Halo (20 page)

“I’m sorry,” I continued. “I can’t help the way I feel about him. He means so much to me.”

No one spoke.

“Please, say something,” I begged. “What’s going to happen now? We’ll be recalled to the Kingdom, won’t we? I’ll never see him again.”

I broke into a wave of tearless sobs and clutched at the edge of the counter to support myself. Neither of my siblings made any move to comfort me. I didn’t blame them. It was Gabriel who broke the silence. He turned his steel gray gaze on me, eyes blazing. When he spoke I could hear that his voice was flooded with anger.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” he asked. “Do you realize the danger you have put us all in?” His anger was mounting, the signs were evident. Outside, a fierce wind began to blow, rattling the windowpanes, and a glass on the counter shattered into tiny fragments. Ivy put her hands on Gabriel’s shoulders. Her touch recalled him, and he let her guide him to the table where he sat with his back to me. His shoulders heaved as he tried to bring his rage under control. Where was his endless patience now?

“Please,” I said in barely more than a whisper. “This isn’t an excuse, but I think . . .”

“Don’t say it.” Ivy turned to me, a warning look on her face. “Don’t say you love him.”

“Do you want me to lie to you?” I asked. “I’ve tried not to feel like this, I really have, but he’s not like other humans. He’s different . . . he understands.”

“Understands?” Gabriel’s voice was tremulous, so different from his usual calm. I’d always thought nothing could ruffle his composure. “Only a handful of mortals throughout history have ever come
close
to understanding the divine. Are you suggesting that your school friend is one of them?”

I shrank back. I’d never heard Gabriel speak in that tone before.

“What can I do?” I said softly, tears spilling out and pouring down my face. “I’m in love with him.”

“That may be, but your love is futile,” Gabriel said unsympathetically. “It is your duty to show understanding and compassion to all of humankind and your exclusive attachment to this boy is wrong. You are from different worlds. It cannot be. Now you have endangered your own life and his.”

“His?” I asked in panic. “What do you mean?”

“Calm down, Gabriel,” Ivy said. She gripped his shoulder. “This situation has arisen and now it must be dealt with.”

“I have to know what’s going to happen!” I cried. “Will they call us back to the Kingdom? Please, I have a right to know.”

I hated to be seen like this, so desperate, so completely lacking in control, but I knew that if I wanted to keep my entire world from falling apart, I would have to keep Xavier.

“It seems to me that you have forfeited any rights you had. There is only one thing now that can be done,” said Gabriel.

“What?” I asked, trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice.

“I need to speak with the Covenant.”

I knew he meant the circle of archangels that were called upon to intervene only in the direst of situations. They were the strongest and most powerful of our kind—together, they could bring the world to its knees. Gabriel obviously felt the need to call for reinforcements.

“Will you explain how it happened?” I asked.

“There will be no need,” Gabriel replied. “They will already know.”

“What’ll happen then?”

“They will give their verdict and we will obey.”

Without another word, Gabriel swept from the kitchen, and moments later, we heard the front door close behind him.

The wait was excruciating. Ivy brewed cups of chamomile tea and sat with me in the living room, but it seemed a black cloud had descended over us both. We were in the same room but there was an ocean between us. Phantom too became uneasy, sensing that things weren’t right, and burrowed his face in my lap. I tried to block out the thought that, depending on the verdict, I might never see him again either.

We didn’t know where Gabriel had gone, but Ivy said it was most likely somewhere desolate and empty where he could communicate with the archangels without human interference. It was a bit like using wireless Internet—you had to find the best place to connect and the fewer humans around the better the connection. Gabriel needed somewhere he could meditate easily and contact the forces in the universe.

I didn’t know much about the other six in Gabriel’s arch. I knew them only by name and reputation. I wondered if any of them would be sympathetic to my cause.

Michael was the leader of the arch. He was a Prince of Light, angel of virtue, honesty, and salvation. Unlike the others, Michael was the only one who served duties as Angel of Death. Raphael was known as the Medicine of God because he was a healer and it was his duty to oversee the physical well-being of his charges on earth. He was talked of as the warmest of the archangels. Uriel was called the Fire of the Lord as he was the Angel of Punishment and was one of those called upon to devastate Sodom and Gomorrah. Raguel’s purpose was to watch over the others in the arch and ensure they behaved in compliance with the code set by the Lord. Angel of the sun, Zerachiel, kept constant watch over Heaven and earth. Ramiel’s role was to oversee divine visions given to the chosen ones on earth. It was also his duty to lead souls into judgment when their time came.

