Guarded Passions (7 page)

She didn't want to worry her husband, but she was sure it was more than just tiredness; she suspected Helen was in love. She'd noticed a change in her ever since Adam Woodley, the young soldier Helen had become so attached to, had left Bulpitts. Since then, Helen had spent every day on the wards, refusing to take any time off. It was almost as if she was afraid to be away from the place.

Her behaviour was different, too. Although she laughed and joked with the patients and nurses it was only in a very superficial way. Her air of reserve was like a protective shield that divided her from everyone around her.

Helen accepted, with alacrity the suggestion that she should collect the medical supplies. There was always the chance that, since the Guards HQ was in Mere, she might get some news of Adam. It was now five weeks since their memorable day at Fordswater, and she hadn't seen him once since then. She didn't understand it. Surely he couldn't have just dismissed it from his mind?

‘We'd better go, I don't want to miss the duty truck,' she said, pushing her plate to one side.

‘Finish your breakfast. There's plenty of time,' her mother told her.

‘I've had all I want.'

‘That's your bacon ration for the week … surely you're not going to waste it!' Dr Price exclaimed.

‘Sorry, I just don't feel like it.'

‘You do look rather washed-out,' her mother said. ‘The change will do you good. Don't rush back, have a look round the shops.'

‘All four of them?' Helen said scornfully.

‘You still have those coupons Donald left you,' her mother went on.

‘Well, I'm not likely to find very much in Mere to spend them on, now am I?'

‘No, you're probably right!' Mrs Price laughed. ‘We'll both have to take a day off and go to Salisbury or Bath.'

‘I'm not in the mood for buying clothes,' Helen said gloomily.

‘Then you must be ill,' her father said in alarm.

‘We'll have to fit in a shopping trip before you go to university,' Mrs Price persisted. ‘I'm sure none of your winter stuff will fit you.'

‘I haven't grown all that much,' Helen muttered.

‘No, but you have put on some weight,' her father said sharply. ‘Anyway a shopping trip will do your mother good, and get her away from that hospital for a bit.'

‘OK, but not today,' Helen said quickly as she pushed back her chair and began to clear the table.

‘No, of course not. Today, it's Mere for you and Bulpitts for me,' Mrs Price said briskly.

The small grey-stone town was packed with soldiers and, after she had collected the medical supplies, Helen plucked up courage and went along to the Company HQ to see what she could find out about Adam Woodley.

‘Special friend, was he?' the burly RSM asked her with a leering grin.

‘Just someone I knew,' she said nervously. ‘I thought you might be able to tell me where he's been posted.'

‘I can find out from Records … if it's important.'

She sat reading some out-of-date magazines until he came back. ‘Afraid he's on special duties,' he said impassively. ‘He should be back in about two weeks time … that's if we're still here.'

She stared at him in dismay, then, seeing the avid curiosity on his florid face, pulled herself together.

‘Thank you. You've been very helpful.'

‘Anytime!' He grinned knowingly. ‘Sure there's no message you want to leave for him?'

As Helen ticked off the days to Adam's return her worst fears were realised. At night, alone in her bedroom, she knew moments of sheer panic in case he didn't come back to Mere. Suppose his unit was posted overseas? So many soldiers were being killed as the Allies struggled for supremacy that she might never see him again.

Several times she tried to talk to her father about the predicament she was in, but each time her courage failed her. She knew he would not only confirm her fears but hold Adam to blame, and she dreaded the row that would follow.

Her mother would be utterly devastated. She had no patience with girls who ‘got into trouble'. The blame was theirs she always contended. They only had to say ‘No!'.

To her shame, Helen knew she had never for one moment considered saying ‘No!', but that would be very difficult to explain to either of her parents.

There was only one solution, for Adam to come back and for them to be married. Then she could tell them and it would be quite acceptable.

As she struggled to conceal her morning-sickness and the general feeling of being unwell, the hot August days dragged on. Helen was glad it was so busy at Bulpitts. She had less time to worry when she was working hard. And when her mother commented on her pallor and moodiness, she always had the excuse that she was tired.

