Hard To Love (20 page)

Taking a deep breath, Liz finally confessed. “I tried, El, I swear I did. I told him exactly what you told me to. But, like I said, he was so pissed,” Liv widened her dark chocolate brown eyes. “And you know me, I don’t scare easily. But the angry look in his eyes intimidated the hell outta me.”

“I get it, he was pissed. I’m getting that way myself. What. Did. You. Tell. Him?”

Liv winced. “I kinda told him you and Dereck got back together. Don’t kill me.”

“Fuck me! Liv! You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m sorry. But he wouldn’t back off. He kept demanding some kind of answer, so I said the first thing that came to my mind.”

Ella held the sides of her head, shaking it from side to side. “Did you even stop to think about Derek? What if Carter went after him and hurt him?”

Liv harrumphed. “The way I see it, that asshole has it coming.”

Ella scolded. “Olivia, that
asshole
just donated five-thousand dollars to your benefit. He apologized for what happened and he’s trying to change.”

“So.” Liv said flatly.

“So, you need to cut him some slack.” Ella chastised.

“I don’t give a damn. I’ll never forgive or forget what that douchebag asshole did to you,” Liv vowed. “So, what are you going to do about Carter?”

Ella flopped back down on the couch, covering her head with the quilt. “I don’t know. Nothing. He’s in Nashville with the blonde by now.”

“Whatever. I call bullshit on that. I know for a fact he’s not with her or any other woman.”

Pulling the quilt back off her head, Ella looked at her sister skeptically. “And how exactly to you know he isn’t. Cause it sure as hell looked like she thought she’d claimed the prize.”

“Because,” Liv stopped.

“Liv?” Ella warned.

“Gahh! Because. He loves you.”

“What?” Ella asked, dumbfounded.

“The guy admitted he loved you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Liv shrugged. “I don’t know. You were so hell bent on doing what was best for him, and leaving, and blah, blah, blah.” She twirled her hands in the air, rolling her eyes.

“God. I don’t know what to do now. He should’ve already been in Nashville. Why is she even here?”

“Not sure, but I can call Gabe and find out.” Liv said, pulling her phone from her back pocket.

“No. Don’t do that,” Ella said as Liv’s phone rang.

“Won’t have too,” she smiled, answering the cell. “Hey sexy, what’s up?”

Ella listened intently to the conversation.

“Yeah, she’s here. Sure, come on over.” Ella kicked her sister under the covers, mouthing “what the hell are you doing?”

Liv hung up and leered at her sister. “What the hell did you kick me for?”

“Why did you invite him over? Liv, look at me!”

“He said he needs to talk to you. You look fine.” Liv confirmed.

Almost immediately they heard Gabe’s loud truck nearing their house. Nerves got the best of Ella’s stomach, and suddenly she felt like she was on a rollercoaster ride. Her stomach flipped and flopped, waiting to hear what Gabe had to say. She knew it had to be about Carter.

“Hey Gabe. How’s it going?” she asked, as Liv opened the door and let him in.

Instead of answering, he grunted and he rolled his eyes, pulling out one of the dining chairs and flipping it backwards before straddling the chair and staring at her.

“Gabe? Is something wrong?” Ella prodded.

“You just couldn’t stop, could you?” he finally answered sharply.

It was as if he had thrown cold water in her face, that’s how shocked she was at his audaciousness.

“What in the hell are you talking about now?” Liv snapped.

Gabe snatched his ball cap off his head and threw it on the floor. “You know damn well what I’m talking about!” he barked.

“No, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me?” Ella asked once she found her voice.

“You just couldn’t leave him alone. It wasn’t enough that you cost him the record deal. Hell no. You wouldn’t stop until you completely broke him,” Gabe accused.

Ella scoffed. “Broke him, my ass. He sure as hell didn’t look
broken
last time I saw him with that cougar record exec wrapped around his arm. What do you mean? He lost the record deal?”

“I don’t know what you
think
you saw, but seeing
you
with your
ex
sent him right over the fucking cliff. And the record deal is off the table now.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to do, Gabe. I left. I can’t help what he did with the record deal.” Ella tried to sound surer of herself than she felt.

“Well, he’s been laid up drunk at Gussy’s for the last three days. I’ve only seen him this bad once, and that’s when his momma died.”

