Guardian's Joy #3 (22 page)

“Yes, and it’s late or early.” She shook her
head still sleep confused. “It doesn’t matter how you look at it.
It’s time for me to go.” She tried to rise again.

“No,” he said as he pulled her back. “We’re
not finished. I’ve been laying here watching you sleep, thinking
about what I wanted to say and I want you to listen carefully, Joy
Justice.” He tilted her chin up until he could look into her eyes.
“You’re mine. You were meant to be mine. I was meant to be
yours.”

Before she could open her mouth to reply, he
touched his thumb to her forehead.

JJ felt a pulse of energy, a slight pressure
pass through her head. She blinked and it was gone. At least it
felt like a blink. Her body stiffened and she yanked her arm back,
her hand fisted to strike. How could he do this to her after he all
but said he loved her?

“You’re mine,” he’d said. “You were meant to
be mine. I was meant to be yours.”

Oh, goddess! What had he said after that?
What had he erased? How much time had she lost? Nardo covered her
fist with his hand.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he
asked.

“You said I was meant to be yours,” she
whispered, afraid he would laugh and tell her that was hours ago
and she’d forgotten all that fell between then and now.

Nardo did laugh. “Damn, that’s the part that
should have been erased. Now…”

He said something else, but she didn’t hear
it. She was paying too much attention to her heart as it plummeted
down and settled somewhere in her gut.

He’d only said it because it was something
shocking and distinctive, something she’d remember. And if she
didn’t remember? No big deal. Right? Nardo thought it was funny. He
tapped her nose and she could see his blurry face smiling into
hers. Her fucking eyes were watering and she didn’t know why.

“Hey.” He kissed the spot he’d tapped. “That
was a joke.” He wasn’t laughing now. “Aw, baby. I didn’t mean to
make you cry. I don’t care what those guys say.”

JJ pulled away and started to rise. Damn,
they must have been there on the floor for quite a while. Her
muscles were stiff and her hip hurt where it rested on the floor.
There was no rising gracefully to stand. She had to roll to her
hands and knees before she could push to her feet.

“Number one,” she told him when she finally
gained her footing, “My name is not baby. Number two, I’m not
crying. And number three; I don’t know anything about guys saying
anything.” She started for the door.

Nardo had no problem lying for hours on a
hard floor. He slipped in front of her as she reached the door and
leaned against the door frame.

“Number one, you are my baby. You always will
be my baby and if I ever hear any other guy call you baby, well…
I’d probably do something stupid and we’d both be sorry, but he’d
be sorrier than me.”

With the tip of his finger, he wiped the
moisture from under her eye and held up the evidence for her to
see. “Number two. These are tears and when they dribble out of your
eyes it’s called crying. I didn’t mean to make you cry and I’ll try
not to do it in the future, but I have to admit it’s kind of a
relief to see that you care enough about me
to
cry. And
three, the guys I was referring to are the twins who will
definitely give me hell. This will provide an unending source of
amusement for the two of them.”

JJ blanched. Of course they’d find it
amusing, hilarious, in fact. Soft, feminine and beautiful, the
other women in the House were the ideal compliments to their men.
And here she was, a tall, muscular stick of a female. She should
tell the twins about the men who took her to bed thinking a good
fuck would cure the lesbian. That should be good for a laugh or
two. Or maybe she should tell them about the nights she laid in bed
thinking maybe those guys were right about her being a lesbian
since she couldn’t seem to get off on a man. It would really be a
giggle to tell them about the gay bars she’d visited. She was a
failure there, too.

Nardo was right about one thing; she did care
about him. She cared too much to see the look of disappointment on
his face when he uncovered the bag of bones between his sheets.
Cared too much to witness his humiliation and her own when her body
didn’t react the way a woman’s body should.

“I need to go,” she said. “Please. Let me
go.” She sounded like she was begging and she hated herself for it.
JJ firmed her quivering jaw. She put her hand to his chest to move
him aside.

Nardo stared at the face that suddenly became
an emotionless blank. The slight trembling of her fingers against
his chest told him the fire was still there, banked by
self-discipline. Something had happened in the last few minutes.
She’d been shocked when he thumped her, but she wasn’t angry. It
was something else, but he’d be damned if he could figure out what
it was. She looked as if he’d slapped her. He couldn’t let her go.
Not until he figured out what he’d said to hurt her.

