Hand-Me-Down Love (19 page)

So, Dear Diary,

I’m about to
graduate from the University of South Alabama with a degree in
English. I mean, seriously, Diary. Did I think I was going to be the
great American writer or what? What it means is that I have no idea
what the hell I’m doing.

My father has asked
me to go work at the bank. That sounds TOTALLY boring to me. But, the
truth is, Diary, I have no other job. I don’t have a good plan. So
I’m going to work at the bank after graduation. Help me!

June 6, 2005

Dear Diary,

I started working at
the bank today in the credit card department. Did I say boring?
BORING!!!!! But I did meet a cute guy. Sean whatever his last name
is. I could tell he got it bad for me right away. I’ve still got
it! LOL! He is cute, though.

June 12, 2005

Dear Diary,

I met the co-workers
for drinks after work. My first week and I can’t even remember a
time that I’ve been this uninterested. The only thing that kept me
going was Sean dropping in. He acted like he had some reason to be
there in my department, but he didn’t. I knew why he was dropping
in. So when Janice asked me to go to the bar after work, I asked who
would be there. She said Mark and Carol and maybe Sean. That was
enough for me. I had to get me some of that! LOL! And I got me some
of that, Diary. I really did. It was funny. Sean thought I didn’t
know he had the hots for me, but it was sooooo obvious. I finally got
him on the dance floor and we spent the rest of the night together. I
did feel a little bad when he found out who my dad is, but that was
fun too. He sprayed his drink all over me. Normally, that would
really turn me off, but he was cute when he did it. And then, Diary,
I took him home and had my way with him. LOL.

July 15, 2005

Dear Diary,

Have I told you what
a pain in the ass it is to write in this diary? I am a person of the
twenty-first century and writing with my hand can be a big pain. But
it’s also kinda comforting, to write the words out longhand. It
makes everything more real somehow. Anyway, Diary, I’ve been seeing
Sean every single night and weekend since we first got together. I
see him at work and then I see him after work. I can’t get enough
of him!

So, I took him home
for the Fourth. That was weird since my father is his boss. But it
went okay. My mother put him in Marla’s old room for the night, but
I went in and got him and took him back to my room. We fell asleep
but the bells woke us up. Sean had never been to a jubilee. He had no
idea what it was. But I dragged him out of bed and we drove down to
the bay with our buckets. Sean thought it was the weirdest thing. It
was hilarious. I think I love him, Diary. I’m pretty sure that I
love Sean O’Connell.

November 26, 2005

Dear Diary,

We announced our
engagement after Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. My mother cried,
of course. My father shook Sean’s hand and said welcome to the
family or something like that. Marla hugged him and me. I love Sean
so much. I never thought I could ever be in love with anyone like
this. All those boyfriends I had before seem like nothing to me now.
Sean is everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s so goodlooking and so
smart. And here’s a little secret, Diary. He’s also very
sensitive. You wouldn’t know it if you just met him or anything.
But he is. We watched this tearjerker the other night with Ethan
Hawke and Sean looked over at me at the end and he had tears in his
eyes. He didn’t even try to hide them like most guys do. I like
that about him. I was blubbering like a baby myself and he put his
arm around me. I LOVE HIM!

June 20, 2006

Dear Diary,

Sean and I got
married on June 10
^th
and I am so happy. My
father insisted on having the wedding at the country club, and I’m
glad he did because it was so beautiful. Marla was my maid of honor
and Lindsey was a bridesmaid. We went to Jamaica for a honeymoon and
we both got good tans and ate and drank like pigs. I don’t think I
could fit in my wedding dress now. We’re living in my apartment in
Mobile. But the best news is that I don’t work at the bank anymore.
I hated that! I have never been so bored and frustrated in my entire
life. Sean told me I didn’t have to work there anymore if I didn’t
want to and I took him up on it! Now I spend my days cooking gourmet
meals for him and he loves it. And then I give him a gourmet dessert
a la me. LOL. He loves that too.

October 21, 2007

Dear Diary,

We found a house in
Bay Point that overlooks the bay. I can’t believe how lucky we are.
In a couple of weeks I’ll be living back in my home town. I’ve
got a lot of ideas of things I want to do to the house because it
hasn’t been updated in DECADES. Best of all is that Marla lives in
Bay Point now too, so I’ll be able to see my sister any time I want
to. She’s my best friend, Diary. Sean too. I guess I have two best
friends. I feel so lucky right now.

Chapter
Twenty-One

Marla closed the
diary and put it on the table beside the couch. She was disappointed
that Meredith hadn’t written in it more frequently, because now it
was the only real thread she had into Meredith’s mind. She planned
to finish it tomorrow evening after the shop closed.

Business was usually
pretty good in the summer months with the beachgoers taking side
trips to the little towns on the bay. By the afternoon, Derrick and
Jada brought in a truckload of furniture and decorative pieces from
two estate sales.

“
We got some
Roseville,” Jada said excitedly. “That second house had several
pieces and I had to bid hard to get them.” She unwrapped one of the
pieces, a green vase with the unmistakable Roseville lines and smooth
glaze. Marla and Jada unwrapped each piece and discussed the prices
before putting them on display around the shop.

Michael called right
in the middle of the Roseville project and asked if he could see her
that night. She agreed. Why not? Things were heating up between them
in a way that Marla wasn’t sure she was going to be able to control
much longer. She was at a crossroads in the relationship: move
forward into a physical relationship or stop seeing Michael. His
patience wasn’t going to last much longer.

After she blew her
hair dry later that evening she decided to add some curl. She rooted
around in the bathroom cabinet looking for her curling iron. Where
was that damn thing? Her hand touched something round and she pulled
it out. Sean’s shaving mug. The brush was still in it and most of
the shaving soap was gone except around the edges. Marla sat on the
bathroom floor, holding the mug in her hands. She brought it to her
nose and smelled the sweet, clean smell. Sean.