Unshed tears stung Ella’s eyes as his harsh words sunk in.

“He didn’t go to Nashville? Why didn’t he go? You said I was holding him back, Gabe, so I left. Why didn’t he leave?”

“Hell, I don’t know. If I knew, I wouldn’t be killing myself working this goddamn insane schedule he’s lined up. Freakin’ workaholic.” Gabe shook his head in disgust.

The damn burst wide open, and the tears finally poured down her cheeks. “I guess it was all for nothing.”

Feeling sorry for Ella, Gabe went to her on the couch, putting his arms around her shoulders, as he held her through her tears. “Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have blamed you. He’s a stubborn-ass man who makes his own decisions. Besides, it’s never too late, right?”

Ella sobbed. “I don’t know Gabe. I promised him I’d never run from him again without talking to him first, and now there’s this whole Derek thing. And, I’m still afraid he’ll eventually blame me for giving up on his dream. Hell, you did.”

Gabe rubbed her arms. “I don’t have all the answers, hon. All I know is I’ve known the guy since grade school, and I’ve never seen him like he is with you. I know he thinks nobody can love his hard ass, and it’s gonna take a strong woman to love him. He knows he’ll make you want to run, so, you need to be able to fight back. But, maybe if you show him you’re strong enough to fight for him, maybe you two can still work things out?”
Gabe was a genius.

Not sure exactly what she was going to find, Ella drove downtown to Old Gussy’s Lounge. She was going to show Carter once and for all that he wasn’t hard to love, beg his forgiveness, and win back her man.
Her man?
Yeah, she liked the sound of that.

********

Sharp pain stabbed through Carter’s head like a bullet. He groaned out loud as he rolled over to a mass of red messy hair that belonged to Kandi. “Fuck,” he moaned.

Sitting up in the bed, he felt movement behind him. He turned to see a naked blonde lying in the bed next to him as well. Funny, he remembered being drunk and coming to bed, but he sure didn’t remember bringing anyone to bed with him last night. Or was it morning? Whatever time it was, he was sure he came to bed alone.

“Kandi,” he blurted, making his head hurt worse, but she didn’t stir. “Kandi,” he repeated louder, pushing her shoulder, finally getting movement from the two sleeping groupies.

“Mmm, good morning sexy,” she said, rolling over with a huge
fuck-me
smile on her face, purposely letting the sheet fall from her pert tits.

“Put your damn clothes on. Why are you in my bed? And who the hell is your friend?” he grumbled.

“We were cold and lonely,” Kandi pouted.

“And drunk,” the blonde exclaimed.

Kandi giggled. “And
very
drunk. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Well, I do. Now get your asses out of here.” Carter climbed out of the bed and pulled his jeans on.

Kandi stood, grabbing her clothes thrown on the floor. “What’s up your ass, Carter?”

“Nothing.”

“There sure as hell is. I know you, Carter Dawson. I’ve been knowing you for a long time. You never turned me down before.” She sulked. “Don’t you like me anymore?”

She could sulk all she wanted. He wasn’t ready to bed another woman. That he had figured out the first night he came to Gussy’s and had brought a cute little brunette to his room. She was up for anything, but he wasn’t. Russell the love muscle stayed flaccid against his leg. Pissed at himself, Ella and the world, he had thrown the girl out of the room, not even giving her time to put her clothes on.

“Look, Kandi. I’m going through some shit right now. It’s not you, okay? I swear. Now, come on, you and your friend need to get on outta here. I’ve got shit to do today.”

“You promise?” she asked all innocent, when she was nothing but.

“It’s not you, I promise,” he tossed over his shoulder.

Grabbing his hat, he walked out the door, and started around the corner. Soft hands stopped him from tumbling over her, as he realized it was Ella he had just knocked the wind from. Reaching out to grab her before she fell backwards, Carter pulled her to his chest.

“Shit, baby. Are you okay?” He pulled away to look her over, making sure he hadn’t done any physical damage.

Ella’s breath caught in her throat, her heart beating so loudly in her ears she could barely hear what he was saying. It seemed like it had been so long since she’d felt his hands against her skin. But, they still had the same effect on her. Heat spread throughout her body, and that familiar throbbing began between her thighs.