And of course there was Gabriel. He was known as the Hero of God, chief warrior of the Kingdom. But unlike the others, who were distant and removed, I looked upon Gabriel as my brother, protector, and friend. I recalled a human saying about the power of blood ties. I felt that way about Gabe and Ivy—we were of the same spirit. I hoped I hadn’t destroyed that bond through one careless action.

“What do you think they’ll say?” I asked Ivy for the fifth time, and she let out a heavy sigh.

“I honestly don’t know, Bethany.” Her voice sounded far away. “We were given clear instructions not to allow ourselves to be exposed. Nobody expected that rule to be violated, and so the consequences were never discussed.”

“You must hate me,” I said in a small voice.

She turned to look at me. “I can’t pretend to understand what you were thinking,” she said. “But you’re still my sister.”

“I know I can’t justify what I’ve done.”

“Your incarnation is different from ours. You feel things so passionately. To us, Xavier is like every other human; to you, he is something completely different.”

“He’s everything.”

“That’s just reckless.”

“I know.”

“To make one person the center of your world is bound to end in disaster. There are too many factors outside your control.”

“I know,” I repeated with a sigh.

“Is there any chance you can retract your feelings?” Ivy asked. “Or is that out of the question?”

I shook my head. “It’s too late.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say.”

“Why am I so different?” I asked after a moment. “Why do I have these
feelings
? You and Gabe can command what you feel. It’s like I have no control at all.”

“You are young,” said Ivy slowly.

“It’s not that.” I twisted my hands. “There must be something else.”

“Yes,” my sister agreed. “You are more human than any angel I’ve ever known. You have identified strongly with earth. Your brother and I are homesick—this place is foreign to us. But you, you fit in here. It’s like you’ve always belonged.”

“Why?” I asked.

My sister shook her head. “I don’t know.” For a moment I caught a wistful look on her face and wondered if in some small recess of her mind, she wished she could understand my all-consuming love for Xavier. But the look vanished before I could dwell on it.

“Do you think Gabriel will ever forgive me?”

“Our brother inhabits a different plane of existence,” Ivy explained. “He is less used to mistakes. He feels that your errors become his. He will see this as his failure, not yours. Can you understand that?”

I nodded and didn’t bother asking any more questions. There was nothing to do now but wait, and we could do that in silence.

The seconds ticked by slowly and the minutes stretched into hours. My fear welled up and subsided at various intervals, like ocean waves. I knew that if I went back to the Kingdom, I would be with my brothers and sisters again, but also alone, with the rest of eternity to yearn for what I’d had on earth. But that was assuming I would be allowed back into the Kingdom. Our Creator, gracious and loving as he was, didn’t respond well to defiance. There was a chance I could be excommunicated. I refused to let myself picture what Hell might be like. I had heard stories and that was enough. Legend said sinners were hung from their eyelids, burned, tortured, torn to pieces, and stitched up again. They said the place reeked of seared flesh and singed hair and the rivers ran blood. Of course I didn’t believe any of it, but the thought still gave me shivers.

I knew that many people on earth didn’t believe there was such a place as Hell, but they didn’t know how wrong they were. Angels like me didn’t really have a clue what Hell was like, but I knew I didn’t want to find out for myself. An archangel like Gabriel would know more about the dark kingdom but was barred from speaking about it.

I jumped when I heard the front door slam, and my heart hammered against my rib cage. A moment later Gabriel was standing before us, arms folded across his chest, his face careworn but as usual inscrutable. Ivy got up to stand beside him, showing no eagerness to hear the verdict.

“What’s been decided?” I blurted, unable to stand the suspense.

“The Covenant regrets recommending Bethany for this mission,” Gabriel said, his sharp eyes focused on me. “More was expected from an angel of her standing.”

I felt myself begin to shake. This was it; it was all over. I was going back where I had come from. I considered trying to make a run for it but knew there was no point. There was no corner of the earth that could hide me. I stood up, bowed my head, and made for the stairs.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’ll get ready to leave,” I replied, trying to muster enough strength to look him in the eye.

“Leave to go
where
?”

“Back home.”

“Bethany, you’re not going home. None of us are,” he said. “You haven’t let me finish. There is great disappointment at your actions, but the Covenant’s suggestion to terminate your mission has been overruled.”

