’m left with so many feelings; I’m not sure what to do with them so I do what I do best and shut them off. Steel my heart so that I can get on with the rest of my night.

Our time to talk will come. Everyone loses something in life; the way to move on from it is closure. Hailey and I need that. We need our closure after another bump in our road. Straight after the wedding I’m going after her and I’m going to make her listen to me. I need to promise her that I’ll stop doing this to us.

After the boys leave, Chloe, Jaylinn and MacKenzie all turn to me and wrap their arms around me; telling me how much they love me. Once I get all the tears out I take a deep breath, wipe my face and plaster a smile on my face. This isn’t about me, it’s all about MacKenzie.

“I’m good now. No more tears. I got them all out.” It’s a lie, a lie that I need to make them believe.

They all look at me with weary expressions but I just smile bigger. The girls and I reach for our bags and wheel them to our penthouse suite. This whole hotel is gorgeous. It’s located right in Cape May, on the beach, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. From almost every point in the hotel you can see the ocean; this is the thing that sold MacKenzie on it. She wants a beach wedding and this hotel offers her everything.

We open the door to the suite; it is posh and stylish, just like the rest of the hotel. There is a giant sitting room with a stocked bar and, a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall. There is a chic purple and black sectional sofa and a huge coffee table in the middle. Off to the left of the room is a hallway and stairs. The only thing located in the hallway is a bathroom with a small stand up shower. We all go upstairs and find a massive room that has two queen size beds, which of course I bounce right on. This bed is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s like the bed is molding to my body, enveloping me. I sit up on my elbows to see MacKenzie taking in the room.

“Kenz, come try it out.” I tell her from my spot on the bed closest to the balcony.

She bounces on it, just the same as I did. She sighs while I stretch out like a lazy cat. She looks over at me and we both start laughing. She knows me too well, me and my dirty mind.

“You’re gonna need a bed like this when Hunter’s done working your body over tomorrow night.” I say while still laughing.

She kicks my leg. “I guess I should be even more thankful for the big ass shower with the bench in it.” She says with a giggle.

“That’s disgusting Kenz!” Jaylinn whines.

“Holy fuck, have you seen that bathroom? I gotta get Jackson to get us a room here without Alex for the night.” Chloe says as she lies down on the bed across from MacKenzie and me.

“We’ve got one in our honeymoon suite, too.” MacKenzie tells us.

I reluctantly climb off the bed, MacKenzie follows. I pull open the curtains all the way so we can look out over the ocean. The first thing I see are dolphins diving all around. MacKenzie steps out onto the balcony, Chloe and Jaylinn follow her.

I have to go to the bathroom so I stroll across the room. I push open the door and I’m amazed. The whole back wall is a shower, framed with glass; there are showerheads on opposite sides of the ceiling-to-floor wall with a third, rain showerhead hanging from the center of the stall. It’s all black granite walls and tile floor. Also there are benches on both sides on the shower. It’s easily big enough to fit five people. Off to the right is a set of his and hers sinks and to the left is another door. I open it and the toilet is in there with a flat screen TV mounted to the wall.

I hear MacKenzie calling me. I quickly open the shower door, step in and close it. I press my hands on the glass, arch my back and stick my ass out and start moaning.

MacKenzie knocks, and then walks in. She immediately starts laughing. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Is this how Hunter’s going to have you standing in the shower?” I ask while trying to keep a straight face.

MacKenzie is no good, she has tears running down her face and she’s holding her stomach. Jaylinn and Chloe walk in to see what’s going on. Now everyone is laughing and I can’t help but laugh too.

“Oh my god, I so needed that laugh, Hails.” MacKenzie says.

I step out of shower and shut the door. “You so know that Hunter can’t wait to take you in the shower. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not knocked up again after your honeymoon.”

She blushes, “Shut your mouth, Hails.”

No one other than me knows, but she wants another baby, and soon. Personally I think she should wait and enjoy what she already has, and I’ve told her that. The look in her eyes says it all though. She’s on cloud nine with her little family and if she wants to add to it then so be it. She once said to me she wants all her babies close in age like her family.

Smirking at her I say, “Well let’s get this party started.”

“Hails,” MacKenzie whines. “You promised nothing crazy.”

I stop walking and look over my shoulder, “Nothing crazy is gonna happen, just a little fun and something to help you relax and sleep.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.” Jaylinn mumbles.

All four of us make our way downstairs to our bags. Each of the girls only brought one bag while I have two.

“Did you really need to bring so many clothes, Hails? You do realize we are only staying two nights, right?” Chloe asks me.

I fling my huge suitcase on the coffee table. I start to unzip it and I feel the girls’ eyes on me. Once it’s all the way unzipped I flip it open and I see them all look dumbfounded.

“You didn’t think I could let my girl down the night before her wedding did you?”