She didn’t want to
cry, but she did anyway. She didn’t want to be puffy eyed when
Michael picked her up, but she couldn’t stop. Finally, she shoved
the mug deep into the cabinet and got up. Not too bad, she decided
when she looked in the mirror. She wrung out a bath cloth with cold
water and walked to the couch, where she placed it over her eyes. The
curly hair would have to wait for another night.

After a few minutes
she removed the rag and got dressed. She sat back down on the couch
to wait for Michael’s call. He had never been in her apartment—she
couldn’t imagine him in there. He always called her from the side
parking lot and she went down to meet him. But if she went forward
with things, that would have to change.

The green diary sat
on the table, calling her name. Marla ignored it. She didn’t know
what was in there and she didn’t want to find out before Michael
got there to take her out on the town. It wouldn’t be much of a
night if she was thinking about Meredith all evening. And Sean.
Luckily, Michael called and her struggle with the diary ended.

Michael drove to
Gulf Shores to show her the progress on his bar down there. It was
supposed to open in two weeks but he was concerned they weren’t
going to make it. So was Marla. The bar was still being remodeled and
the whole place was a work zone. She had a hard time imagining where
the tables and chairs would go. “I’ve worked miracles before,”
Michael said. “Looks like I’m going to have to pay a lot of
overtime.”

He grabbed her hand.
“Let’s get out of here and go somewhere fun,” he said leading
her through the bar and out the door. Moments later they were seated
outside at a restaurant on a pier. Michael ordered margaritas. As the
waves crashed against the shore, Marla allowed her mind to wander.
She thought back to another June, six years earlier, the day that
Meredith and Sean got married.

As her sister’s
maid of honor, she walked down the aisle with Sean’s best man,
Tyler, his arm through hers. She remembered seeing Sean, standing
tall and straight as he waited at the altar for Meredith. And then
she flashed to Sean standing guard by Meredith’s casket at the
viewing. No. Stop thinking, she commanded herself.

“
Are you all
right?” Michael was asking her. Her eyes were stinging with unshed
tears as she looked at Michael. She blinked and the tears spilled out
of her eyes and onto her cheeks. Diane had told them in group that
memories would hit them out of the blue and they would hurt. But they
will lessen over time, she had said. But even after years, one might
come into your mind that could still knock you to the floor with pain
and longing for your loved one. Because we love them, Diane had said.
She hadn’t said “loved them” like most people did. Love them.

“
Hey,” Michael
said softly, covering her hand with his.

“
I’m sorry,
Michael, Marla said in a wavery voice. She had to get a grip. “I
found a diary of Meredith’s yesterday. I didn’t even know she
had
a diary. It’s making me think about her a lot right now.”

“
It’s okay,”
he said. “I know how hard this is for you.” Marla was sure that
he did know how hard. Michael loved the nightlife and was always
looking for a good time, but he was also a caring person. She
remembered how he had helped her when Snowball got run over by a car
in college. He knew how much she had loved that cat and he was gentle
with her and found a place in the woods to bury him. The thought of
Snowball brought fresh tears to her eyes.

“
We can leave if
you want to,” Michael said.

“
No. I don’t
want to leave, if you can put up with me.” She gave him a weak
smile.

“
Are you kidding?
You’re the one that has to put up with me.”

She managed a laugh
then and the sad spell was broken. They sat on the pier for hours,
eating oysters and shrimp and drinking margaritas. Marla laughed
often. Michael was a funny guy.

“
Why don’t we
get a place down here for the night?” Michael said. “It’s so
late I’d rather not have to drive back to Bay Point.”

Marla felt anxious.
“I’m not sure if I’m ready yet,” she said.

“
I’ll get you
your own room,” he said. “Does that make it better?”

“
I don’t want
you to have to do that,” she said. “We’ve certainly shared
hotel rooms before.”

She thought for just
a moment. “Okay. It makes sense,” she said. She got her purse and
he took her hand. He leaned down to kiss her. “You sure?” he
said. She nodded. She felt sure.

He didn’t take her
to a low-budget hotel, and Marla was grateful. He took her to the
most expensive hotel on the shore. The bed was lush and fluffy. He
turned out the light and they both stripped down to their underwear
and jumped in the bed. Michael reached for her, as she knew he would.
Marla knew what was supposed to happen next and she had decided it
was going to happen. Sean was never coming back and she had to move
on with her life. Michael was sweet and kind and could give her a
good life, if things went that far.

Their bodies found
each other, remembering all the familiar places from when they had
been together in college. They made love and it was comforting to
Marla. Surely Michael knew that because he was very gentle with her.
When it was over, Marla tried not to think about Sean. She wanted to
be free of him. She tried not to think about the smell of his shaving
soap.

Michael and Marla
ate breakfast in the hotel restaurant the next morning. Michael was
relaxed and happy, wanting to do everything for Marla. He would have
buttered her toast if she’d let him. And why not enjoy this, she
asked herself. Why not let someone do something for her for a change?
She deserved to be happy, right? She didn’t really want to be
caught in a relationship always tinged with sadness, right?

Michael dropped her
off at the side door of the shop. She still wasn’t ready to let him
come up and he seemed to know that because he didn’t push her on
it. Upstairs and finally alone with her thoughts, Marla marveled at
what she had done. She couldn’t believe it, really. As she walked
to her bedroom, she spied the green diary on the table. Whatever was
in there was going to have to wait. She didn’t know how long, but
she knew she needed to give herself a break from the memories, from
her sister’s mind. From Sean.