Guilty Bastard (Grim Bastards MC #3) (5 page)

I
watch
as Brew pulls the crazy ass club whore out the front door, still buck ass naked, and shake my head. “What the hell did you two do to that bitch?”

“Nothing she didn’t beg us to do,” Hack replies, before draining his beer. “She wanted everything we did, but she didn’t like the aftercare.”

I lift a brow to him and chuckle. “You didn’t pay her?”

We don’t have to pay the whores, never have had to, and a lot of them get offended if we do. The club gives most of them a monthly stipend, and also supplies them room and board. Still, most of the brothers throw in a little extra if they want more than a quick fuck. Hell, some of the brothers even pay them for that. I know I’ve spent my fair share getting off with the girls. Tried that shit with Lisa, but she made it clear that if I ever so much as handed her a penny again, I’d be eating through a straw for the rest of my life.

“Fuck yeah, I did,” Hack says, motioning for a prospect to bring him another drink. “I left her a few hundred, and Smoke added to that. She was well paid for services rendered.”

Pres shakes his head and asks, “Where the hell did she come from anyway? I don’t remember Lisa bringing her to see me, and she always brings the new girls in to go over the rules and shit.”

I hear Rocky answer him, something about one of the boys picking her up on the road, but I don’t really pay attention. Instead, I watch my woman walk out of the kitchen and head down the hallway to my room. Immediately, my dick twitches with thoughts of what I want to do to her. Seeing her act all badass makes me hard as fuck.

“I got shit to do,” I mumble, as I stand up and go after her.

By the time I reach my room, she’s already shut the door. Visions of her lying naked on my bed fill my head, and my cock starts to ache in anticipation. When I open the door to my room, my heart nearly stops. Lisa is standing at the foot of the bed, an open suitcase in front of her that’s piled high with her clothes, and she’s folding a fucking shirt. Her eyes come to me, and they grow as big around as saucers.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I growl out, as I walk over and yank the shirt out of her hands.

She takes a few steps back and places her hands on her hips. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

Tossing her shirt on the floor, I step forward and look down at her. “What the hell are you doing packing up your shit?”

Her eyes move around frantically, before landing on a spot just past my right shoulder. “If you would quit throwing my shit around, I’d tell you.”

“I’m not sure who you think you’re talking to, but your mouth is fixing to get you bent over my knee,” I say, fisting my hands at my sides to keep from grabbing her. “Now, tell me what the fuck you were doing.”

Again, she doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’m packing up some of my stuff. I’m never here anymore, so there’s no reason for it all to be here.”

All of a sudden, thoughts of her bags in the corner of my bedroom fill my mind. I realize how much of an ass I’ve been. “I’ll have a few prospects head to the house and pack up Lauren’s clothes. That way, you’ll have space for your stuff.”

Her eyes cut to mine, shock written all over her face. Again, I see the mistakes I’ve been making as clear as day. I tell her, “I don’t want to get rid of her stuff. Smoke may want it. Hell, if Cherry’s ass ever cleans up, she may want it. But, we can store it in the attic for now.”

“No, don’t do that,” she says, shaking her head frantically.

Something about her words and the near hysteric tone of her voice has me on edge. “Why the fuck not?”

“You just shouldn’t do that,” she replies, picking up her shirt from the floor. “It wouldn’t be right. That stuff has been there this long, there’s no need to rush and do anything with it right now.”

“Why not?” I ask again, angry that her eyes have yet to meet mine. “You need the space, and it’s not gonna hurt to put her stuff in that attic.”

Lisa doesn’t answer, just goes back to filling her suitcase. I watch until she zips it closed and sets it on the floor. She then walks around me and goes straight for the closet. From there, she pulls out her purple duffle bag and heads to the bathroom. I remain silent, just watching her, as she starts putting all her girly shit in the bag.

It’s all the same shit that, until yesterday, cluttered my bathroom at home. There’s no damn reason for her to be packing it, unless she isn’t planning on coming back here anytime soon. My frustration finally reaches the boiling point, so I walk over to her and pull the duffle bag from her hand. Tossing it across the room, the sound of breaking glass reaches my ears, but I’m too fucking angry to care.

“Damn it, Round!” she shouts, trying to look around me to see the mess I made. “Why the hell did you do that? You probably broke all my stuff.”

“I want the truth,” I demand, grabbing her and pulling her flush to my chest. “Why are you packing everything?”