Jaylinn bumps MacKenzie shoulder, “You’re in for it tonight.”

Chloe walks over and starts pulling out shot glasses, different flavored vodka, Sunny D, shakers, plastic cups, mini umbrellas, penis straws. Jaylinn pulls out the movies I brought along too, Dirty Dancing, Sweet Home Alabama and Pretty Woman.

MacKenzie takes a seat on the sofa. “I can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow.”

We all stop what we are doing and look over at her. She has tears running down her face. Chloe, Jaylinn and I look at each other and then over at MacKenzie. I know she wants this, she isn’t crying sad tears. They are definitely happy tears. Jaylinn and Chloe each sit on either side of her while I start making drinks. Everyone needs a drink right now, especially me. It’s so hard to look at MacKenzie without thinking of Mason. I see so much of him in her, the dark hair, the sparkling blue eyes, the smile; even their noses are the same. I also feel like I’m not going to be her first anymore, not now that she has Hunter. With everything she went through, I was always the one she called first. A lot is changing but some things will always be the same.

When I finish with all of our drinks we all settle in and watch our all-time favorite movies and talk about what the game plan is for tomorrow morning.

While the movie plays, I get lost in my own memories about the first time I snuck into Mason’s bedroom eight years ago.

My parents got into the biggest fight that I’ve ever witnessed. They always fought, I don’t think there was ever a day when they didn’t. Mom was always crying. Tara was always telling me they were fighting because of me. If I was never born, they wouldn’t be fighting.

I was sitting in my room doing my homework, trying to hurry so that Mom could take me to MacKenzie’s since it was a Friday night and I could sleep over. Tara being the goodie-goodie that she is, was already at her friend’s house. Someone slammed the front door and caused me to jump. I knew what was about to happen. I ran to my bed, hugged my pillow and started rocking back and forth. The yelling began. Normally I would lie down in bed, stick my fingers in my ears and hum my favorite song,
I Will Always Love You
by Whitney Houston, tuning everything out. But tonight, I didn’t. I wanted to see if Tara was telling the truth.

There was lots of slamming, glass breaking, and screaming. I couldn’t hear every word they were saying with all the commotion going on but I was able to pick up bits and pieces of it. Mom was complaining about Dad being drunk and telling him this was the cause of all their problems. Then I heard a loud bang and Mom shouting at him to stop destroying the house. I heard Mom yelling for him not to leave because he was too drunk to drive. Someone came stomping up the steps and then more stomping came down the hall. They were right outside my door.

“It’s all your fault. I told you I didn’t want any kids. We had Tara and I got over it but you just weren’t happy with her.” My dad yelled.

“Stop it; you know that’s not true.” Mom replied back.

“I never wanted that other brat and you knew this. She fucked our lives up, Claire. We have been struggling ever since.” Dad roared.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My own dad didn’t want me, Tara was right. He hated me. I destroyed his life, his marriage.

“That’s not true and you know it. You love her just as much as Tara. That’s your flesh and blood.” Mom cried back.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I stuck my fingers in my ears and started humming as I cried. My dad hated me. He didn’t love me. My stupid sister was right; no wonder she blamed everything on me. I was the cause of all the fights.

I knew we didn’t have a lot of money growing up. I couldn’t always get all the stuff that the other kids at school had. We didn’t live in a huge house like MacKenzie did. We lived in a small, two bedroom house, and Tara and I had to share a room. Dad had to work two jobs and Mom worked a lot, too. But we were ok; I had both of my parents. Some of the kids at school didn’t. I thought I had everything since I had a whole family. Now I felt like all of this was my fault. If I wasn’t born they wouldn’t be fighting.

I stopped humming and listened to see if the fighting stopped. It had. I was wiping my face as my mom came into my room.

She took one look at me and knew I heard everything. “Oh Hailey, don’t listen to him. He’s drunk.”

I nodded. “Can you take me to Kenzie’s now?”

She gave me a small smile, “Yes Sweetie, let’s get you packed up.”

When I arrived at MacKenzie’s a little while later, Mason and Cooper were out front shooting hoops. Cooper waved to me but Mason didn’t. He stopped bouncing the ball and looked intently at me. I waved goodbye to Mom and made my way up the walkway to the front door but someone grabbed my wrist. I turned and was met with Mason’s stormy blue eyes.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

I looked down, “Mom and Dad got into another fight.”

He pulled me into a hug and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I just nodded and begged the tears not to start up again. He let me go and went back to his game with Cooper.

MacKenzie knew the second she saw me that something had happened, and, her being the best friend that she was, put on my favorite movie and made popcorn. Cooper and Mason had joined us as well. And that was how the night ended.

When I was making my bed on MacKenzie’s futon she asked what happened. I just shrugged my shoulders not wanting to talk about it. She let it go, she knew what battles to fight and this wasn’t one of them.