Continuing his inspection of her, Carter ran his hands over her head and arms, his fingers deftly gliding over her cheeks and jawline, landing on her bottom lip. How he wanted to suck that bottom lip into his mouth, throw her over his shoulder, take her to that little room and show her who she truly belonged too. But, he’d been doing a lot of thinking. He’d always been a philosophical drunk, however this time he had actually made some sense.

Laying her hands over his, she looked into his eyes. “I’m fine, Carter. No harm done.”

His breathing picked up and misery was written across his face. “I’m glad you’re not hurt. Wish I could say the same,” he admitted.

“Carter, I’m sorry,” she began.

“Sorry for what? Breaking your promise and running off again? Or sorry for going back to the douchebag ex of yours?” he asked bitterly.

“I didn’t go back to Derek, Carter.”

Stepping back, he released her arms. “Bullshit. Liv told me. I didn’t believe her until I saw you with him. Letting him put his lips on your skin. Skin that should be mine. I heard you, El. I heard you tell him you forgive him.”

“I did forgive him, but I
didn’t
go back with him.” Ella waited for his reaction, as he stood there staring at her. He looked so forlorn, wearing the same clothes he had on three nights ago. Even in a rumpled shirt and jeans, he looked sexy as hell.

“You left me. Again,” he stated before Ella cut him off.

“I know. I thought if I left, you’d go to Nashville and get that record deal. I didn’t want to you to give up on your dream.”

“Goddamn it,” he growled. “I wish everyone would stop trying to tell me what my dream is. You want to know what my dream is? It’s to find someone to love me,
all of me
!” he yelled, thumping his chest. “I’m an asshole. You think I don’t know that? I’m selfish, self-centered and insensitive.”

“Stop it,” Ella begged.

“I wanted you to love me. That was my dream. Fall in love with me, the way I fell in love with you.”

“I did! I did fall in love with you!” she cried, stepping up closer to him.

“No,” he snapped. “You can’t. I can’t take it when you leave again. And you will leave me again. You were right to leave me. I don’t deserve you.”

Tears streamed down her face. “I won’t. I promise.”

“You will, sweetness. I promise, I’ll do something to push you away again.”

As if right on cue, Kandi and her blonde friend came giggling out of Carter’s room. “Bye Carter.” They both blew him a kiss as they passed him and Ella standing in the hall. Carter saw the anger and hurt flit across Ella’s face.

“Wow. You have the nerve to question me, while you have not one, but TWO damn women hidden in your room?

“They weren’t hidden,” he said unhappily. “And, as hard as it is to believe, it’s not what it looks like.”

Standing there watching her, Carter saw so many thoughts and emotions swirl through Ella’s mind. He knew he couldn’t stand to see that look on her face, and know he was the cause. He wanted her so badly, but he knew it was inevitable that he’d hurt her again.

“See, Ella. That look right there,” he pointed to her face. “I can’t do this to you. I can’t be the one that puts that disappointed look on your face.”

“You wouldn’t be hurt if you saw two men walk out of my room?” she asked.

“No,” he laughed cynically. “I’d be furious. I’d rip them in two without an explanation.”

This was make or break time for Ella. Walk away now, and never know love again? Or, learn to trust the man who controlled her body’s reaction with a simple touch, and would always hold her heart?

“I don’t care.” The words slipped out in a whisper before she could stop them.

Shocked, Carter asked, “What?”

“I don’t care what happened last night, or the night before, or the night before that, Carter. I love you. Good and bad. I love all of you. You’re not going to push me away that easily.”

Carter shook his head. “Ella, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I do know what I’m saying. I was broken, Carter, but you taught me to trust again. You were right. I’ve trusted you with my body, now I want to trust you with my heart.”

A glimmer of hope flickered in his eyes. His fingers twitched at his sides, like he was itching to touch her. Taking a step closer, she heard his breath hitch as she reached to caress the side of his unshaven face. She felt all the anxiety leave his body as Carter closed his eyes, and leaned into her touch.

“Carter, touch me. Please,” she begged.

“Jesus,” he breathed, pulling her into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you so much.” He kissed the top of her head, her eye lids, cheeks and nose. “Are you sure about this? I can’t promise that I’m not going to fuck up. But, I can promise I’ll do everything in my power to not ever see that look in your eyes again.”

“I know. You’re not hard to love, Carter. The hard part is trying to not fall in love with you.”