“I need a little space,” she replies in a high-pitched voice, sounding almost shocked the words are coming out of her mouth.

“Space,” I roar, feeling my stomach drop at the thought. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Her eyes blink, seeming nearly dazed for a moment. “I just need a break from the club and all the craziness around here. This place is making me crazy.”

“That doesn’t explain you packing all your shit,” I argue with a shake of my head. “You need a fucking break, you take what you need and leave the rest of your shit here.”

She looks up at me, her chocolate eyes filled with tears. “Please, Round. I just want to take my stuff home.”

The hurt in her voice is killing me. What’s even worse is I have no idea how in the hell to fix it. She’s been made to feel like a stranger in our home and a whore in my bed. How can I make up for that? How can I make her happy again? I’m not sure it’s even possible, not after everything I’ve done to her.

“To our home, right?” I ask, hoping like hell she says yes.

Instead, she just buries her head against my chest and starts to cry. That alone is enough for me to know the answer is no. I want to shout, tell her that the only home she will ever have is at my side. That wouldn’t help. We’ve done enough yelling and fighting the past few weeks; she definitely doesn’t need any more of that. So I do the only thing I know to do. I wrap my arms around her and pray I can change her mind.

Something has to be done before I lose her for good. Just the thought of my life without her in it makes me want to do whatever I need to, to make sure she never leaves me.

A
fter yesterday’s meltdown
, I figured I should wait until Round left to do the next thing on my list. Well, he’s at church, so now is the best time to talk to Theresa about taking over the girls. She’s been here the longest, and she’s as professional as someone can be while playing whore for a bunch of bikers. Most importantly, she’s intelligent, a hell of a lot smarter than me. She’s way too damn smart to fall in love with one of these guys.

“I really think we should talk to the Pres about this,” Theresa says for the hundredth time. “It doesn’t seem right, not telling Boz what’s going on.”

She’s right, but I’m not gonna tell her that. “He gave me control of the girls and so did his dad. Do you really think he wants to be bothered with every decision I make?”

“But this is different. You’re training me to take over your spot, and he should know that,” she says, giving me a sympathetic look. “I know you don’t want Round to find out you’re leaving, but you should at least tell Boz.”

I draw in a deep breath and lay it out for her. “If I tell Boz right now, he will tell Round. Then, I’ll never be able to get away. Please, just do this for me, and I promise to tell the Pres before I hit the road.”

Theresa’s eyes narrow. “Is he hurting you, Lisa?”

Fuck! I should have known her mind would go there. Hell, if I was on the other side of this conversation, I’d be thinking the same damn thing.

“Round would never hurt me,” I say with a shake of my head. “But, he could convince me to stay with nothing more than a look. Right now, I think staying with him is about the worst thing I could do. I have to do what’s best for me.”

She finally gives me a nod and starts asking questions. I answer the ones I can, and remind her that Trix will be here to help her. Then, I go over the books, reminding her about paychecks and physicals.

I point to the calendar on the wall, to the names of the girls written sporadically across the days. “Remember, each girl goes to the clinic every month. If a brother brings in someone new, you don’t touch her. But the minute you think she is about to start being passed around with the guys, you get her over to see Doc.”

“Anything else I should know about?” she asks, acting like this hasn’t been her life for the last ten years.

“You know everything you need to.” I give her a shrug. “You watch the girls, make sure none of them start fights with each other. If you run across a trouble maker, knock her down a notch or two. If that doesn’t work, kick her ass to the curb.”

“How about the brothers? They’ve been known to cause trouble with the girls from time to time. How do I handle that?” she asks, making me question choosing her to take my spot. “I don’t like the idea of teaching them a lesson.”

I can’t hold in my laugh as I answer, “If one of the men acts stupid, you take it to Boz. First, though, you make sure they’re in the wrong. These bitches claim a lot of shit that never really happened. You verify, then go to the Pres.”

“Are you sure I’m the one that you want?” she asks while nervously looking around the storage room I use as a makeshift office.

“If I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t have asked you.” I barely get the words out when Trix walks in the door.

“Asked her what?” Trix asks, while walking further into the room. Addy follows close behind her, with her nephew on her hip.

My mind is trying to formulate a believable lie, when Theresa opens her big mouth and spews out all my secrets. “Lisa asked me to take over for her, but I’m not sure that I’m the right one to do it.”