Having made his pronouncement that Helen was working much too hard, Dr Price put the whole thing from his mind. Evacuees had almost doubled the number of patients on his list and without his chauffeur and gardener, or anyone to help in the surgery, he had far more than his fair share of work.

Helen pinned her hopes on the RSM's assurance that Adam would be back in two weeks' time, and began making discreet enquiries. One duty-driver promised to find out for her, but he was posted to another unit the very next day and she never saw him again.

‘If you're looking for a date, I'm free tonight,' his replacement laughingly told her when she asked if the other driver had left any message for her.

Helen turned away, biting her lower lip. His quick jibe stung her. He obviously thought she was free and easy with her favours. And that was what other people would think once the news broke, she thought bitterly. Yet it hadn't been like that. Not for her, at any rate, though she was no longer quite so sure about Adam. Would he have gone away without a word for almost six weeks if he'd thought anything about her? Surely he could have written, even if it was only a postcard?

Each day she became more and more worried. Soon she would be forced to tell her mother. At night, as she undressed for bed, she studied herself in the mirror. Already her waist seemed to be thickening and her breasts growing larger. The veins that had once been a mere blue tracery were now pronounced. The voluminous white overall she wore at Bulpitts hid her secret well, but soon she would have to spend some of the clothing coupons Donald had given her.

Whenever her mother started talking about her going to university, Helen quickly changed the subject, since she knew it was now quite out of the question. And yet, she mused, it could provide an alibi. If she could conceal her secret until the end of September, her parents need never find out that she was pregnant. She would let them think she had gone to university, but instead she would find a room somewhere and work until the baby was born.

The idea offered considerable scope and, for a time, she began to build her hopes around it. Then commonsense prevailed as the flaws became obvious. How could she possibly disappear and live her own life? She had no money to live on until she found a job. And when she didn't register at university someone would be bound to make enquiries. And then there would be the letters from home. Her parents would be frantic with worry if they were returned unopened. Reluctantly, she abandoned the idea as being impracticable and tried to think of some other solution. She had pushed all thoughts of Adam so far to the back of her mind that when she found him waiting for her one evening as she left Bulpitts, she wondered if he were some sort of hallucination. She stared in disbelief as the tall, handsome figure began hurrying towards her, hands outstretched in greeting. As she looked up into the lean, square face she felt dazzled by the intense brilliance of his blue eyes and fainted.

Minutes later, when she came round, Adam was supporting her with one arm, frenziedly patting her cheek and calling her name.

‘Adam!' Even to her own ears, her voice seemed a long way off.

‘Come on! What's happening? I didn't know I had
that
sort of effect on people!' He grinned.

Tentatively she reached up and touched his cheek, outlining his familiar profile with her fingers, as if to make sure he wasn't a figment of her imagination.

‘You didn't write …'

His head dipped as his lips sought hers. ‘Couldn't. We weren't allowed to. I was on special duties. They wouldn't even tell us where we were, not until they brought us back here this morning.'

‘You've been overseas?'

He shook his head. ‘Look, I shouldn't be telling you this – I've been on special guard duty at Chequers … the Prime Minister's place.'

‘Now you're back here for good?'

‘Afraid not.' He grimaced. ‘I'm being sent to the south coast with the next batch from our unit, in readiness for the invasion.'

‘No! Oh, Adam, please say it's not true?'

‘Come on … what's all this? I've no choice, you know that.' He held her tightly, hugging her close. ‘I'll be back again, someday. This war can't last forever.'

Her eyes were enormous smokey-grey pools of despair as she stared up into his smiling face. ‘Adam … I'm pregnant,' she blurted.

His smile faded and she felt him tense.

‘I don't know what to do, Adam,' she said, tearfully.

Masterfully, he took her arm and drew her off the roadway. ‘Let's go somewhere quiet, where we can talk. What about that pool we went to the first time we met?'