My head flew up. “By who?”

“A higher power.”

I snatched wildly at this shred of hope. “You mean we’re staying? They’re not going to take me away?”

“It appears that too much has been invested in this mission to allow it to be thrown away because of a minor setback. Therefore, the answer is yes, we are staying.”

“What about Xavier?” I asked. “Am I allowed to see him?”

Gabriel looked annoyed, as though the decision that had been reached on that subject was irrelevant in the extreme. “You are permitted to continue seeing the boy while we are here. As he already knows our identity, there is more harm than good in preventing you from seeing him.”

“Oh, thank you!” I began, but Gabriel interrupted me.

“As the decision was not mine, I deserve no thanks.”

We all fell into a painful silence that lasted several long minutes until I ventured to break it.

“Please don’t be angry with me, Gabriel. Actually you have every right to be angry, but at least understand that I didn’t do it intentionally.”

“I have no interest in hearing what you have to say, Bethany. You have your
boyfriend
, now be satisfied.” He turned his back on me. A moment later I felt Ivy’s hands comfortingly on my shoulders.

“I need to go to the supermarket,” she said, in an attempt to return to normality. “I could use a hand.”

I looked at Gabriel for approval.

“Go and help Ivy,” he said more agreeably, an idea taking root in his head. “There will be four of us at dinner tonight.”

Family Ties

Gabriel’s pronouncement that Xavier was to have the honor of being our first dinner guest made me suspicious. I couldn’t help but question the motive behind the invitation. So far the only feelings Gabriel had expressed toward Xavier had wavered between disdain and indifference.

“Why are you inviting him over?” I asked.

“Why shouldn’t he come?” Gabriel replied. “He knows about us now, so I don’t see the harm in it. Besides, there are some ground rules we need to cover.”

“Such as?”

“Such as the importance of confidentiality for a start.”

“You don’t know Xavier, he’s as likely to blab as I am,” I said and realized the irony as soon as the words were out.

“Well, that really doesn’t inspire confidence, does it?” Gabriel remarked.

“Don’t worry, Bethany, we just want to get to know him,” said Ivy, giving my arm a maternal pat. She looked pointedly at Gabe. “We want him to feel comfortable. If we’re going to trust him, he has to be able to trust us.”

“What if he’s busy tonight?” I parried.

“We won’t know if you don’t ask him,” Gabriel replied.

“I don’t even have his number anymore.”

Gabriel went to a closet in the hall and returned with a hefty phone directory, which he dropped unceremoniously onto the table.

“I’m sure it’s listed,” he said darkly.

It was evident that Gabriel wasn’t going to be talked out of this idea, so I didn’t argue further and trudged off to call Xavier. The only protest I made was making sure to stomp up the stairs as loudly as possible. I’d never called Xavier’s house and an unfamiliar voice answered.

“Hello, Claire speaking.”

The voice was confident and impeccably polite. I had been secretly hoping that no one would pick up. If there was one thing that I felt might drive Xavier away, it was a night with my bizarre family. I considered hanging up the phone and telling Gabriel I couldn’t get through, but I knew there was little point—he’d know I was lying and make me call back. Or worse, he might insist on making the call himself.

“Hello, it’s Bethany Church calling,” I said in a voice so meek I barely recognized it as my own. “May I please speak to Xavier?”

“Sure,” the girl replied. “I’ll just get him for you.” I heard the clang of the receiver being put down, then her voice calling through the house. “Xavier! Phone!” I picked up a rustling noise and then the sound of children squabbling. Finally I heard footsteps, and Xavier’s dreamy voice echoed through the receiver.

“Hello, Xavier speaking.”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“Hello, me.” His voice lifted a notch. “Is everything all right?”

“Well, that depends on how you look at it,” I replied.

“Beth, what’s happened?” His voice was suddenly serious.

“My family knows that you know. I didn’t have to tell them.”

“Jeez, that was quick. How’d they take it?”

“Not well,” I admitted. “But then Gabriel met with the Covenant and . . .”

“I’m sorry . . . the what?”

“It’s a circle of powers—it’s too complex to explain now, but they’re consulted whenever things go, um, off course.”

“Right . . . and what was the outcome?”

“Well . . . nothing.”

“What do you mean
nothing
?”

“They said that for now things can stay as they are.”

“What about us? What happens there?”