“We still need to talk about your memory,” he
argued a little desperately. “Who did it? How did they do it? I
think we should talk to Manon. She’s been around…”

“We won’t be talking to anyone,” JJ snapped.
“There’s nothing to talk about. My past has nothing to do with who
I am and what I do. You’re my trainer. Our session is done. Now get
out of my way.”

Nardo was suddenly behind her, his arms
wrapped around her middle, under her breasts. It was pointless to
struggle against his iron grip. He bent his head to her ear.

“Heaven or hell, our past makes us who we
are. When you find the courage to face your personal hell, Joy
Justice, I’ll be there to walk through the fire with you. I’ll
catch you if you stumble and I’ll carry you when you can’t take
another step. I won’t let you fall. You can believe in me.”

And just as he had that night on the deck, he
kissed her, a soft and feathery touch behind her ear. “You can
believe in me,” he whispered again and then he released her and
opened the door and let her walk away.

“I don’t believe in anyone but myself,” she
whispered as she passed.

Chapter
22

Goddess! Was the universe conspiring against
her or what?

JJ had no idea the whole day had passed while
she and Nardo were in the gym until she barreled into the kitchen
on her way to her room. There was Grace with an oversized t-shirt
hiked above her very naked ass. Said ass was covered, however, by a
shirtless Canaan’s very large hands as he propped the woman up with
her legs wrapped around his waist. The two were in a lip lock to
end all lip locks. At the intrusion, Canaan’s eyes went wide. JJ
did an about face and Grace squeaked in embarrassment or maybe
because Canaan dropped her. JJ wasn’t sure and she wasn’t about to
look.

She started for the door she came from. She
could hide out in the family room until the coast was clear.

“Stop! It’s okay!” Grace giggled. “We weren’t
doing anything. Well we were, but not what you think. We were
celebrating. Please turn around. I don’t want to share this with
the back of your head.”

As JJ turned, Canaan came out of the laundry
room with a pair of sweat pants dangling from his finger. Grace,
now behind the huge granite island, wiggled into them while she
spoke.

“I just peed on the stick and it came up
positive,” Grace told her excitedly.

“O-o-oka-a-ay.” JJ wasn’t sure what she was
supposed to say.

“Oh, sorry! Pregnancy test. Positive. We’re
going to have a baby.” Grace ran around the island and grabbed JJ’s
hands. “I’m so excited I can’t stand it.”

JJ started to laugh. “Gee, I hardly noticed.
I guess congratulations are in order, huh?” She’d never thought
about having kids herself, but Grace’s delight was infectious. “So
when’s it due?”

Grace’s frown turned right back up into a
silly grin. “We don’t know.”

Okay. This was why she never thought about
having kids. Women lost their minds and she’d lost enough of that
already. JJ looked to Canaan for an explanation. He was wearing the
same silly grin as his mate. Lucky kid. Its father, at least, was
coherent.

“Gestation in Paenitentia women is a little
over eleven months, but this is a mix so…” He raised his hands and
shrugged.

“Ten months and one week. Mama said I was…”
the world’s longest pregnancy.
JJ started to shake. Her hand
came to her mouth and then left it to point at Canaan’s bared
chest, all thought of pregnancy gone.

Over his heart bloomed a handful of white
lilies in the center of which sat a black skull crying red tears.
“Who did that tattoo?”

“JJ? Sweetie? Are you all right?” Grace
pulled over one of the chairs and eased JJ into it. “Canaan, get
her a glass of water. Are you all right?” she asked again.

JJ’s head was nodding yes, but what she said
was, “No. No, I don’t think I’m all right at all.” She pointed
again at Canaan’s chest. “Who did that?”

Grace ran her hand over JJ’s hair in a
motherly gesture. “Oh, sweetie, they all have them. It’s…”

Col chose that moment to enter the kitchen.
He glanced around the room. “Hey, where’s breakfast? What’s
wrong?”

JJ pushed Grace’s hand away. She’d never
liked being touched in sympathy. It was easier to keep your act
together if you stood alone. “Does Col have one?”