The look of shock on Trix’s face would have been comical if I didn’t see anger flashing in her dark eyes. “Oh, I think you will do just fine.”

She looks back at Addy and says, “I have something important to talk to Lisa about. Why don’t you take Theresa upstairs and show her the baby’s new pictures?”

“Sure thing,” Addy says, motioning for Theresa to follow her out of the room.

Just before they walk away, Trix issues an order. “Not a word of this to anyone.”

She shuts the door behind them and looks back at me. “What did she mean, take over for you? I haven’t heard anything about you going anywhere.”

“I’m just going to my sister’s,” I say, not quite telling her the truth but also not quite lying. “I haven’t been up to see her in months.”

Her eyes narrow as she asks, “Does Boz know you’re leaving? You know how he is. He doesn’t like to be surprised about shit, especially if it involves the club.”

“Not yet. I planned on going to talk to him as soon as I finished going over stuff with Theresa,” I lie outright this time.

She takes a step closer to me, her voice turning lethal. “How about Round? Have you mentioned your little trip to him?”

Sometimes, I forget this girl grew up in a biker club. She’s a club princess, the Satan’s Revenge Pres’s kid. Times like now, I’m reminded that she was raised to be a badass bitch. Becoming our Pres’ old lady just solidified her position of power.

“No, I haven’t mentioned it to him yet,” I answer, not willing to lie again.

“You planning on telling him anytime soon?” she asks, taking a step back.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”

Judging by her balled fists, she doesn’t like my response. “Why the hell not?”

“If I tell him, he’ll keep me from leaving.” My eyes meet hers as I try to figure out how to answer her. “As much as I love him, Trix, I can’t spend the rest of my life being nothing more than a bed warmer.”

Just saying those words almost makes me sick to my stomach, but they’re true. That’s all I am to Round, and it’s all I’m ever going to be. As much as it hurts me to leave him, I deserve more than being his whore.

“You know he doesn’t think about you that way,” she replies, her voice softening. “We all know how much Round cares about you.”

A part of me wants to agree, but a bigger part wants to shout in denial. “Until a few days ago, his and Lauren’s wedding picture hung on the wall in the bedroom where we sleep. Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every night and sleep with a man you love, knowing that he can’t let go of his dead wife?”

She sucks in a shocked breath, but I ignore it and go on. “A book she was reading is still sitting on the end table in the living room, opened to the last page she read. All of her clothes, shoes, and her jewelry are still in the bedroom. Her makeup, perfume, and robe are still in their places in the bathroom. Pictures are all over the house, and I’ve been living out of a duffel bag since the day I moved in.”

“Lisa, it has to be hard to lose someone after...” Trix starts, but I cut her off with a shake of my head.

“No, I get it. He loved her,” I reply, being completely honest. “I don’t begrudge him that. I just wish he could love me, too.”

The pain in my voice is almost embarrassing. What I’ve been doing my best to hide from everyone is easy to hear each time I open my mouth. The boys may not hear it, but I’m sure Trix does. It’s pure and utter heartbreak.

She goes quiet for a minute, before she finally nods her head. “Do me a favor?”

“What?” I ask, surprised by the quick switch in topic.

She walks to the door and opens it. Just before stepping out, she looks over her shoulder and says, “Wherever you end up, find a way to truly be happy.”

W
alking across the clubhouse
, I head straight to the bar and get a beer. I barely take a decent drink of my beer when Smoke sits down in the seat beside me. He tells the prospect to get him a beer and a shot of Jack. As soon as the drink is in his hand, he downs his shot and follows it with a long draw from his beer. He then looks over at me and shakes his head, looking at me like I’m the dumbest fuck in the world.

I wait for a second for him to say something, but he just keeps looking at me. “What the hell are you looking at, Smoke?”

I love the boy more than he will ever know, but lately, he’s been riding my ass. It’s getting on my fucking nerves. I’m his dad, not the other way around. It’s about time he got reminded of that fact.

He doesn’t say anything, just sits there staring at me with a look of complete disgust on his face.

“Why the fuck do you keep staring at me?”

He takes another drink of his beer, then finally asks, “You really are oblivious to everything around you, aren’t you?”

“What the hell?” I growl, my fingers itching to knock that fucking look off his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Never would’ve thought I’d see the day where I was smarter than my old man. But here we are,” he says, taking another drink.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell when you are smarter than me, boy,” I reply, slamming down my empty bottle.

