Guided Love (Prick #1) (44 page)

“Camaron, look at me. You are my best friend. I thought, at one time, you were the love of my life. I really did, but I was wrong. I love you, Camaron. I do I love you, as my best friend. You have my past, all of the memories of my childhood—they are of me and you. Yet, when I met Axel, I felt a love I can't explain. I love him with my heart and soul. There isn't a way to describe the love I feel for him. I can't breathe when he isn't near. When I think of myself on the rocking chair, looking out at my children playing, it’s him holding my hand. I am in love with him, Camaron, and I can’t apologize for that—I won’t apologize for it.”

Axel puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to smooth everything over.

“Camaron, please don't be mad.”

Camaron looks up at us and shakes his head with a disgusted look a look of defeat.

“Fuck you! Fuck you both!” he says and storms out the front door. I start to go after him when Axel pulls me closer.

“He needs time, Samantha; we need to give him time.”

I know he is right, but my heart is breaking for Camaron—he just looked so lost. Axel wraps his arm around me and we head out back. The rest of the barbeque goes well and without any drama. Ellie was loved by many and we had swarms of people in and out. It’s nearly 11 and I am washing the last of the dishes when I hear Axel on his phone.

“Really? Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes, don’t let him leave.”

I turn, grab the towel, and dry my hands waiting for Axel to explain.

He ends the call and starts to look for his keys.

“Babe, I have to head to Kester's.”

“Kester's? Why?”

He looks up at me with worry.

“It’s Camaron. He’s drunk and getting a bit unruly. I’m gonna go down and get him; make sure he gets to his apartment.”

I throw the towel in the sink and shake my head.

“Axel, please, let me go.”

“No way, babe, they say he is unruly and there is no way I am going to let you go and get involved.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and give him the sad eyes.

“Axel, I got this. He’s been my best friend since elementary school. I know how to handle him. I got this.”

He looks hesitant, so I continue, “If I can’t handle him and get him to the apartment, I’ll call you or Allen, okay?”

“I don't like it, Samantha, I don't—but call me, all right, please”

I hug him tight and take his keys. Yep, now that we are in love, I get to drive his baby. I walk over toward the stove and grab the only white envelope left. Axel walks me to the car and kisses me again.

“Baby, be safe, call me.”

“Will do, Axel, see you soon. I love you, don't worry.”

I park in the Two Pricks parking lot and walk down to Kester's. I hear the band playing; it’s Saturday night, I know this place is going to be packed. I open the door and it’s exactly how I expected it—body to body. I try to make my way to the bar when I feel an arm on my shoulder. I look up and see Gina.

“Hey, you looking for Camaron?”

I nod as I really don’t want to scream over the band. She grabs my hand and starts to pull me through the crowd. Over in the far corner, I see Camaron on a chair with a towel up against his eye. She pulls me close so I can hear her and says, “He’s a mess, Sam. He got into it with a frat boy. We kicked him out and put Camaron over here. That Roni girl is a fucking snake, if you ask me. She stood there and instigated it. Take care of him, Sam.” As she heads off to the bar, I walk up and take the seat next to him. He doesn't lift his head to even see who is sitting with him.

“Go away, Sam.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Who else would wear a pair of jeans with penny loafers?”

He has a point there— what can I say, I was in a hurry and I wasn't going to look for a fashionable shoe.

“What’s going on here, Camaron? Let me see your face.”

He sits there and doesn't move. I take a hold of his hand that’s holding the towel and pull it away. I suck in a breath as his face is a wreck. I can tell by looking at his other eye and how he is speaking that he has had too much to drink, but the swelling of his eye looks bad. I turn his chin so he is looking towards me and his eye is facing the floor. I grab a few napkins and start to wipe off some of the blood that he has from his nose and lip.

“Camaron, please talk to me.”

He looks up at me and he looks physically and emotionally broken.

“I lost you, Sam. The one person who has always been there for me, the one person that I could depend on and always know that I was never alone and I lost you. I lost your love, I lost your heart. I was so fucking stupid, I just let you walk away.”

My heart is breaking, looking at this shell of a man I call my best friend. I never, in my life, have seen him so lost.

“Camaron, you didn’t lose me. I’m right here, aren't I? You are still my friend, Camaron, my best friend.”

He laughs and I see that his mouth must be cut on the inside as well, as it’s full of blood.

“Camaron, will you do something for me?”

“Anything, you know that.”

I grab his hand and start to pull him up.

“Come on, Camaron, let me clean up your face and we can sit and talk. Let’s go.”

Surprisingly, he doesn't put up a fight and follows me out of the bar. We slowly walk up to the apartment door and he hands me his keys. I unlock the bolt, open the door, and just stand still. The apartment is a wreck, pictures are all over the floor, the coffee table is littered with old pizza boxes and beer cans. I walk in and head to the kitchen, that wasn't any better. The smell of garbage is overwhelming and I see that there are three bags sitting against the wall.

“Camaron, sit down. I’m going to get some ointment, I’ll be right back.”

I hear him moaning and I head toward the bathroom. I walk past my old room and see that it looks exactly the same. He never gave my stuff to Carrie, he has it all. I open the bathroom and close the door behind me. I pull out my phone and hit Axel.

“Hey, baby, are you okay?”

The sound of his voice and his concern just melts me.

“Yeah, babe, I am. Just wanted to call and let you know that I just got him to his place. He is a mess, Axel. Seriously, he has a busted mouth and a swollen eye. His house is a mess and he is broken truly broken.”