“Apparently I’m allowed to keep seeing you.”

“Well, that’s good news, isn’t it?”

“I think so but I’m not sure. Listen, Xavier, Gabe’s behaving strangely—he wants to have you over tonight
for dinner
.”

“Well, that sounds positive.” I remained silent, not sharing his optimism. “Relax, Beth, I think I can handle it.”

“I’m not sure
I
can.”

“We’ll get through it together,” Xavier said. “What time do you want me there?”

“Is seven okay?”

“No problem. See you then.”

“Xavier . . . ,” I said, nibbling at a fingernail. “I’m worried. We’re being thrown in the deep end here. What if this goes badly? What if he has bad news? Do you think it’ll be bad news?”

“No, I don’t, now quit stressing. Please—for me?”

“Okay. I’m sorry. It’s just that our whole relationship is kind of hanging by a thread and they’ve been merciful so far, but this dinner could make or break it and I’m not sure why Gabe . . .”

“Oh, man,” Xavier groaned. “See what you’ve done—now I’m stressing.”

“You can’t! You’re the stable one!”

Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn’t worried in the slightest.

“Just relax. Go and run a bath or have a shot of brandy.”

“Okay.”

“That second bit was a joke. We both know you can’t hold your liquor.”

“You seem very relaxed about this.”

“That’s because I am. Beth, isn’t serenity meant to be, you know, your
thing
? You worry too much. Honestly, it’ll be fine. I’ll even dress to impress.”

“No, no, just come as you are!” I begged into the phone, but he had already hung up.

Xavier showed up right on time, wearing a pale gray pin-striped suit and blue silk tie. He’d done something to his hair so that it no longer flopped but was slicked back away from his face. Under his arm he carried a bunch of long-stemmed yellow roses, wrapped in green cellophane and tied with raffia. I did a double take when I opened the door. Xavier grinned when he saw my face.

“Too much?” he asked.

“No, it’s great!” I said, genuinely pleased with his efforts. But my face clouded again almost immediately.

“Then why do you look so terrified?” He gave me a self-assured wink. “They’re gonna love me.”

“Just don’t make any jokes—they don’t really get them.” I felt jittery and my knees were starting to shake.

“Okay—no jokes. Should I offer to say grace?” I had to giggle then; I couldn’t help myself.

Although I should have been playing host and showing him into the living room, we lingered at the door like co-conspirators. Not knowing what the evening had in store, my instinct was to delay it as long as possible. Besides, at that moment all I could think was that Xavier was mine and that we belonged to each other. He might have been overdressed for a casual impromptu dinner, but he cut a pretty striking figure with his broad shoulders, fathomless blue eyes, and smoothed-back hair. He was my very own fairy-tale hero. And, like a fairy-tale hero, I knew I could rely on him not to run for cover when the going got tough. Xavier would stand his ground, and any decisions he made would be based on reasoning of his own. If nothing else, I knew I could depend upon that.

Ivy adopted the role of host effortlessly. She was charmed by the flowers and made small talk as well as every effort to make Xavier feel comfortable throughout dinner. Judgment didn’t sit easily with Ivy, and her heart melted once she deemed a person to be sincere. Xavier’s sincerity was authentic. It was this genuineness that had earned him the role of school captain as well as his widespread popularity. Gabriel, on the other hand, watched Xavier with a wary eye.

My sister had gone to a good deal of trouble with the menu—she’d made an aromatic potato and leek soup followed by whole baked trout and a tray of roasted vegetables. I knew there’d be crème brûlée for dessert as I’d seen them in the fridge, wobbling in ramekins. Ivy had even sent Gabe out in search of a kitchen blowtorch to caramelize the sugar topping. She’d also set the table with our silverware and best china. The wine in the decanter tasted of berries, and there was sparkling water in a crystal jug.

The candles on the table cast a glow over all our faces. We ate in silence at first and the tension was palpable. Ivy looked from me to Xavier and smiled too much, while Gabriel sliced up his food savagely, as though he were imagining the potatoes on his plate to be Xavier’s head.

“Great meal,” Xavier said eventually, loosening his tie, his cheeks flushed from the wine.

“Thank you.” Ivy beamed with satisfaction. “I wasn’t sure what you might like.”

“I’m pretty easygoing but this is top class,” Xavier said, earning another wide grin from my sister.