“Well, it must be pretty fucking cold in hell today, Dad,” he states with a sarcastic smirk. “I tried to tell you this shit was going to happen, and you wouldn’t listen. Now, it seems that I was right, and you were wrong.”

Motioning for another beer, I cock my brow. “Are you gonna tell me what the hell you’re talking about, so I can enjoy my beer, or just keep saying stupid shit and aggravating the fuck out of me?”

“I tried to tell you that you needed to stake your claim on Lisa right away, before you lost her. You wouldn’t listen, though, would you?” he says as he stands up. “You thought you knew every fucking thing, figured Lisa would just stick around and put up with your bullshit for as long as you wanted her to.”

I grab his arm to keep him from walking away. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Lisa isn’t gone. She’s at my house right now cooking supper.”

He nods his head. “Yeah, she invited me over to eat before she left here today. Told me she was gonna make an apple pie just for me.”

I blow out a deep breath and let go of his arm. “I suggest you get your facts straight next time, before you come running your mouth to me about shit you have no clue about. If not, I may forget you’re my son.”

He steps closer to me, leaning down to place his nose only inches from mine. “She’s there tonight, but where’s she gonna be tomorrow?”

My heart skips a beat at the certainty in his voice. “What are you talking about, boy? Lisa isn’t going anywhere.”

He drops back down in his seat and runs a hand through his hair. “She was packing up her shit yesterday. I saw her taking it out to her car.”

Relief fills me as his words make their way through my head. “She told me she was taking it to our house. She doesn’t need them at the clubhouse anymore.”

His eyes cut to me. “Did you know she’s been training Theresa to take her spot at the clubhouse.”

No, I fucking didn’t, but I don’t admit that to him. “She said she needed some time away from the clubhouse.”

Even as I say the words, they sound false to my ears. My woman loves the club damn near as much as she loves me. The only thing that could run her away from the club is the way I’ve been treating her.

“Dad, she’s leaving,” Smoke says, sounding damn near heartbroken himself. “Trust me when I tell you that. You may not think I know what I’m talking about, but I know more than you think. If you don’t make her your old lady, she’s gonna be gone forever.”

Fuck, I know he’s right. I don’t want to lose Lisa; even the thought is tearing me to shreds, but Lauren’s not even cold in her grave yet. How can I replace her so fast? After fucking up her life, how can I do that to her?

“Your mom’s only been gone for barely a year,” I reply, telling him something he already knows.

“She may have only been dead for a year, but she’s been gone a hell of a lot longer,” he says, surprising the shit out of me.

My eyes cut to him, and I mutter, “What the hell are you talking about now?”

He takes another drink of his beer before answering, “I loved Mom, miss her every fucking day. But I know she wasn’t much of an old lady to you.”

“Watch your fucking mouth, boy,” I order, not willing to let him talk about his mom with anything but a smile on his face.

By the look in his eyes, there’s no doubt what’s coming, and I don’t want to hear a word of it. I start to stand up, but my son grabs my arm and shakes his head. Steeling myself, I settle back in my seat, nod, and wait to hear what he has to say.

“You and Mom both have dark hair and dark eyes, and so do I. Shelia and Cherry were born with red hair and green eyes,” he says with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I’m figuring they got that from their dad.”

His words send a wave of anger crashing through me unlike any I’ve ever felt before. “I’m their dad, and I will be until the day I die.”

He nods, twirling his beer bottle in his hands. “Yeah, you are, and always will be, but I doubt if they share any of your blood.”

I want to deny his words, but I can’t. He’s old enough to know the truth, and considering he brought up the topic, I’m guessing that he already does. Still, I hate that he knows, but there’s nothing I can do to take the knowledge from him. I just never want him to think differently about his mother.

“Lauren was a good woman. She just wasn’t the right woman for me. We were too young to know what true love was when we got married.” I do my best to explain. “I wasn’t the right man for her either. We just didn’t fit.”

“Yeah, Dad, you’re right about that. You both did what you could to make it work, though. Y’all stayed together, even when neither of you wanted to. You did right by her, by sticking by her and taking care of us and her, without worrying about what you wanted.” He reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder. “But it’s time for you to think about what you want, and what you’re not seeing is that you and Lisa do fit.”