“Have one what?” Col asked looking
worried.

“Show her your lilies,” Canaan and Grace said
together.

Confused, Col lifted his shirt. Above his
pierced left nipple, and covering the whole of his large square
pectoral muscle, was another bouquet of lilies, this one without
the skull and tears.

“Where did they get them?” JJ asked
Grace.

“When we become adults,” Col started to say,
but stopped when JJ’s hand snapped up.

“I want Grace to answer,” she said.

Grace understood. “They wouldn’t lie to you,
sweetie,” she said gently. “When a male of the Race reaches
maturity, the lilies bloom. It’s not a tattoo. It’s in their genes.
When they’re accepted? Initiated?” She looked to Canaan, unsure of
the right word and continued when he nodded. “Initiated into the
Guardians, the skull and tears appear. Remember how we told you
they’re born to be Guardians? That’s how they know. They’re born
with a tiny red tear.”

Grace pointed to Col who promptly raised his
shirt again and showed her the tear at the edge of the lilies.

JJ pulled aside the neck of her t-shirt until
her tattoo was revealed. “What does this mean?” She glared at
Grace. “You had to have seen it. Why didn’t you say something to
me?”

“And why didn’t you say something to me?”
Canaan wasn’t happy. A Liege Lord ought to know what was going on
in his own House.

Grace looked at Canaan, but answered them
both. “Manon said she was okay. She’s one of us. She said the rest
was JJ’s story to tell.” She glanced at JJ. “If she could. I didn’t
tell you, Canaan ad Simeon, because you’re a big bully once you get
something into your head.” Her mouth quirked when Col snorted. “And
JJ wasn’t in any shape to be bullied. She still isn’t. So step very
carefully, Big Boy. I’m in no condition to be upset.”

Canaan kissed the top of her head. “You’re
going to use this every chance you get, aren’t you?”

“Probably,” she laughed, but she sobered when
she looked at JJ. “Anything you need to ask? Anything you need to
say?”

JJ was staring at Canaan’s chest. “What does
a red sword mean?” She moved her hand in the shape of a wide
blade.

“Nothing that I know of,” Canaan told her.
“Why?”

“If I close my eyes, I see a red sword
instead of the skull.” She rubbed her finger up the center of her
forehead from the bridge of her nose to her hairline. It was
happening again; the headache that came with reaching for a
memory.

“Is it a tattoo? Like the one on your back?”
Canaan took a step toward her, the glass of water forgotten.

JJ squinted. The kitchen lights were
blinding. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. My mother did this.” Her
hand went to the spot. “I think.”

Canaan stepped closer. “You think?”

Grace put her hand on Canaan’s arm. “Canaan,
that’s enough. This is exactly what I meant. You’re like a damned
dog with a bone. Now stop it.”

“Please. It’s okay.” JJ raised her hand to
them both. “I have a few blanks in my memory, that’s all.” More
like a giant black hole, but she wasn’t ready to tell them that. “I
don’t want to cause trouble.” She tried to smile. “Especially not
today.”

Grace wrapped her arm around JJ’s waist.
“Don’t you worry sweetie. Big Boy will make it up to me once we’re
alone. You go on upstairs and get yourself pulled back together.
We’ll talk later. But only if you want to,” she added with a glare
at Canaan. “Go on, now. Everything will be all right.”

JJ dragged herself up the stairs. The
headache was already receding, but another one was waiting at the
top of the stairs.

Faith was standing in the hall, tapping her
foot to music from the portable media player Dov had loaded for her
yesterday. She smiled shyly and offered an ear-bud to JJ.

“Watcha got there, kiddo?” JJ took the
proffered earpiece and put it up to her ear. It was Ingrid
Michaelson’s
Soldier.

With the lyrics about starting to believe in
something besides yourself, it was probably the last song JJ wanted
to hear and by the grin on Faith’s face, the little smart ass had
cued it up on purpose.

“You know, don’t you?” JJ said, handing back
the piece of plastic. “What? Were you out in the hall with your
little ears plastered to the gym door?” She made a wry face and
shook her head. “Yeah. Everybody says ‘Ooo, poor little Faithy,’
but I’m on to you, sister. You know every damn thing that happens
in this House.”