They didn't speak until they were in the secluded grassy dell, but the pressure of his hand on her arm comforted her.

‘Now,' he said as he lowered his long frame onto the grass beside her, ‘tell me what's happened.'

She did so, haltingly, waiting anxiously for his reaction.

‘Your father's a doctor, can't he …'

‘No!' She shook her head violently. ‘It's out of the question. I haven't dared tell either of my parents … oh, Adam, what
am
I to do?'

He ran his hands through his dark hair in a gesture of hopelessness.

‘I'm not sure. Give me a day or two and I'll try and think of something,' he said bleakly.

‘You may not be
here
in a day or two. You just said you're due to be sent to the south coast with the next batch from your unit.'

‘Well, have
you
any suggestions then?' he asked sharply, his eyes narrowing. ‘You've known about it for weeks, and you haven't managed to think of a way out.'

‘Only one that would really work,' she said in a small, tight voice. She waited hopefully, wanting him to be the one to say it, not her.

Her heart pounded as she saw the stern look on his handsome face. She had dreamed of him proposing, a sweet, tender moment when he would bare his soul, and tell her how much he loved her. She'd lived the scene over and over, even to the point of choosing the exact words she would use as she accepted.

Now, as she looked into Adam's eyes and sensed his utter bewilderment, her dream collapsed like a pricked balloon. He was so obviously overwhelmed by the problem she'd posed.

Impulsively, she put her arms around his neck and pulled his head down. His lips were hard, cool and unresponsive as she pressed her own to them. Feeling hurt, she drew back.

As if emerging from a trance, his hand shot out and held her face. For a moment his gaze raked over her, then with a groan his mouth savagely possessed hers, crushing her lips against her teeth, leaving her gasping for breath.

They were both breathing heavily when he released her. ‘I've dreamed of us being together again,' he muttered thickly. ‘I hoped you'd still be waiting for me, I had no idea anything was wrong, of course … what can we do?'

Her heart sank. Trembling and tight-lipped she shook her head, tears prickling behind her eyelids. If she was the one to say those fateful words she would always feel she'd trapped him.

‘Please, Helen,' he begged. ‘You've been in my thoughts the whole time I've been away, but this news has knocked me sideways. I know it's all my fault and that I should have taken precautions.' He passed a hand through his hair in a bewildered way. ‘I feel a complete rotter. If there's anything we can do to put things right then tell me. I just can't think straight. You do have something in mind … I can tell.'

‘We could get married,' she whispered.

She felt his body stiffen, almost as if warding off a blow. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly and deeply, willing herself not to panic when he refused. Then his breath was hot on her cheek as he pulled her into his arms. ‘Helen, my wonderful darling! Why didn't
I
think of that!'

The despair and frustration of the past weeks began to evaporate like snow when the sun shines on it. Anxiously, she looked into his eyes and then relaxed as she saw her own happiness and relief echoed there.

The magic of the Silent Pool enveloped them. With a sigh of contentment she pulled his head down until their lips touched. This time Adam was aroused and responsive. His lips paid homage, adroitly travelling from her lips to her eyes, before sensously seeking out the sensitive areas of her throat and shoulders. Blissfully she clung to him, desire flooding through her entire body.

With immense will-power, she raised his head. Avoiding his lips which still searched hungrily for her own, she said, ‘We still have to tell my parents.'

His face clouded. ‘You don't think they'll approve?'

‘I don't know.' She frowned uneasily. ‘They're both set on me going to university.'

‘And you?'

She looked up quickly, studying his face for signs of his real feelings. She wondered if in his heart he hoped she would say she did want to go to university. Yet he must know that was impossible … unless. She was filled with misgivings; surely he wouldn't want her to consider something so terrible?

He stood up, extending a hand to pull her to her feet. ‘I want you to have our baby more than anything else in the world,' he told her gently as he held her close. ‘So why don't we go and tell your parents right away?'