For my part, I was still trying to work out the purpose of this unorthodox get-together. Surely Gabriel’s agenda included more than just socializing. Was he trying to gain an insight into Xavier’s personality? Did he still mistrust him? I wasn’t sure, and Gabriel still hadn’t spoken more than two words to any of us.

Eventually, even Ivy ran out of steam and the conversation died entirely. I caught Xavier staring intently at his plate as though the unfinished vegetables there might reveal the mysteries of the universe. I tried to nudge Ivy under the table with my foot, hoping to prompt further comment from her, but by accident got Xavier’s shin instead. It startled him and he jumped in his chair, almost spilling his drink. I retracted my foot with an apologetic smile and sat still.

“So, Xavier,” said Ivy, laying down her fork although her plate was still full. “What sort of things are you interested in?”

Xavier swallowed uneasily. “Er . . . just the usual . . .” He cleared his throat. “Sports, school, music.”

“What sports do you play?” Ivy asked, with a little too much enthusiam.

“Water polo, rugby, baseball, and lacrosse,” Xavier rattled off.

“He’s really good,” I added helpfully. “You should see him play. He’s actually captain of the water-polo team.” I couldn’t seem to stop babbling. “He’s also captain of the school . . . but you already know that.”

Ivy decided on a safer topic. “How long have you lived here at Venus Cove?”

“My whole life—I’ve never lived anywhere else.”

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“I come from a family of six kids.”

“I imagine that must be fun, being part of a big family.”

“Sometimes,” Xavier agreed. “Sometimes it’s just noisy. There’s never much privacy.”

Gabriel chose this moment to tactlessly cut in. “Speaking of privacy, I believe you recently made an interesting discovery?”

“Interesting isn’t quite the word I’d use,” Xavier replied, not at all caught off guard by the sudden attack.

“What word would you use?”

“Something more along the lines of mind-blowing.”

“However you want to describe it, we need to get some things clear.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Xavier responded immediately. “I want to protect Beth as much as you do.”

“Bethany thinks very highly of you,” Gabriel said. “I hope her affection is not undeserved.”

“All I can say is that Beth’s very important to me, and I intend to look after her.”

“Where we come from, people are not judged by their words,” Gabriel said.

Xavier was unfazed. “Then you’ll have to wait and judge me by my actions.”

Although he made no attempt to relax the mood, I could see from the expression in Gabriel’s eyes that he was surprised by how well Xavier was handling the situation. He hadn’t allowed himself to be intimidated, and his greatest armor was his honesty. Anyone could see that Xavier was driven by his ethics. Even Gabriel had to admire that.

“You see, you and I have one vital thing in common,” Xavier continued. “We
both
love Beth.”

An impenetrable silence settled over the room. Gabriel and Ivy had not expected such a declaration and were taken aback. Perhaps in their own minds they had underestimated the strength of Xavier’s feelings for me. Even I couldn’t quite believe he had spoken those words out loud. I tried hard to keep my composure and continue eating quietly, but I couldn’t keep the smile from spreading across my face, and I reached for Xavier’s hand across the table. Gabriel looked pointedly in the opposite direction, but I only tightened my grip. The word
love
echoed in my brain, reverberating as though someone had screamed it through a loudspeaker. He
loved me
. Xavier Woods didn’t care that I was ghostly white, seriously lacking in understanding of his world, and had a tendency to molt white feathers. He still wanted me.
He loved me.
I was so happy that if Xavier’s grasp hadn’t been anchoring me, I might have floated away.

“In that case, we can fast-forward to the second point on tonight’s agenda,” said Gabriel, unexpectedly ill at ease now. “Bethany tends to walk straight into situations, and at the moment she has only us to look out for her.”

I was annoyed by how he spoke about me in the third person, as though I wasn’t present, but I decided that now wasn’t a good time to interrupt.

“If you’re going to be spending time with her, then we need to know that you can protect her,” Gabriel went on.

“Hasn’t Xavier proved himself already?” I demanded impatiently. I was eager to bring the dinner ordeal to an end. “He rescued me from Molly’s party, and nothing’s ever gone wrong when he’s been around.”

“Bethany lacks understanding about the ways of the world,” Gabriel said as though I hadn’t spoken. “She still has much to learn and that makes her vulnerable.”

“Do you have to make me sound like a full-time babysitting project?” I snapped.

“I happen to be an experienced babysitter,” Xavier joked. “I can show you my résumé if you’d like.”