“Wow, I didn't think he was still that bad. What are you gonna do, baby? Do you want me to come over?”

“No, Axel, I am going to stay here tonight. I am gonna talk to him and then when he passes out I’m gonna try to get this place livable.”

He’s silent. I am so afraid that I just said something wrong. The longer he stays silent the faster my heart beats.

“You’re going to stay there?”

I hear the concern in his voice and I completely understand.

“Yes. Nothing is going to happen, Axel. My heart is yours, all right. I am completely in love with you. Camaron needs me right now. Really, he needs his best friend. What kind of friend would I be if I just walked away? Trust me, please. He kept all of my stuff. I’ll be sleeping in my old room, alone, okay?”

He doesn't hesitate. “I trust you, Samantha, I do. If you need me, call me. I’ll stop by in the morning, alright?”

“Alright, honey, thank you.”

“No thanks needed, baby, I love you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Axel, I love you so much.”

I hang up, open the medicine cabinet, and grab the ointment and peroxide. I also grab a washcloth and run it under hot water. I walk out; Camaron is still sitting at the kitchen table. I pull the chair out and sit in front of him. I start to clean up his face when he starts to talk.

“You call Axel?”

“Yeah, I did. I just wanted to tell him that we made it here and that you were okay.”

“Yeah, like he really gives a shit if I’m okay.”

I set down the bottle with a little more force than expected. “He does, Cam. He is one of your best friends, of course he cares if you are okay.”

He starts to chuckle and shake his head. He gets up and reaches for a bottle in the cabinet. He pulls out a vodka bottle, takes a large gulp then spits it out and starts cursing up a storm. I was right, his mouth is all cut up.

“Camaron, what is going on? Come on, seriously, talk to me?” He sits down again and keeps his head down and we sit there in silence for a few minutes.

“Like I said, Sam, I feel lost. I had my life all figured out and now it seems like, with each new day, I am further and further away from where I was. Since you left, you have gotten your life in order. I mean, really, Sam, I am so proud of you. You made your dreams come true, and I am sitting here—the fuck up. I can't seem to get things right.”

I grab his hand and he holds it tight.

“Look at me, Camaron.”

He tilts his head to the side and looks at me with his good eye, the eye that is not swollen shut.

“You are NOT a fuck up, do you hear me? You have your dream, Camaron, you had it from the very beginning. You wanted to own your own shop, you have two. You have two successful shops with a lot of talented artists. You have a family of friends that love you and want nothing but the best for you. Seriously, Cam, you have it all.”

“No, I don't have you. I lost you and I fucked us up. I don't understand why I push the people away that I love. Why is it that the only constant in my life, I destroyed? Don't tell me that I didn't, Sam. I’ll never forget the look in your eyes. I broke you. I’ll never forget the quiet sobs that you were trying to hide when you finally got out of the bed. The one fucking person, I treated like garbage. Even before all of that went down, I was a fucking asshole. I lied about where I was going—I never lied to you, but when you didn't like Roni, I started to lie and I fucked up. I’m a fuck up and I don't see how you can forgive me. Then, you get with Axel. Honestly, Sam, I hate it. I do, I hate it because I know Axel is a great guy. He will treat you the way you deserve. He is a better man than me.”

I can hear it in his voice and I know he is crying and I start to cry along with him. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tight.

“No, Camaron, Axel is not a better man than you. Do you hear me, he is not better than you, he is just a better man for me. You are my friend, you are my best friend. I thought that what I felt for you was love. I convinced myself that I was madly in love with you. If anyone fucked up this friendship, it was me. I was living with an illusion. The feelings I felt for you, it wasn't love. It wasn't, so don't feel bad thinking that you destroyed me. Did it hurt? Yeah, I am not going to lie Cam, the rejection hurt, but, you know what? I am so happy that it happened. If it didn't happen, I never would have met Ellie. She taught me that I needed to find me. For years, I didn't know who I was. I was always just the other half of Camaron and Sam, I was the other half of our plan. I focused on that plan and lost focus of what I wanted. What happened with us woke me up. Yeah, I was sad for a while, but I found me. I found the passion for writing, I found a treadmill, and I found love, real earth shattering love. This feeling is nothing like I thought it would be, I can't explain it; but, if what we went through didn't happen, then I never would have found me and what my dreams are. Camaron, I forgive you because you did nothing. I knew in my heart, I knew because everyone else saw and told me that the two of us, we were always meant to be best friends—nothing more.”

He nods, stands up from the table, and starts to walk towards his bedroom. He turns around at the beginning of the hallway and calls to me.

“Sam, I love you, you know.”

“I know, Camaron, go lie down. You’re going to feel like shit in the morning.”

He heads down to his room and I hear the door close. I take a deep breath and realize that tonight is going to be a long night. I then start to clean up this mess of Camaron's life.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night. Speaking with Samantha and having her tell me that she is staying at Camaron's, I wanted to scream. I know that I have to trust her, but I don't trust him. So, it's nine in the morning and I know they are probably still asleep, but I am up and heading to the apartment. I stop off, pick up some greasy ass breakfast to take with me, and now am parking in the lot. I grab the bags and walk up to the apartment. I head up the stairs; it seems odd since I’ve been staying at Ma's for quite some time. I silently count to ten and bang on the door, preparing myself not to go crazy if either of them answer the door in little clothing. Again, I am mentally telling myself that
Samantha loves me and nothing happened here last night.